Then I deepened the kiss, and her eyes fell closed in a moan. My mouth moved over hers in a heated rush as my hands traveled down her back to clutch her ass and yank her hips forward. Her fingers grasped onto my hair as our bodies finally met skin to skin. And the feeling was indescribable.
This desperate need to feel her completely naked against me bubbled up inside me. I nudged her back onto the bed and sank down so that my skin could touch hers. I propped my forearms so as not to crush her as she opened her legs to accommodate me. My hard-as-nails dick met her soft and warm center, and we fit together like a glove. It was fucking amazing.
“Kai,” she whispered, as I took my time kissing her—her mouth warm, her tongue like velvet, as it glided smoothly against mine. My hands on her ass, I slid my lips down her neck to her collarbone. I bit down on the sensitive flesh there and ground my hard-on against her.
“Please . . . I need you.” She drove her hips against mine as she breathed on my neck.
My mouth trailed down the center of her chest and then closed around one of her stiff peaks. I felt her shudder as I flicked my tongue against the tender skin there. I moved to the other side, licking and sucking, while I cupped and pinched the other breast.
Her hands were going wild, nails scraping through my hair, down my neck, and along my back. When her moans became louder I looked into her eyes and shook my head, a silent reminder that my sister was just down the hall.
She squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled a shaky breath. I captured the skin at her throat and sucked on it greedily all while grinding my hips into hers.
Her fingers glided down my chest to my pants. Unbuttoning the top button and unzipping partway, her thumb swiped over the top of my dick. Ah, fuck.
“Rach, wait.” I gasped when her fingers slipped farther inside and she clutched me with her warm hand.
“You . . .” Her hand stilled and her lips parted. “You’re . . . pierced.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I tried to warn you.”
Her finger looped through the ring on the underside of my head, making me shudder. “How in the hell does this even work?”
I attempted to rein in my harsh breaths.
“I’ve been told it works pretty well,” I grunted out.
“You are full of surprises, you know that?” she said, marveling at me.
I grasped her hands and then pinned them above her head, rocking into her even harder. She wrapped her legs around my waist and thrust upward.
The tip of my dick strained against her entrance. “Fuck, Rachel.” The friction created from the seam of her shorts almost caused me to lose my load.
She tugged at my arms, attempting to get her hands loose. When I shook my head and smirked, she stretched her mouth upward and bit my lip, like some wild animal. “Keep that up and I’m going to come in five seconds flat.”
Her hot and stinging lips devoured my neck and my ear. Then she flicked her tongue against my mouth. When I parted my lips, she urged my tongue into her mouth and sucked on it, hard.
Beyond turned on, I was close to stripping her completely naked and licking every single inch of her skin. Branding her. Owning her. Showing her who in the fuck was boss.
I released her hands and reached down between us, grasping at the front of her cotton shorts. My fingers found her center and I rubbed her through the material.
“I want to feel your fingers,” she pleaded. “Please, touch me.”
My mouth moved down to claim her breast while my fingers slipped beneath her underwear to her very slick center. Her skin was silky smooth and—fuck me—she was completely bare. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm my racing heart, which was pounding like a jackhammer in my chest.
She arched her back with wild abandon as my finger swept deep within her. I urged another finger inside, and my thumb stayed on her swollen nub, swirling and rubbing, as her eyes glazed over. She was close and so was I, from the pure arousal of watching her.
All it took was a few more swipes of my thumb. As she let herself go, shuddering and gasping, I fused my mouth to hers, absorbing her sounds. She cupped my ass and continued tugging me toward her. I ground my dick against her soft center a few more times, completely on the edge of losing my fucking mind.
“Come for me, Kai.” The sound of her voice urging me on was all that it had taken. I buried my face in her neck as I came hard.
“Holy fuck.” I sank down in a heap, making sure not to crush her.
“Yeah, no shit,” she said, as her palm swiped over the mess I’d made on her stomach.
I retrieved a handful of tissues from the box of Kleenex on my nightstand and did my best to clean her up as she lay panting and staring up at me.
Her finger traced over the flesh of my bottom lip, and then she lifted up to place a soft and intimate kiss on my mouth. Her eyes stayed open, and I saw tenderness and affectionate reflected in them.
I lay down beside her and pulled her body into mine. We stayed silent for a few long moments, only listening to our breaths. When she went lax against me, I knew that she’d fallen asleep.
I wouldn’t be able to doze off for another solid hour at least, so I’d make certain to wake her in time. But for now, it sure felt fucking sweet having Rachel curled up in my bed.
Chapter Eighteen
Rachel
I was meeting Miles again tonight and this time was going to be different, I could feel it. He’d been biding his time, saving himself up. Maybe even seeing if I was too delicate to hear it. So I’d decided to meet him in a public place where I felt comfortable and would have my friends for support if I needed them. Most evenings, the casino was noisy and crowded, so it may not have been the perfect location to have a serious conversation. But alone in a quiet restaurant over dinner felt too romantic, and I was already anxious enough.
Miles and I had gotten together by ourselves only one other time—at the FroYo place near Pure. Again, it had been quiet and ordinary. Almost humdrum. I’d begun to question what in the hell we’d ever had in common. He claimed he had stuff to say to me, but yet again, he never did.
