Her conscience nagged. Too many emotions, too many feelings erupted and exploded in a confusing, hammering whirlwind. She couldn’t leave, not like this. She owed him an explanation. Yet self-preservation pushed her to run.
Her heart and conscience won the bitter battle. She released the door handle, turned and dropped her shoes to the floor. As she marched toward the stairs, she gathered her thoughts, deciding she’d make her speech quick and to the point. Then she’d leave before he managed to change her mind and make them both sorry and eventually bitter.
Yet with each step she took up the staircase, her chest tightened and her belly twisted. Her leaden feet moved on autopilot until she reached the second floor landing. Not sure if she could go through with this, she considered sprinting back down the steps and running for the door. Her legs wobbled, perspiration dotted her upper lip, as fear and self-loathing churned through her gut.
You can still run. You don’t have to…
The aroma of vanilla and cinnamon hit her at all angles. She wrinkled her brow and approached the master bedroom with caution and curiosity. From the doorway, light danced and flickered across the walls. Candles stood on the floor, in the corners, and on the window sills. Hundreds of rose petals were scattered across the hardwood floor and on a king-sized, air mattress, which was adorned in shiny, white, satiny sheets.
She searched the room, in one corner sat a sparkling white and blue life preserver with “Jenna” emblazoned across the bottom. Placing a hand to her head, she choked back another sob. He’d done so much to impress her, to show how he felt and she’d acted like a big, honkin’ jerk. Her throat tightened. With no sign of Luke, and unsure if she could go through with her spiel, she decided to take the coward’s way. Sneak downstairs and leave well enough alone.
“Forget something?”
She spun on her bare heel as Luke emerged from the master bathroom. He’d shed his shirt, the top button of his jeans hung open, and he wore no shoes or socks. The way the candlelight licked his tanned, toned muscles, he looked delicious, scrumptious, and absolutely mouthwatering. Oh boy, she should have left when she’d had the chance. How could she rattle off her reasons for why they should remain apart when all she wanted to do was run her hands over his hard chest and peel away his jeans?
She tore her eyes away from his naked, flat abs, then met his gaze.
His eyes held an odd, heart wrenching mixture of pain, love and disappointment as he slowly approached her. “I thought you’d left.”
His scent surrounded her and sent her senses reeling. “I didn’t want to walk out without an explanation.”
Clenching his jaw, he folded his arms across his chest.“Don’t bother. I’m not an idiot. I get it.”
His terse, distant tone didn’t match the longing in his eyes. “Do you?” she countered.
Dropping his arms, he took a step forward. “Yeah, I do. I made a mistake, jumped to the wrong conclusions, but because you see everything in black and white, you weren’t…aren’t willing to even give me a chance to explain.” He inched closer. “You know what? I think that even though you were ready to move in with me, the thought of truly committing yourself scared the hell out of you. I think you looked at our argument as an opportunity, an easy way to end things between us. I think that rather taking a risk, a chance on us, you immediately pulled the plug because you were worried I’d eventually do it first.”
He had her there. She’d refused his calls, deleted his messages, ignored the flowers and notes he’d sent because she didn’t want to hear his excuses. But if she were totally honest with herself, Luke was right. Commitment still scared her. All she had to do was look at her parents’ disastrous marriage and remember the hardships that had followed.
Since she’d first said those three little words to Luke, she’d worried that she’d loved him more than he’d loved her, like her mom had with her dad. That he might walk away and leave her alone, maybe with a couple of kids to take care of while he ran off to find himself, just like dear old dad had done.
“To some degree, you’re right,” she admitted. Shaking her head, she turned away and paced. “My father is alive and well, living in Dallas with his fifth wife. Meanwhile, nearly twelve years later, my mom is still pining over him. He didn’t leave us a dime, skipped out on his child support and alimony. What you’d overheard that day when I was with Casey is true. I ended up living in a trailer park and, at fifteen, had to take the role of an adult.”
She turned and faced him. “I’m sorry I’d lied about my dad being dead, but you have to understand what it was like, what it’s still like with my mom. She’s still living in that crappy trailer, on antidepressants, and is a total recluse who thinks, one day, my dad will come to his senses and sweep her away from the misery she’s been living with. And by the way, the house I’d shown you, the one I’d grown up in, is real. Onlyhe took it away when he’d left. He took that…and my faith in men.”
“Jenna,” he said, and moved toward her, but she sidestepped him.
“My childhood was miserable. There wasn’t a whole lot of love from either of my parents. My mom was so devoted to my dad, she’d ignore me. My dad was so busy chasing other woman and working, he’d never bothered with me. That’s why, I suppose, I rebelled after my parents’ divorce.” She swiped a tear from her cheek. “I needed to find love somewhere else. Only I’d mistaken sex for love, but was afraid to commit. I know this must sound stupid —”
“No, it doesn’t. Actually it makes perfect sense. But what do I need to do to prove to you that I’m not like your father.”
She forced a smile. “I know you’re nothing like him. But you’d believed Mitch’s lies. And theywere lies. I’d never done any of those things with him.”
