by Kyra Lennon
“I get it,” Freya said. “Well, as much as I can without having children of my own. But I hate leaving my nieces and nephews when I visit them so it must be a million times harder when it’s your own child.”
I nodded. “It’s horrible. But at the same time, I feel like in the long term, it might be better for all of us if I’m not stuck at home so much.” I shrugged. “I guess I’m still trying to figure out a balance. When people tell you being a parent is hard, they aren’t just talking about the sleepless nights.”
“You’ll get there. Just don’t stress over it too much.”
Miguel nodded. “Freya’s right. The more time you spend thinking you’re doing the wrong thing, the more time you’re wasting when you should just be enjoying the time you have now. Things will work out however they’re supposed to.”
“That was deep.” I laughed. “But I know you’re right. It’s just… Radleigh’s not crazy about the idea of me going back to work. If he had his way, I’d be pregnant again by the end of the year.”
“Really?” Freya asked. “I know you guys plan on having more than one, but so soon?”
“Yup. I’m not ready yet. I’d like at least another year before I go through it all again. I got pregnant so fast the first time. As soon as I found out we were having Jessica, everything became about that. About me being pregnant. Just for a while, I’d like us to settle into what we have now before adding anyone else into the mix.”
“Everything between you two has always gone so quickly. Slowing down the pace couldn’t hurt. Is Radleigh okay with that?”
I sighed without meaning to. “Yeah, he is. I had to do some persuading but it’s me who has to go through the pregnancy. I’m the one who has to deal with all the crap that comes with it, and when I explained that to him he was more understanding. But it’s definitely not his preference.” Shaking my head, I added, “He’s been in a strange mood the last few days. I don’t know what’s going on with him at the moment.” Freya and Miguel exchanged a look, and I said, “What?”
Miguel shook his head. “It’s nothing major, but we’ve noticed he’s been a little off at training this week.”
“Off in what way?” My heart began to drum in my chest. I knew Bryce had noticed his swift switch of mood on Monday, but if other people were noticing it too, something was very wrong. Radleigh was a master at hiding his true feelings.
“Just a little out of sorts,” Freya said. “He’s been okay but not totally the way he usually is. Not sure how to describe it.”
She really didn’t need to. I was more than familiar with it. What I didn’t know was what had caused it.
“Has anything happened at work that might have made a difference?” I asked.
Miguel shook his head. “Nothing at all. Have you talked to him about it?”
“Of course. He says everything’s okay but it’s obviously not.” I pushed my hands through my hair, letting out another sigh. “I really don’t need anything going wrong now. Not with the wedding so close.”
Freya rested a hand on my arm. “Don’t stress about it, Leah. Hopefully he’ll snap out of whatever it is soon and you can forget about this little blip.”
**
“Where have you been?”
I stopped abruptly having just closed the front door, to be greeted by Radleigh stepping out of the living room and into the hallway, a look of mild anger in his eyes. His stance was rigid, his large frame tense and his mouth set in a thin line.
“You know where I’ve been.” I tossed my keys on the table beside the door and placed my bag down beside it. “What’s wrong?”
“I thought you were only going to be a couple of hours.”
I glanced down at my watch. “I was only a couple of hours.”
“Three. Three hours.” His expression was so cold a shiver rippled down my spine.
What the hell?
I took a few steps towards him. “Relax. It’s only ten o’clock. Is everything okay?”
“No. You’re late.”
“Are you kidding?” When he didn’t answer, just continued to stare at me, I shook my head and started to walk past him. Whatever the hell mood he was in, I wasn’t going to stand around arguing about what time I got home.
As I reached him he grabbed my arm and roughly turned me to face him, his fingers digging into my wrist. It wasn’t the fact that he was hurting me that made tears spring to my eyes, it was the shock. Sure, his behaviour had been a little unusual the last few days, but not to this degree.
Peeling his fingers from around my wrist and shoving his hand away, I glared at him. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I suggest you calm down before you try talking to me again.”
On shaky legs, I brushed past him up the stairs, blinking away the moisture behind my eyes. We’d had some fights in our time, but he’d never gotten upset or angry with me for being a little later home than usual, and he’d certainly never grabbed me so hard. This was a gigantic leap from being a bit grouchy, and I needed it to stop immediately. I’d been in an abusive relationship before; I wouldn’t stand for it again. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t who he was, but if he didn’t sort his crap out soon we were going to have a huge problem on our hands.
I took a quick look in on Jessica, and finding her sleeping soundly, I placed a soft kiss on her head before going to my own room and sitting on the end of the bed.
I thought about the things Freya and Miguel had said about Radleigh’s behaviour, and the onset of panic began.
What if he’s having an affair?
No. He would never. But with the way he’d just acted about me being late, maybe he was projecting his own guilt onto me. I rested my head in my hands, trying unsucessfully to push those thoughts away. God, was there something in his attitude lately that had suggested he was cheating? I really couldn’t recall anything other than this sudden grumpiness. And if he was cheating, why now? Why so close to the wedding? Why when he wanted us to make our family bigger? Unless… maybe he was getting cold feet and trying to pull everything back together with the idea that a baby would help.
