by Kyra Lennon
Jessica and I spent a quiet morning at home, playing together. Sometimes being in the house made me stir crazy, but with everything that had been going on, a morning of simplicity and quality time with my girl made more sense to me than anything else.
However, I did want to brave going to the Warriors training ground at lunchtime. It was the only time I’d be able to see Richard, and I needed to talk to him about that job offer, and catch him up on the situation with Radleigh and me. I was no longer sure whether Radleigh still ate lunch in the training ground restaurant or if he now did stuff with Jen instead, but as I walked into the restaurant, I didn’t care whether he was there or not. I wasn’t ready to forgive him for the way he’d acted towards me the day before, and even though I was a willing participant in the angry sex, it wasn’t the kind of angry sex I wanted to repeat. It was cold and detached and I hated that I’d let it happen.
He wasn’t there, and a sigh of relief left me. I found Richard sitting with Freya, and as they spotted me walking towards them with Jessica in my arms, they smiled and chorused hellos. I sat down with them, and right away, Jessica wanted to go to Richard. Luckily he’d already finished his lunch so I handed her over.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting Jessica in his lap. “We weren’t expecting you today.”
“I wanted to talk to you about… everything. But also, I just kinda wanted to be here amongst friends and try to feel some normality.”
Freya squeezed my hand. “We get it. Do you want something to eat?”
“Yeah, actually, I could totally go for a tuna salad.”
She laughed. “I’ll go order it for you, stay there.”
“Thanks.”
Already I felt better and some of my tension over potentially bumping into Radleigh eased.
“So, what’s going on?” Richard asked. “Would you prefer to talk in the office, or…?”
“I’m good here. I have no problem with Freya hearing anything I have to say. Saves me saying it twice.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t keep up with all the rumours, Leah. What’s really happening with you and Radleigh?”
I glanced down at the table, wishing there was something for me to fiddle around with while I talked, but there would be nothing until Freya came back with a knife and fork.
“We’re in a mess.” I sighed. “Probably the biggest mess we’ve ever been in. So we’re taking some time apart so he can get used to having a new son, and so he can figure out why he keeps lying to me about being with Jen.”
“Is he with her?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t think he knows where he wants to be, and until he does, I don’t want him with me. I can’t handle him only being half there.”
Richard nodded slowly. “The photos in the papers…”
“He says they mean nothing. That she threw herself at him for the kiss, and that the hand-holding was just a fleeting moment. I want to believe him. But he’s kept things from me and that doesn’t make me too confident that we have a future.”
The words hurt my mouth as they came out, like they were made of poison that threatened to kill me from the inside. The thought of him not being my future made my stomach knot. The crippling uncertainty was getting harder with each passing day but I forced a smile. “I don’t know where we’ll be in a few weeks from now, let alone a year.”
Again, Richard nodded. “I still want you back on the team.”
I snorted out a laugh. “Sure you do. Because you’re a big fan of soap operas, right? That’s what you called my relationship with Radleigh before, wasn’t it?”
He gave a small grin. “It was a soap opera. It might always be a soap opera. But I want you back.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re great at your job. Because although you’ve been happy since you left, that little glint in your eyes you used to have when you walked in here every day is missing. I know we talked about this already, but I think having a job again would be so good for you.”
“I haven’t changed my mind, Richard. I’d still like to come back. But if Radleigh and I don’t get through this, I think it would be a mistake to have us both here.”
He reached over and touched my hand. “Can you do one thing for me? Before your food gets here, go downstairs to your old office. Just stand there for a few minutes. If you can tell me you feel nothing, I’ll give up. I don’t think that’ll happen, though.”
I rolled my eyes but stood up to do as he asked. I didn’t need to. I already knew how I’d feel because I felt it every time I walked by my former work space. It felt like home. As I walked down the stairs I pondered the mechanics of working there if Radleigh and I split. Perhaps I should have been able to separate the two things, but the truth was, it was impossible because all of my early time in L.A had been about both. Westberg and Radleigh. There was no breaking them apart.
Reaching the bottom of the staircase, I stopped dead as I saw Jen standing exactly where I was headed. Outside my former office. Radleigh was nowhere in sight though, and I was about to turn and go back up the stairs when she spotted me.
“Leah. Are you looking for Radleigh?”
“No. No, I was looking for… something else.”
She walked towards me, her heels clacking against the stone floor. “We just had lunch together, but he left his phone in the diner. He’ll be here soon.”
I nodded, not wanting to give anything away if I could help it. God, she looked smug. The glimmer in her eyes told me she enjoyed telling me she’d been with Radleigh, and that she was now the one who knew where he was and when.