Then his text came last night.
Miles: Meet up again? I really need to get some things off my chest.
Rachel: You’ve had plenty of opportunity, Miles.
Miles: I know I have. I was just . . . giving you time to get comfortable around me again.
Me: ???
Miles: I wanted to see what it would be like to hang with you. To spend time getting to know you again. See what there still was between us.
Me: WTF? Pretty sure we’re not on the same wavelength. I only met up with you so you could say what you needed to say. NOT to be in each other’s space again. You can’t make that decision for me. I swear to God, Miles, you need to get on with it. Spill it or be on your way. This is absolutely the last time I will be meeting with you. Got that?
Miles: Got it. And I agree.
I figured if he held back yet again, then I would be the one to say good-bye. Three times would be enough closure for me.
He was lucky I was even giving him this chance. But I had to admit, I was still curious about what he had to say.
Dakota and Kai were at work, so I got ready alone in the apartment. I kept dropping my mascara wand in the sink as I prayed that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself by dressing in the outfit Dakota had insisted I wear. Had I been at the university prepping for a frat party with the girls, I would have worn my sexiest shirt, my tightest jeans, and swiped on one more coat of mascara. I pleaded for that confident and carefree mind-set now.
I had wondered for hours on end what in the hell Miles could possibly have to confess. Even though I felt stronger each time I saw him, I was afraid continued contact with him might finally break the dam keeping my emotions at bay. Would wreck me all over again. I actually questioned if these past three years were only a precariously placed Band-Aid over my heart and whether I’d done any real healing after all.
What if I only thought that I’d be
come stronger, self-possessed, and secure in my own skin? Maybe my supposed healing was a ticking time bomb, like the carefully monitored pressure in my brain, threatening to boil over at any moment. Be my undoing. Take me to my final grave.
Everybody still tiptoed around the subjects of Miles and my accident. I knew Mom and Dad were terrified that I’d have long-term physical complications, like an infection or a random blood clot—it was a long shot, sure, but I saw the caution in their eyes.
Allowing me to go away to college had been a huge step for them—of letting me go. I could still feel the tethers from miles away.
The only person who seemed to treat me the same was Kai. He’d always had this quiet confidence that I would be okay, that everything would work out. And for that alone I admired him. Appreciated him. Would always consider him a best friend.
But best friends didn’t get that gnawing feeling in their stomaches when they saw each other, the one that gets you all knotted up inside, hoping that the too-perfect moments from another night could be repeated again and again.
A platonic friend didn’t stand in front of the mirror and wonder if the same outfit she was wearing to meet her ex would also appeal to that certain someone else working tonight.
If anything, I should have been thanking Kai for the distraction; otherwise I would have been a basket case at this point. Instead, my stomach twisted and sloshed with anxiety and dread.
I tugged the black mini dress from the hanger and slipped it over my head and down around my hips. Then I stepped into my killer black pumps. I rarely dressed like this, but Dakota had shoved her collection of gorgeous dresses at me, adamant that I wear this number because the neckline made my boobs look bigger. She told me to go big or go home. She said if this was the last meet-up with Miles, he needed to have one final hot memory of me.
I turned toward my closet and considered pulling out my best pair of jeans and my highest wedges instead. But I was already dressed, and it kind of felt nice to wear a dress for a change. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe Dakota was rubbing off on me.
I looked in the mirror, and as a line of red washed across my cheeks, I imagined Kai kissing my neck. The way the ball of his tongue ring dragged across my flesh and how his fingertips felt rough and uneven from plucking at the strings of his bass.
Thinking about the sexiness that Kai exuded was definitely serving as a great diversion from my meet up with Miles.
***
I drove to the casino in a haze, prepping myself for the night ahead. I parked in the garage and took the elevator up to the casino level. As I neared the bar, I saw that Miles was already seated at a small table. My emotions flooded back. How it had felt to be with him. How I’d melded into his body, his interests and plans. How I’d lost who I was with him.
How I had just allowed him to talk me into meeting with him on three separate occasions.
And there had been something altogether comfortable about letting him have that control, because I didn’t have to think or prepare—I just had to be. A perfect role for a first-time girlfriend of a hugely popular jock. I had been virtually invisible.
Until suddenly I wasn’t—because of the crash and the recovery, the scars and the shaved head. It had been as if he’d stepped out of the limelight and allowed me to take center stage, which I’d never even asked for. Which I’d never even wanted. Especially not for that.
I wasn’t that girl anymore, and tonight, I needed for him to know it.
He stood as if in a daze when I approached the table and then pitched forward to pull out my chair. Ever the gentleman. Adults loved him. His own parents worshiped him, just like everybody else in this damn town. Even my parents had loved him. Until he’d walked away so callously.
“Thank you,” I said clumsily.
He returned to his seat as his eyes greedily took me in. “You look great, Rachel.”
I dipped my head, feeling uncomfortable about the compliment. Even though I had selfishly wanted it. “Thanks.”
