Lewis rubbed his singed scalp and said softly, “But you are all-powerful.”
“No . . . I’m . . . not!” I felt my face heat up as the tight feeling in my gut turned to anger. I was no sort of god! Why couldn’t they get that through their itty-bitty brains? “I’m just a sixth-grade kid, for crying out loud! I’m not even allowed to stay up past nine thirty! I can’t fix everything. I can’t even keep my room clean! I never asked to be your master or ruler of Toddlandia, or whatever! I can’t even keep a freaking crab alive. For all I know, you’re all just a bunch of pepperonis in a bad pizza dream!” I’d gone from whispering to yelling. The Toddlians were staring at me with enormous eyes and open mouths.
“That’s the way to talk to ’em,” Max said, clapping me on the back with his wet hand. “Gotta keep ’em in line and wear down their spirits or else they’ll gang up on you. Show ’em who’s master!” He cracked his knuckles and gave the desk a sinister grin.
I pulled off the micro-glasses and swallowed hard. “Maybe we should just scrap the circus and try something else.”
Max tilted his head the way a dog does when it hears a high-pitched noise. “You mean like a mini demolition derby using Matchbox cars?”
“No, what I meant—”
“We could take the bottoms out of the cars and they could power them with their feet, Fred Flintstone style.”
I spotted my erector set by my desk. “Or . . . we could build a statue and put a motor in it to make it move!” I blurted.
Max’s nostrils flared. “What kind of nerdy crap is that, Buttrock? You flakin’ out on me?”
My face felt as red-hot as the Circle of Fiery Doom. Max was probably right. Moving statue? Good one, Todd. What kind of dork comes up with an idea like that? Max plopped on my bed and guzzled what was left of the abandoned Dr Pepper. His voice had less acid in it. “Besides, every kid will probably build something with their erector sets. BOR-ING.” He crushed the empty can with his fist. “But a brand-new civilization doing dangerous circus tricks? Well, I can smell that A from here.” He put his hands behind his head and stretched out.
I swiveled my chair around to him. “Uh, can I ask you a question, Max?”
He grunted.
“Why are you so hot on getting this A? I mean—and don’t take this the wrong way—you don’t seem to me like someone who’d care what grade he got.” I tensed, waiting for the backlash.
He sighed. “You gotta know my parents,” he explained. “My brother got into all kinds of trouble and didn’t graduate, and since I’m their only other kid, if I don’t cough up an A . . . well, they won’t get me the new Xbox they promised. It comes with the latest version of Madden.”
“Sweet.”
“Yeah. So I’m sorry if Bug Boy gets a couple owies, but I gotta get that A. Flea Circus Redux goes on, no matter what. As my old man says, ‘Priorities, kid. Priorities.’”
CHAPTER 13
Someone knocked on the door and I jumped. Without waiting for a response, Mom stuck her head in the room. “Guess what, honey! More company! Lucy’s here to play too.”
“Mom, I don’t think—”
Before I could get the sentence out, Lucy waltzed into my room and sashayed over to the desk, pointedly ignoring Max. “I just thought I’d stop in and see how the Toddlians are faring, after yesterday.” She raised one eyebrow, and I read her loud and clear.
Max sat up, and my bed creaked under his weight. “They’re fine, but they’d be even better if they’d learn their circus acts already. Wanna see what they know so far?”
Lucy frowned. “Circus acts?” She shot me a look, but I turned away. It didn’t take an IQ as high as Lucy’s to figure out what she would think of this whole mess. I held out the glasses, and Max had them do all their stunts at the same time, so it’d be more like a real circus. I didn’t watch, but Max cheered when Lewis made it through the Circle of Fiery Doom alive. I guess he fit through the hoop easier in only his tighty-whities. I felt even worse for him; it had to be humiliating to be stuck in your underwear with a gigantic girl in the room.
As Lucy watched, her face went pale. The trapeze broke off during the Flying Toddlians act, so while Max dug around in his backpack for a paperclip to repair it, Lucy leaned in to me. “Todd! I think Lewis just asked me to convince you to end this ‘plague of miseries’ and return them to their rightful home under your bed—in Spanish.”