“Well, I’m going to go back up and have lunch,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”
“Oh, no doubt.” I turned away and she added, “I was sorry to hear about Bree. So sad to lose a baby.”
Glancing back at her over my shoulder, I said, “I’ll pass along your condolences.”
“Please do. But, you know, on the bright side, at least she’ll have her figure back in time to fit in her dress for your… oh.”
I turned on her so fast, everything blurred around me. The only thing I could see was the smug grin playing on her lips as she uttered her nasty words. She was almost a foot taller than me but I had her pinned against the wall in seconds, and she gasped at my speed. She had severely underestimated the strength I developed when someone made a slight against my friends, and when she’d hinted my wedding might not happen? Oh, hell no. She’d awoken a side of me I kept buried deep.
“Listen to me, you two faced tramp. You might be able to fool Radleigh into thinking you’ve changed, but it doesn’t wash with me. I see through you. I see who you are. You know why? Because I used to be devious when I wanted something badly enough. But I grew up. I learned that lying and scheming my way into someone’s life is a one way ticket to disaster. It’s not real. So, you keep on playing your games, but don’t expect it to end with a happily ever after. One day, he’ll see what he knew all along. You’re just a soulless bitch hiding behind expensive clothes and make-up.”
She smiled. “You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. Truth is, without Radleigh, you’re nothing. You were nothing before him and you’ll be nothing when he leaves you. And you’ll have no choice but to stay in L.A and watch while your daughter becomes a part of my family. She’s going to love me, Leah. Because I’ll be the one she has fun with, and you’ll be the one making the rules. The one she fights with and comes to me to complain about.”
The sting from her comments pulsated through my body but I held firm. “Don’t count on it. I’ll make sure my daughter knows who you are. And if Radleigh is weak enough to fall for your lies, he’s not the kind of man I want in my life. Perfect for you, though. You don’t want a partnership, you want a guy you can walk all over.”
“I want what’s mine.”
“Radleigh hasn’t been yours for years because you couldn’t keep your knickers on.”
“I made a mis
take.”
“Don’t you get it?” I laughed. “You can’t win here and you know it. If he chooses me, you lose. If he chooses you, you get a man who would leave his family behind if someone else came along. Big achievement, huh?”
Jen shoved me back, scowling, and I stumbled a little before regaining my balance. “You know what sucks for you? As much as you see me, I see you too. I’m not fooled by this little act. You’re scared. And you should be. You pushed him away and he won’t come back. I know him. I know how he thinks and I’m right there picking up the pieces you broke him in to when you told him to leave.”
The restraint it took not to fly at her and scratch her eyes out was incredible. My feet itched to run at her and my fists wanted to pummel her into the ground, but that wasn’t my style, although she had managed to dig up some psychotic tendencies from inside me I didn’t know I had. She was probably the only other person in the world who did know him. He’d changed a lot since she was with him, but she still knew him in ways most people didn’t. She was the only other person he’d been completely open with. Too much time spent with her and he could easily bury everything she put him through before. It could be a fresh start. New family. New beginning. Everything she said had the potential to turn into the truth.
“One day, Jen, the things you’ve done to hurt others will come back to haunt you. And I’ll be sitting back with a box of popcorn, watching as life knocks you on your ass.”
**
My little exchange with Jen stayed with me long after I should have forgotten it. I might have sounded confident but she was right. I was scared. And since Radleigh and I were no longer on speaking terms – aside from texts about when he could see Jessica – I grew more and more concerned her prediction would prove true. Any time we saw each other, the atmosphere was awkward. Since the angry sex incident, both of our barriers had gone up. I needed to block him out a little more to prevent anything like that happening again, and he seemed to have done the same. The communication I’d tried so hard to keep open had been cut off, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to get it back. Or if it was worth trying when I was the only one doing the work.
But wasn’t this what I’d wanted? What I’d asked for? The conflict between my head telling me I’d done the right thing and my heart telling me to ask him to come home gave me an almost permanent headache along with the never-ending ache in my chest and my gut.
My whole world felt like it was spinning off its axis, and while internally I frantically tried to figure out how to regain some balance, on the outside, I had no choice but to remain calm. Had to pretend I was taking this in my stride, and that it didn’t matter that every day Jen was working her way further into Radleigh’s life. And not just his life. Her presence at Mitch and Deanna’s place had become more regular, too. It was to be expected, and from what I could tell, neither of them were too happy about it, but that was where Radleigh lived. Mitch and Deanna had warmed to Jayden quickly, though. By all accounts he was nothing like Jen. He was polite and well-behaved, and he loved his new grandma and grandpa.
