by Emery, Lynn
“Don’t talk to me like that!” Lanessa shot back as she jumped to her feet. “Everybody uses that singsong voice like I’m some nut case. I can hear you talking about me. ‘Just try not to upset her, or we’ll have to slap the restraints back on.’”
“Nessa, stop it.”
Jade watched her pace back and forth. She still was not used to Lanessa’s unpredictable outbursts. The social worker had said that sometimes issues brought out in her individual therapy session might leave Lanessa agitated for a time.
“You don’t know what it’s like caged up in here. I hate it.” Lanessa pulled at her hair with trembling hands. “You waltz in and out of here like Little Miss Sunshine without a care in the world.”
Jade felt a rise of irritation at her older sister. Her raw nerves jangled at being attacked. “Well, at least you’re not out getting yourself wrapped around trees in your car.”
“Great, remind me my life is totally screwed. Is this your idea of a cheery visit?” Lanessa hissed at her.
“No, it’s not. But getting beat up every time I walk in isn’t my idea of a pleasant way to pass the time, either—especially after the day I’ve had. I’ve got folks hinting that I’m a crook, my boss probably planning a way for me to take the fall and an interview with Dumaine. Trust me, I’ve got problems.”
“Oh, Lord. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you.” Lanessa sobbed into her hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“Come on now, it’s all right.” Jade left the bed and put her arms around Lanessa. “I’m sorry, too. I know how rough it is. I shouldn’t have dumped my troubles on you.”
“It’s my fault,” Lanessa said in a muffled voice. Her face was pressed against Jade’s shoulder.
“Don’t be silly. I was in a lousy mood when I got here.”
“No, Jade. It is my fault those stories are in the newspaper.” Lanessa pulled away from her. She turned her back on Jade to stare out the window that faced the clinic parking lot.
“What are you saying?”
“You remember Glenn Curtis? The little jerk was in grade school with me.” Lanessa seemed to sag inside her skin. She walked back and sat on the edge of the bed.
“You mean the stumpy guy who hung around the popular crowd telling dirty jokes.” Jade frowned. She had a vague memory of a young man with a shifty expression permanently stamped on his boxy face.
“That’s him. He’s a reporter. The worst kind.” Lanessa twisted the hem of her blouse again with jerky motions. “One night I was drunk—” she snorted “—like that was unusual. Anyway, I was rambling on, telling him how you had moved up and had so much authority. I resented your success, Jade, but I swear, I didn’t mean to give him damaging information to use against you. By the time I realized he was pumping me for a story, it was too late. Another reason I deserve a spot in the Hall of Shame.”
“Oh, Lanessa.” Jade shook her head slowly.
Lanessa sobbed harder, unable to face her. “It’s not enough I’ve ruined my life, I had to ruin yours, too.”
“Listen to me,” Jade said.
“I don’t blame you for hating me.” Lanessa rocked back and forth.
“I said stop and listen to me.” Jade sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “What little I told you about my job is public record. Any reporter worth two cents would have found out what’s been in the papers. They were already digging for damaging information.”
“But I gave him a lead on where to look. Glenn said so.” Lanessa wiped her nose with a wad of tissues.
“Believe me, Nessa; Savoie didn’t need Glenn to point the way. He’s one of the sharpest investigative reporters in the South. He knew exactly what to look for. This isn’t his first time tracking down scandals in state government.”
“Seriously?” Lanessa gripped Jade’s arm with a look of hope. “I didn’t hurt you after all?”
“No, you didn’t.” Jade brushed a wisp of her hair away from her eyes.
“Thank God. Not that I didn’t do enough damage on purpose.” Lanessa looked grim and hollow- eyed. Her shoulders drooped with self-recrimination.
“Lanessa, you’ve made mistakes. But you’re still the bestest big sister in the world.” Jade hugged her.
“Oh, please. I’m just grateful you never used me as a role model. Instead of setting an example for you, I’ve done everything wrong.” Lanessa waved a hand in the air. “Mama didn’t call you the smart one for nothing.”
