#Poser

by Cambria Hebert

  I gasped and jerked upright. Romeo held me tighter to keep me from falling off the bed. “He’s here!” I screeched.

  “Who!” Braeden demanded.

  My eyes sought him out in the dark. He was pacing nearby, his jaw tight and shoulders tense.

  Drew burst into the room. “What the fuck!” he yelled.

  “I think she was having a nightmare,” Rimmel said quietly.

  I gasped, not even realizing she was in the room, and peeked around Romeo. She was standing just inside the door, her hair wild and no glasses on her face.

  I sniffled and went rigid at the same time.

  Reality slowly came pulsing back. I looked up.

  Romeo’s face was so close to mine that even in just the candlelight, I could see how blue his eyes were. He searched me, a hard frown set to his mouth.

  “I-I’m so-r-ry,” I stammered. My teeth were still chattering slightly. “I—”

  I tried to pull away from him. It was totally wrong. I was practically in his lap.

  He pulled me back. “It’s fine. Just calm down a second.”

  “Ivy,” Drew said, rushing to the bed. “Are you okay? What the hell happened?”

  Zach’s face and the way it seemed to glow in the dark driveway flashed before me again. “He’s outside!” I burst out, agitation working its way through me again. “I just saw him in the driveway.”

  “Who?” Drew asked, confused.

  “Zach.” I sobbed and collapsed against Romeo again, forgetting I shouldn’t cry all over him and clutching at his chest.

  Braeden tore from the room. He was gone before I could even call him back. “No!” I yelled.

  The front door slammed and I knew he was outside.

  “No,” I cried and tried to scramble after him. “He’s going to get hurt. Zach’s gonna hurt him too.”

  Romeo stood up swiftly, bringing me with him. He placed me in Drew’s arms and then brushed my hair off my wet face.

  “Ivy,” he said firm, the authority in his voice unmistakable.

  A sob caught in my throat. I looked at him with wide eyes.

  “Calm down. I’ll go get B.”

  I nodded.

  Romeo rushed from the room, and I practically jumped out of Drew’s arms and went to the window. When my hand closed around the curtain, I took a steadying breath. I wanted so badly to look outside, but I was also terrified of what I would see.

  Seconds later, the door downstairs opened and closed again.

  I gripped the curtain, anticipating Romeo yelling for help or the sounds of something indicating more trouble.

  All I heard were footfalls on the stairs.

  Braeden was the first to come around the corner. A sound ripped from my chest, and I rushed across the room, right into his arms.

  Familiar.

  Safe.

  Right.

  “I’m okay,” he whispered.

  “Zach?” My voice shook.

  “No one’s out there, baby. It was just your dream. It was all a dream.”

  “I wasn’t dreaming,” I insisted. “I had been, but then I wasn’t.”

  “It’s okay,” he murmured, holding me tight. “You’ve been dreaming a lot.”

  “Is that why when I got up to piss earlier, you were sleeping in the hallway?” Drew asked.

  Braeden tensed but didn’t reply.

  I glanced up. “You’ve been sleeping in the hallway?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he muttered and pulled my head back down.

  Romeo stepped back in the room. Braeden shifted us toward his best friend. “Would you mind sitting with her ‘til she falls back asleep?”

  “I’ll do it,” Drew said behind us.

  “I think I’d rather it be someone who doesn’t like to punch me in the face.”

  Rimmel’s gasp filled the room. “Is that what happened to your face?” she demanded.

  “No, tutor girl,” Braeden quipped lightly. “I’m naturally this good-looking.”

  “Now see here, Mr. I Drive Too Fast,” Rimmel said, taking on a no-nonsense tone. I peeked out from Braeden’s shirt to see her stride over in front of my brother like she was some type of badass.

  Even though I was still shaking and scared, I half smiled. The sight was ridiculous. My brother outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds and he was like a foot taller than her.

  “I don’t know how you are with your brothers at your house, but in this house, brothers don’t punch each other in the face!”

  “Yes, they do,” Romeo and Braeden said at exactly the same time.

  Drew suppressed a smile, and Rimmel gasped. “You two better not be punching each other!” she snapped.

  “He’s not my brother,” Drew argued.

  Romeo stepped forward slightly, and my gaze slid to him. Drew hadn’t said it to her with any kind of heat, but just the fact he was arguing with her was enough to put Romeo on alert.

  Rimmel pointed her finger at him and waved it around. “Oh, yes, he is! And if you can’t accept that, then you better go pack your bags.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Drew replied, contrite.

  I couldn’t help it. I smiled.

  It made me sorry that I hadn’t been present enough lately to lay down the same rules.

  God, I’d been such a mess.

  Romeo moved forward and caught Rimmel around the waist, lifting her off the ground and towing her back. “Down, tiger.”

  “I’ll stay with her,” Drew said. Braeden tensed again.

  “No.” I stepped back out of his arms and resisted the urge to rush right back in. “I’m fine. Go to bed.”

  He opened his mouth to argue, and I gave him a death glare.

  “Geez. The women in this house need to take a pill,” he grumped. On his way past, he kissed me on the forehead.

