"Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't afford my medications and keep the heat on and buy food."
"I'm sorry but I can't help you."
Todd was exhausted and his head was pounding. He looked beyond the old woman at the endless line of applicants and then at the front door of the building, wondering if the police were going to burst in any minute and arrest him for what he'd done to Nicolene or for killing Terrence but there were just more welfare applicants streaming into the building in an endless tide.
I've got to get the hell out of here!
"I'm sorry but we're done here. I've got a lot of other people to see and I'm not feeling well."
He rose and walked out of his cubicle just as his supervisor was preparing to walk in.
"The cops are here. It seems they had a complaint about you from some junkie whore. She says that you stole her baby."
The woman seemed amused by it. As if she was enjoying the drama. Todd followed her back to her office.
They walked past all of the fat and morbidly obese people waiting in line for food stamps, the young able-bodied men and women lined up to apply for welfare checks when they ought to have been applying for jobs, the pregnant women on their third, fourth, or fifth child, standing in line for WIC food vouchers, the gangbangers, pimps, and drug dealers waiting by the front door for their whores to get their checks and bring them the money. Todd asked himself if what he had done was wrong and he just couldn't see it. He couldn't see how anyone could have blamed him. Even if they didn't know what we were doing to the environment, this should have been enough to convince them. Scum like this should not be allowed to reproduce.
The cops stood in front of Ms. Santiago's desk looking bored and annoyed. One of the cops approached Todd as they entered. He was about 5'9" and over two hundred pounds. Body by Big Mac. His gut hung over his belt hiding the buckle. He didn't appear to be much older than thirty and looked Native American. His partner was a skinny white guy who looked like he was in his forties. They both shook Todd's hand and smiled insincerely. Todd returned the smile.
"Todd Hammerstein, right?"
"Yes?"
"We've just got a few questions for you about a young woman named Nicolene De Marco?"
"The name sounds familiar. Who is she?"
The two cops studied Todd's face, looking for the lie.
"She came in with her husband a few days ago trying to get on public assistance. You took her application."
"Oh, that's probably why her name sounds familiar. Is she wanted for something? If she just came in I should still have her application. I can probably get her address for you."
"No, we know where she is. She's in the hospital. She claims that someone gave her an abortion against her will. She was six months pregnant at the time. It looks like they cut her baby right out of the womb."
Todd turned white and began to look ill, as he remembered what he'd done.
"That's horrible!"
Todd looked over at his boss. She was still smirking.
"She thinks that you may have had something to do with it Mr. Hammerstein."
"Me?"
"She says that you tried to talk her into having an abortion and getting her tubes tied. Kind of a coincidence since that's exactly what happened to her. Are you okay Mr. Hammerstein?"
"Not really. I was about to go home sick. I've been getting really bad headaches lately. Migraines."
"Well, we won't keep you very long. What about what Mrs. DeMarco said?"
"Who?"
"Mrs. De Marco. The woman who was assaulted? Did you try to convince her to have an abortion?"
"That's not really what we do here. We don't have time for that kind of counseling. We just assess need and accept or decline the applications. We get so many applicants that we just don't have much time to spend with each one."
"I told him the same thing," Ms. Santiago said.
"So then why would she say that?"
The police officer with the big gut turned to Todd's supervisor, still looking annoyed.
"Are you serious? We hear all kinds of bullshit in here. Probably as much as you get in your job, officer. Saying that the government wants poor people to have abortions isn't really a new one. We hear that everyday around here.
Probably as often as you hear about racist cops targeting minorities."
The cops nodded their heads, smiling as if to say "touch''" and then turned back to Todd. Todd's eyes were closed and he was swaying back and forth, rubbing his temples with his index fingers. His head felt like it was being slowly peeled open like a hard-boiled egg.
"You really don't look so good, buddy. How about you come down to the station tomorrow when you're feeling better and we can talk about this some more then?"
Todd nodded his head.
