by Leona Fox
Before they knew it they had arrived in West Callow and followed the directions to the police station. This was Ellen's first time here, aside from perhaps a few day trips she may have been taken on by her parents when she had been younger, which had been purged from her memory by time. The first thing she noticed was the town lacked a certain charm that East Pender had. Perhaps that was due to her own natural bias, but West Callow seemed generic and did not have any of the little touches that made East Pender homely and welcoming.
When they reached the police station they entered to find it much the same as East Pender's, although there seemed to be fewer people about. They checked in with a sergeant at the reception desk and he invited them to wait while he got the police chief. This man was barrel-chested with a shock of ginger hair and a thick beard. He welcomed Ellen and Kelly into an office where they were able to speak in private.
“You're here about a murder, yes?” he said.
“That is correct. A Gary Speed was visiting East Pender and he was killed, stabbed multiple times. We don't have much to go on but we know he came from here. Is there any way you can help us?” Ellen said.
“Funny enough, Gary was like you,” the man said, piquing both Ellen and Kelly's interest, “in that he helped us out sometimes, although not so much with the solving of cases.”
“What did he do?” Kelly said.
“Did you know he was a psychiatrist? He worked with us and took on the cases of people who had been arrested for violent behavior. He hoped he could facilitate their rehabilitation and try focusing their efforts on improving their behavior and helping their state of mind. Not something I was a fan of when it started, but his work showed potential and I think he helped a fair number of people.”
The chief stroked his thick beard and paused for a moment as his jolly face took on a solemn look. “It's sad he died.”
“Did you know him well? How closely did he work with the police? Is there anyone we could talk to who would be able to tell us more about him?” Ellen asked.
“Unlikely. He mostly kept himself to himself. He had a habit of getting other people riled up. I never could put my finger on why, either. There was just something about him. But I think that's the way he liked it. I guess growing up with scars like that he got teased a lot, probably was just easier to shut people out. Not sure how that led to him being a psychiatrist but I figure he wanted to help people. I never had a problem with him personally but I never made any special efforts to try getting to know him. He did his job and he did it well, that's all I really can tell you.”
“You say he worked with people who committed violent crimes. Do you think any of them could have done this?” Kelly asked.
“It's possible. I can get you a list of the people he treated if you like?” the chief offered.
Ellen nodded vigorously as this was the biggest breakthrough yet. However, when the chief returned with a huge file of people with a list of at least sixty names Ellen's heart sank again. Although now they had more suspects, there were so many it would take a long time to narrow them down. But it did make sense that one of them could have done it. She remembered Henry's passionate speech about not judging people for the mistakes they made or the crimes they committed in their past. So she tried to keep an open mind about it all. They thanked the chief and walked back to their car.
“Do you want to grab a coffee before we head back home?” Ellen suggested, and Kelly shrugged.
They went to a small coffee bar that appeared to be busy, but only due to the small size of it. Only about three other people were in there, and yet it still was cramped.
“Did I tell you Andy's brother is going to have a movie made based on his books?” Ellen said.
“Yeah, I heard. That's pretty amazing, isn't it? What does Andy think of it?”
“He's reacting with his usual steely intensity and saying it's not a big deal. It really is, though. I know the character isn't an exact portrayal but it's still exciting. I just wish sometimes he would let go of the past. It holds him back; I'm worried he's never going to properly forgive himself.”
“I guess for a cop that's the worst thing that can happen. No matter how much good you do in the world that will always stay with you.”
“I've tried helping him with it but I think we're both so used to being alone we don't let us help each other when we need it. How are you finding it, being in a relationship after so long?”
“It feels pretty natural. I guess it's just...it's hard knowing someone is there all the time. I keep, I mean, I've never really had anything serious, you know? And...can I be honest with you?” Kelly said, squirming in her seat and looking uncomfortably down at her coffee mug, which had her two hands clasped around it.
“Always.”
“It's going great and I really like being with him. I know he likes being with me, but I guess I'm so used to things ending that part of me is just waiting for it to be over. Like I know that eventually it's coming and I can't do anything to stop it. I know that's stupid but I just can't get rid of that train of thought.”
“Why are you so sure it's going to come to an end?”
Kelly looked directly into Ellen's eyes, “I just am, that's the way these things always go.”
Ellen had the feeling Kelly was hiding something but she wasn't going to press her friend for it. When Kelly didn't want you to know something there was no getting it out of her.
“Even if that's the case, why not enjoy each moment while it lasts? I know my biggest regret is not being more forward with Andy. We danced around our feelings for so long and for what? All it means is we lost out on spending time together.”
“I did keep telling you that, I just want that on the record.”
“Exactly. So maybe you should take your own advice. Look, I know you really well and I can tell when you're holding something back but I don't know if Matthew can yet. I don't know what it is you haven't told him, but these things only get in the way. You might as well give yourself fully, you're normally an all or nothing person, so what's holding you back?”
