by Mercy Amare
“Madi,” I hear Cassidy’s voice. “Are you okay?”
I look up and see her standing in front of me. I hold out my phone for her and she reads the texts.
“They’re texting you now? Oh my God.”
“I just kissed Jace in front of the whole school.” I run my shaky hand through my hair, still not believing that really happened.
“Yeah, I saw,” she says. “But isn’t this really a good thing? I mean, you’ve been crushing on the guy forever.”
“I don’t think the feeling is reciprocated,” I tell her. “If it was, you wouldn’t be the one talking to me now. He would.” I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them. “Oh, God, Cass. I’m such a loser. I’ve been in love with him since I was four years old, and he doesn’t feel the same.”
“You don’t know that.” She sits down beside me. “I’m sure he’s just shocked. I mean, you’ve never admitted that you have feelings for him before. You can’t just kiss him, run away, and expect him to just run after you. He needs time to process. You are his best friend’s sister. Maybe he’s scared Trey won’t be okay with it.”
“Maybe.” I wipe under my eyes. “I still can’t believe that happened. What does this person want with us?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “But this person is sick.”
“I just want Daisy back. I know she was mean to me, but I never wanted anything like this to happen to her. I’d put up with her spreading vicious rumors about me the rest of my life if she came back,” I tell Cassidy.
“Me too.” She stands up and holds her hand out to me. “Come on, we need to get back in there. You can sit by me.”
I nod and wipe under my eyes again. “Okay.”
She holds my hand as we walk back inside. I look at our intertwined hands and avoid making eye contact with anybody.
As we walk up the bleachers to the top, I feel all eyes on me. Finally, we reach the top and take our seats. About that time, the gym doors open and five cops walk inside lead by Mr. Holbrook. He has a somber look on his face.
Cassidy squeezes my hand, and I can’t help but think that this is going to be a long day.
French
Threatening texts.
I still haven’t talked to Jace since I kissed him. Not that I’ve seen him to talk to him. The only class that we share is first period, and we went straight from the assembly to our third period class.
I am sitting in French trying to pay attention when Mr. Holbrook pulls me out of class. When I get to his office, Detective Condie is there. My heart speeds up when I see him sitting there, and I think that maybe he knows about the texts.
Why didn’t I tell the cops when I had the chance? That was so dumb.
My hands are shaking, so I cross my arms in attempt to hide them.
“Madeline Grey, may I talk to you?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah, of course.”
Mr. Holbrook lets us use his office. Detective Condie takes Mr. Holbrook’s seat, and I sit down across from him. He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and the suspense is building. Any second I feel like he’s going to tell me I’m going to jail for withholding evidence, and I am freaking out.
“Madeline, are you aware that Daisy was receiving threatening texts?” he asks.
“Texts?” My voice comes out higher than I intended.
“We found her phone in the woods behind her house,” he tells me. “She was getting threatening texts from a blocked number. We have IT trying to track where the texts were sent from.”
Oh, thank God. He doesn’t know that I know.
Play it cool, I tell myself.
“Dee never mentioned anything to me,” I tell him. It’s not a lie. “But we didn’t talk over the summer. She was on vacation with her family, and we were both busy. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in three months until Monday when school started.”
“But you were best friends. Isn’t it weird that you didn’t talk all summer long?” he asks.
“Not for us. Daisy and I have the same group of friends, but we aren’t really close,” I tell him. “Like me — I’m closer to Cassidy and Frannie than I am to Hayden and Emma. I don’t know why, it just works out that way.”
He writes something down in his notebook. “So, have you gotten any texts from this person?”
“What?” I choke out.
“We want to know if this person was just targeting Daisy, or if they’re targeting the rest of you too.”
I shake my head. “N… N… No.”
“You’re certain?” he asks, looking at me. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t believe me.
I’ve always been a good liar, but I’m not right now. By me lying, I could be putting my friends in danger. I could be putting myself in danger. But I promised Cassidy I’d wait until Saturday and I don’t intend to break that promise.
“I’m certain,” I say with more confidence.
Detective Condie nods. “Okay, Miss Grey. That is all we need for now. Thank you for your cooperation.”
I get up from the chair and walk out of the office. In the waiting area, I see Cassidy, Frannie, Emma, and Hayden. They are all looking about as sick as I feel. I give them an encouraging smile before I head back to my classroom.
I just want this day over with.
When I get to the door of my classroom, I put my hand on the knob, then pull it back away.
I’ve never ditched school before, but I am so over being here today. I turn around and walk out of the school.
I need time to process what’s happened with Daisy. I need time to consider what I’m doing with Cassidy. I’m lying to the police and I’m putting everybody I love in danger. But most of all, I need time to think about what happened with Jace today. I can’t believe I kissed him.
Everything is changing, and I don’t like it.
I just want it to go back to the way it was — Daisy bossing us around, and me crushing on Jace in secret.
