by Mary Alford
That had been the hardest decision I’d ever made. Letting go of Booth. Long after Booth left me to stand watch that night, I’d cried myself to sleep with the realization that I would always take second place in his heart.
In the days and weeks that followed, though there were times when I’d wake up in the middle of the night and could almost feel him next to me, I knew I’d made the right decision in leaving the CIA and Booth. Our relationship had been combustible from the first moment.
Booth was the one who’d recruited me. At the time, I was determined to go to Quantico. Booth convinced me I’d waste my talents at the FBI. I could do much more for my country hands-on.
Booth made falling in love with him so easy. He took risks no normal human being could survive. For Booth, living on the edge, risking his life every second of the day was what made him tick.
I gave myself a mental shake. With a whole lot of difficulty, I let go of those memories.
Along with the Glock, I’d kept all of my old fake IDs. I found one that came close to my current look then shoved the rest inside a hidden compartment of my purse along with the Glock and the prepaid phone I’d purchased. I prayed I wouldn’t have to use any of the pieces from my past, especially my training.
With my weapon secured, I packed only a few essentials along with a change of clothing into my laptop bag.
Adrenaline pumped through my body like fire, making sleep impossible. Whether I liked it or not, I was back in the game.
I’d be picked up by the car service the embassy used early the following morning, as was my normal routine. From there, David’s friend would meet me four blocks away at the old market and take me into dangerous grounds. The part of Afghanistan where Booth reportedly went missing was a known Taliban stronghold.
When another hour passed and I still couldn’t sleep, I pulled out my laptop and tried to get into the CIA database once more. It took longer than usual to crack the code this time. I’d given away too much to Michael by mentioning the code word sunset. He would have alerted the security team to a possible threat.
Once I’d broken the security code, I had only a few minutes.
After I’d read past the jargon, the best I could conclude was that his handler heard from Booth for the last time some two days before his radio signal disappeared.
The last location of the signal had been at the foothills of the Aldean Mountains.
Booth had officially been missing almost a week without any contact. The chances of finding an operative alive after three days was about ten percent.
“Where are you, Booth? Why couldn’t you let someone else handle this one for once?”
I could almost hear him laughing and chiding me. “Let someone else take charge? Feel the rush? Experience the glory? Never.”
I glanced at the clock. After two, Jerusalem time. I shut down the computer without any answers. I needed to try and sleep. While the drive to Kabul wouldn’t be long, it would be hard. I’d need to prepare for the most difficult mission I’d ever have to face. Bringing Booth home. Dead or alive.
* * * *
“Do I know you?” I’d noticed him right away. I was barely two steps from my apartment when I spotted him following me. At first, I’d had the crazy thought that perhaps this was some new test the FBI had put into place. Were they trying to see if their new recruits had what it took?
I turned the corner and waited for him to catch up with me. He hadn’t been surprised by the move or the least bit daunted.
“No, but I am about to save your life.” Booth’s cockiness was part of his charm. Shaggy blond hair touched his collar. He pushed it from his face with a carefree hand.
He wasn’t the type of man who spent time worrying about his looks. He didn’t need to. There was always a swarm of women attracted to Booth Tanner. The warmth in his smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. His hazel eyes danced with mischief.
His strange answer made me wonder if perhaps he was playing for the wrong side. Naively, I asked the question he’d hoped. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m going to save your life. I’d hate to see anyone as talented as you, Rachel Weiss, waste their talents on such boring stuff as you’ll be doing at the Bureau.”
That he knew my name threw me, which amused Booth. “How did you...?”
“Trust me. I know more about you than you do about yourself.”
I decided he must be some crackpot. I turned and started to walk away. “I’ve heard enough. Goodbye.”
He caught up with me easily enough. His lean six-foot frame swallowed up my much shorter stride. “I’m Booth Tanner, by the way. I’m here to offer you a job with the CIA.”
His out of the blue offer stopped me dead in my tracks. “The CIA? What are you talking about? Who are you?”
He took my question as consent to take my hand and lead me to a quiet little coffee shop ironically in the shadow of the Hoover Building.
I waited until he’d ordered two coffees and we were seated in a corner booth away from curious onlookers. “I’m sorry, but I’m late. I have an appointment in less than two minutes.”
As I was soon to learn, Booth was the type of person who did things at his own pace. “I know. As I said, I know everything about you. You’ll go through their training in about a year and you’ll be assigned to a desk for another. Then, if you’re lucky, you’ll get out in the field. I’m promising you with your talents and my influence and training, you’ll be seeing field duty in six months. Tops. You’ll be making a difference with us, Rachel. With the Bureau, you’ll be another grunt.”
That I’d stayed and listened to his whole spiel was a miracle in itself. Booth’s offer was about as unorthodox as it got for me. Until I met him, my most daring maneuver had been applying to the FBI’s Behavioral Science Division.
By the time we left the coffeehouse some two hours later, I was all crazy about Booth. By the following afternoon, I’d become gainfully employed. I was a member of an elite group within the CIA and Booth took more than a professional interest in me. And I was well on my way to falling in love with Booth Tanner.
