by Hood, Holly
“Enough of this,” Dax calls, coming down the stairs. “Is this all you two do?”
Slade sighs and pulls away from me. “We try. But anymore you always seem to ruin that.”
Dax throws his arms around Slade. “What do you say we party like old times tonight?”
“I haven’t seen Hope in a week. I’ll take a raincheck,” Slade says trying to wiggle out of it.
I sigh. “It’s fine. Go out with your brother. I’ll be here when you get back. I’ll finish up my painting.” I can tell by Slade’s expression he can’t believe I gave up.
I have something else on my mind. And I need privacy for it.
Kansas
The moon is perfect. Perfect for a night of spells and breaking the rules.
As soon as Slade and Dax pulled out of the driveway I ran to the shed and drug the ladder across the yard.
I set it up on the side of the house where the roof flattens out. And I gather all my essentials in a backpack, throw it on and climb. The ladder is hard to tackle at first. But I learn fast that going slow keeps me from falling to my death.
I climb onto the rooftop and look at the moon with a sigh. It’s bright and beautiful. A big yellowish white ball of life.
I take the backpack off, the wind is dull, it creeps around me slow and lazy and it’s perfect too. I take a seat and unzip the backpack. I pull out the book of spells and all the things it said I needed: candles, yarn, wine, various herbs, coins.
I rearrange everything on the little cloth I grabbed from the hall closet and I drop Dax’s toothbrush and t-shirt down on the pile. He didn’t have a comb anywhere, so I settled on his razor. It would have some hair in it.
Tonight is the night I bring back my dad and Nona if everything works out. If everything works out I won’t have to live in this state of depression anymore.
I read to myself making sure Karsen and Kidd are still inside their house. I can’t get caught. That would ruin everything.
“Raise each object to the moon,” I mutter to myself grabbing the t-shirt, I stand up and hold it up to the moon. The wind kicks up, pitching the wind chimes below into a fit of madness.
“Oh, shit!” It’s as if nature is working against me. I fall forward, head first, down down down I go, thank god my shoe gets tangled with the wire for the cable or I’d have landed on my head.
Here I am swaying like an idiot. One by one everything sprawled out on the roof, falls. Some hits me in the head.
“Ow…” I moan, the pain in my ankle is unbearable. My foot is going to be left behind I can feel it. At this point that’s not the worst thing that could happen.
I try to press my hands against the house and scream when the hold on my ankle drops me a few more inches. I cry. “Please, I promise I won’t ever do this again. Just let me get down. I don’t want to die.”
Mercy doesn’t come. The house groans and things snap, maybe the cord, or parts of my body. I can’t see the ground below but I know in seconds I am about to smash into it.
I scream, terrified. So this is what it feels like to die. I grit my teeth, waiting for impact.
BLACK
Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep
This is not the sound I was expecting to hear. Holy shit, I am alive. I open my eyes, adjusting to the yellow lighting in the room. I look to the left. I am certainly in the hospital.
I look to the right. A stack of books sits on my table in front of me.
“What are you doing sweeping the floor?” I raise an eyebrow.
He raises one back, confused and sweeps again ignoring me.
Unreal
Who I assume is my doctor steps into the room. He’s tall, dress slacks, a stethoscope around his neck. He takes my chart from the wall and instead of explaining he reads over whatever it says on there.
“What are you doing?” I look at Slade if this joke, it’s not funny. I get I did something stupid, trying to resurrect my family, but he’s taking it too far. “This is not funny.”
“What the fuck,” he mouths, eyes huge as he looks at me. He grabs the trash out of the wastebasket and heads for the door. This makes me madder. If I wasn’t hooked to an iv I would chase right after him.
The doctor clears his throat. But he still says nothing. He looks at me and I look at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
He forces a smile and heads for the door. I throw my head back on my pillows and groan. I can hear him in the hallway ordering someone to get my vitals and send me for a full work up.
I sit back up, what if I lost a limb? I look at the thin white hospital blanket and lift it up. I wiggle my toes relieved.
What the hell could be wrong with me?
“Okay let’s get you going,” a brown-haired woman says coming into the room in daisy scrubs. She pumps the soap on the wall and washes her hands.
“Are you going to tell me what the hell happened?” I wait, she rinses her hands and uses a few paper towels to dry them off taking her time. “If someone doesn’t say something in the next minute I will freak out.”
“You’re going to be all right. Let’s get you an x-ray and a few other test and then we can have a nice chat, okay darling?” She pats my leg and works on my iv.
“I need to know if I am okay.” I’m sweating. And I hate sweating. “Why did Slade look at me like that?”
She keeps a straight face. “Honey, if I knew why all the Slade’s of the world did what they did I would be better off. Let’s take care of you and worry about that after.”
“He acted like he didn’t even know who I was,” I lean back on my pillows. Another person comes in the room with a wheelchair. Karsen is in the doorway. “Karsen. Oh thank god. What the hell is happening?”
“Holy shit. I just went for coffee.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “This is a miracle. A freaking miracle.”