I wanted to meet him. This little boy who was a part of the man I loved. It wasn’t the right time. If such a time even existed. Maybe I’d never need to meet him. At least not in an official kind of way. Perhaps all I’d ever be to him was the mother of his half-sister.
Constantly tormenting myself with those thoughts didn’t help me, but I couldn’t stop them. I still desperately wanted to go home to the U.K for a while, but if Radleigh wouldn’t let me take Jessica, I couldn’t go. I felt trapped in a situation I’d helped to create, powerless to make a move in any direction because there was nowhere for me to go. My life had become an endless loop of the same thoughts. If you want him back, ask him to come home. But… what if he still isn’t sure? If he really wanted to be with you, wouldn’t he have fought harder to come back? But… he’s stubborn.
Round and round, like a song stuck on repeat. You’ve heard it so often you want to scream when it starts up again. Relentless, overbearing, overriding all other sounds and thoughts and voices.
And every day, I fixed a smile on my face and carried on.
**
It was a full week before I had to see Radleigh again. He’d been at an away game over the weekend, and he’d called me to ask if I could bring Jessica to him late Sunday afternoon for a few hours. Since he hadn’t seen her for a week, I couldn’t really refuse, but on the drive to Mitch and Deanna’s an awful feeling of trepidation built in my stomach. There was no good reason for it, really. We wouldn’t fight in front of Jessica, and since we’d be in his parents’ house, we’d both be on our best behaviour. So what was I so afraid of?
I heard the shouting as I approached the front door with Jessica in my arms, and my feet halted instantly. And not just shouting, but crying too.
The voices were muffled but I had to listen hard because I wasn’t walking my daughter into the middle of something that sounded so messy.
“It was an accident!” a female voice sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I’ll pay for any damage.” It sounded like Jen, and a split occurred in my brain. My inner bitch wanted to chuckle because she had obviously done something terrible, and it was about time she tripped up. But the real me grew angry, because if she was crying, the yelling had clearly been aimed at her, and that meant she’d damaged something that meant a lot to Mitch and Deanna. They would never have raised their voices over something trivial; they weren’t the type to get upset over nothing.
Why was Jen even there? Radleigh knew how I felt about her being around Jessica, and even if he’d wanted to see Jayden, he should have scheduled his time better to make sure she was gone before I arrived. Although, it was just like her to show up late, just to create more drama.
“An accident!” Deanna screeched. “No. This was deliberate!”
“He’s just a kid!” Jen argued. “He didn’t mean to cause any harm!”
Oh God. This was sounding worse with every second. Because they would never have been this mad at a child.
Although I wanted to take Jessica far away from this, Radleigh was expecting us and maybe our arrival would diffuse the tension.
I knocked on the door and I swear I felt the tension ramp up several notches. Maybe it was the deathly silence and the fact that there was no immediate sound of footsteps coming towards the door. It was way too quiet. It was a full minute before the door opened, but it felt like an hour. It was Mitch who opened the door, his face almost apologetic as I stepped inside. In the hallway were Deanna, Radeigh, Jen, and two little boys. The smaller of the two kids was covered from head to toe in blue paint, and there were blue paint footprints all over the cream carpet.
Several thoughts jumped into my mind at once. No wonder Deanna was angry, but she would never have accused a child of deliberately ruining her carpet. Why would he? He was three years old. The next thought was why were they all there anyway? Deanna and Mitch knew I was coming, so how come they were having some kind of family painting session so late in the day? Especially when they didn’t have any time or patience for Jen.
I felt like I should say something but words failed me. I’d walked into a mad house – what could I say?
My eyes flicked from person to person, taking them in. They all seemed to be breathing a little too heavily, and Jen was still crying, with the paint-covered child clinging to her leg.
“Leah…” Mitch began, and Deanna turned away, biting her lip.
“What…?” I started, and Jessica clung to me, as if sensing whatever this was, it had to do with me. My heart pounded as I waited and then Radleigh took a step to the side to show me exactly what the problem was.
Mitch stepped in quickly to take Jessica from me because I almost dropped her as all strength left my limbs and I sank to the floor to stop myself keeling over. On the stairs, plastered in blue paint, was my beautiful wedding dress.
To be continued…
About The Author
Kyra Lennon is a self-confessed bo
ok-a-holic, and has been since she first learned to read. When she's not reading, you'll usually find her hanging out in coffee shops with her trusty laptop and/or her friends, or girling it up at the nearest shopping mall.
Kyra grew up on the South Coast of England and refuses to move away from the seaside which provides massive inspiration for her novels. She published her first novel in July 2012, and her novella, If I Let You Go and Blindsided (Game On Book 2) soon followed.
To find out more about Kyra, check out her blog, website, follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest, or drop her an email at [email protected]
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