They shook hands again and one of the cops, Officer Dickerson, handed Todd his card. After they left, Todd's supervisor was still standing there staring at him.
"Sit down, Todd."
Todd took a seat in front of her desk. Unlike the cheap plastic seats the applicants sat in in his cubicle, these chairs were made out of metal and vinyl and swiveled.
"I covered for you just now. The only complaints we've ever gotten about anyone trying to convince an applicant to have an abortion were about you, the other day, with that Black lady. Now, I hope we don't have a problem here?"
"There's no problem, Ms. Santiago."
"And you didn't have anything to do with that woman getting cut open?"
"I'd have to be crazy to do something like that."
"That's not exactly a no."
She stared directly into Todd's eyes, still smirking, still amused by all of this.
"No. I had nothing to do with it."
"Good. Go home, Todd. Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow after your meeting with the cops."
Todd nodded his head and turned to leave.
"You know, there's a shelter for unwed mothers over on D Street."
"A what?"
"It's run by one of those Right to Life groups. They talk pregnant girls into keeping their babies and not having abortions and in exchange they give them free room and board during and after their pregnancies and then help them find couples to adopt their babies. You could always tell your clients to go there if they won't get an abortion. I mean, between you and me, I agree with you. They shouldn't be having all of these damned kids that they can't even take care of. There are already too many people in the world without us cluttering up the planet even more with all of these unwanted kids."
Todd said nothing. He just stared at her, trying to read her, trying to figure her out.
Why the hell did she just tell me all of that?
She winked at him and shrugged her shoulders. "Just an FYI."
Todd turned and walked out of her office.
Chapter Seventeen
Todd had walked to work. After the night he'd had, he'd needed to clear his head. Walking gave him an opportunity to think and clear his head. As Todd walked out of the Department of Welfare, he was thinking about Stephanie and his child. Leaving the baby alive made him feel like a hypocrite. How could he take Nicolene's baby for the good of the planet but make his own child some sort of exception? It wasn't right. But how could he abort his own child?
This was all Stephanie's fault. He'd never wanted children. She'd known that all along but yet she'd allowed herself to get pregnant anyway. He could have used a condom of course but she'd said that she was on the pill. He had trusted her and she'd betrayed him. She was every bit as guilty as Nicolene. But there was no way he could cut her open the way he'd done that crackwhore. He loved her. Besides, Cathy would have broken both of his legs and shot his testicles off before he could have gotten close to Stephanie.
Unless I can get to Cathy first. If I can surprise her and hit her with the stun gun I should be able to handcuff and gag her before she can shoot me or kick my ass or something. If I can do it quietly I should be able to get Stephanie before she
can run. Or maybe I can get Stephanie while Cathy is out chasing bail jumpers?
Todd considered how much energy he was putting into planning something he had told himself he wouldn't do. He reached into his messenger bag and grabbed the scalpel. He slid his thumb over the blade and drew blood. The pain helped him to organize his thoughts.
She has to die.
It was simple and direct. He couldn't murder their child and look Stephanie in the face ever again. It would be easier if both child and mom were gone.
And Cathy too.
If he didn't kill her she'd hunt him to the ends of the earth.
Todd walked to the hardware store around the corner.
"Still heading up to Mammoth Mountain? I heard there might be rain up there."
"What?"
"You bought an axe the other day for your camping trip at Mammoth Mountain. I thought you might of put it off."
"I'm still going. I need to pick up a few more things."
Todd picked up another four pack of duct tape and threw it into his shopping basket. As an afterthought, he grabbed a claw hammer and threw that in as well.
"Doing repairs on the cabin," Todd offered before the old store clerk could comment. He paid quickly and left.
Todd made one more stop on the way home. He went into the medical supply store and bought a pack of disposable scalpels. He walked home slowly and changed his mind several times before he reached his apartment. Each time he began to doubt his course he ran his thumb along the scalpel blade and remembered the baby he'd strangled with the umbilical cord in the name of the environment. That memory kept him on course. If he didn't get rid of Stephanie's baby then his entire mission was a lie and he was little more than a murderer. He went upstairs to his apartment and got his bike. He needed to do it before he lost his nerve and changed his mind.