I miss my normal life.
Band practice.
Love song.
I want to skip band practice. So badly I do. But when I text Trey and tell him I don’t feel like messing with it today, he tells me that he has a few guys coming in to play bass for us. Which means that I will be forced to talk to Jace.
I wait until the last minute to come into band practice. When I walk in, Trey gives me a funny look but doesn’t say anything.
“I’m ready,” I tell Trey, not making eye contact with Jace.
“Jace told me that you wrote a song,” Trey says, smiling. “Maybe you can teach it to us. The guys aren’t going to be here for another thirty minutes.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Come on, Madi,” Trey says, nudging me with his elbow. “You wrote a song. I didn’t even know you wrote. Jace said you put music to it and everything. I’d love to at least hear it, even if it sucks.”
“I’m not playing the song,” I say, raising my voice. I am embarrassed and I desperately want him to change the subject. Or start playing. Because I am so over everything today.
“Geez… who pissed in your cereal?”
I roll my eyes. “Can we just practice? I’m not in the mood to talk today.”
“Mads, I’d like to hear the song,” I hear Jace say behind me.
My back stiffens at his words.
Finally, I turn to meet his gaze.
He looking at me like he always does, and I’m not sure if that disappoints me or excites me. Maybe a little of both? On one hand, I don’t want things to change between us. I love our friendship. But I want so much more than just friendship with him.
I want him to take me in his arms and tell me that he loves me just as much as I love him. I want him to kiss me senseless, and I want to have a relationship with him. I want to be his girlfriend, and I want everybody to know it.
“Fine,” I say and hold my hand out to Trey. “Give me your guitar. And don’t laugh at my playing, because I suck.”
I strum the chords a few tim
es and start playing.
I sing the words like I mean them, because I do mean them. I’m baring my heart and soul right now. Jace knows that this song is about him. It makes me nervous, but at the same time I’m glad he finally knows. I shouldn’t have kept my crush a secret for so long. I’ve wanted to tell him, and now he finally knows.
“Trey, I need you to sing the second verse,” I tell him, and then pull my notebook out of my backpack. I show him the part that Jace wrote.
“This is Jace’s handwriting,” Trey says.
“Yeah, it was for English class.”
He read the words out loud. “You look at me. I look away. You pretend you don’t notice the way I stare. This sounds an awful lot like a love song.”
“Lots of songs are about love.” I feel my face grow warm.
“Wait… wait…” Trey looks from Jace to me. “Are you saying that the two of you wrote a love song?”
“Mads wrote it,” Jace answers. “I just changed her words around. It’s what the guy would say to her… ya know?”
It’s what the guy would say to her.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Does that mean that Jace feels the same way as me? And if he does, then why hasn’t he talked to me all day? Usually, he texts me throughout the day, but today he has been dead silent.
“I feel like I’m missing something here,” Trey says, sitting the notebook on a stool.
“I told him,” I say, just so Trey will shut up. “Jace knows that I wrote the song about him.”
“About freaking time!” Trey smiles at Jace and me. “The two of you have been in love with each other for years, but you’re both too stubborn for your own good. I’m glad you’re finally together.”
“We’re not. Together.” I look down at my orange Converse as I tell him.
Trey looks at Jace. “What the hell? Why not?”
I push the guitar strap over my head and hand it back to Trey. “Look, it’s not a big deal. Jace doesn’t feel the same. I get it. We don’t have to make this weird.”
“Jace doesn’t… feel the same?” He looks confused as he says it.
“Wait,” Jace says. “You think I don’t feel the same?”
I look at Jace, my hear hammering hard against my chest. “Well, you haven’t talked to me all day.”
“Mads, you kissed me and then ran away,” he says. “You left school and this is the first time I’ve seen you. I thought this was a conversation that we should have in person. And we will. After band practice. Don’t run away this time, please.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“This is weird,” Trey says. “Let’s just play.”
So we do. And I try not to think about the conversation that Jace and I are going to have after practice.
8pm
I wanted you to tell me first.
We have two guys play the bass for us — Caleb and Dan. They’re both pretty good, but Caleb is hilarious. He fits in well with the rest of us. We tell them both that we’ll call them, but we’ve already decided on Caleb.
After practice, Jace has to go get Thayer and I have to cook dinner. They come back over for dinner and I hardly eat anything because I am so nervous. What if Jace is going to tell me he doesn’t feel the same? I’m not sure if things could ever go back to the way they were. Not now.
Hailee offers to do dishes and I let her. Thayer and Trey go to play a game of basketball, so Jace and I sit on the dock dangling our feet over the lake.
We’ve been sitting here for a full five minutes, but neither of us has said anything. Until finally, he does.
“What was that text that you got while we were in the gym?” he asks.
I was not expecting that question.
“What text?” I ask, trying to feign innocence.
“It was from a blocked number,” he answers. “Does it have something to do with Daisy’s disappearance?”