Kelly didn't have an answer for her. She looked down at Scampy and sighed. “Don't you wish that sometimes you were a dog? Life would be so much simpler. You ever wonder what's going on in his little mind?”
“All the time, but I don't think I'd ever guess. At the moment he's probably waiting to get back into the car.”
Upon hearing the word car Scampy's ears seemed to prick up. He was sitting beside Ellen's feet, looking bored, with his face resting on his paws. The women giggled a little at his reaction.
“All I know is Matthew is making you happy and you should do what you can to make that last as long as possible.”
“I guess so. We'll see how it goes and take each day as it comes. I don't think I really want a big commitment.”
“Have you said the 'l' word yet?”
“We came close once...he stopped himself. It was awkward. I don't know when you're supposed to say it really.”
“Well, do you love him?”
“I don't know? How do you know when you love someone?”
“It's just one of those things. You know when you know.”
“Do you love Andy?”
Ellen considered the question. “Yes, I think I do. I know my life would be worse off without him. Being with him makes me feel stronger, but also more vulnerable, but that doesn't scare me. I trust him with everything I have and I want to take care of him. I want to take on the world with him. I want to just be with him. It feels right, like we belong together.”
Kelly responded with a thoughtful murmur but, as she was wont to do, she changed the subject breezily. She said they'd better get a move on since they still had a murderer to catch. Ellen agreed, although she was a little annoyed Kelly still was being reluctant to give herself fully to her relationship. As far as Ellen was concerned she wasn't doing herself any good, but there was no way of telling her that as Kelly did whatever Kelly wanted to do.
Chapter 5
During the ride home Ellen held the file on her lap and continually glanced at the names. All of these people had interactions with Gary. What did they think of him? So far only Diana had anything positive to say about Gary, and even then it was with the caveat that other people didn't like him. Would it be the same with these patients? Would they all have found him irksome? These all were dangerous people and if only one of them had their rage inflamed by Gary then it would have proved deadly for him.
She found herself wondering more about the man with whom she had had only the briefest of conversations. She wished she had probed more, and had had more time to ask questions. What made this man, a man who, as far as she knew, lacked interpersonal skills, want to take on a role where he was responsible for treating other people? Was it just to make up for the trauma he had suffered in his own life, or was there something more? Was he lonely? Did he know he rubbed people the wrong way or was it something that was hidden from him? The only things she knew for sure were where he lived and how he died. So far the case had not revealed anything more to her but she hoped at least one of these names would be able to give her some clues about the way Gary lived his life.
As she scanned the names on the list her mind continued returning to the Napoleon figurine. She tried linking it to any of the names but nothing jumped out at her and it frustrated her. Usually she was so good at piecing these things together but there was so little information to go on she felt as though she kept banging into dead ends.
She and Kelly parted ways when they got back to East Pender.
“You want any help with those?” Kelly offered, but Ellen shook her head no.
“I think I'm just going to grab a hot drink and read through them, see if anything jumps out at me.”
She got out of the car and Scampy jumped down to the ground. She went to the cafe and greeted a few of the customers, then settled in the corner and read through the names properly. Of course, this all could have been a waste of time because there was nothing actually pointing to one of these as the killer yet, but at least she felt as though she was doing something productive. While she read through all the names she felt saddened that all these people needed help and had fallen on the wrong side of the law. She had been surrounded by so many crimes while she had been given a window into the darker parts of the human soul.
Instead of disappearing into the abyss herself it gave her a better appreciation for all the good in the world. It made her want to hold onto the love she held for Andy, Kelly, and Scampy. Still, it was saddening to think that not everyone could do the same and, for one reason or another, turned to crime. Gary had tried doing good in this world, had tried helping people through their struggles and yet, for all that, he had driven someone to the point where they had murdered him...But, why?...And how?...And who? These questions plagued Ellen as her eyes scanned the names, trying to find any sort of pattern or any tenuous link to the facts as she knew them.
However, short of contacting everyone on the list she didn't see how she would be able to narrow them down, and contacting everyone was taking up time that she could ill afford. There was a statistic that if the murderer wasn't found within a certain time frame then the case grew more and more difficult to solve. Andy had dealt with his failures before but since Ellen had begun her career as an amateur sleuth she had yet to taste the bitterness of defeat, and she wasn't about to start now. She had seen how deeply it had affected Andy and wondered how she would react if this killer went unpunished. Did it invalidate everything she did? She prided herself on bringing these people to justice, but if she failed it always would be a blot on her record and she always would look back on it with regret. As she thought about these matters her understanding of Andy grew, and she tried reminding herself of what she had told him. She already had chastised Kelly for not following her own advice, it would be churlish of her to not do the same.
There was of, course, the slim possibility it was simply a random killing, which would mean all the work she was doing was for naught. Yet, given there had been no other killings, she thought this unlikely. So she continued with the theory that it was someone who had been spurred on by some motive to kill the man.