  “If you want to come sleep with me like you did when you were three and there were thunderstorms, I’ll leave the door open.”

  “Thanks.” I hugged him quickly. The memory of all the nights he used to make up stories about what caused the sound of the thunder warmed me inside.

  When he was gone, Rimmel yawned. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “Sorry I woke you.”

  Romeo patted her butt on the way past, and then it was just me, him, and Braeden.

  “I looked around outside. There’s no one there. The alarm is on,” Braeden told me, his voice subdued.

  “Thank you.”

  I felt Romeo watching us, and I wondered what he knew. I turned to him. “He told you?”

  “Just tonight,” Braeden answered instead. “I just needed someone—”

  “To talk to.” I finished.

  The fact B hadn’t even told Romeo until tonight, well, that said a lot. He told Romeo everything.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered, even as I felt a little self-conscious about Romeo knowing. Would he see me different now?

  Seconds later, Romeo was right in front of me. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me close. My eyes slid closed and I rested my cheek against his chest.

  “I’m so sorry I brought him into your life.” His voice was so sincere and held a note of pain. I realized Romeo understood what it was like to be Zach’s victim.

  A victim of a different sort, but a victim all the same.

  “I don’t blame you,” I told him. “I don’t blame anyone.”

  I didn’t have room inside me for blame. I hurt too much.

  Braeden shifted and cleared his throat. “Thanks for being here, Rome. I’ll be downstairs on the couch.”

  I pulled out of Romeo’s hug. “Wait.”

  Braeden looked back.

  “Will you stay?”

  “You sure?”

  I nodded.

  He stepped back into the room, and I felt a little better.

  Romeo hugged me again. “See ya in the a.m., Blondie.”

  “Don’t call her that,” Braeden growled.

  Romeo sighed loudly. “Drew already calls he
r sis. You call her Blondie. What the hell am I supposed to call her?”

  “I do have a name,” I pointed out.

  Romeo made a face. “Brothers don’t call their sisters by name.”

  He was right. They didn’t. My two brothers called me everything but my name. “Brother?” I questioned, as if I just realized what he said and that he was talking about me.

  He nodded. “I know you already got two, but I don’t have a sister.”

  A genuine smile lit up my face. “I’m good at handling brothers.”

  “Sweet.” He moved to the door as he talked. “I probably need some practice at having a sister, but I think you’re gonna be a good one. We have a lot more in common than I think even you and I realize.”

  I nodded, thinking he was right.

  Braeden groaned loudly. “Shit. I’m dating the girl version of you.”

  Romeo laughed. “What can I say? You got good taste.”

  I watched him and Braeden pound it out, and then he was gone.

  B went to the bed and began straightening all the blankets. I felt sticky and uncomfortable, so I went in the closet and quickly changed into a fresh pair of satin PJ shorts and top. When I came out, I couldn’t help but lock eyes on the window, still shaken about what I’d seen.

  “It was just a dream, baby,” Braeden said. I spun around, surprised to see him sitting in the chair and not the bed. “You’ve been having them all week.”

  “What?” I gasped, totally distracted.

  He rubbed a hand over his face. He looked so exhausted. I knew the flickering candle wasn’t just creating the shadows on his face. They were there because he’d been sleeping in the hallway. Outside my door.

  And now I knew why.

  “You start crying out in your sleep. I come in and lay with you…”

  I stared at him open-mouthed. I think he took that as a sign I was angry.

  “I didn’t touch you,” he assured me. “Well, sometimes I rubbed your back. Over your clothes,” he hurried to add.

  “You did?”

  “It calmed you down.”

  “Will you lie with me now?” I asked him.

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “I want.” I slipped between the sheets and he did the same. “Thank you for being here for me, Braeden,” I whispered. Thank you for respecting me. For giving me my space, but never going too far.

  I scooted a little closer to him. He held out his arm and without hesitation, I slipped against his side and laid my cheek on his chest.

  There was no place like home.

  “Are you still scared?” he whispered.

  “A little,” I admitted.

  “It’s okay to sleep, Ivy. I swear to God, no one is gonna hurt you tonight.”

  I believed him. There was no safer place than in his arms.

  I still couldn’t not think about what I saw out the window. Everyone seemed convinced it was part of my dream.

  I knew better.

  I’d been fully awake when I looked out that window tonight.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Braeden

  When I opened my eyes, she was staring at me.

  The quiet way her eyes took in my face made my chest tighten.

  I didn’t say anything; she didn’t either. We just lay there and watched each other, not a single word spoken.

  She was lying on her back, her face turned in my direction. Champagne-colored hair spilled across the pillows and her scent mingled on the sheets.

  God, I’d missed her scent.

  I’d missed this bed.

  I’d missed her.

  I wanted to move closer. I wanted to touch her, but I didn’t move. I was afraid I’d break whatever this moment was that whirled around us. As my eyes ate up her beautiful face, I noticed a tear, full and glistening, form in the corner of her eye. It hung there, clinging to her dark lashes, as if it were trying not to fall.

  In the end, it lost the battle.

