“That’s not very safe,” I interrupt.
“It’s no biggie,” Cameron waves off my concern. “I’ll pull over and catch some winks if we get too tired.”
“If you want, you can sleep for the first bit and I’ll drive, then we can switch out,” Chelsea wraps her arms around Cameron’s waist.
“Brains and beauty,” Cameron murmurs to her, “I can’t wait to marry you,” he kisses her quickly.
“Ok, well, give me a call when you get in so I know you made it ok,” Jake interrupts the lovebirds’ moment.
“Will do,” Cameron heads to the back hall of Jake’s bungalow with his fiancée.
“It was great to see you again,” Jake smiles at Chelsea, “and it was ok seeing you too,” he jokes with his brother.
“Yeah, yeah,” Cameron smiles and puts on his shoes. “In all seriousness, though,” he stands up and claps his hand onto Jake’s bulky shoulder, “you’ve got a great thing going on here, a second chance,” the brothers look at each other, “don’t fuck it up.”
“I won’t.” Jake nods solemnly.
“I’m proud of you, man,” Cameron throws his arms around Jake and the two share a huge bear hug.
“That means a lot to me, Cameron,” Jake’s voice is soft and full of emotion. “Thanks for asking me to be your best man.”
“I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else,” Cameron steps back and the two stand a little taller. “Ok, we’re off,” Cameron clears his throat. “We’ll call you when we get there,” he opens the door for Chelsea.
“It was great meeting you,” I call out.
“You too,” Chelsea and Cameron answer as they make their way out the door.
We watch as they get into their car and wave as they pull out of the driveway. “So,” Jake closes the door and looks down at me, “it’s just you and me now,” a smile curls the corners of his lips.
“It sure is,” I answer coyly.
“It’s nice having you here,” Jake runs his thumb down the side of my face and I tilt my head. “There’s just one problem with this whole situation.”
Problem? I squint my eyes and frown, trying to think of what I could’ve done, “What’s that?” I search his face.
A mischievous twinkle glints in his eye as he smirks at me, “You’re wearing entirely too much clothing.”
25
Holly
“Well, that is a pretty serious problem,” I laugh.
“I’m afraid we’re going to have to do something about that right now,” Jake locks the door behind me and suddenly scoops me off my feet.
“Hey! What are you doing?” I fake protest, kicking my feet playfully in the air. Jake effortlessly tosses me over his shoulder and starts walking down the hall.
“I told you, we’ve gotta fix this issue,” he laughs. “There’s only one way I want to see you right now,” he kicks open his door to the bedroom and struts in.
“How’s that?”
“Naked,” he tosses me down onto the bed. “Now,” he demands.
Kneeling on his bed, I tug my shirt up over my head and toss it to the floor, my heart races as I unhook my bra. I’ve never seen a man who looked so hungry for me before. The fire in Jake’s eyes is as intimidating as it is exciting.
Slowly, I slide the straps down my arms, teasing him.
“That’s it,” he circles his hands around my waist and flips me back onto the mattress. His fingers quickly unbutton my jeans and he rips them from my legs desperately, pulling off my underwear with them.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” his voice is gravelly and deep. My nipples peak and I squirm under his gaze. Heat flushes over my entire body, sweeping over me like a wildfire.
Jake’s eyes are locked on mine, even as he pulls off his shirt. As soon as it’s over his head, he’s holding me in place with his intense stare. I lean on my elbows, arching my back and pushing out my breasts.
“Show me how wet you are for me,” he demands and I slide my hand down over the curve of my hip to my lower lips. I slip my finger into my folds and hold it out to him, covered in my juices. Jake grabs my hand and licks my finger clean.
“I love how you taste,” he murmurs. He hooks his thick arms around my knees and drags me to the end of the bed until my legs are dangling off the side. Dropping to his knees, he drapes my legs over each shoulder and takes a long, slow lick between my legs.
“Mmm,” I writhe on the bed, bucking my hips up to meet his tongue.