“I ordered you a beer. Hope that’s okay.” And it all came crashing back. How he’d always done things like that—things that I’d thought I liked—under the pretense of his taking care of me.
I felt my rage welling up. “What if I wasn’t in the mood for a beer today?”
“Shoot, you’re right.” His eyes widened in discomfort. “Sorry. Order whatever the hell you want.”
“I will, thanks,” I said, my eyes meeting his in a challenge.
He studied me from across the table, and I had trouble holding his gaze. I looked down at the bar menu in front of me.
“God, you’re so different, Rachel.”
“Of course I am.” My eyes slid back up to meet his. And suddenly I had a moment of vulnerability. Something he often brought out in me. “Is . . . is that a bad thing?”
“Hell no,” he said. “Just wasn’t sure what to expect after so long.”
I ordered a margarita from the server, and we sat in awkward silence for a few moments.
Tapping my fingers on the black tabletop, I said, “What did you need to say, Miles?”
“I just . . .” He adjusted the sleeves of his button-down. My thoughts immediately drifted to Kai and how differently he’d dressed from someone like Miles. Miles was so prep school, with his starched shirt and loose jeans. He wouldn’t be caught dead with any piercings on his body. I used to love that clean-cut look in a guy. Had sought it out, even.
What had changed in a couple weeks’ time?
I’d gotten it on with a bad-boy musician with more holes in his ears than in mine, and he’d made me feel damn good. He’d made me forget. So fucking what?
Kai was somewhere in this casino working one odd job or another, and I forced my gaze back to Miles. I needed to be present no matter how much I was fighting it. The dread of what Miles was about to say was difficult to tamp down. And the longing to meet Kai’s gaze—to have him silently tell me all would be okay—before Miles got on with it was tugging at me.
“Could you listen to me first without interrupting?” Miles said, his voice low, timid even.
I started to protest and tell him where to stick it, but he cut me off by saying, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to get it all out. And I want to. Please.”
I nodded and then waited for him to begin, all the while scanning the bar area, hoping to see a comforting face. But all I saw were drunk guys and hard-up girls. And it occurred to me that on any other night during college, those girls would have been me. Just looking for a good time for a couple of hours.
“Listen, Rachel,” Miles said. My eyes sprang back to his. “What I did to you was wrong. So damn wrong. And I’d never make any excuses about it.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping his apology would finally register. I’d wanted to hear it for so long that now the words just sounded hollow in my ears.
“But I need you to understand what was going on in my head at the time.” He took a quick sip of beer, maybe for courage. “I just . . .”
Just get it out already was the phrase screaming inside my head. So I could get the hell out of there and do whatever I needed to do to lose myself. To forget the ache in my heart.
“Look, I though maybe I could make it up to you somehow. See if we still had what it took . . . to date again. That’s one of the reasons why I kept asking to see you.”
Anger lapped at my neck and heat crawled across my cheeks. “I’m pretty sure you don’t get to make that decision alone, dill weed.”
“I know that, okay?” he said, clenching his teeth. “You promised not to say anything until I was done.”
I gave a curt nod. “Whatever. Go on.”
“See, before the accident, I was already questioning our relationship,” he said, looking away from me. Like a goddamn coward. “Wondering how to break it off.”
I sucked in a deep breath. That certainly was news to me.
I hadn’t been expecting that confession, and it felt like a hard slap across the face.
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An old wound being ripped open.
Was his damn promise ring some last-ditch effort to keep me happy? Fucking promise ring. What a crock. A racket. A bucket load of shit. So glad that puppy had been lost after the accident.
I was so stunned I didn’t even know how to arrange my face. So I just sat there, unblinking. Unable to move my lips into any semblance of words.
Chapter Nineteen
Kai
I was filling in for a cashier who’d called in sick at the casino that day and only had about an hour left on the clock. My father had looked impressed when I arrived ten minutes early for my shift. I wasn’t about to fuck around where the casino’s money was concerned, even though I was bored stiff and my fingers were numb from counting out change.
Rachel had slept almost until morning in my room the previous night, and when she awoke, we both agreed to be more careful. I had no clue what in the hell we were doing. All I knew was that it felt damn good.
I figured it was nice for her, too. Probably in a different way. This is what she’d been doing with random guys for the past three years. But I knew we shared something more—a history. She loved me like a brother. Okay, maybe not like a brother anymore. Maybe more like a guy friend.
I still thought she was only using me instead of going out to the local bar to work out her issues or whatever the hell it was that she’d been doing with those guys. And I was fine with that. It was going to hurt like a bitch at the end of the summer when all of this ended, but at least I’d have those memories to hold on to.
Her soft and smooth skin. How she watched me when I touched her. The excitement in her eyes when I took control. How she thrilled at taking it back. Watching her shudder when she came. The way her tits were perfectly round and full in my hands.
She’d have no clue I was thinking or feeling any of this, and it would remain that way. She probably figured this was what I did with all the girls I’d been with. Except she’d be so wrong.
I didn’t savor or revere those girls or even remember some of their names. But I didn’t want to give Rachel the impression that I liked being with her too much—she might pull away if she knew. I needed to act natural and confident like I always had around the opposite sex.
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