by Jane Matisse
Jack tried to refuse, but Nick and Amanda were already making their way along the path. Well, he might as well make the most of it.
* * *
Penelope wanted to shout at Nick, maybe even punch the smug grin off his face. Hard.
There was a deafening silence as she and Jack walked side by side, the sound of dirt and gravel under their feet. The air felt cool and crisp on Penelope’s heated cheeks. She tried to keep her gaze straight ahead, ignoring the electricity she felt every time their hands brushed.
The last time they were alone, they hadn’t left on good terms. She had come close to grabbing the Complete Works of Shakespeare textbook from her bookshelf and aiming it at Jack’s head. The thought made her smile slightly.
“What’s that smile for?”
Penelope immediately frowned, trying to avoid looking at Jack’s annoyingly attractive face.
“What? You’re not going to talk to me?”
Silence.
“Well, you’re pretty high-and-mighty for a person who had the gall to make me feel guilty when she was hiding a secret too.”
“Okay, and what secret would that be?” she snapped, finally turning her head to look at the man limping next to her.
“The one where you have a boyfriend. Were you ever planning to let him know about us?” Jack replied, anger apparent in his voice as he spoke, his steps turning into near stomps on the ground.
Penelope could only laugh at the absurdity of it all. “And if it were true, what would you do about it?” she asked testily.
“Nothing. A person isn’t worth fighting for when there’s no honesty.”
“Oh, you want honesty? Tell me, Jack, is failing to mention that you were going back to your high school sweetheart honest to you? Sounds more like an omission.” Her voice was growing louder. Luckily, the rest of the group was a good half mile ahead of them.
She heard Jack sigh with defeat.
I got him good, she thought.
“Penelope, listen to me,” he said, stopping in his tracks, grabbing her hand and facing her.
She was surprised to see he almost looked nervous.
“I’ve been thinking... about all this.” He sighed again, pulling at his hair in frustration.
“Come on, Jack. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not a big deal,” she replied, annoyed.
“About the way we met,” he continued. “The situation. What we’ve gone through these past couple of months. That first night we spent together was by complete fate and for some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Penelope couldn’t breathe. What was he getting to?
“You are the complete opposite of what I’m usually attracted to, but for some reason, I like you a lot. Your outspoken personality, your refusal to take crap from anyone, even the way you call me out on my bullshit.”
Penelope gazed up at him, unable to form a response.
“I’ve gone against my own rules, my better judgment, and now I’m just confessing myself to you, hoping that you just want to put this competition behind us and find out how deep this attraction goes.”
“What?” Penelope asked after a few seconds of registering what Jack had just said. The guy had praised her and insulted her all in the span of a few moments. “Do you want a thank-you?”
“What? No! Why would you say that?”
“You act like having any sort of feeling for me is against the law. As if liking me deserves some kind of fucking award. No one put a gun to your head to sleep with me.”
“Penny, you’re not understanding what I’m trying to say. I like you a lot—”
“Do you want me to kneel before you and praise you for being a martyr? Oh, the hot guy likes the frumpy girl, folks. Give him a fucking cookie!” She could no longer contain the anger. She was burning inside.
“No, that’s not what I meant—”
“Why did it have to be you that night? Why couldn’t it have been someone else?” Penelope pleaded, her vision beginning to blur. “My life was fine. I was fine the way I was. All I wanted was a good lay to last me a fucking lifetime. Instead, I ended up with the attractive asshole who turns out to be none other than my sister’s best friend.” The tears slid down her cheeks. Penelope swiped them away in annoyance. “And despite the fact that I’ll never be good enough to have you, I fell for you anyway.” And with that, Penelope walked away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sometimes you just need to find something to distract you from the terrible voices in your head. I don’t mean the kinds of voices that will get you a one-way ticket to a mental hospital. I mean the voices of your conscience and reason that love to pop up at the most inconvenient times in your life.
DIARY OF A WALLFLOWER: Late 193
The rest of the weekend had passed in a blur. Jack avoided Penelope just as she avoided him. The vibe of the trip shifted and the temperature dropped several degrees in the house. It had nothing to do with the fall weather. Penelope couldn’t enjoy the sightseeing anymore and ended up pretending she was coming down with a cold. That gave her an excuse to stay cooped up in the room while everyone else went out. She was back to being the hermit she was always meant to be.
When the beginning of the week came along, Penelope was glad for the distraction that was her parents.
“Mija, is everything ready for Saturday?” her mom asked, running her fingers through Celeste’s hair.
“Everything is ready. Penny and Jackie did a great job with the arrangements.” Celeste smiled, looking at her sister with affection in her eyes.
“A vaya. Hard to believe your sister helped arrange everything. She’d always run away whenever there was a birthday party to be planned.”
Penelope rolled her eyes, trying to keep her attention on the book in her hands instead of letting her gaze wander off in the direction of a sulking Jack sitting at the other side of the living room. They hadn’t spoken since the fight on the hiking trip, and she wasn’t expecting to talk with him anytime soon. There had been awkward greetings and prolonged silence when they were paired together. Keeping it civilized was a lot harder than she’d thought, but they had to get along to keep appearances.
