“No, not without samples to test, I’m afraid.”
James materializes at my side, cautiously circling his arm around my shoulders. I lean into him for strength, peering up at him. “Maybe my dad is my dad after all. Perhaps your information wasn’t one hundred percent accurate.” Hope has the blood thrumming faster in my veins.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He kisses the top of my head. “I wish I could tell you that, but I can’t. Dr. Stephens obtained a DNA sample from your mom’s husband for test purposes, and he was ruled out too.”
“The tests were absolutely conclusive, my dear. Neither Mr. Kennedy nor Mr. Donovan is your biological father. I’m very sorry.” The doctor pats my hand. “If you procure any other samples, and you require further testing, don’t hesitate to let me know, and I’ll look after it for you.”
I nod on auto-pilot.
“Thank you, Doctor. That will be all. You can send your final invoice to my wife’s assis … ah, send the paperwork here and mark it for my attention,” James explains. The doctor shakes both our hands and leaves.
James pours two whiskeys and hands one to me. I blink up at him. “I know it’s unusual, but this is an unusual situation, and I figure if I could use a drink, then so could you.”
I swirl the amber-colored liquid in my glass, mulling over everything I’ve heard. “My mum must have been a right ole slut,” I say, taking a large mouthful of my drink. The burning sensation coating my throat matches the searing pain in my gut. It’s like playing “who knocked up Faye’s mum?” on the roulette wheel. Only problem is, I’ve no idea what the odds are. I knock back another glug of whiskey, relishing the sharp taste. I expect James to rebuke my statement—to instantly jump to my mum’s defense, but he doesn’t. “Didn’t she even consider how I’d feel?” Tears sting my eyes, but I angrily wipe them away. I’ve shed enough tears over that woman.
James stares off into space, and I notice his glass is already empty. “Saoirse wasn’t a slut. I know that, even if the more I discover, the less I believe I truly knew my sister.”
“But someone got her pregnant at seventeen!” I put my glass down on the table. “Please level with me, James. Do you know who my father is, or do you have any ideas on who it could be?”
He places his own glass down beside me. Taking my hands, he looks earnestly into my eyes. “I swear to you, Faye, that I don’t know who it could be. I wasn’t aware she had a boyfriend, although that’s not to say she didn’t. I have to accept that fact now.”
“Or I’m the product of a one-night stand.”
“It’s possible, and maybe that’s why she ran away.” He gets up, taking both our glasses. “We’ll never know now.” He stares at the ceiling for a minute. “Would you like another?”
Sure, why the heck not? I nod, and he fixes the drinks. He hands mine to me before walking to the bookshelves and removing an album.
He opens the burgundy-colored leather cover and starts flipping through pages and pages of the boys as babies and toddlers. “I like to look at these from time to time. To remind myself why I get up every morning.” He points at a family photo. “This is why I’ll keep fighting. Family is the only thing worth fighting for.”
I can’t find my voice to respond; I’m too conflicted and choked with emotion, so I focus on the family photo instead. The triplets are only toddlers in this one, and I can’t tell any of them apart. In fact, all the boys look so alike it’s hard to tell who is who, even with Kaden and Keven sharing a different birth father. Although, now that the ugly truth has been revealed, I’m noticing subtle differences in my older cousins—like how their eyes are a slightly cooler shade of blue, their hair slightly darker than their younger brothers, the sharper curve of their jawline.
Unnoticeable until you start looking.
No wonder no one suspected anything amiss.
“Wow. He’s a bruiser!” I exclaim, pointing to a smiling baby boy with chubby cheeks and a stocky frame. “Which of my cousins is it?”
James smiles nostalgically. “That’s Kyler. He was always something of an enigma.” His finger sweeps lovingly across the picture. “You’d never have known he was premature. He was always so sturdy and strong.” He looks off into space again. “He was such a happy baby. Always smiling and gurgling. Everyone commented on it.” James turns his head to me. “His first word was ‘dada,’ and I thought my heart would burst with joy.” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “I love Kaden and Keven with all my heart. It was instant, from the first moment I met them. I’ve always considered them my own, and I never asked Alex anything about her ex, because, as far as I was concerned, I’ve always been their father.”
