Until it was too late.
“Look.” My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat. “I might not have looked hard enough when I first met her, but that’s since changed. I know underneath her blond hair, cute-ass clothes, and smile, she has the heart of a marshmallow. I’ll do anything.” I paused for effect and stared him in the eye. “To make sure no one hurts her again.”
Drew nodded. “I believe you.” He ruined the words with a smirk. “But you won’t mind if I stay for a while? Another set of eyes on her wouldn’t hurt.”
Unless he saw the things I didn’t want anyone else to see.
“It’s cool,” I said. “But we’re busy tonight. I got plans.”
“What kind of plans?”
“Plans that only she needs to be privy to.” I might have decided he wasn’t the giant jerkwad I originally thought, but that didn’t mean he needed to know my business.
“Dinner?” he bargained.
I nodded once and stood. “Sure. Dinner. But after that, she’s mine for the night.”
Chapter Nine
Ivy
He said he had something planned.
A surprise.
Braeden was good at surprises, at planning things.
Maybe that was the biggest surprise of all.
He totally wasn’t the kind of guy anyone would think of as the type to make big gestures.
But I had a room full of stars that said otherwise.
I had no idea what to expect. After Rimmel left for the shelter and Drew was snoring in the guest room, he kissed me and said he’d see me later.
The entire time I was in the shower, I wondered if maybe it had something to do with whatever he wanted to talk to me about before Drew showed up. I hoped whatever it was wouldn’t make the barrier I felt between us stronger.
The truth was I needed Braeden. I needed the connection between us. I needed the feeling of being safe I always had when I was with him.
After my shower, I took my time getting dressed and doing my hair. Drew was asleep, and Prada was attacking a brand new chew toy. I wasn’t sure what B had in mind for tonight, but I knew whatever it was wouldn’t be fancy.
Braeden wasn’t a fancy type of guy. Whatever he had planned would be a product of who he was, and it would be genuine.
I settled on a pair of destructed white jeans that cuffed at the ankles. On top, I added a loose A-line tank top in a silky soft material that floated around my waist and hips when I moved. It was in a graphic turquoise leopard pattern. For my feet, I found a pair of pale-pink wedges and set them by the door.
I left my hair down but curled it in big, loose waves. It had grown over the summer and now fell past my bra strap. I kept my makeup simple, a natural glam look with glowing skin and eyes with a little bit of sparkle. Instead of perfume, I smoothed on some body lotion in a blackberry mojito scent, and I piled a few stackable bracelets on my wrist. The only other jewelry I wore was the silver star necklace B gave me. I never took it off. The low neckline of the tank showcased the gift perfectly.
Braeden got home a little while after that while Drew and I were sitting in the living room, catching up on everything since we’d seen each other last. When Rimmel got home, we ordered some takeout (big, fresh salads and a few pizzas), and the four of us sat around eating and joking.
It wasn’t until the sun had gone down and the sky was dark that Braeden reached for my hand. I thought Drew might be upset about us leaving on his first night here, but he didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he yawned loudly and said he was going back to bed.
Braeden drove for a while, turning on roads I’d never traveled before. When we were about forty-five minutes away from campus, he slowed and turned onto a road I never would have seen had I been driving.
It was a one-lane road that made a path through a bunch of trees. It went up and curved around the hill, seemingly without end.
I was a North Carolina girl. I grew up near the mountains, so this wasn’t anything new to me. But it was the first time I’d been somewhere like this in Maryland. I stared attentively out the window as we passed clearings and trees, even a few homes, until finally the road leveled off and straightened.
Out the windshield, a sweeping view literally spread out before us. It was like we were on the edge of a precipice that overlooked a valley of trees rising up to never-ending mountains. It was hard to appreciate the view fully with just the light from the headlights and the moon, but what I could see was beautiful, and I knew in daylight, it would be breathtaking.
“What is this place?” I asked, my voice reverent.
He drove slowly as he spoke. “We used to come here as teenagers to go mudding or just hang out. Lots of people came here to park.”
His teeth glinted in the dark, and with the glow of the dash, I could see his eyebrows wag in suggestion.
I laughed. “You brought me parking?”
“Something like that.”
A few minutes later, the truck slowed even more and he pulled to the side of the road, on the edge of a large clearing. “Stay here a sec,” he instructed once the truck was in park.
“Where are you going?” Suddenly, whatever he had planned didn’t seem like such a fun idea.
Braeden slid across the seat and brought his body right up against mine. “I’m not going far, baby.” His voice was as smooth as dark chocolate and soft like cotton. “Just wait here, ‘kay? I’ll keep you safe.”
“‘Kay,” I whispered, lifting my fingers to brush over the side of his jaw. He caught my hand and kissed it.
I was left in a little bubble of warmth and watched him walk around to the bed of the truck. The sound of the tailgate being released and the jolt of him jumping into the bed made me smile.
Braeden had totally brought me parking.
A few minutes later, the passenger-side door opened and his hand appeared in front of me. Without hesitation, I placed mine in his and allowed him to guide me out of the cab.