We’re happy though, aren’t we?
As far as I knew, we were. Right up until a few days ago.
“I’m sorry.”
I looked up to see Radleigh standing in the doorway, his body still abnormally stiff, but his expression softer.
“What’s going on, Radleigh?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” I stood up with a sigh. “I know you too well now and telling me nothing’s wrong doesn’t work anymore.”
He lowered his eyes, shaking his head again. “It’s not important. I’m sorry for being a dick.”
I walked over to him and took his hands in mine. “Look at me.” He raised his head. “You need to start talking to me. Something has been wrong all week. Whatever it is, can you just tell me so I can try to help?”
Radleigh dropped my hands and walked past me, towards our bathroom. “There’s nothing to tell, Leah.”
I spun around to face him, my own temper beginning to bubble and clashing with the nagging doubts in my brain. “So… what? You just finished work on Monday and decided to be in a shitty mood?”
“I said I’m sorry, okay? Can’t we just forget it?”
“I’ve been trying to but every day it’s the same thing. You’ve been coming home and acting weird, and it’s getting worse.” I rolled up my sleeve. Even though I hadn’t checked, I knew he’d marked me, and sure enough his fingers had left an imprint around my wrist. Stepping closer to him and thrusting my arm towards him, I said, “What the hell was this all about? You’ve never done anything like this before, so don’t tell me to forget it.”
His eyes fell on my marked skin then he looked back up at me. “I’m sorry,” he said again. His blue eyes glimmered with sadness and I blew out a slow breath.
“I don’t want apologies, baby. I want you to explain.”
“I can’t.” He let go of my h
and and turned away from me.
His reluctance to look at me only fuelled my worries. What could be bothering him so much that he wouldn’t look at me other than him cheating on me?
“Radleigh.”
I watched as his shoulders moved up and down, the tension building in them again. I wanted to go to him, to try and ease him out of whatever was causing his erratic behaviour, but equally I wanted to strangle him for being so difficult. My fight or flight instincts kicked in but the two battled with each other until I let out a growl of frustration.
And he still didn’t turn around.
“Are you seeing someone else?”
I asked the question in the hope of shocking a response out of him. I mean, if I was wrong, the suggestion would surely prompt a reaction, right? Slowly he turned to face me again and I took a step back as his eyes fully met mine.
“Really, Leah? You really think I’d do that?”
“I don’t know what to think. You won’t talk to me, you hardly even look at me and you’re flipping out over the smallest of things. If that’s not it, then what is it?”
“Dammit, Leah, just drop it!” he yelled as he stormed past me towards the door, and this time I was the one who grabbed for him. My fingers circled around his wrist and he glared at me. “Let go.”
“You need to stop this. If you’re not going to tell me what the problem is, then you need to stop acting like a fucking asshole. I don’t know what mood you’re going to be in from one minute to the next. You want to know why I was longer than I said I would be tonight? Because I wanted to be away from the weird silences for a while. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed it.”
Radleigh tugged his wrist from my grip, his eyes still fixed on mine. “Right. So you went out to talk about me with Freya and Miguel. Anyone else? Did you stop by Bryce’s place on the way back? Or how about Jesse? Maybe you went to see my parents, or maybe just my mom since you seem to run everything by her first these days.”
The venom in his voice would have made me step back but his words spat out that way only made my anger rise. Maybe this did have something to do with me going back to work, but that wasn’t all of it. Not by a long way.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you!” I snapped. “Don’t stand there and act like I’ve taken other routes on this. I’ve asked and asked, but you keep shooting me down! So yeah, I talked to Freya and Miguel about it.”
“And what was their expert advice?”
The sarcasm dripping from his voice made me want to punch him in the face, but that wasn’t nearly as hard to take as that damn glare, his eyes cold as ice.
“They told me not to stress over it, which seemed like good advice until you started acting like you own me!”
“That’s clearly not the case since you’re so busy doing anything you can to try and get out of this house and away from me and Jessica!”
This time I did step back, my body starting to shake with the unfairness of his words.
“That’s not fair and you know it. And if me working is the problem, then let’s talk about it.”
“You already made your decision!” he shouted, taking a step towards me.
“I told you about something I want to do! That’s not the same thing, and let’s not pretend that your shitty mood these last few days has been solely about this! Something was bothering you before I even mentioned it! What I got was an amazing weekend followed by you coming home from work on Monday as if something had happened. Even Bryce said your mood changed out of nowhere!”
“Bryce needs to keep his mouth shut! If I wanted to talk, I would!”
From across the hall, I heard Jessica start to cry, and my heart twisted at the realisation that our yelling had woken her. Blowing out another long breath to calm myself, I took a few steps towards the door.
“I’ll go,” Radleigh said, turning away from me and blocking my way.
“I really don’t want you near Jessica when you’re in this mood.” I tried to slip around him but he grabbed me and pushed me so my back hit the doorframe, not hard, but forceful enough that my eyes widened in shock.
“So now I’m not fit to take care of my own daughter?” he snarled, and I flinched.