“Karsen. Tell me what is going on. Why did Slade ignore me? Why was he sweeping the floor?” She gives me a weird look and the nurse gets in front of her telling her she has to leave.
“She will be back as soon as we can get everything out of the way,” the nurse tells her. They help me out of the bed and into the wheelchair and I go along with it because at this point what else can I do?
I let the entire hospital poke and prod me. I let them do every god damn test they want to do. I don’t care about anything other than knowing why Slade has morphed into this uncaring asshole. An asshole who sweeps the hospital room floors.
Maybe he is taking extra care on keeping my hospital room clean. “Was I in a coma?” I look at the nurse, she situates me in bed before answering.
“Of course.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Like this all makes sense. Maybe to her it does. “But I didn’t break anything when I fell off the roof?”
She gives me another weird look, seems to be their thing around here. Only this time she speaks. “Roof… there was no roof. What are you talking about?”
“I was on the roof and slipped,” I pull away from her hand. She’s not checking my vitals until she tells me something else.
“You were not on the roof. They found you on the beach.”
I don’t understand her. She might as well be speaking another language because it all sounds fucked up.
“They think you fell on the rocks and hit your head.” She walks to the other side of the bed. “And that’s when they think you fell into the water.” She looks out into the hallway. “We have never seen such a thing. We were certain you were gone.”
“What beach? I hate the beach. I’ve always hated living in Georgia because of the water.” I sigh.
“California. Cherry. Are you feeling all right?” She makes a face. “Sometimes it’s hard to bring back the memory after such a traumatic thing.”
I swat at her hand. “No, what do you mean Cherry? How’d I get here? I left almost a year ago!” She backs away from me, speechless.
She tries again. “This is remarkable, really it is. You should feel bless
ed… more than that. I’ve seen patients in comas for six months and they do not come out of them anywhere as stable as you are. And it’s been years for you.”
How I feel, it’s like someone socked me right in the stomach. I have to be hearing her wrong. “Years?”
She nods. “And all test so far show no signs of any kind of damage. I don’t know what to think. This is not something they taught me.” She mumbles something under her breath and fixes the pillows on my bed.
“You’re telling me I have been in this hospital for years? And that I am in Cherry California.” I refuse to believe it no matter how many times I have to say it. There is no way.
“I am telling you just that. You have been in the hospital almost four years.” She grips the pillow, messing with the fabric. “Unbelievable.”
It’s more than that. It’s something out of this world. I pull away from her and lift my arm. Searching for the tattoo—it’s not there. I don’t understand. Nothing makes sense.
“Where is my tattoo?” I don’t stop asking, I sound bat shit crazy. She hits the button and calls for more help. And that’s fine because I am going insane.
They might as well knock me out with an elephant tranquilizer because after being told I was in a coma for years I don’t think I can handle much more.
You would think they would stay away from any medication that makes me tired but they give me something to calm down. And it works.
When I feel like the test and vitals will never end they leave me alone with a tray of hospital food. I watch the nurse shut the door and push away my tray.
I drop off the hospital bed and by some miracle my legs work. Aren’t I supposed to be frail and twisted after years of being in a bed? Isn’t that the way science works?
I don’t look any different than what I remember. Besides the dark purple circles under my eyes and the dull lifeless hair, I’m not that much different.
I make it to the door and peer into the hallway. A hospital bed is up against the wall and I can see the fire extinguisher. A nurse walks by and I jump back afraid if they catch me out of bed they might restrain me.
This is a nightmare. One giant nightmare. And then I see Karsen and it’s less awful. She stops walking towards my door and I watch her talk with the nurse.
I hurry back to my bed and act like I was never up pulling the tray back. I should eat something. The books on top of the table are now moved to the stand next to my bed. There’s a lot of them.
The door opens. And I am afraid to look. So I grab the jello and work the spoon into it. What do you say after you woke up after so many years?
“I feel like I have been waiting out there forever.” Karsen makes it over to the chair and drags it closer to the side of my bed. Before she sits she dives into the bed and wraps her arms around me. She crushes me in her arms and my arms go limp. I watch the jello drop and leave a lime green trail on the side of my sheet. “How do you feel?”
She smells the way she always smells, a mixture of strawberry shampoo and her favourite bath and body works body spray, amber something or another.
“I feel like my entire world flipped upside down.” I scratch my forehead. “Where’s the baby? And Kidd?”
“What baby?” She gives me a weird look and sits. “And Kidd?”
“Karsen, please tell me you know what I am talking about.” She had a baby. Her and Kidd were the best thing I have ever seen.
“I do not know who Kidd is. And have you seen these abs? I do not have any kids, weirdo. Did the coma stunt your brain?” She shakes her head. “Seriously, is there something wrong?”
“Everything is wrong. Was it a dream?” I tell her the entire story of her and Kidd and the baby. And when I am done she still looks confused. But she gets up and grab the stack of books.
“Maybe this will make sense.” She hands the books over one by one. “I have come here every day and read you these stories. I don’t know… I heard it was good to keep a coma patient stimulated.”
Stories about witches, steamy romances, vampires, even rock stars. I flip through the pages noting similarities. But one thing is not there. I look at Karsen. “What about Slade?”