Gripping her shoulders he drew her to him. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, at the company party, I’d overheard him talking with some guys.” He looked to the ceiling and released a slight chuckle. “Not only did I realize he was full of shit, but I made sure he wouldn’t say another trashy thing about you or any other woman.”
“W-what did you do?”
“Knocked him on his ass.”
Oh how she would have loved to have seen that. But her need for vengeance quickly dissipated and turned to guilt. “Is that why you lost the promotion?”
“No. Actually, I was offered the promotion, but turned it down. Margie Benson offered me the CFO position for her company.”
From what Luke had told her, Benson Steel & Fabricating was a huge company. This had to be a dream job for him. “I’m so happy for you. Now I know what we should have been toasting to earlier.”
“No, I wanted tonight to be about us, not the job. I’ve missed you so much. It’s been killing me not to touch you.”
She stepped away. “There can’t be an us.”
“Why not? Are you telling me you don’t love me? After one week?”
“No, but I don’t think, even though you know Mitch lied about me, that you’ll ever get over my past.”
“I’m already —”
“Over it?” she finished and shook her head. “No. I don’t think you are. I’m afraid that you’ll question every guy that I run into, wonder if maybe I’d slept with any of them, because you have a reputation, and an image to maintain.”
He gripped her arms. “The only thing I care about is you. What is it going to take for you to understand that?” he asked and gave her a gentle shake. “I don’t care about your past, you do. Let it go, Jenna. Let me love you.”
Tears swam in her eyes. While she believed him, trusted him, she wasn’t sure if she trusted herself. She’d used her past as a crutch, an excuse to never allow anyone to touch her heart. Yet Luke had done just that. He’d opened her eyes to what love was all about, and she’d thrown his love back in his face. She’d lied to him, avoided the truth. Yes, he’d made a mistake, a cruel assumption based on her half-truths and lies, but at least he’d been honest.
Aga
in, could she let go of the past? She raised her face and stared into his eyes. While she found understanding, compassion, and love, she needed time to evaluate everything that had happened tonight. Mainly, she needed to assess herself, because as much as she wanted to be with him, she feared her lack of faith in relationships would destroy them both. “I have to go,” she said, and rose on her tip-toes, then planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “I need to be alone, to think about all of this.”
Luke grasped her arm. The heat in his eyes licked a hot path across her lips. “If you’re going to give me the kiss off, make it a damn good one,” he said, then captured her lips.
Their noses collided, teeth scraped. He moved his hands over her back, drew her closer, deepened their kiss. She melted against his chest. How she’d missed him. The last week without him had been hell. Tempted to stay, but needing some alone time, she broke the kiss.
He brushed his lips across her temple, then rested his forehead against hers. “Let me guess. You’ve gotta go,” he said, his tone laced with frustration.
Unable to bear the hurt and disappointment in his eyes, she nodded and looked toward the corner of the room. The life preserver caught her attention.
As soon as he released her, she sidestepped the rose petals littering the hardwood, and walked toward the corner of the room. “What’s this?” she asked without turning around.
His bare feet smacked the floor as he approached. “I never had a name for my boat. The other boaters told me it was bad luck.” He picked up the life preserver. “When I met you, my luck changed, so I decided it would be fitting if I named my boat after you.” He held the life preserver at arm’s length. “I had this made, not only for the boat, but to symbolize us.” He glanced at her, a blush reddening his cheeks. “You’ll think it’s corny…”
“No I won’t, tell me.”
He set the life preserver down, shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his bare heels. “You’re my lifeline, Jenna. I could be drowning in life’s murky waters, but know I’ll always have you to rescue me, to be at my side and help me get through the tough times, to help make me a better man.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “I don’t just want you in my life, I need you in it. And no matter what happens between us, I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, as your friend…asyour lifeline.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I love you. All of you.” He took a step forward and rested his palms on her shoulders. “And everything that’s made you who you are today, including your past. I don’t care about anything but the future.Our future. Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.” He lifted her chin with his finger and smiled. “You know where I live.”
Every single uncertainty, every hang up regarding her past, and every excuse to not let herself be loved, shattered into a bazillion pieces. She looked to the life preserver again. He’d called it corny, but she found strength in its symbolism and realized she didn’t need time to think, or evaluate anything.
This last week without him, she’d felt, like he’d said, as if she’d been drifting alone through life’s murky waters. Whenever something had happened, whether good or bad, she’d subconsciously reached for the phone to call him. Because he was her lifeline, too. After everything he’d said tonight, she realized he was the one and only person who truly understood her.
The one and only person she’d ever love.
She sobbed and fell into his arms. “Despite how I’ve acted, from the moment I met you, I knew you were the one for me. I love you.”
He held her tight. “I love you too,” he murmured against her ear, then kissed her temple. “Stay with me. We don’t have to…I mean, I want to…” He sighed. “Just stay with me tonight. Let me hold you, dream with you.”
She leaned back, then took his hand in hers. “No way.”
He dropped his head. “I understand.”
Touching his chin, she said, “I don’t think you do. If I stay with you tonight…” She stepped back, gripped the hem of her chocolate stained sundress, then whipped it over her head. “We’ll be doing more than dreaming.”