“The only reason I know anything about style is because of you. Remember those times you spotted me going out the door dressed in some strange getup?” Jade wanted to coax her back from despair.
“Those green checked pants you bought one weekend...” Lanessa gave a comical shudder.
“You’d drag me back inside and say ‘Girl, you are not representing me out in public dressed like that!’ I still think my pants were cute.” Jade giggled when Lanessa gave a shriek of dismay.
Lanessa grabbed her by the shoulders. “Tell me you’re not wearing those things, please!”
“Come on now. I learned a lot from you.” Jade gazed at her sister with affection. “There were times when I felt down on myself. Then I’d think, ‘Now Lanessa wouldn’t let them mess with her’ or ‘Lanessa would handle it this way.’ You were a great role model when it came to being assertive and commanding respect.”
“Jade-girl, you’re beautiful inside and out.” Lanessa kissed Jade’s cheek.
“So are you,” Jade said.
“No, I’m—” Lanessa shook her head.
“Yes, you are,” Jade cut her off firmly. She held Lanessa for the rest of their visit, willing her to believe it.
* * *
“Hello, Mama.” Jade watched Clarice with a wary eye.
They stood in the large laundry room of her parents’ home. Since the night of the accident, her mother had been on the defensive. In the therapy sessions, both her daughters’ anxieties had centered on living up to her expectations. The result was that Clarice had missed the last two sessions. Now Jade wanted to find a way through to her. No matter how resentful she felt toward Clarice, Jade had always wanted them to be closer.
“Sure you want to speak to me? I’m such a witch of a mother and all.” Clarice worked at folding up a pile of laundry, a task she insisted on returning to after having let Jade in.
“We don’t feel that way, and you know it.” Jade set down her purse with a sigh. This was going to be as tough as she’d expected.
“Sure can’t tell from the way you talked in front of the social worker. I’m surprised you and your sister haven’t disowned me by now.” Clarice popped the bath towel in the air with a sharp flick of her wrists then folded it.
“Mama, let me—”
“It’s all my fault. You don’t like yourself because I made you feel ugly. And Lanessa is in trouble because I pushed her to it.”
“Lanessa is an alcoholic. She has an addictive personality. Even she admits she was sliding into illegal drug use.” Jade took a cue from the therapist and pressed the truth on her. Clarice still resisted the fact of Lanessa’s substance abuse.
“Everything is laid at my door. Well, what about your father? I was left to raise you girls alone when he was out working twelve hours a day, sometimes nights and weekends.” Clarice yanked another towel from the stack. “Did anyone mention that? How I stayed up nights nursing you two through fevers, chicken pox and all kinds of illnesses? No!”
“We don’t blame everything on you.” Jade tried to think of something to say that would diffuse her anger.
“Well, thank you so much, Jade!” Clarice whirled to face her. “You accuse me of pushing Lanessa until she almost killed herself. Now I’m supposed to feel better because you don’t blame me for everything.”
“Lanessa has to take responsibility for her life. You didn’t put the drink in her hand. When all is said and done, she can’t use any of us as an excuse to get high.” Jade approached her mother. “She’s an alcoholic and at the ed
ge of being a drug addict.”
Clarice sat stiff with grief. She trembled as tears flowed down her face. “Oh, Lord, what have I done to my children?”
Jade led to the breakfast table and eased her into a chair. “We all need to stop beating ourselves up. The one thing we have is that we love each other dearly.” She made soothing noises while her mother cried for a few minutes. Finally Clarice gained some control.
“When I was coming up, my parents didn’t have much. Oh, Daddy worked hard, but things were tight. Girls like Marlene Knight used to laugh at us right to our faces. We didn’t have money for fancy makeup or trips. I hated it. Mama made us wear hand-me-downs even when we had money to buy new clothes.” Clarice looked back to her past as though she could see herself as a young girl again.
“Yeah, Grandmama was a little tight-fisted. Daddy used to say she pinched her pennies so hard, Lincoln had a frown on his face.” Jade smiled at the memory of her brusque but lovable grandmother.