She frowns. “You mean the janitor? What about him?”
It’s embarrassing to admit I have believed I was in love with him and still feel that way but I tell her because she is my best friend. She bites on her cheek to suppress the laughter.
“He’s just a guy working his way through life from what I can tell.” She shrugs. “I talked to him most days just to keep my sanity.”
My heart is broken. “What about Kidd? Oz? Erica?”
“Those are all real people. People he knows, I can’t believe you heard all of this. But I’m not in love with Kidd. I don’t even know the guy.”
Impact
I can hear Nona before she comes into the room.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she informs me. She shuts the door before she speaks again. “Your dad is parking the car.” She takes the spot next to Karsen.
I wonder if my dad came up here a lot. If he held out hope as long as Karsen. I wonder a lot of things. Like if I will ever see Slade again. I want to talk to him. I want him to talk to me and look at me the way I remember he always did. Before I woke up and realized all of that wasn’t real.
How can that love be fake?
Nona goes on and on to Karsen about how she knew that I was an incredible kid since birth. Which I know isn’t true. I’ve never been more than the boring granddaughter with the hobbies.
“What’s that expression?” Nona cocks an eyebrow at me.
“I have twin brothers don’t I?” Nona chuckles. “Of course. And they promised as soon as school let out they would come see you.” She tells me how she talked Dad into sending them to private school. That after the first year I was in the hospital they became a little wild with everything on dad’s plate.
I drop my head back against my pillows and breathe a secret sigh of relief. There are parts of my life I wish were the same. Things I can’t see going a day without—my brother’s being two of them.
Nona starts up about her gardener and how Claude wants a dog. There still is a Claude.
“What about my dog?” Nona and Karsen both shake their head. Sadly, it’s another thing that isn’t true.
I let them fill me in on the years I missed but as soon as I see him all I can think about is him. The guy I thought I knew.
He goes into the room across the hall and vanishes for a minute at the most returning with a bag of trash. He sees me staring at him and he hardly offers even a raise of an eyebrow. But he looks at me. And that fills me with hope. He drops the garbage into the bigger trash can and comes to my door. He knocks before entering and I get a glimpse of his arm, a little of the tattoos I thought he had peek out of his sleeve.
“Hey Slade,” Karsen says, she stands up making room for him to get to my trash can. I want to burst at the seams. He says nothing to Karsen. He slips between my bed and the chair and I catch a whiff of his smell. He smells like dirty heaven if a place like that exist.
My heart is pumping in my chest and I know I will explode if I say nothing. “Hey.”
At first I don’t think he thinks I am talking to him. He ties the trash and makes it past my bed and the chair. Please just look at me, talk to me.
“Hey.” He puts me out of my misery.
“You’ve been here all this time?” I study his eyes, the same blue eyes I seen I guess in my dreams. He looks exactly how I saw him that can’t be a coincidence that my mind saw him even when I was in a coma.
“This is where I work.” He gives a short nod and heads for the door.
“I saw you. I knew what you looked like before I even opened my eyes. Every tattoo, every detail of you is etched in my memory. That has to mean something right?” I bite my lip, and smile at his lip ring.
“That’s pretty fucked,” he says. Does that mean he understands? Does he get me? Is he flattered? Or does
he think I am a nutcase?
That’s all he has to say? He leaves.
“He is a man of few words.” Karsen takes her seat.
“I need to talk to him.”
“Hope, you were in a coma. He is just an employee at the hospital. This guy will think you are crazy,” Nona says. “Besides, the guy looks like trouble.”
“Like a career criminal,” my dad says coming into the room. “Let's work on getting you out of here before we dive into a relationship, kiddo.” He makes it to my bed and wraps his arms around me. “God, I have missed this.” He means the hugging. And I can’t tell him how amazing feeling him squeeze me feels. I thought I had killed him.
“You look good, dad.” I touch his face, he’s clean shaven and his shirt isn’t wrinkled.
“So do you,” he smirks. “It’s amazing what a phone call about your daughter coming out of a coma can do for you.” I can only imagine.
“We will let you two get caught up,” Karsen says standing.
I pull away from my dad. “Karsen, please if you are the best friend a girl ever had tell him I want to talk to him. I don’t care if he thinks I am crazy.”
Karsen sighs. “Fine. But this is a very messed up way to land a date.”
Nona stands as well pulling out a cigarette. “Have you seen the ass on that boy?” Karsen giggles. “I don’t half blame her. Career criminal or not.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Karsen promises to try her best to track him down and force him back to my room.
***
“He has a girlfriend,” Karsen says. These are not the words I want to hear. God, I do not want to hear these words. I feel sick hearing these words come out of her mouth.
“What do you mean he has a girlfriend?”
Karsen does what she always does when she is annoyed at anyone. She sighs. “I mean, I walked up to him and told him what you wanted me to say and he told me he has a girlfriend.”
I concentrate on the art hanging on the wall instead of Karsen. Because I am afraid if I look at her she will see I am on the verge of crying. And I don’t want to cry because that would look ridiculous.