“That’s right, baby. Now you don’t have to be quiet. I wanna hear how good I’m making you feel. I’m going to make you scream,” he breathes on my pussy and I wiggle under him, desperate to feel his soft tongue once more.
Jake doesn’t keep me waiting, he slides his tongue between my lips and flickers it over my clit making me cry out.
“Fuck that feels so good,” I moan.
He slides one of his fingers inside me, moving it until he hits a spot that makes me vibrate with pleasure. The feeling is intense, his tongue lashing against my clit and the spot inside me he’s pressing, it’s almost too much.
Suddenly, I feel another finger slide between my ass cheeks and I wriggle under him nervously. He presses against my asshole, but doesn’t push inside. The pressure alone is enough and it heightens the intense pleasure building up within me.
Jake relentlessly chases my orgasm with his tongue until my body can take no more. I squeeze my eyes shut and throw back my head as ecstasy shudders through me in an explosion. I writhe against the sheets, surrendering to my bliss and crying out so loud that my throat is raw.
“Oh Jake!”
“Mmm, that’s what I like to hear,” he stands up, leaving me limp and panting on the bed as he grabs a condom from his night side table.
“That was amazing,” I try to get my breathing under control and watch as Jake flicks open his pants and steps out of them. His cock is huge. I stare at it, mesmerized.
“Don’t put it on,” I nod at the foil packet between his finger and thumb. “I want to taste you,” I kneel at the edge of the bed.
“I’m not going to argue with that,” Jake walks over to me and I grab his fat cock with both of my hands. I slide my tongue over the tip and he growls a deep, guttural sound.
Opening my mouth wide, I slip my lips over his girth and try to take him into my mouth. “That’s it,” he smiles down at me, “you can do it.” He gently rests his hand on my head and I try to relax my jaw and slide more of him inside my mouth. I can’t fit him all, there’s still too much.
I pull back and slide my lips over him again, bobbing my head faster I pump from the base of his cock in sync with my mouth.
“Fuck, that’s good.” Jake closes his eyes and tangles his fingers up in my long hair, pulling me into him. As I bob my head back toward his sensitive tip, I swirl my tongue over him and he groans loudly while pushing on my head harder. I feel his dick twitch on my tongue and I continue to pump my hands faster, in time with my mouth.
Jake’s breathing is ragged and his muscles are rigid as his cock spurts his warm cum inside my mouth. I swallow every last drop, eager to make him feel as good as he made me feel.
“Oh fuck, I really am the fucking luckiest guy. That was amazing,” Jake pulls back, freeing himself from my mouth.
“I’m glad,” I smile up at him.
He plops down on the bed next to me and pulls me into his arms, wrapping them around me. “I love you, Holly,” he murmurs, running his hand over my hair and down my back softly.
“I love you too, Jake.” I whisper. Safe in Jake’s arms, I snuggle into him and let sleep tug me into another world.
26
Jake
I pull the trigger and the boy falls to the floor with a thud. His mother’s screams pierce my eardrums as a tide of crimson gushes from the child onto the floor. I’m frozen. I can’t look away from his lifeless, little body. I can’t see him as the enemy. As a terrorist. He’s just a boy. Just a boy.
I sit up in bed with a start,
gasping for breath and my heart thudding erratically in my ribs. Cold sweat trickles an icy trail down my back. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to fill my head with a different image. I try to push away the same dream that’s been haunting me since my deployment.
I open my eyes and my heart slows its beat as I look over at Holly. She looks so innocent, so beautiful, peacefully sleeping beside me.
She already escaped one monster’s bed. I can’t help but wonder if she’s just slid into another’s. I know I’ll never lay a hand on her. I’ll never hurt her in any way. Ever. But, when your country pins a medal on your chest and tells you you’re a fucking hero for ending a child’s life, it’s hard to feel like anything but a monster.
He had a gun. I repeat the thought like it’s my own personal slogan. He would’ve killed you.
I know it’s true. It doesn’t matter though. No amount of facts or reasoning will ease the pain in my soul.