Max came back with the clip and bent it into shape. “There you go, little buggers, fly away!” He grinned at Lucy. “Cool, huh?”
She gave him the stinkeye, then burrowed her gaze into me. “Todd, why are you guys torturing these poor creatures? It’s sick.”
“Science project,” I answered, hoping that she’d just leave it there.
“You wish you thought of it, right?” Max added.
“No, uh, I don’t. One—I don’t attend public school. Two—what you’re doing is inhumane.”
“Inhumane, huh?” Max taunted. “Look at the little buggers. They love it.” Max held up some dental floss for a couple of she-Toddlians to twirl around, slide down, and climb back up. They looked like they were going to be sick.
“Todd, there must be some further explanation.”
“Uh, if we win, we get to compete in the Topsfield science fair this weekend.” My voice sounded hollow, even to me.
Lucy rolled her eyes. “Amateur event.”
“Tell her what we win if we get first place, Buttrock.”
“Uh, free rides all weekend.”
She got in my face space. “You’re telling me that you’re putting the Toddlians’ lives at risk so you can gorge yourselves on funnel cake and then puke it up on some squirrel-cage ride?”
“Well, err.” I fumbled for an answer. “Not exactly. We—”
“You act like we’re not being safe,” Max interjected. “We wouldn’t want to hurt the buggers. How can we win those rides if they’re dead?”
Lucy gasped at the thought. “I’ve told you before, they’re very delicate!”
“Dude, don’t worry about it!” Max said, waving the floss to make the climbers swing. “I made a complete first-aid kit at home after one of ’em cut itself on the tightrope.”
Lucy shuddered, and her face went from white to bright pink.
“But I did learn that Neosporin turns their skin blue. Wonder why that is?” He twirled the floss in fast circles. The Toddlians screamed and hung on for dear life. “I think it’s going to be a real exciting show.”
Lucy took a deep breath and said through clenched teeth, “Have they eaten? They need ample amounts of nutrients.”
Max let go of the floss and the Toddlians staggered around, dizzy, then collapsed. “Sure, I fed ’em. Last night I gave them Doritos and Mountain Dew, which made them hop around like crazy. I’m gonna be sure they have some of that before the show to get ’em good and hyper.”
Lucy whimpered.
“They didn’t eat much,” Max went on, “but that was cool. I ate the leftovers, so none got wasted.” He leaned in to start staging the “diving act,” as he called it, then sent me to the bathroom to find something to use for the pool.
I was pouring water into a Dixie cup when Lucy came in and shut the door behind her. “Todd, I know somewhere in the depths of your psyche there is a warm and sympathetic person.”
I looked up. “Really?”
“Can you summon that Todd so I can talk to him?” She got so close to me our noses touched.
“Ermmm . . . maybe?”
She sighed dramatically. “Remember that time you taught Daisy to break-dance?”
“You saw that?
“I live across the street from you,” she answered, like it was obvious. “The lesson backfired, and Daisy bloodied her nose trying to do the worm, but you used your own shirt to stop the bleeding, and that was”—she paused, putting her
hand on mine—“sweet.” I shuddered, and Lucy looked me right in the eyes. “Please tell that noble Todd that he needs to rescue his people from Max, who may mean well—maybe—but couldn’t take care of a rock if it came with instructions.”
“Lucy, I’m the one who messed up with Leonardo da Pinchy. Not—”
Max threw open the bathroom door, and I jumped away from Lucy.
“WHOA! The little pigtailed buggy just stuck the landing!” He looked at Lucy and then at my flaming face. “Sorry, dude. Didn’t mean to interrupt your smooch session, but we’ve got a show to put on here.”
“Uh, we weren’t—”
“Yeah, whatev.” He punched my arm. Ouch. “C’mon, you can make out on your own time. Let’s go teach them how to do the Plunge of Peril.”
Max grabbed the Dixie cup and headed back to my room.