* * * *
The alarm clock shrilled into the stillness of the predawn hours, dispelling troubled dreams of Booth. It felt as if I’d barely fallen asleep, but hours had passed and I was crying.
I hadn’t cried for Booth in a long time. But this dream had been different. I’d relived the first time I met Booth. I could almost feel that little electric spark I experienced the first time he kissed me. The first moment I knew I loved him.
I showered and dressed in my most comfortable work attire. By the time the car arrived, I was somewhat more prepared for what lay ahead of me.
The driver buzzed the door. I opened it and smiled. “Hello, Luis.”
Always formal, Luis never broke from protocol, which meant he was polite at all times but kept his distance by not forming any personal connections with those he serviced.
“Good morning, Ms. Weiss.”
Luis opened the door for me and silently waited. Once we were on our way through deserted streets, I glanced behind us. A car pulled out a few yards away. Luis caught it as well.
“Is there a problem, ma’am?”
I hoped my smile was reassuring enough. The car service that the embassy employed was no normal limo business. The drivers were trained by the Mossad, the Israeli Intelligence Agency. “No, Luis, everything is fine.” Another tense moment passed while I held my breath and Luis assessed the car tailing us. He’d obey my wishes to a certain point.
We arrived at the embassy an hour earlier than my scheduled time. When Luis questioned this, I told him I needed to catch up on paperwork. I stalled in the car, fiddling with my papers while keeping a close eye on the car behind us. It slid into a parking space some fifty yards back.
I glanced at my watch. I had fifteen minutes to get through the embassy’s state of the art security and get out of the building to my meeting place.
“Thanks, Luis. Se
e you tonight.” I waved and began the first of several grueling security procedures.
Once I’d cleared the last checkpoint, I forced myself to walk casually to the elevator. There would be no way of knowing who might be watching me. I unlocked my office, did a quick check for anything out of the norm, then hurried from the building by the back security entrance reserved for emergencies only.
I ran the four blocks to where a nondescript gray Jeep waited for me in record time. The driver got out the second he spotted me.
“I was getting ready to leave without you. Miss Ingalls, I believe?”
“Yes, and I’m sorry. I was...held up.”
He studied me carefully. “You’ll understand when I tell you I need to see your ID.”
“Of course.” I pulled out the old ID for Laura Ingalls and waited while he studied the photo and then me. He didn’t buy the name on my ID, but he’d gotten all the proof he needed.
“Nice job on the ID. Only a pro would know the truth.” He handed it back to me and extended his hand. “Anwar Sayyid.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t bother with any further explanation and he wasn’t expecting one. I had no idea how David knew someone who obviously was not on the up and up, but in this instance, I was grateful he did.
“Get in.” Anwar didn’t wait for an answer. He headed back to the driver side and I slipped into the seat opposite his clutching my laptop bag against my chest.
“How long before we arrive at the border?”
He tossed me a look as if to say, foolish American. “Eighteen hours if we drive straight through. You should get some sleep. You’ll need to be sharp to get across that border.”
I settled into the uncomfortable seat and let myself consider the risks I’d be taking along with the danger I’d face. I hadn’t spoken to Booth since the night I told him it was over between us. I would probably be the last person on earth he’d want to see again and yet no one from his precious CIA was coming to save him. Whether he wanted my help or not, he was getting it.
* * * *
“Rachel, I care about you, but I can’t offer you the fairy tale. It’s not in me. I’m not the white picket fence kind of guy.” His calloused hands framed my face. “I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted another woman. And if marriage is what you need to be comfortable with us, then let’s get married.” Booth smiled his smile that always got to me and yet his heartbreaking words pierced through my heart. I’d thought. I wanted…so much more.
He kissed me long and hard and the usual breathless feeling made my knees weak. Why did he have to kiss like that? Look so good. Why did I have to fall for…Booth?
“It has to be your choice. Whatever you decide, I’ll abide by your decision. You know where to find me,” he said with another earth-shattering kiss and then he left me and I spent the rest of the evening arguing with my heart. I loved him. He wanted me. There would be nothing but heartbreak in my future, but it didn’t matter. I loved him and I needed him like I needed my next breath. There would be plenty of time for regrets in the future and they would come. Tonight, well, the team would be leaving for Afghanistan the following morning. Who knew what the future held. I worry about my broken heart when and if I returned.
I couldn't bear to be alone any longer. I grabbed my keys and headed out to be with him.
I stood outside his house for a long time, right and wrong doing their usual battle. Then I rang the doorbell half hoping he wouldn't be home.
That night, we woke a Justice of the Peace and had a rushed wedding, so unlike all the beautiful weddings I’d dreamed of as a little girl. But that night, I didn’t care. I was with Booth and that was all that mattered.
Someone nudged my arm. “We’ll be arriving in fifteen minutes.”
I roused myself from the bittersweet memory. I’d been staring out the window remembering the time when he’d told me where we stood with each other. Reliving those moments left me shaking from raw emotion. I could almost feel the heartache I’d experienced that night. Taste his lips against mine. I shook off the remnants of the dream with difficulty.