What. The. Hell?
“Radleigh, please,” I said, trying to remain calm.
“I’ll take care of her.”
He let go of me and strode to Jessica’s room, leaving me in the doorway of our room, my heart beating fast. Jessica’s cries grew louder and I quickly pulled myself together and rushed into her room where Radleigh was holding her close to him. It was clear from his stance why Jessica was crying harder – he was so rigid and so angry that she must have felt it. Her little arms reached out for me and as I stepped forwards to take her, Radleigh stepped back.
“Radleigh, give her to me.” My insides withered as Jessica’s face crumpled up, her arms still stretched towards me.
“Leave us alone. I said I’ll take care of her.”
“You’re scaring her!” I snapped, then instantly regretted it when Jessica’s arm dropped down to her side. Now neither of us were making her feel safe and she sobbed harder. “Please.” I adjusted my tone accordingly, trying to fight back tears at seeing our little girl so distressed. “Please just let me take her.”
Instead of handing her to me, Radleigh pushed past me and headed down the hallway to the stairs, Jessica’s cries echoing off the walls.
“Where are you going?” I chased him down the hallway but he was already at the bottom of the stairs, shoving his car keys in his pocket.
“Out! I’m taking her out for a drive to calm her down.”
“I don’t want you driving anywhere in this state! Please! Let’s just put her back to bed, okay?”
The desperation in my tone didn’t seem to register in his brain because he was already opening the door as I raced down the stairs, slipping as I reached the bottom, and landing on my arse with a thud. Tears sprang to my eyes again and my stumble allowed Radleigh the chance to slip outside. By the time I’d gotten myself up Radleigh had already strapped Jessica into her car seat and was about to get into the driver’s seat. The speed at which he moved told me the last thing he should be doing was getting behind the wheel of the car and I yelled his name, running across the gravel drive towards him. Even though the doors were closed, Jessica’s cries still managed to pierce the night air and tears fell down my cheeks.
“Radleigh, stop!” I begged, but if he heard me, he showed no signs of it. I reached the driver’s side door, my hand just touching it as the tires screeched and he pulled out of drive at an abnormal speed, flicking gravel up into the air. “Come back!”
It was too late. He was gone; driving like a maniac with our screaming daughter in the back. He didn’t have any of her things with him. No blanket, no bottles, no nappies. No soft toy to comfort her. My first instinct was to get in my own car and go after them, but it was a little late for that. Besides, what good would chasing him down actually do aside from maybe making him angrier?
On shaky legs I ran back to the house, trying to figure out the best thing to do. I wanted to call the cops on his ass, but that would probably be as effective as me going after him myself. I wanted him calmer. I wanted him home so his furious driving wasn’t putting Jessica in danger.
Was this my fault? Did I make him this mad?
Don’t go there, Leah. He was already mad when you got home, and you being late home is not an acceptable reason for him to behave this way.
For lack of other options, I went to the living room and snatched up the phone. I hit speed dial one and waited. It was getting late but I knew Mitch would at least still be up.
“Hello?”
“Deanna! I… I…”
“Leah?” Panic was clear in Deanna’s tone, likely due to my inability to speak. Because what was I going to say to her? Your son’s being a complete prick and driven off at a hundred miles an hour with our baby in the car? “Leah, what’s wrong, honey?”
&nb
sp; “I… It’s Radleigh,” I choked out, then taking a breath, I added, “I just… we kind of had a fight, and he’s… he’s totally flipped out, Deanna. Jessica was crying and he just… he took her! He got in the car and I don’t know where he’s gone, and… he was going so damn fast I’m scared he’s going to kill them both!”
“Okay, honey. Calm down. Tell me what happened.”
I took a moment to compose myself then explained in the briefest terms what we’d talked about, and about how he’d been acting weird for the last few days. When I was done, Deanna said, “This doesn’t sound like Radleigh at all. I understand that my son can be a moody, self-centred pain in the ass at times, but driving off that way? No.”
I debated telling her about how he’d hurt me, because I knew she and Mitch would kick his ass for it, but I didn’t care about that right then. I cared about him potentially driving him and Jessica into an accident.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, Dee,” I said, my voice wobbling. “I can’t stand him being this way.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll talk soon. Sounds like he’s reached the point where he can’t deal with it anymore or he wouldn’t have done this.”
“Then he should have just left on his own! He shouldn’t have taken Jessica with him when she was already scared.”
“I know, honey,” she soothed. “And when he comes home, you can talk it out with him.”
“What if he doesn’t come back?” I asked quietly. “What if he’s so mad he just stays out all night? Checks into a hotel or something.”
“He’ll be back. You already said he doesn’t have any of Jessica’s things with him. He’ll have to come home.”
Deanna was severely underestimating his stubbornness, not to mention I had no idea who he was at that moment. Under normal circumstances, she’d have been right. He’d have gone out and blown off some steam then come back to talk. But it was like he’d grown a new personality; one that made him irrational and a little scary. I wished I could rewind the whole week and gotten to the bottom of this sooner instead of letting it fester.