To clear her mind, and to be good to Scampy, she went out for a walk and breathed in the fresh air. This often helped her to relax and free her mind and, of course, Scampy enjoyed it. While ruminating on the possibilities she thought about the people they had spoken to so far. She decided it would be best to speak to Diana again at some point but, other than that, there simply wasn't much information to go on. She walked slowly, and took her time to take in the sights and sounds of her surroundings. Now that she had seen West Callow she had a new appreciation for East Pender. She never really got a chance to get away from the town; since she had returned to look after her parents she never had had the urge to get away, and what with the cafe and the crimes she didn't have the time either. But from the architecture that hearkened back to the early days of the town, to the sounds of people chatting and laughing away, she realized how fortunate she was to be able to live in East Pender.
Ellen walked into the park and picked up a stick, then tossed it away. Scampy chased after it, his little legs moving quickly across the ground. He barked and growled as he picked up the stick and brought it back to Ellen's feet. She now had moved to a bench and was sitting down to relax and survey the area around her. Again and again she tossed the stick and Scampy brought it back. As people walked by they smiled and grinned at her, and sometimes Scampy would run up to them and wag his tail. Across the park Ellen saw small children feeding ducks and she lost herself in the moment, only interrupted when Matthew came up to her.
“May I join you?” he said. Ellen adjusted her position and welcomed him beside her.
“I actually was coming to see you,” he said, which she found surprising as the two of them hadn't really spent any time together on their own. For a few moments there was silence between them.
“Is everything alright?” Ellen asked, since Matthew hadn't said anything.
Scampy, who had been wrestling with the wide stick in his mouth, now came up to join them. When he saw Matthew he dropped the stick and placed his front paws on Matthew's legs, tail wagging furiously, and tongue lolling out, panting. He barked with delight and Matthew reached down to pet the dog on his head.
“He's really taken to you,” Ellen said with an impressed tone.
Scampy was a gregarious dog but there were some people he did not like at all, so she was pleased he approved of Kelly's beau.
“He's a good boy,” Michael said, looking down at Scampy.
“So what did you want to see me about?” Ellen asked.
Michael had a solemn look on his face and it appeared that there was something weighing heavily on his mind. Since he came to her she assumed it was about Kelly, which he soon confirmed.
“I care about her a lot and I am so glad she came into my life because she's everything I ever wanted and I don't think I'd ever be happy without her.”
“So what's the problem?”
“Okay, I have something to tell you but you have to promise me you won't tell her. I know the two of you are best friends and you share everything, but I need you to promise me you won't tell her any of what we talk about.” He looked at her with plaintive eyes and in them Ellen saw the look of a desperate man.
“Of course,” she agreed, and Matthew visibly relaxed.
When he spoke again it was with great deliberation and every word dropped out of his mouth as though it was weighed down with an anchor.
“I would very much like to ask Kelly to marry me but every time we start talking about the future she seems non-committal and we never actually talk about anything of substance. I don't want to force the issue because I don't want to scare her off but at the same time I don't want to invest myself into something if she doesn't feel the same way. All I know is I'm ready to make a commitment to her and I'd just like to know why she's not in the
same place as me. Is it just because she needs a bit of time or is it more than that and she's not feeling what I'm feeling? I thought I was past all this, you know? Things with Kelly started off so easily and it was all so laid-back and breezy but since we've become more serious there's been a bit of tension between us. I don't know what to do because she won't actually talk about it, so we just seem to be treading water.”
Ellen listened to his words intently. She almost wished she hadn't agreed to speak with him because it had placed her in a difficult situation. It would be difficult to keep this secret from Kelly, but it was even more difficult to know what to tell Matthew. Everything Kelly had told her had been in confidence, so she would have to choose her words carefully and diplomatically.
“I'm not asking for any inside information or anything like that. I'd just like some advice. You know her better than anyone and it's not like I really have any close female friends to talk to about this.”
His leg began jerking and it was clear he found this situation emotionally distressing. Ellen's heart went out to him for she knew the tumult of heartache. It only had been recently that Andy's ex had come to town and Ellen had been plunged into anxious despair. Swimming through the depths of the heart was a treacherous path and Matthew clearly was facing some angry waves.
“First of all, I think the best thing you can do is to be honest with her because if this is making you unhappy then you need to express that. Otherwise it's going to tear you up inside and it's only going to drive a wedge between you. But have you ever thought about why she is so guarded? Maybe you should try finding out what's making her pull away a little bit? I'm sorry I don't have any easy answers. I want to help you but I don't want to get involved in your relationship, it's too awkward for me.”
“I understand, and I'd love to ask her why she is acting this way but I don't feel like I can talk with her about anything. Whenever we start talking about anything real she shuts down and it makes it impossible to connect with her. Can you at least tell me if she's spoken to you about anything?”