With my breathing back to normal, I slip back down under the covers and roll toward Holly, scooping her into my arms. I peer over at the alarm clock. Less than an hour before I’ve got to get up for work. I can’t think of any better way to spend that time than to hold her.
Holly mumbles something incoherent and settles her head down onto my chest, breathing softly. I run my hand over her long hair and trail the tips of my fingers on her creamy skin.
I don’t want to leave her here today. The realization hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. For the first time since I joined the SEALs, I’m not excited about going to work. In fact, the twisting ache in my stomach feels a hell of a lot more like dread than anything.
A life without the SEALs was one I never thought I’d want to live. Now, after only two months away, with Holly, it doesn’t hold the same luster.
I breathe her scent deep into my lungs like it’s the very oxygen I need to stay alive. Wrapping my arms around her tight, I want to freeze this moment in time. This perfect peace that comes with holding the woman of my dreams as she gives me all of her trust, and all of her heart.
You need to release.
I shake my head violently, as if I can toss the intruding thought out of my brain. Where did that come from? I can’t release from the military. What would I do with my life? Who would I be?
I lazily draw invisible designs on Holly’s skin and try to focus on just this moment. Not my deployment. Not what work will bring. Not retirement. Just now. Because, right now, with Holly in my arms and the problems of the world still locked outside my bedroom walls, this moment is perfection.
27
Jake
“Hey man! It’s good to see your ugly mug around here again,” Petty Officer Black nails me in the shoulder as I walk into our mess.
“Thanks, man. It’s good to be back,” I’m happy it’s not a lie. It seems like my nervousness this morning was unfounded. So far, everyone has been incredibly welcoming, almost like the coke incident is water under the bridge and the guys are just happy to have me back.
“Yeah, so you did a couple months at a spin-dry, huh?” Black unlocks his locker and rummages inside.
“Yep, up in Canada. It wasn’t too bad actually,” I look up at my bunk, it’s been stripped clean but at least it hasn’t been taken over by some new guy. It’s really hard to get the middle rack on a ship. With the bunk beds stacked three cots high, the lowest rack is like sleeping on the floor and the top one is a pain in the ass to get out of if you need to take a piss in the middle of the night. My bed is that perfect, Goldilocks level, that’s easy to get in and out of.
“So, what? Did they break you down? Tell you partying is the devil? Bring you to Jesus?” Black looks up at me with a smug smile, rolling his eyes.
“Nah, not exactly man.” I’m not going to stand here and try to explain the moments of clarity I felt in rehab to Black. He and I go way back, we’ve partied together more times than I could even begin to count. Eight balls of coke and hot, nameless chicks in every port was our specialty. I smile as I remember my white, five-nine friend using his standard line on the ladies, “Once you go Black, you’ll never go back. By the way, I’m Dan Black.” He loved using his name in that old line usually reserved for black guys. The thing was, chicks loved it. They always laughed, which broke the ice and then, putty.
“I knew they wouldn’t break you,” Black smiles broadly, standing up and stretching his arms wide. “You know, after work me and a couple of the guys are gonna head out for a few drinks. You should come along,” he twists his thick arms like he’s trying to loosen up his tight muscles, instead of showing off the bulk he’s added to his frame since I left.
“I don’t think so man, I’m gonna pass,” I ignore his peacocking and throw my gear into my old locker, fastening it shut with a padlock.
“What? Come on, it’ll be good times. What are you gonna do instead? Go home and jerk off? Come out, it’ll be a blast,” he stares at me hard.
I don’t blink, he’s not going to wear me down with his high-pressure sales tactics, “Don’t need to jerk off, gotta hot girl waiting for me.”
“You?” Black looks at me sideways, “you got a girlfriend?”
I shrug, “Yep.”
“Man, you have changed,” my old party friend eyes me suspiciously.
“Hey! Armstrong! Black! Get your asses up to the Captain’s cabin! There’s a debrief going down in less than five minutes and you better be there!” Chief Jackson barks at us from the door, interrupting an already dead conversation.