She dropped the dress to the floor. He flicked his gaze over her lacy pink bra, then shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from hauling her into his arms.
He wanted her. Wanted to touch every inch of her body, but needed her to understand, that to him, this was more than just sex or making love. What they’d share tonight launched a commitment of a lifetime.
Curling his bare toes against the hardwood floor, and trying to rein in his desire, he asked, “Are you sure about this?”
“Absolutely.” She smiled, then she propped her hands on her hips and cocked her head. “Why? Having second thoughts?”
He let his gaze roam over her tight body. Drank in her curvy hips, flat stomach, toned legs, then zeroed in on her tiny white panties, dotted with little pink cupcakes.
A hunger he’d never experienced unleashed and splintered. He scooped her in his arms, wrapped her legs around his back and pressed her against the wall.
“No way,” he said, then captured her lips.
She ran her hands through his hair, grabbing fistfuls, while dancing her tongue along his. As she held his head, a hot tear brushed against his cheek. Luke released her lips, rested her body against the wall and searched her eyes.
She sent him a watery smile, and raised her shoulder. “Sorry. I love you so much, I…” Her chin wobbled and she looked away.
“No more of these.” He brushed his lips against her damp cheek, cupped her bottom, and massaged her rear.
She darted her tongue, captured her lower lip with her teeth and wrinkled her brow. Loving the sensual bliss crossing her face, but needing to make her explode with pleasure, he slipped a hand beneath her panties, then sank his fingers into her heat.
She released a soft moan. Encouraged, he drove deeper, harder, faster. Her desire coated his fingers, and her short, quick pants fanned across his lips.
“Oh, Luke…I…,” she gasped and tossed her head back.
He held her as tremors from her quick orgasm rocked her body and convulsed around his fingers. His cock throbbed as he carried her to the air mattress, covered in dozens of rose petals. He eased her onto the sorry excuse of a bed. With shaky hands, he unzipped his fly, then shucked off his jeans and boxers.
Pushing herself onto her elbows, shesent him a slow, sexy smile, then eyed his erection. He knew that smile, knew her intent. Wanting tonight to be about her pleasure, he reached for her panties. She stopped him and grasped his cock.
He sifted his hands through her hair. “You don’t have to do this.”
She brushed her lips against him. “Just a kiss,” she said, then took him into her mouth.
Leaning his head back, he swore he’d never grow tired of her kisses. He didn’t think he could survive without them. Hell, he couldn’t survive withouther.
His heart pounded out of sync as she moved her mouth over his arousal. Kissing and licking. Sucking and massaging. Her skillful tongue and soft hands would literally blow all of his plans of making slow passionate love.
He grabbed a fistful of her thick, blonde hair. “Baby, stop.”
She gave the tip of his erection one final kiss. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s my turn. But there’s a problem.”
She raised a brow, darted her gaze from his cock then back to his eyes. “Oh? And what’s that?”
“You’re over dressed.”
“I hate when that happens.” She shifted to the center of the mattress. With her knees curled beneath her, she reached behind and unclasped her bra. Her breast spilled forward as she tossed the pink lace aside.
“Now the panties,” he said, unable to tear his gaze off her sun-kissed body.
“Uh-uh.” She shook her head, knocking her bangs across her forehead. “That’s your job.”
He knelt on the mattress. Like a waterbed, the thing shifted and undulated. “I’d like to make it a career. Lay down
.”
“Aren’t you bossy,” she said with a smile, then did as he asked.
He reached for her hips, slid his gaze to all those tempting little cupcakes printed on her panties, then grabbed the waistband and shoved them over her thighs.
She gasped, then released a small giggle. “Patience, my love.”
Skimming his palms over her thighs he said, “No way, not when I have you naked on my makeshift bed.” He cupped her sex with one hand, massaged her thigh with the other. She released a breathy moan as he settled his mouth at the apex of her thighs.
He caught her gaze. “Just a kiss.”
Her eyes twinkled and a playful grin teased her lips. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that line.”
“Good.” He brushed his mouth over the blonde curls above her labia. “’Cause I plan on using it every day.”
“Promise?”
“Everyday, baby,” he said, then swept his tongue along her silky softness, delved between her wet folds and drank in her desire.
She moaned. Gyrated her hips, slid a hand through his hair and held him in place. Urged him, begged him not to stop.
He wouldn’t, couldn’t. She tasted like heaven, and her soft moans and pleas were a sensual melody. He didn’t think he’d ever grow tired of loving her, kissing her, hearing her scream his name at the height of passion.
Determined to give her the ultimate pleasure, he worked his mouth and tongue, then honed in on her clit. Her inner thighs shook. Her belly trembled. With a deep groan, she arched her back, then sagged against the mattress.
Not giving her a moment to recuperate, he poised himself above her. Nudged his cock against her slick, swollen sex, then held himself still.
She opened her eyes. They shined with desire and love. For a moment, he stared at her with amazement and wonder. For years, he’d never thought one woman would ever satisfy him. Never thought he’d fall in love…until Jenna. With the taste of her still lingering on his tongue, her wildflower scent coating his damp skin, he leaned forward and covered her body.
Kiss Me Page 17