  The tear slowly slid along her skin, leaving a wet trail behind it.

  Without thought, I reached out and brushed it away. I didn’t want to see Ivy cry. I didn’t want to be the reason.

  “If you could go back to the moment you found out, would you do things different? Would you tell me?” she whispered.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. Even knowing how things would end, how everything would come out, I still wasn’t sure I would have told her. Sometimes we do things knowing they’re wrong, but the motive behind them is pure.

  “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore.”

  I felt like there was a vise clamped around my heart and someone was cranking the handle, tightening, tightening until it almost hurt.

  But even though it hurt, this wasn’t the bad kind of pain. This was exactly what I wanted. A chance to talk to her. A chance to let her hate me. A chance to let her heal.

  “You have every right to be.” Our voices were so quiet, sort of raspy from being unused while we slept. The moment I feared would be broken when one of us spoke or moved was the opposite. It closed in around us, narrowing until it was just her, me, and the bed.

  “You aren’t the one who hurt me though. You only tried to protect me.”

  “I was wrong.” I sorely wanted to give in to her words, to allow her let me off the hook. It would be so easy.

  I didn’t want easy.

  I wanted real.

  In that moment, I realized something.

  I wasn’t him.

  All these times I looked in the mirror and saw my father…

  I’m not him.

  If I was, I’d never be lying here, openly, brazenly admitting I was wrong. I’d never have put my heart and soul on the line to keep Ivy from being hurt. If I were my father, I wouldn’t care at all.

  “Even if you’re still mad at me…” My voice was husky. “It’s okay. I’ll wait for you.”

  “You slept outside my door.”

  “I promised you I’d never let you go.”

  “You’re my anchor,” she whispered.

  “Always.”

  “I hate what happened to me.”

  Something inside me cracked. I felt it so profoundly I wondered if she heard the sound. “I know, baby. I hate it too.”

  That dark place in my center rose up like it was ready for battle. I swear to God, if I ever saw Zach, I’d kill him for what he’d done to her.

  “And even though I don’t like what you did, I understand.”

  Just like that, the darkness receded. Like a strong wind came and blew it right away. “You understand?” I echoed, making sure I heard her right.

  She nodded once and turned, moving onto her side, tucking her hand beneath her cheek, and hitting me with both her eyes.

  They were so blue this morning.

  Bluer than I’d ever seen them before.

  Blue was definitely my new favorite color.

  “I’ve kept secrets too. I understand the inner struggle that comes with not saying something you know you should, but not wanting to hurt anyone.”

  She was talking about how she slept with me, knowing Missy wanted me.

  “I remember thinking to myself that I had no idea if what I was doing was…”

  I finished the sentence. “Was the right thing.”

  She smiled softly. “Yeah.”

  She did understand.

  Dear God, I have no idea what I did to deserve this woman. But thank you, and I swear I’ll never take her for granted.

  “Braeden?” The hesitant way she said my name stopped me in my tracks.

  “Yeah?”

  “I feel kind of relieved.” She looked away, closing off her blue-eyed stare. “Like I can finally understand why everything inside me has felt so confused.”

  “Oh, baby.” I itched to reach out and touch her, to pull her against my chest. I wasn’t sure she wanted me to do it, so I kept my arms where they were.

  “Does that make me a bad person? What kind of girl feels reli
ef when she figures out she was raped?”

  Her voice cracked on the last word, and my heart stuttered a bit.

  “A tortured one,” I swore. “A girl who’s been fighting a long time without even knowing why.”

  I could have prevented that.

  “I understand so much now. The distance I sometimes felt between us, the careful way you touched me, why you always put yourself in front of me like a shield.”

  “Oh no, I’m gonna do that forever.”

  Her lips kicked up in a half smile. “It’s okay. You have a pretty nice butt for a shield.”

  “I work out,” I bragged.

  She giggled. It was all light and warm.

  The best fucking sound I’d ever heard.

  “That’s why you pulled back from me physically after that night at Screamerz.”

  “I thought sex with me was only making you worse,” I admitted.

  “Anything that brings me closer to you can never be a bad thing.” She reached out and touched my face, drew her fingers down the side of my cheek. “I love you.”

  I closed my eyes. It was so good to hear those words.

  “I love you too.”

  “I want you to touch me, Braeden.”

  I opened my eyes and stared deep into hers, looking for absolute certainty.

  It was there.

  I reached for her, but she drew back. My hand paused in midair.

  “I want nothing between us. I want it all out in the open. No more secrets. No more barriers.”

  “No more,” I murmured and reached for her again.

  She caught my hand and held it. “Nothing,” she intoned.

  Understanding dawned.

  “Do you still want me that way, Braeden, after knowing I can’t be the one to give that part of myself to you first?”

  She wanted to make love without a condom. And she was afraid I wouldn’t want to because Zach had raped her without one.

  I untangled my hand from hers and wrapped it around her waist, towing her right up against my front. I knew she could feel my erection. I was so hard there was no way she could miss it.

  “You will be the one to give me that part of yourself first, sweetheart,” I said gently. “Because you never gave away that part of yourself. It was taken.”