I cross my feet at the ankles. “I know, initially, they took the news badly, but I’m sure they know that.”
“I hope so, because they are my sons in every way that matters. There is no question about that.” He smiles as his finger traces across a photo. “But when Kyler came along, and he was my flesh and blood, the only flesh and blood I had a connection with in this world, I was overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings. Bowled over by the amount of love I had in my heart for him. I didn’t believe it was possible to love another person that much.”
His voice clogs with emotion as he gets lost in the past. “I was obsessed with him. Even when he was asleep, I would stay in his room for hours, staring at him, marveling at how perfect he was, this little part of me.” Sheer joy flourishes in his eyes. “I never imagined that seventeen years later he would hate the very sight of me. That I would mess up so spectacularly—twist that perfect moment until there was nothing left of the person I was or the pure, happy child he was.”
James has made terrible mistakes in his life, and his actions have hurt the ones he professed to love the most, but I can’t hate him. Not when he’s as flawed as the rest of us. As flawed as me. Especially when he seems willing to accept responsibility for his mistakes, and he wants to atone for them so badly.
I reach over and hug him. Resting his head on my shoulder, he clings to me, his broad arms clutching my back. “What do I do, Faye? How can I fix it? Please tell me, because I don’t know what to do.”
“I wish I had the answers, James, but I don’t. The only thing you can do is talk to him. Open up like you have with me and hope he’ll listen. But don’t ever stop trying. Don’t give up. Your sons need you to keep fighting for this family even if they don’t realize it or appreciate it.” I attempt to breathe over the devastating pain. “I would give anything to talk to my parents. To ask them why. To try to understand why they did the things they did. I know they didn’t deliberately set out to hurt me, that they thought they were doing the right thing, but I wish they had done things differently.”
I release a loud sigh, and James kisses my temple. “I can’t rewrite history, and I won’t ever get to hear them tell me why, and I’ll have to find some way of processing that. But Ky is here, and he needs to hear those things. Even if he refuses to listen, he still needs you to say them, and all you can do is hope that in time he’ll understand why you did the things you did. At least you both have that opportunity which is something that isn’t available to me.”
James is lost in thought, and I decide to give him some privacy to mull things over. I press a quick kiss to his cheek before tiptoeing quietly from the room. I shut the door carefully, leaning back against it as I hold my face in my hands.
There’s been so much of the heavy stuff lately, and it’s starting to weigh me down. Fingers curl around my wrist, and I gasp, startled. I blink my eyes open, dropping my unfettered hand to my side. Ky stares at me, his cloudy blue eyes probing mine. “How much did you hear?” I whisper.
“Enough.” His voice is rough, gravelly, and his eyes pained.
“You should talk to him. He’s hurting too.”
“He’s brought this on all of us. He deserves the pain.” His words are laced with anger and bitte
rness, and I appreciate it’s going to take a lot more for Ky to find forgiveness in his heart. If he ever will.
“He’s your father. Some day he won’t be here, and you’ll regret all the wasted moments. All the chances you had to talk to him, really talk to him, to get to know the man behind the parent.” A sharp, twisty pain knifes me through the heart. “I know I do. Don’t push him away indefinitely. Try to find a way to forgive him.”
I turn around and bound down the stairs, racing for my room, desperate to get behind the privacy of my door before I break down.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Brad knocks on my door a couple of hours later, and I update him on everything. After he’s gone, I lie in bed for hours listening to music while mulling everything over in my mind.