“Penny, mira,” her mom called to her, motioning toward Celeste’s beautiful head of hair. “This is how I wanted you to style your hair. Just like your sister, but no. Always up in a bun or a ponytail. No wonder your hair is dry.”
“Ma, leave her alone. She looks fine.” Celeste spoke up in Penelope’s defense.
“No, mija. Look, I’m not saying it to make you feel bad, Penny. I’m saying it so you can learn something. Maybe if you lost some weight and dressed a little better, you could get yourself an engagement ring like Celeste.”
Penelope merely rolled her eyes for about the hundredth time that day alone, and was about to make a snarky comment when someone unexpectedly answered for her.
“I have to disagree, señora,” Jack spoke up from his position on the love seat. “A ponytail lets people see Penny’s pretty face, instead of hiding behind curtains of hair. And her weight? It enhances her assets, the deep curves of her body. When she walks into a room, there’s no choice but to notice her. Men become the moths to her flame. Don’t underestimate her physicality. Excuse me.” Jack stood and walked out the front door to the porch, where the rest of the men were.
Penelope followed Jack with her eyes, wishing she could throw herself at him and kiss him as deeply as they had done only a few weeks ago. The guy was so infuriating, she could never make up her mind whether she wanted to choke or kiss him.
“What was that all about?” Celeste’s question interrupted Penelope’s train of thought.
Amanda looked at her, an unidentifiable emotion on her face. Penelope couldn’t seem to breathe very well and she started to feel suffocated with all eyes on her.
“I’ll be back,” she quietly murmured, heading toward the backyard. She took a few gulps of the crisp air.
The day was perfect; a cold, fresh breeze flowin
g through the air while the sun was just bright enough to warm you from the chill. The perfect combination of two contrasting elements, and Penelope couldn’t even bring herself to enjoy it.
“Mind if I join you?” Amanda asked, walking hesitantly out the sliding door.
Penelope nodded, unable to speak up.
“Are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you?”
You could probably get away from here and stay away from Jack, but that doesn’t look like it’s going to fix anything.
Penelope shook her head instead, trying to keep her composure.
“Look, I know what’s going on between you and Jack,” she started.
“You do?” Penelope asked, feeling a little sick to her stomach. “Look, I’m not here to steal anyone’s boyfriend. I am usually a good judge of character. That’s why I preferred staying a hermit. No social life, no heartache, no drama—”
“Hey, hey! Wait a minute!” Amanda tried stopping Penelope before she became hysterical. She placed her hands on Penelope’s shoulders in comfort.
Penelope tried calming her erratic breath and looked up at Amanda’s pretty face. She was only a few inches taller with princess-like features, and her blue eyes held kindness that Penelope hadn’t noticed before.
“I’ve known Jack all his life. We grew up together, we played together, and we even grew to love each other.”
Penelope closed her eyes in defeat, waiting for the moment Amanda would confirm they were back together.
“But that’s the thing about puppy love. Sometimes it lasts forever, and sometimes you grow out of it. Jack and I have both moved on from that part of our lives. And although he will always hold a special place in my heart, I don’t love him in that way,” Amanda continued. “But I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you, and it’s obvious you’re meant to be together, or at least you owe it to yourselves to try and work things out.”
Penelope’s eyes were filled with unshed tears, blurring her vision. It seemed she’d been doing a lot of crying recently. She slowly shook her head. “I can’t be with someone who’s ashamed to be with me, someone who is bound to wake up one day and realize that he ditched a life of beautiful women to be with someone unattractive,” Penelope responded with a defeated sigh.
“Penelope, he’s not that kind of man. No one can make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, and he’s the last person in the world who does things based on what people expect him to do. And you should fix the mirror you view your reflection in.”
Penelope could only see truth and honesty in Amanda’s gaze.
“Give him a chance to explain himself,” she continued. “I promise he’s a guy worth fighting for. Forget the bombshells. They’re a dime a dozen. You’re the prize. Never forget that.” Penelope merely nodded, a lump in her throat limiting her ability to talk.
* * *
“I screwed up,” Jack murmured, the tie wrapped around his neck suddenly too tight for him to breathe. He loosened it and unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt.
“Eh, chicks. Drama sticks to them like superglue,” Dylan replied as he walked into Jack’s office, Alex following right behind.
Jack shook his head. “Penelope’s not like that. She doesn’t play games. She’s not the kind of woman who toys with emotions.” Dylan scoffed softly from the chair on the other side of Jack’s desk. “On the contrary, she tries to run far away from them,” Jack defended adamantly.
“This was the girl from the bar, yeah? I thought you were over her?” Alex asked, lying down on the small sofa.
“Yeah, wasn’t she the one-night stand you were trying to forget?” Dylan added.
“Hey, guys. A little support here, huh? I like her and I’m sure she likes me. At least, I hope she still does after I completely butchered my confession.” Jack winced as he remembered what he had said to her at the hiking trail.
“The way that I see it, if she likes you, she’ll make the effort to tell you how she feels. Doesn’t matter how badly you fucked up your vow of everlasting love,” Alex responded.
Dylan and Jack looked at him, surprise on their faces.