“Great,” I said. “Now he really thinks you’re my girlfriend.”
“Who cares? We’ve got bigger problems. Todd, you have to do something!” Lucy ordered. “He’s going to kill them; they can’t swim!”
I crossed my arms. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Make him leave. It’s your house!”
It was my house. So why the heck was I letting her boss me around and tell me how to treat my friend?
I had hoped for a change this year. And that change was actually starting to happen, thanks to Max. Who did she think she was? More importantly, who did those creatures think they were, invading my sock, my room, my life? It’s not like I was bored and asked them to set up a civilization just so I could waste time being their god.
“Todd, are you even listening?” She snapped her fingers at me. That’s when I went over the edge. Hot sauce shot through my veins. I broke bad. I turned into Evil Todd.
“You can’t tell me what to do, Pedoto! It’s not like you’re my friend. All you are is my mom’s geekwad student, and I’m sick of you bossing me around IN MY OWN HOUSE!”
Max came back, I guess to watch the action. He looked thrilled and punched me in the arm again. Ouch! “That’s tellin’ her!”
I half expected Lucy to give it right back to me, the way she had to the Zoo Crew the day before. She was tough—a lot tougher than I was, if I was being honest. But when I looked, I saw her face had taken a cliff dive. Her dark eyes were all shiny. Her chin quivered and she opened her mouth to speak, but shut it instead.
I felt bad, but what did she expect, talking like that? You can’t just tell people the truth all the time. No wonder she didn’t have any friends.
Then it hit me: that was probably why she looked so sad.
She had thought I was her friend.
“Lucy, I—”
She turned to face me and raised her chin bravely, but her voice wobbled as she said, “From h-here on out you can handle your own pr-problems, Butroche.”
Max snorted. “It’s Buttrock, dork. Jeez. I thought you were smart.”
She took off down the hall. After a second, I followed her. “Lucy, wait!” But she didn’t slow down. From the counter, Mom turned to watch as Lucy ran past the kitchen and out the front door.
Mom stopped chopping broccoli long enough to raise her eyebrows at me. Daisy was on the kitchen floor, squealing and clapping as Camo maneuvered through an obstacle course of paper towel tubes and oatmeal boxes.
I shrugged at Mom and turned back down the hall. “Girls!”
When I got back to my room, Max was trying to convince the Toddlians to dive into the Dixie cup. “Check this out! I thought it would be a nice break for Lardo after his burn accident.”
I sat down next to Max—my new, cool friend.
“Here it is: our guaranteed A!” Max announced. Lewis stood on the end of Max’s meaty index finger, which he held over the Dixie cup. “Drumroll, please.” Max nodded to me, and I obediently whacked my fingers against the desk.
“One, two, three!” he chanted, then turned his finger over, dropping Lewis into the water. “CANNONBALL!”
Lewis surfaced a few seconds later, gasping for air.
“He can’t swim!”
“Aw, he’ll learn. That’s how my dad taught me!” Max laughed.
Lewis went under again, and without thinking I inverted the cup over my palm and let the water pour into my trash can. When I lifted the cup, Lewis lay between my fingers, soggy and sucking air.
“Dude, why’d you do that? Now I’ve got to get more water.”
“Uh, because he was drowning?”
Max rolled his eyes and stood. “Don’t get soft on me, Buttrock.” While he was in the bathroom filling the cup, I set Lewis on my shoulder. “Crawl up into my hair,” I whispered, leaning my head over. “He’ll never miss you.”
Lewis didn’t need to be told twice. He was crawling up behind my ear before Max shut off the faucet. “Thank you, Great Todd,” he said. “I knew that I could count on you.”
“Yeah, sure,” I answered. “Glad you know that.”
At least one of us did.
CHAPTER 14
PERSEPHONE
I probably shouldn’t have bit him. But what else was I supposed to do?
He grabbed me with his massive hand and I panicked. At least I had the pleasure of hearing Spud scream before he banished me to this dark compartment of his pack. I planned to bite him much harder and someplace more painful once I escaped. That was, if I survived being nearly jostled to death in this thing.