To know I haven’t been illegally cavorting with my own brother is a massive relief. I don’t know where I stand with Ky, if there’s a chance of resuming our relationship, but at least it’s a possibility again. Especially now that Alex and James know how we feel about one another, but Addison is the usual thorn in my side. Considering how Ky’s been with me these last couple days, I’m more convinced than ever that what he said to me at the party was a load of horseshit. Addison is holding something over him—I’d bet my last dollar she’s the reason Ky has been pushing me away.
The lights are still out in his room, and I hate the thought that he might’ve gone running to her. I curl up on my side, closing my eyes and trying to block out my confusion, willing sleep to come.
But it’s completely futile.
Thoughts turn to my birth father, and I wonder if I’ll ever discover who he is or if I even want to. Does he know about me? Perhaps he does, and he wanted no involvement, but given my mother’s apparent propensity for keeping people in the dark, I’m betting he’s as clueless as I am.
The reality is I may never discover who he is, and I’d do well to forget about the whole sorry mess.
A little after three a.m., I decide to get up and fetch a mug of hot chocolate. Maybe some milky, chocolaty goodness will lull me into sleep. The lights are out in the living area as I pass through to the kitchen. I flick on the small row of spotlights over the cooker as I grab some milk from the fridge and a saucepan from the press. I’ve only put the pan on the hob when warm, familiar hands slide around my waist, and I almost spill milk all over myself and the floor. I open my mouth to scream, but a hand lands over my lips. Ky chuckles while I attempt to control my erratic breathing. “I swear you sneak up on me on purpose!” I hiss.
“You make it so easy,” he murmurs. His teasing breath leaks over my neck as he nibbles on my skin. My retort dies on my tongue, along with any lingering irritation.
“What are you doing?” I rasp, not that I’m in any way complaining. His tempting mouth travels lower, kissing that sensitive spot on my collarbone, and I shiver all over.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
He continues to nuzzle my skin, his tongue darting out to taste me, and I’m quickly losing control of myself. Before it goes any further, I switch off the hob and take a step back. “We need to talk.”
He pulls me to him. “Screw talking. I need to kiss you.”
With willpower I never knew I possessed, I wriggle out of his arms and walk around the other side of the counter, putting the solid marble unit between us. I don’t trust myself one hundred percent not to cave to monkey lust. “No kissing until we have the talk. I won’t be your bit on the side, Ky. I’m an all or nothing girl.”
He rubs his thumb and forefinger over his stubbly jaw, not removing his eyes from mine. “You could never be that for me. It’s always been you. Only you.”
“I knew it! You better spill your guts. Right. Now.” I cross my arms and send him my best stern look.
Propping his elbows on the counter, he shoots me a forlorn look. “It’s better if you don’t know how badly I’ve messed up.”
“For God’s sake, Ky!” I slam my hands down on the counter. “Quit shutting me out! I know you’re with her under sufferance.” I race around the counter, poking my finger in his chest. “And you’re going to tell me how she’s doing it this time. I’m not leaving this room until I get the truth.”
His opportunistic hands snake around my waist, and he reels me in flush to his body. “You’re not helping with the no-kissing rule.” He pins me with heated eyes that look close to combustion. “I want to taste your mouth so fucking badly right now. Hell.” He reaches down and grabs my ass. “I want to taste every part of you. Right here. Up there on the counter. Spread out for me to feast on.”
A wave of red heat spreads up my neck and onto my face. His words send my body into a tailspin, and my core pulses with need. I’m about two seconds away from hauling my ass up onto that counter when the angel on my shoulder knocks some sense into me. I shuck out of his embrace, stepping back. “Stop it. You can’t say those things to me.”
He stalks up to me, invading my private space again “I can, and I will.” His features soften as he reaches out to me. With great tenderness, he draws me into his chest, burying his face in my hair. “I’ll tell you everything, but it’s not going to make you feel any better. I was only trying to protect you.”
I peer up at him, finding it extremely difficult not to melt under the adoration of his gaze. “Let’s talk in the living room.” I pry myself out of his embrace. “Go wait for me. I’ll make us some hot chocolate.”