“Mama never understood how it felt to walk down the hall at school while kids were snickering at you. She didn’t want to hear it. She’d say, ‘When they start buying your clothes, then start listening’ to them.’” Clarice wore a frown traced with bitterness after forty years.
“So you blamed your mother, too?” Jade said in a soft voice. She saw her mother in a whole new light. Clarice even looked younger. Jade could almost see traces of the teenage girl humiliated at how she looked.
Clarice seemed not to notice Jade anymore, so deep was she in her past. “I wasn’t good enough to be asked to the dance in seventh grade. All through high school, the teachers favored the girls from so-called good families. I swore they would never look down on me again. And I would make sure my daughters had everything I’d never had.”
“We did, Mama. You did a wonderful job.” Jade patted her hand.
“I don’t think so, baby. I never thought you were ugly.” Clarice placed a palm on Jade’s face, cupping it lovingly. “You’re the most beautiful child in the world. It’s just you had the looks and a kind of inner strength. Since you were a baby, you struck out to find things on your own. Your sister was a fearful little thing. So I tried to give her confidence, you know. Lanessa is more... vulnerable.”
They sat pondering her words for a long time, listening to the kitchen clock tick. Jade knew that there was no magic wand that would make things all right for her family, but at last they were on the right path. She could feel it. For the first time in her life, she felt a true kinship with her mother. Clarice had never spoken to her so openly about her past hurts. Her mother’s conflict with her own mother was a revelation.
“Seems like mothers are always trying to do what’s best for their children.” Jade thought of generations of mothers and daughters stretching back through time. She felt a connection to all those beautiful strong black women. “But one legacy we have is the love and dignity they gave to us.”
“Yes, Mama was a strong woman. She could walk into a room of teachers and professors without feeling the least bit intimidated.” Clarice’s face shone with pride. “You know what, let’s call your grandmother. She’s got pictures of her grandparents and great-grandparents. I’ll bet Lanessa would love to see those, too.”
“Yeah, that would be wonderful! Then we can get Mother Lucille to talking about her mother.” Jade chuckled.
“Lord, don’t get her started about Granny Adele. You know Mama and her sister Loretha didn’t speak to each other for two years after Granny Adele let Auntie Loretha wear the best dress to a school function.”
“Get outta here! Two years?” Jade cackled.
For the rest of the day, they sat talking about family history and sharing coincidences as never before. Jade poured out all her feelings for Damon. Clarice listened to her with the kind of rapt attention Jade had always wanted from her mother. Jade no longer felt like an outsider. And she knew they would get through this horrible time together.
* * *
“Don’t get me wrong, sweet thing. I’m happy to see you. But aren’t you taking a bit of a chance?” Tavis was all feline grace as he poured them both a drink.
Yes, I know exactly what I saw in you.” Marlene watched his every move. She didn’t return his smile when he walked to her, holding out the glass.
“Really? Tell me about it.” Tavis took a sip of brandy. He sat down and patted the cushion next to him on the leather sofa. “I like this game we play.”
Marlene put the glass down on the glass coffee table. “I have a bit of news for you. We’re through.”
“I see.” He swirled the dark liquid around the heavy glass in his hand.
“What we had was entertaining, but...” Marlene shrugged.
“You’re trying to tell me the thrill is gone? Get real.” Tavis stood up to face her. The muscles of his chest and arms rippled beneath the white knit cotton shirt he wore. Powerful thighs were outlined by the olive khaki pants. “You were begging for more the last time. You know I’m right.”
“As I said, entertaining.” Marlene was all cool sophistication. Her full lips curved up.
Tavis kept smiling, but his jaw was clenched. “So you’ve decided to get someone else. Younger than me, no doubt.”
“No, not another lover.” Marlene arranged the folds of her silk shirt.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to play the part of dutiful wife.” He snorted and pointed a forefinger at her. “It doesn’t suit you. And it won’t last.”