He pedaled hard, dodging between cars and hopping curbs as if he was being chased. He thought about Heimlich's plan to put Progesterex into the drinking water of the 25 most populated cities in the world. It was so much better than what he was doing. What he was doing would barely change anything. He had saved perhaps a couple hundred animals and maybe as many trees and plants. Nothing in the grand scheme of things. He could only hope that he would become a symbol of some sort, like Heimlich, an example for others to follow.
Todd arrived in Stephanie's neighborhood, sweaty and exhausted. Her car was still in its parking space but she could have been in Cathy's car. He had no idea what Cathy drove. He imagined her to be the type to drive a Harley Davidson, the kind with the handlebars that stuck up as high as your head. Todd cruised slowly by the window of her apartment and peeked in. The vertical blinds were partially closed but he could still see in-between them. He saw Stephanie sitting on the couch, staring at the TV screen. She was still so beautiful, even with the added weight of pregnancy. She stood up and walked into the kitchen. Todd pedaled away before she could spot him. He needed to find a place where he could watch from a distance. Once Cathy left the apartment he could sneak inside and do what needed to be done.
There was an old house across the street sitting on a quarter of an acre of overgrown vegetation. It didn't look like anyone lived there. Todd parked his bike in a copse of trees on the edge of the property and took his place among the oversized shrubs and hedges and waited, fingering the scalpel in his messenger bag.
Chapter Eighteen
Stephanie had still not recovered from her meeting with Todd the night before. She sat on the couch watching one soap opera after another and eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It had surprised her how much seeing Todd had affected her. It was obvious that she still had unresolved feelings for him. He was her baby's father. It was obvious to Cathy too. Even as Cathy had tried to console her after Todd had left, she could see the wounded look on the woman's face.
Stephanie loved Cathy. But she wasn't in love with her. If Todd had changed his mind about the baby and asked her to marry him and raise their child together, she would have left Cathy in a heartbeat. As much as she tried to keep those emotions to herself, she was afraid that Cathy knew it. Stephanie knew that Cathy would do anything for her. The woman was fiercely protective. She also had a bit of a temper and Stephanie was more than a little afraid of her. She had never been afraid of Todd.
Todd had been a welcome break from the muscle-bound pretty boys she usually dated. Men who had cheated on her and beaten her, used her, and abandoned her. Men who degraded her and took all of her money. Todd had been gentle and caring. He had bought her things and complimented her constantly. He was always telling her how beautiful she was. She used to catch him staring at her out of the corner of her eye as if he was completely in awe of her. She knew that Todd had been a virgin when they met. That had only endeared her to him more. He was so sweet and innocent and he looked at her as if she was some sort of angel.
He didn't know about how she'd run away from home at fifteen to follow her favorite rock band around the country.
How she'd wound up sneaking backstage to meet the band. She'd been excited when the lead guitarist had invited her back to their hotel room and flattered when he and the lead singer had begun kissing and undressing her. Then the drummer and the base player had come in along with their entire entourage and the night had ended with her getting gangbanged by the band and then passed around among the band's roadies and hangers on before being kicked out of the hotel room at four o'clock in the morning, her face, thighs, and stomach still tacky with semen from more than a dozen different men. She'd spent the next year selling herself on the street before moving in with a guy who had seemed like her savior before he'd begun beating her every day. Todd didn't know how she'd finally stabbed him and then fled after he'd nearly beaten her to death.