He shrugged. “Hey, just because I like my women in bunches doesn’t mean I’m not sentimental.”
They all laughed at his defensive comment. Jack sobered, once again becoming solemn. He knew that what he’d said to Penelope hadn’t happened the way he’d planned it out, but there was nothing he could do other than talk to her and set things straight. He liked her, maybe even loved her, but he wasn’t the kind of guy who was going to write letters or compose poetry to prove that what he felt for her was real.
He hadn’t meant to offend her or make her feel less of a woman with what he’d said. His wording had been off; he wasn’t Shakespeare. All he needed to do was talk to her, yet no matter how much he sought her out, they were either never alone, or she would refuse to answer his calls and texts. The rehearsal dinner was just a few days away. He’d have to talk to her as soon as he could catch up with her.
“Dude, you’re worrying too much. You’ll be able to talk to her soon. Just relax,” Dylan said.
Jack nodded, still a little preoccupied.
“The only thing you can do is hope that she hasn’t chosen to go with that Nick guy,” Alex added, playing around with the pendulum on Jack’s desk.
“I hadn’t been worried about that, but thank you for bringing it to my attention. You’re an awesome friend,” Jack sarcastically responded.
* * *
“How are the wedding preparations going?” Sarah Johnson asked.
Penelope was meeting with the woman for the last time before the book was submitted for publishing. She sipped her tea, looking for something to soothe the ache she had in the pit of her stomach.
“They’re fine. Everything’s ready for Saturday.”
“And the guy? What about him?”
Penelope shrugged.
Sarah’s expectant smile turned into a frown. “Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. And here I thought you had professed your undying love to each other,” she said sympathetically, grasping Penelope’s hand to comfort her. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Please don’t say that,” Penelope murmured, her voice breaking slightly. “I’ve been a complete idiot.”
“How’s that?”
“He confessed how he felt about me and I only heard what my twisted mind wanted to hear.”
“I don’t think I follow.”
Penelope softly chuckled. “All my life, I’ve been known as the wallflower, the late bloomer, the introvert. When I was older, I created a shell around myself so I could hide before anyone could even try to hurt me for being different. I realize now that I’ve been the cause of my own unhappiness. I was the one who had engraved it in my head that I wasn’t worthy enough to get the good-looking guy. And Jack is so much more than just a pretty face. He has personality. He has character. He does whatever he can to make people feel like they belong.” Penelope took a deep breath, trying to calm her erratic heart. “And I’ve been so stupid, so ready to see the negative side of him that I failed to notice that he could fall for someone like me.”
Sarah looked at Penelope in quiet contemplation for a few moments before asking, “So what are you going to do about it now?”
Penelope smiled. “I have to tell him how I feel.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I once said that I hated weddings. Maybe I was a bit too harsh in my judgment. Those were the words of a bitter woman who thought life didn’t have anything more for her beyond the printed words on the pages of a book. I’ve come to appreciate the ceremony, not just because my own sister is getting married but also because if you’re in love with someone that much, you have the urge to shout it from the rooftops.
DIARY OF A WALLFLOWER: Entry 197
“Can you zip me up, please?” Celeste turned her back to Penelope, giving her easier access to close the zipper. The wedding rehearsal dinner was in about an hour, and they were b
oth getting dressed in Penelope’s apartment. “All I have left are my heels to strap on and I should be ready.” Celeste turned around once her dress was zipped up, and took a good look at her sister. “Penny, you’re not even dressed yet!”
“I’ll get dressed faster than you. Only takes me ten minutes tops,” Penelope replied, smiling at her younger sister. She looked so beautiful in her white strapless dress, which made her look all the more angelic.
“So, how do I look?” Celeste asked, turning to look at herself in the vanity mirror.
“Perfect. Flawless as always,” Penelope responded, a loving smile adorning her face.
Celeste looked at her sister, her brow furrowed. “Are you okay, Penny?”
Penelope laughed and nodded. “I’m happy for you. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“Oh, stop it. I’m just a younger sister trying to be as put together as her big sister.”
“What does that mean?” Penelope asked, confused.
“Oh, come on. You know I always was secretly envious of your success,” she replied, smiling.
“What? You envious of me? Why? You’re prettier, smarter, more social,” Penelope explained, praising her sister.
Celeste waved her words away. “I always envied the fact that you went after your dreams, no matter what. You never let the fear of failing keep you from following what you wanted to do.” Celeste embraced her sister, showing her how much she greatly esteemed her.
Penelope laughed. “I guess no matter how perfect a person looks to the rest of the world, everyone always has something they want to improve about themselves.”
“I guess so. I just want you to know that I’m proud to call you my sister and I’ve been lucky enough to have you as a friend,” Celeste confessed, hugging Penelope close. She wrapped her arms tight around Celeste, finally feeling like her equal. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Back at you, sis.”
* * *
The rehearsal dinner was a success. The service was fantastic, the decorations were beautiful, and Jack had heard more than one person comment on how lovely the centerpieces were. He and Penelope were a great team. Not just in everyday life but in bed as well. He wanted, needed more of that. She was his equal in everything they did, and he knew that her opinions mattered a lot to him. If only he could help her see that without messing the words up.