“What I’m going to do is irrelevant. But there is something you are going to do.” Marlene sat across from him on a matching chair. “Bill Lang has set up Jade Pellerin to take the fall. But you’re going to make sure it doesn’t succeed.”
Tavis could not hide his surprise at her words. “How did you? I mean, I don’t have one clue what you’re talking about.” He got up to pour more brandy into his glass, though it was still half full.
“Nice try, lover, but you didn’t quite pull it off.” Marlene stared at his broad shoulders.
Tavis turned around. “Oliver might be very upset to know where you’ve been spending your evenings and Saturdays. I think you have more to worry about than Jade Pellerin.”
“Is that a threat?” Marlene did not seem worried at all.
“Baby, come on now. We’ve had a wonderful arrangement. Good sex and—”
Marlene held up a palm. “And my insider tips whispered as pillow talk helped you jockey into a more visible position. Your career has been enhanced in the few short months we’ve been seeing each other.”
“We both got what we wanted and more so don’t play naive.” Tavis wore a suggestive smile. “I’ve got big plans and, well, frankly I need you.”
“So until you’re through using me, our affair continues?” Marlene spoke in a quiet voice.
“I knew you’d understand. We both have needs, mine are economic and yours are... let’s just say I fill a gap the old man can’t handle anymore.”
“Suddenly it’s clear to me that I don’t need you anymore.” Marlene stared past him, not seeing him for a few seconds. “Empty physical gratification isn’t enough.”
“Humph! After a couple of weeks with Oliver you’ll be blowing up my cell phone again. So don’t give me some line about being in love with your husband.”
“I do love my husband, very much,” Marlene murmured softly. Then she gazed at Tavis again. “But as I was saying, we’re through.”
“Number one, we’re not through just yet. I’ll see you as usual. Number two; don’t ever tell me what to do again. Got it?” Tavis sat down next to her on the arm of the chair. “Now drop the act, and let’s go into the bedroom so you can get what you really came for.”
He stroked her arm. Marlene gazed at his hand for a few seconds before she stood up. Tavis smiled at her in triumph. He pulled her close to him with one hand on her hip.
“I can read you like always, baby,” Tavis whispered.
“I have a surprise for you. My husband knows about us.
He has for some time now.” Marlene nodded slowly as the full impact of her words changed the expression on his face.
“How did he... I mean who told him?” Tavis stepped back and rubbed his face hard.
“No one had to tell him. Oliver is no fool. And he has powerful friends.” Marlene smiled at the flicker of anxiety that chased across his handsome features.
“Damn! He could bring me down a little at a time now. I’m not yet in a position to stop him. Aw, man.” Tavis ran fingers over his dark hair.
“Fortunately for you, Oliver isn’t vindictive. He doesn’t care about your little career. Your dirty deals with Lang were going to put you on top, with help from me of course. Then you wouldn’t care about Oliver knowing or what happened to me.” Marlene crossed her arms. “Well, you’re going to have to switch to Plan B, my dear.”
“What are you talking about?” Tavis eyed her with nervous suspicion.
“You’re going to help Jade Pellerin. Show her where the bodies are buried.” Marlene now wore a hard, relentless expression.
“You’ve got to be out of your mind. Bill would throw me under the bus if he found out!” Tavis blinked at her in shock. “No way.”
“Bill Lang will be very busy trying to cover his own hind parts, sonny. He won’t have time for you,” Marlene quipped.
“There’s no way I can get out from under all the crap about to come down. Uh-uh, I can’t help your kid’s girlfriend.” Tavis paced again.
“My dear, I have every confidence you’ll find a means to save your own skin. We’re mainly talking about the nursing home rates, I think. You didn’t have anything to do with setting the reimbursements.” Marlene watched him with her head to one side. “You were mostly in on the medical center expansions and construction contracts.”
“How do you know...? What else have you found out?” Tavis stared at her with his mouth wide open.
“Those wonderful connections you cherish so, remember?” Marlene picked up her purse. “So do it, sugar. By the way, be careful. They’re going to catch up with you soon.”