It was incredibly dark, but he seemed to know exactly where to step. With his arm around my waist, I made it to the back of the truck. B’s arm left me and he leapt up into the back.
Seconds later, the space illuminated.
Once again, Braeden surprised me.
The entire bed of the truck was filled with blankets and pillows. It was layered with a thick comforter, blankets that looked filled with down, and ones that appeared so soft my hand flexed with the desire to stoke them.
There had to be at least fifteen pillows. Some were huge and fluffy, while others were smaller and round.
Everything was colorful, not like circus colors, but muted, soft ones.
Braeden sat in the center holding an electric lantern. It cast an amber glow over everything, creating an intimate space.
“You did all this?”
“I wanted some alone time with my girl.”
My stomach turned over and danced with butterflies. He set the lantern off to the side, next to a bottle of wine and a couple plastic cups.
I smiled.
He leapt down and practically lifted me into the bed. The second I was there, I kicked off my wedges and buried my feet into the piles of blankets.
“This is amazing, Braeden.”
The air was crisp and cool. Technically, it was still summer, but up here on the mountain and without any trace of the sun, there was a definite bite of autumn in the air. The weather was going to start cooling down fast, but tonight it was perfect.
I breathed in deep and lifted my chin a little to let the air caress my cheeks. I missed this, being out in the open, surrounded by nature. Everything seemed a lot smaller when you stood in such a sprawling space, and oddly, it was comforting.
Braeden flipped back the edge of some blankets and sank in the center, crooking a finger in my direction. I sank down right beside him and leaned back against the piles of pillows to gaze up at the sky.
“The sky is filled with stars,” I whispered.
Braeden tucked the blankets
around us and pulled me into his chest. “They’re our stars, Blondie.”
I leaned back into him and sighed. “I like that.”
“Everything seems easier for us when we’re under the stars. Ever notice that?”
“Yeah, I have.”
“You know why?” His voice was a mere rumble against my ear. I felt his breath with every syllable he spoke, like my personal lullaby.
“Why?” I snuggled in closer against him, and his arm tightened around my waist.
“Because the stars don’t have rules. Anything goes out here beneath them. There is no right or wrong. They twinkle and shine no matter what. The stars see everything, baby. They see us for exactly who we are.”
“And who are we right now, Braeden?” I whispered.
Gently, he lifted my chin so his eyes could connect with mine.
“We’re two people drifting, like a boat without its oar. I don’t want to drift anymore, Ivy. I want to drop anchor. I want to make sure you don’t drift away from me.”
“I’m sorry.” I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let me. Instead, he straightened and swung around so he was facing me.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. Can you forgive me, baby?”
I felt my nose wrinkle and my brows draw down. I sank back into the pillows, almost like they were a net that caught me from the shock of his apology.
“Why on earth would you apologize to me?”
A soft breeze floated through the night, and without breaking his gaze on my face, he reached behind him and tugged a furry blanket over my lap and tucked it around my legs and arms.
“I saw the look in your eyes this morning. When you walked in and saw me and Rimmel in the kitchen.”
I started to shake my head, to deny, deny, deny. I wasn’t going to be that girl. I was not going to be the kind who got upset when her boyfriend showed affection to another girl—to his family. I was sorely regretful he’d caught any look at all in my eyes. I should have worked harder to hide it. To lock it down.
I was incredibly tired of hiding things. For some reason, it seemed like so much was hidden lately. Even my own feelings seemed to hide from me.
He grasped my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend with me. I wanna know everything. Remember, out here there are no rules. You can say whatever you want.”
I relented and nodded once.
“Does it bother you to see me with Rim?”
“No!” I said quickly. “I swear it doesn’t. I totally understand the whole brother/sister bond. I have it with Drew.”
“That guy is a piece of work,” B muttered.
“He’s my brother.” I defended.
“He loves you so he must be pretty decent.”
I rolled my eyes.
“So,” he began, bringing back the conversation. “What was it this morning?”
I sighed and glanced up at the stars, hoping they would lend me some strength. “I could just feel how close you two are. How you were so open with each other. I guess it made me sad. I want that with you.”
“I thought we had that.” He glanced down at our joined hands. “It’s not so easy, though, is it?”
That hollow feeling I sometimes got was threatening. I tried to push it away. I wouldn’t let it in. Not here. Not tonight.
I looked around at the blankets, the pillows, the wine. The stars overhead were brilliant, and B was holding my hand. It might not be easy with Braeden (with any relationship), but that didn’t mean what we had wasn’t good.
Things with B were good. Better than good.
He was all I ever really wanted. And easy or not, he was worth the struggle.
“I realized something today, something I never said but should have.” As he spoke, his thumb stroked over the back of my hand. “Something I think is creating this unidentifiable, unspoken thing between us.” He motioned between our bodies with his hand, as if to punctuate his point. “Something that’s making it hard for you to move past that night.”