“Will do!” I yell back, taking my cue to leave. I don’t wait for anymore of Black’s deep insights, instead I head out to the flats and up the ladder to the deck above. I wheel around the corner into the room just as the PowerPoint presentation hits the screen.
I join my guys along the back wall, behind all the officers crowding the couches and seats in the front.
“All right! Listen up! We’ve got intel on the situation in Syria and you’re going to want to listen. It looks like we’re going to be putting boots on the ground in just over a month, so pay attention. This debrief could save all of your lives,” Second Lieutenant James walks slowly in front of the small crowd. “Lieutenant Huang, you’re up,” he directs the intelligence officer to take his place.
An absurdly young looking officer with black hair and black eyes wastes no time hustling to the front of the cabin. He pushes a tiny remote in his hand and pulls up the first slide, a page of facts and figures about the Syrian government’s atrocities.
“As you well know, the Bassah regime has been overthrown by the rebels and these figures here, well, they seem downright soft and cuddly compared to the shit going down over there now.” Huang clicks his tiny remote and the picture changes to a city in ruins. Buildings blown into dust and rubble, indistinguishable from one another, collapsed into the sand.
I blink hard, trying to stay focused. I don’t want to feel the heat of the boiling Middle Eastern sun burning my skin. I don’t want to see the permanent sunspots in my eyes. I push them away. Focus. Breathe and focus.
Huang’s voice cuts back in as my vision clears, “…unprecedented attacks on civilians, with no regard for casualties, including women and children,” he clicks his button and a decimated elementary school appears on the screen. I breathe in sharply as the young bodies of dead children are strewn over the whiteboard.
My hands tremble and my breathing quickens as goosebumps break out over my arms. I see the boy, he has a gun. He points it at me, I don’t think, just react. Two shots and he drops. It’s only once I see him on the floor that I realize just how small he is. What grade would he be in? Two? The blood pours from his corpse as his mother shrieks a deep, animal-like howl at the pain of losing a child. He had a gun. I had to shoot. He had it pointed at me. It was me or him. I had to take away his future to preserve my present.
Sweat breaks out across my brow and the trembling in my hand quivers through my legs. I feel sick.
“Hey man, you good?” Black suddenly appears in my vision. I l
ook around and the room is clearing out. I missed the brief. How did that happen?
“Yeah, for sure,” I lie, looking at the ground.
“Big day for you, huh? First day back and you find out we’re back to it next month. Time to go be a fucking hero!” Black claps his hand on my back and my mind flashes to my medal ceremony.
“For bravery and valor,” the Captain pinned it to my chest as I winced at the words. “You’re a hero, Son.”
A hero.
“Yeah, big day,” my words are flat. I follow Black out of the cabin dizzily.
“All right, bro. It’s almost quitting time. You sure you don’t wanna come out after work? It would be good to have a couple of drinks with you again. I’ve missed you, man.” Black pushes me.
“You know what,” I pause as the images flash back in my mind. I push them away, “That sounds good. Just a couple of drinks and then I’m out.”
“I knew you wouldn’t change!” Black smiles broadly and heads down the ladder with me on his heels. “Fuck all that rehab shit, right? You do what you gotta to stay in the SEALs, but fuck it,” he exclaims.
“Just a couple though. No other shit. No shots. Ok?” I answer.
“Yeah, yeah. A couple of drinks. For sure. Glad to see you’re back, man!” He smirks like he’s accomplished something.
“Yeah,” I push the last of my nerves and memories down into the pit of my gut, “great to be back,” my words taste as gritty as the desert sand on my tongue. “Great to be back.”
28
Holly
I smear the peanut butter on my toast, making sure I push it over to each edge. It feels weird to eat alone after living with Knox, who never let me out of his sight for five years, and then going to Edgewood, where I was surrounded by hundreds of fellow addicts for every meal. I lift the toast to my lips and the crunch is deafening. I need some background noise. Listening to myself chew is depressing.
Navy SEAL Bad Boy Page 12