Jace is too observant for his own good.
“I don’t want to talk about that text, Jace.”
“Okay,” he says, angling his body toward mine. “So you’re in love with me?”
“I never said the word love.”
He smirks. “I so knew you wanted me.”
“Shut up.”
“Why did you wait this long to tell me?” he asks. “From the way Trey was talking, you’ve been in love with me for a long time.”
“I never said the word love,” I say again. “But I didn’t tell you because I was scared. I still am. We’ve been friends for so long, and I didn’t want to ruin the relationship that we already have. I’m scared that you don’t feel the same way.”
“Is this the reason you’ve never had a boyfriend before?”
I nod.
“So while everybody else is hooking up at parties, you’ve been pining over me?”
“Jace, I am going to push you into the lake if you don’t stop torturing me.”
He laughs. “But it’s so much fun to torture you.”
I don’t respond. I just narrow my eyes.
“Madi, I told you, I’ve been in love with you since I was four years old. The first time I saw you, I told my mom I was going to marry you,” he says.
“If you’ve been in love with me since you were four, why haven’t you told me before now?” I ask.
“Same reason you haven’t. That, and I wanted you to tell me first,” he says.
I smile at him, feeling speechless.
“I’m not really good at all this,” he says. “I mean, I’ve never had a girlfriend before because I’ve been pining over the same girl since I was four. So… I guess what I’m trying to say is, do you want to be my girlfriend? Wait. Is that awkward? Is it too soon? Should we go out on a date or something first?”
“Thirteen years isn’t too soon. I want to be your girlfriend.”
He grins big. “So what now? Do we just… put it on Facebook? Tell your brother? What?”
“Facebook, I guess? I mean, I think people will figure it out pretty quickly.”
“Okay,” he says. “Does this feel awkward to you?”
“A little. But I’m glad we finally had this talk.”
“I kind of feel like kicking myself. Think of all the years we wasted…”
“Not wasted,” I say. “We had a good friendship. Now we’ll have a good relationship.”
“You’re right,” he says, then smiles. “We basically have thirteen years of sexual tension to work out.”
I laugh. “Um, more like two years. I didn’t really think a lot about sex until I was about fifteen.”
“I was ten when I started thinking about it,” he says, then pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I’m sending you a relationship request.”
My phone buzzes a few seconds later, and I accept his request.
I have a ton of missed texts and calls from my friends, but I don’t want to check those yet. I don’t want to talk about anything Daisy-related tonight. Maybe not ever again. I just want it to be Saturday so I can tell the cops the truth. I can’t handle the guilt that comes with keeping a secret this big.
“I want to kiss you, but your brother is currently watching us from your driveway right now,” he says. “Can we go out on a date? Tomorrow night? Then I can properly kiss you.”
Dang. It.
Stupid party.
Stupid kidnapper.
“I want to, but I promised my friends we’d go to Luke’s party,” I say. “But I want you to go to his party with me. I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunity for us to make out while we’re there.”
“Okay. And Saturday we are going camping. Where we can make out more.”
Oh right.
It’s Labor Day Weekend, so that means Trey, Hailee, Thayer, Jace, and I are going camping. It’s a yearly tradition, and this year is no exception.
“You’re going to get sick of spending time with me,” I say.
“Never,” he says back. “Maybe Sunday night we can go out, since there
isn’t school on Monday.”
“I’d like that.”
“What does one do on a date?” he asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I haven’t been on one before. Maybe you should ask Trey. He’s been on lots of dates.”
“I can’t ask your brother for dating advice.”
“But he’s your best friend,” I say. “Besides, he totally approves of us. He’s known how I felt about you for a long time.”
“I told you, twin code is stronger than bro code,” he says. “Besides, all of his dates end up in the back of a dark movie theater being felt up. I highly doubt he’s going to tell me to do that with you.”
My mouth falls open. “Trey told you that’s what he does on dates?”
“We tell each other everything.” He looks at me. “Well, almost everything. I highly doubt your brother will want to hear about the… stuff… we do.”
“I’m pretty sure we won’t be able to hide anything from him,” I say. “Trey has a way of knowing everything.”
“Is that a twin thing?”
“Yeah, I guess. Trey told me when he lost his virginity.” I frown. “Actually, he went into pretty great detail about the whole thing.”
Jace laughs. “Oh my God, please don’t tell him when we…”
“I don’t plan on it.”
“Not that I’m rushing you. Because you’re worth waiting for.”
And I think I just fell in love with him a little more.
I lean my head on his shoulder and watch as the sun falls behind the trees.
Today started off sucky, but the good made up for it.
And oh my God. Jace Axel William is my boyfriend.
Life. Is. Good.
Friday, August 29
I’ll help you hide the body.
When I get back from my morning run, I decide it’s time to face the music and check my texts. I read the ones from Cassidy first.