A long, yellow stick rode in the compartment next to mine, and I climbed it, settling upon the squishy top. If I died, what would happen to the rest of my people? Were they being bandied about in compartments like this one?
And what about Lewis? He was a good friend to me. I’d never even told him how cute he was when he laughed and his freckles danced all over his cheeks.
WOOMF! Spud jerked hard, and I lost my grip on the yellow stick and fell to the bottom of the compartment. That’s what you get for being mushy, Persephone. Forget about dancing freckles. Focus your energy on escape.
“Hey, punk!” Dick was yelling. “Let me ride your trike!”
“Leave me alone!” a small voice cried. “It’s mine! I got it for my birfday!”
“Aw, how sweet. He got it for his birfday!” The pack lurched forward and I fell flat on my back. “I’mma take a ride, shorty. Beat it.”
But then Spud screamed. “YIIIIIIIKES!”
Suddenly I was traveling fast in a downward direction. I flew through the carrier and hit something hard, and everything went black. When I woke up, I was on the bottom of the pack, sore all over.
How long had I been out?
The carrier suddenly turned upside down and I tumbled out into the light, landing in a cup filled with strange, springy ropes. “Have fun, girlie,” Spud grunted, slamming the door as he left the room. I examined my new surroundings, noting what must have been Spud’s bed. I groaned, trying to ignore the way my head pounded from being tossed around in Spud’s bag.
The substance in the cup was colorful and bouncy. It reminded me of the long, stringy food from Pasta Garden that we’d seen humans eating on Max’s television. I nibbled on a strand. Definitely not edible. I pulled a blue piece loose and saw they were not single strands, but rather loops. Pulling a piece of the loop tight, I held my arms out as far as they would go. The loop was incredibly stretchy! An idea occurred to me. Too bad Herman wasn’t around; he could build anything.
Never mind that. He could build me something else once I rescued him.
I held the loop to my chest and flapped it like wings. Then I jumped on the loop pile, rising higher and higher until I bounded out of the cup and sailed onto a very messy desk. There was a large knob sticking out of a panel beneath me, and I lowered the loop until I’d caught the knob, then climbed inside the other end and walked backward until the loop was taut. I took a deep breath and let it out, then
lay back into the loop. Finally I lifted one foot off the floor, shut my eyes, and lifted the other.
“Freeeeedom!” I yelled as I flew through the air, the wind whipping through my pigtails. I could get used to this!
The fabulous rush of flying was short-lived, however. Before I knew it, I was crashing, tumbling head over feet into a deep forest of fuzzy tan trees. I sat up and moved my limbs. Nothing seemed broken, but I had a few bruises.
I heard unfamiliar voices in the distance and headed toward the door. I had an idea. It was high time our supposed leader learned the truth about what had happened to us. And I had an idea about how to reach the Man in Charge: the “Great One,” as Lewis called him. Todd.
I was panting by the time I reached the opening to the hallway. I paused to get my breath, then climbed under the door to a long corridor with a flickering light at the end. I might have to walk all night through the fuzzy forest, but I would get to that light and those voices.
As the voices grew louder, I also heard popping noises and grunts that did not sound like they came from Todd’s race.
Again I was mistaken. A humongous version of Spud sat enthroned upon a long, soft couch covered in gold and orange flowers. On closer inspection, his hair was grayer than Spud’s, and there wasn’t much of it—only a little ring encircling the shiny dome of his head. The rank, festering smell of his feet kept me from coming any closer. He nearly choked on one of the white puffs he was eating, then regurgitated it and spat into a cup. “You tell ’em, Duke,” he chortled. “Heh heh heh.”
I turned to the screen to see what was so amusing about this “Duke” person. What I saw was a male human, fully grown and wearing a tall head covering with a big brim. He had what seemed to be animal skin on his legs, and here was the most amazing part: he sat on a special throne astride a magnificent copper-colored, four-legged creature. The Duke must have possessed magical powers to convince such a noble being to carry him around!
By the Grace of Todd Page 8