All Todd knew was how she'd gone back to college and gotten her Bachelors degree after being homeless for three years. Todd knew her as a fighter and he respected her. She knew that he suspected she'd been through a lot but he'd never asked for details. He'd let her deal with her demons her own way. When she'd decided that she wanted to be a bounty hunter he'd been concerned but supportive. He knew that she had needed something to make her feel empowered and if tackling criminals was what it took then he was okay with that. He loved her. But he had looked disgusted, disappointed, and enraged when he had seen that she was pregnant with his child. He had rejected her just like every other man she'd ever gotten involved with from her workaholic daddy on down. Cathy would never reject her.
Stephanie pulled herself out of the chair and waddled into the kitchen. Her stomach was so big she felt like she was having twins. She put the ice cream back into the freezer and started making herself a cup of coffee. She needed to get herself going. She couldn't just lay on the couch eating ice cream all day and feeling sorry for herself. That would have been too typical. A walk would do her some good. She'd already gained more than the recommended amount of baby weight. If she didn't want to still weigh two hundred pounds after the baby was born she knew she needed to keep exercising. There was a park just a few blocks away with a track, a family park where new mothers pushed their strollers along a tree-lined path and other pregnant women power-walked in a desperate bid to preserve what they could of their figures from the inevitable pregnancy weight gain.
As she waited for her coffee, she rubbed a combination of vitamin E and cocoa butter on her stomach, hips, ass and thighs. Her OBGYN had said that stretch marks had more to do with genetics than moisturizers but she figured that it couldn't hurt. Cathy hadn't gotten up yet. She'd stayed up with Stephanie until four in the morning, holding her while she cried uncontrollably. Then she tucked Stephanie into bed and went out to catch the child molester who'd missed his court date the previous week. Cathy was a good woman and Stephanie knew she was lucky to have her, even if the woman did frighten her sometimes.
The coffee pot boiled and Stephanie poured herself a cup. She found herself repeatedly looking out the window as she sipped her coffee, hoping still that Todd would change
his mind and do the right thing. But every time she allowed herself to fantasize about what life would be like for her and Todd raising a little boy or girl together, she remembered that look on his face, his tears that had erupted violently and then turned to that insane laughter. He looked like he had lost his mind. When he had reached into his bag she'd had a moment where she'd been afraid he was going to pull out a gun or a knife. It was the first and only time she'd ever been afraid of Todd.
Stephanie finished her coffee, changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, put on a pair of running shoes and headed out the door. She strapped her I-Pod to her arm and put her headphones on. Stephanie fast-forwarded through Madonna and Alanis Morissette, Mariah Carey and Metallica until she found a Whitney Houston song that fit her mood. She power-walked down the sidewalk singing out loud.
"It's not right. But it's okaaay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Pack your bags. Up and leave. Don't you dare come running back to meeeee."
She smiled as she imagined herself saying those words to Todd.
After only five minutes of walking Stephanie began to sweat and breathe heavy.
Jesus, I'm out of shape! she thought.
By the time she reached the park she had to rest on a bench to catch her breath. She watched the mothers and babysitters strolling along the jogging path, gossiping and laughing to one another. A man pushing a jogging-stroller sprinted past along with three other men. A large woman in her early forties power-walked with a small Dachshund yapping at her heels. Bikers, skateboarders, and rollerbladers raced by, ignoring the signs posted everywhere warning that the path was for joggers and walkers only.
After about three minutes, Stephanie struggled to her feet and fell in step behind the woman with the Dachshund. The woman's pace was a bit slower than the pace Stephanie had kept on her way to the park which suited Stephanie just fine. She wanted to walk for at least twenty minutes and there was no way she could have done that speed-walking.
She'd gone two laps around the quarter-mile track and was lost in an Alanis Morissette song about falling head over feet for some guy. Her head was down, staring at the track. She was still thinking about Todd. When she looked up she thought she saw Todd riding a bike right at her. The closer the bike came the more the rider resembled Todd. When he was just ten yards away and she could see the tears racing down his face, she was certain that it was Todd. He'd come back to her. She stopped and took off her headphones. She smiled and tears welled up in her eyes. Todd kept coming.
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