My breath caught and everything inside me stilled. I didn’t want to talk about Zach. I didn’t want to drag him into this beautiful moment. I started shaking my head, shoving away the painful thoughts, the guilt and the self-loathing.
Braeden reached out and grasped my hips, sliding me so I sat so close our knees bumped. “It’s okay, baby. I know you’re scared to talk about it and to hear what I have to say, but I swear on every star up in that sky tonight, nothing is gonna change how much I love you.”
Tears threatened at the backs of my eyes. My chest squeezed with unnamed emotion. I drew in a deep breath and nodded.
“I never told you. I don’t care.”
It’s a good thing he already said how much he loved me, or that statement might have damaged my ego. “Honey, your grand gestures can make a girl swoon, but we really need to work on those words,” I told him with a patient tone while wearing a slight grimace.
His teeth glowed bright against the dark backdrop of night when he smiled. “We’ve already established I’m not real good at explaining how I feel.”
I slid my fingers between his and linked our hands. “As long as whatever you tell me is the truth, then I don’t care how ugly it sounds.”
I thought the jab would make him laugh. Or at least result in a quick comeback. Silence stretched between us, more eerie than anything I might hear rustling in the nearby trees.
It scared me.
“Braeden?” My voice was tentative.
“I’ve never done this before.” The strain in his words was undeniable. It didn’t ease any of my disruptive feelings. “I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never been in love.”
“You’re my first love too.”
He made sound, a cross between a groan and a growl, and cupped my face to stare at me intently. “You’re not my first, Ivy. You’re my only. There’s never gonna be another you.”
I bit my lower lip. So badly I wanted to believe that. So irrevocably did I want his heart and his future. But there was this little voice deep in my head that whispered I wasn’t good enough.
“Listen to me,” he intoned, shaking me gently.
I fixed my eyes on his face.
“I don’t care that you slept with him. It doesn’t in any way, shape, or form control the way I see you. Fuck, it isn’t even a factor. I should have told you that months ago. I should have made sure you knew in my eyes…” He picked up my hand and laid it against his chest. The strong beat beneath my palm seemed to accentuate his words. “In my heart, you are on a level no one else will ever reach.”
“Braeden…” A tear tracked down my cheek, followed by another. Lord knows I wasn’t proud of that night. It was honestly the biggest regret of my life. The self-loathing I felt knowing I allowed Zach to touch my body chipped away at pieces of me until it felt like I might shatter at any moment.
And yes, I worried maybe Braeden thought less of me. I worried everyone on campus looked at me and saw a slut.
I wasn’t going to worry anymore.
“It doesn’t matter who came before me as long as I’m your last.” He continued, the pads of his thumbs brushing away my tears. Then he closed the distance between us and kissed me tenderly.
Channing Tatum himself could show up at my door (he’s so totally hot) and it wouldn’t matter.
Braeden owned me.
He would until the day I died.
Chapter Ten
Braeden
As long as whatever you tell me is the truth, then I don’t care how ugly it sounds.
Were her words a sign?
A sign that everything I’d done to protect the girl I loved more than my own life was wrong?
Was my protection getting in the way of us being as close as two people could be?
I brought Ivy out here so we could talk, so we could address the stuff we neglected to talk about, but stuff that was there nonetheless.
I thought the stars, the blankets, the pillows, and cool night air would ma
ke it easier. I guess in some ways, it did. It sure as hell bought me a lot of brownie points in the romance department. When I lit up that lantern and watched her eyes round at everything I’d done, my inner jock hollered, Touchdown! Because clearly, Blondie liked what she saw.
What I said to her was the truth. I didn’t judge her about what happened with Zach. Yeah, I was pissed off and hurt when I first found out, and I experienced an unfortunate case of diarrhea of the mouth, but I never thought badly of her.
Then I found out it wasn’t consensual. I found out it was rape.
How does a man digest that shit? To know the most vile, horrific act was done to the woman he loved?
My God, when would the abuse toward women ever end? It seemed like every single woman in my life was the victim of a man.
My mother, Rimmel, Ivy.
To see how it ripped them apart, to watch them try and hold it together, was fucking hard as shit. It might be the hardest thing I’d ever had to witness.
I wasn’t able to help my mother. I was too young to step in and stop my father from beating her. And when he did, he’d hurl hurtful words at her that seemed more painful than any punch, kick, or slap could ever be.
I’d likely hear those words in the back of my mind forever.
I wasn’t able to stop the pain Rimmel endured from her own family, from Zach, and from the people who wanted revenge against her father. And she had Romeo, my best friend, a man I knew without a doubt would shelter her as best he could.
But who did Ivy have?
She was a victim who didn’t even know she was.
I could protect her. I could make sure her pain didn’t have to be any deeper than it already was.
And that’s why I hid the truth. That’s why I beat myself up on a daily basis, wondering if the choice I made was right.
“Is that wine I see over there?” Ivy asked, sniffling a little.
She cried when I told her I didn’t care about Zach. Her tears were just proof that those were words she needed to hear.
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