Ky is sprawled on the long couch when I return. Wordlessly, I hand him his hot chocolate before dropping down onto the couch across from him. He frowns, patting the space alongside him. “I want you beside me.”
I shake my head, blowing on the steaming goodness clasped between my hands. “We need to have a serious conversation.”
“And you can’t do that over here?” He looks incredulous.
“No. You’ll only distract me.” I take a small sip of my drink.
Grinning smugly, he turns the full strength of his seductive charm on me. “She finally admits it.”
I stick out my tongue, and he laughs. “Am I not even a little distracting?”
He leans forward, and his molten eyes shimmer with desire. “Oh, you’re more than a little distracting, Faye. You’re like the most addictive drug. Trying to stay away from you is killing me, and it’s getting real old.”
I take a large slurp of my drink, more than pleased at his admission. “Technically, there is nothing stopping us now. I’m not your sister.”
His expression turns sympathetic. “I’m sorry I left you to deal with the aftermath on your own. How are you feeling about this afternoon?”
I pull my feet up onto the couch, shivering a tad in my sleep shorts and short-sleeved top. I rub my tired eyes. “A bit all over the place.”
“I’ll bet.”
“I mean, I’m glad we’re not related like that. That we haven’t done anything wrong, but I’m still in the dark in relation to my birth father, and I’m struggling to work out how I feel about that.”
“It’s a lot to take in. I still can’t get my head around the fact that Kaden and Keven have a different dad, and I’ve had two weeks to process it.”
“If everyone kept it in their pants, the world would be a less complex place.” I shiver as another blast of cool air raises goose bumps on my arms.
Ky chuckles as he gets up and drops down beside me without invitation. He holds his arm out, and I survey it like he’s just asked me to snuggle up to a nuclear weapon. He chuckles again. “You’re cold. Stop being silly. Come here.”
I chew on my lip as a vicious battle rages internally. Before I can make up my mind, I’m finagled into his side, and his arm wraps around my waist. “You’re right. I’m not with Addison by choice. That fucking bitch has me by the balls. Every time I have to touch her, hella, every time I’m in her company, I want to hurl. Everything about her irritates the fuck out of me. I can bare
ly tolerate looking at her.”
A sarcastic sneer spreads across my mouth. I can’t help it. “Well, you sure fooled me. You put on one hell of a show.”
Putting his drink down, he twists me around so I’m facing him. His pained expression speaks volumes. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. It’s why I didn’t want you there, but you’ve got to believe me when I say it’s only been for show. And I had to put on a good one, because if I don’t live up to her expectations, she’ll follow through on her threat.”
“Which is?”
He claws his hands through his hair. “You remember the night we caught her snooping in my father’s study?” I bob my head. “That wasn’t all the snooping she was doing.”
I gasp as the penny drops. “She was eavesdropping on us?”
He nods. “Worse. She recorded it and she dug up all that shit that happened in your past. She threatened to expose our relationship and expose what happened in Ireland if I didn’t go back to her.”
I dig my fingernails into my thigh as a surge of anger sweeps through me. “You should’ve told me! I thought we were a team? How could you go back to her without at least talking to me about it?”
He stands up, fury bunching his muscles into corded knots. “You think I wanted this?” he hisses. “I didn’t want to upset you or worry you especially after Dad had dropped the brother-sister bomb on us.”
The blood turns to ice in my veins, and bile floods my mouth. “Please tell me she doesn’t know about that?”
He sits back down, visibly calming himself. “No, but that was the main reason why I went along with it. Outing our relationship as cousins is one thing, but revealing we were in a relationship if we were brother and sister is another matter entirely. We could’ve been arrested, Faye. I couldn’t allow that, and I didn’t want that hanging over you. That’s why I got so mad earlier. If that hadn’t been at play, then I would’ve confided in you when she first approached me. Dad’s caused all this crap for no justifiable reason other than he’s a fucking idiot.”
Losing Kyler (The Kennedy Boys Book 2) Page 23