“Thank you, Anwar,” I said and my voice sounded husky with emotion. If Anwar noticed the difference in me, he kept it to himself and I forced myself to get a grip. I’d need my wits about me to survive this thing and hopefully find Booth. For Ava’s sake, I told myself. I was doing this for my daughter alone.
The sight that unfolded before me was like nothing I’d expected. I’d been to Kabul a handful of times in the past, all with Booth. Kabul had been one of the first cities liberated by the joint forces following the attacks of 9/11. Back then, it was still easy to tell the difference between good and evil because the lines hadn’t yet been blurred in the name of justice.
We’d all been humbled by the gratitude the citizens of Kabul had shown their liberators. The excitement was easy to catch. The streets crowded with people who couldn’t believe they were no longer under the Taliban’s thumb.
Liberating Kabul had been romantic. Booth and I had spent our honeymoon in a house that had been abandoned by Taliban. With the city free of threats, there was a period of peace. We’d taken advantage of those days, touring the city by the day, spending the long nights with the backdrop of a citywide celebration. We understood the exhilaration the Allied soldiers must have felt during World War II after liberating Europe.
Still now, those nights stood out in my heart, making the longing and ache of losing Booth that much more pronounced.
I dug out an old baseball cap and dark glasses from my bag, hoping not to call too much attention to myself.
Anwar stopped the Jeep at the top of the hill. “Are you ready?”
I wasn’t. Nothing I’d done over the past three years had prepared me for this, but at this point, there could be no turning back. I’d come too far. I needed to know the truth about what had happened to Booth.
Slowly, I nodded and Anwar put the Jeep in gear.
“Once you make it through security, I’ll take you to the embassy in Kabul, but no further. They know you will be arriving--they know nothing as to why you are there, only that you are a friend of David’s. Keep it that way. Once you’ve met with the ambassador, you will find a Jeep parked to the south side of the building. The keys are located under the radiator. There are enough supplies to get you where you need to go.” He pulled out a piece of paper from his shirt pocket.
“This is the name of a friendly tribesman near Kandahar. You will find him outside the small village of Sandier. He can help you. I trust him. Trust no one else but him.”
“Thank you,” I said humbly. I realized a lot of people were risking their lives to help me find Booth. I owed each of them so much. “Put that somewhere it can’t be found,” he ordered, ignoring my gratitude. I shoved the piece of paper into a hidden compartment of my bag.
Anwar gave me one final securitizing glance then pulled into the border checkpoint.
The officer was armed with a U.S. made semiautomatic weapon strapped over his shoulder aimed at being threatening. It worked. He recognized Anwar and gave him a little salute. Then he ordered me out of the vehicle and around to an area used for checking luggage. He threw my bag on a table and unzipped it, tossing clothing and personal items everywhere. Surprisingly, with all of the U.S’s influences, the security check still didn’t possess X-ray, which proved a bonus for my laptop and the weapon I’d hidden inside a false lining.
The guard then snatched my purse and dug through it before tossing it back to me. “Sunglasses.”
“I beg your pardon?” I’d tried to perfect the meek persona of a government pencil pusher while using the dark glasses to assess the area.
“Remove your sunglasses and cap,” he ordered.
Once I’d done as he asked and he’d stared me down, he tossed my things haphazardly back into the bag and zipped it up. After that, he came around the table.
“Raise your arms.” I tried not to be repulsed as he took his time searching my body. I wondered if eve
ry person visiting Afghanistan got the same treatment or if it was limited to women.
Resentment for our government still ran deep among local men in spite of the friendly relationship the President of Afghanistan and the U.S. president enjoyed.
He handed me my bag, sunglasses and cap. “You are staying how long?”
“A week.” I kept my voice low and flat.
He eyed me suspiciously. “You are on business?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m just visiting your country.”
His reaction was unpleasant. He didn’t care for Americans. “You will be expected back in one week.” With those chilling words, he dismissed me and had a private word with Anwar. My knees were weak and shaking as I got back into the Jeep. The two men laughed and the guard waved at Anwar as he got into the driver’s seat.
We made the rest of the short trip to the embassy in silence. I kept glancing over my shoulder, almost certain the guard would change his mind and decide he needed to check my story out more carefully.
“Don’t worry,” Anwar assured me. “He was easy to buy. He will not have followed you.”
I glanced back once more, suppressing a shiver. If the guards were that easy to bribe, then who was to say someone with more money and a greater cause couldn’t top Anwar’s offer?
Anwar parked the car in front of the embassy on the crowded street. “I can’t take you any further. It’s too risky for me to be seen with you.” He motioned toward the building. “They’ll be expecting you.” He scribbled a number on a piece of paper. “If you need me, you can reach me here.”
I’d promised David I’d stop in at the embassy and let them know I’d arrived and they could pass word back to him. I hated losing the time, but I might need the embassy connection should things turn bad.
I opened the Jeep door and turned to Anwar. “Thank you.”
He studied me once more. “Good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Without answering, I walked to the first security checkpoint. It was comforting to see U.S. military officials.
