by Lisa Lace
I sighed. Language study was involved. I tried to commit to memory once again that a 't' and an 'h' together made the sound 'th'.
I wanted to surprise Quinn in a couple of months by being able to speak a little bit of English. It was a slow process. The language was very different from Standard and my mother tongue.
But I would get it. I was determined.
"Eye luv yoo. Fine, tank… thank… yoo."
QUINN
"How did your day go?" Airik asked. I was making dinner when he walked into the kitchen.
I beamed at him.
"It was amazing. We worked on opening ourselves to the visions, and I had one. Nobody died in it. I still haven't figured out how to separate my personal emotions from the vision."
My instructor's name was Rob. When he wasn't teaching, he led ground teams to rescue potential victims from their future demise. He was teaching my class techniques to protect ourselves from being devastated by our visions. There were ways to put distance between ourselves and what we saw.
"I can help you practice that if you want. I'm the master."
I looked at him and felt hurt creep into my heart. "Yeah, I bet you are."
I looked down at the bread I was piling with meat, vegetables, and cheese.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he said, sounding disgruntled.
I looked up. He had a sour expression on his face. I stayed silent a moment longer but decided to be honest with him. We were supposed to be open with each other, weren't we? Since I had told him about being a psychic, I hadn't kept anything from him.
"I've noticed that you are good at protecting yourself and keeping your distance from people."
He looked mystified.
"You know, not getting close." I turned and stuck a sheet filled with sandwiches into the oven to melt the cheese.
"Not getting close to people in general or not getting close to you?"
"Yes," I said. "You don't let me in. You don't tell me what's wrong when you have a bad day. Remember that Precog you had? The one where you couldn't sleep for a week afterward? You never even told me..."
"That's classified, Quinn. I couldn't discuss it with you."
"You didn't let me finish. What I was going to say was that you never told me how you felt or what you were going through. You pushed me away like I was an annoyance. I thought I was your wife. I'm supposed to help you with your problems."
He stared at me strangely. "I don't need any help."
That was the most hurtful thing he could have said to me. I blinked, trying to breathe through the pain in my chest. He didn't need any help. I knew what he meant. He didn't need me.
"Okay, fine. Duly noted."
I turned away from him and took the sandwiches out of the oven. I slid one onto a plate for him and put the sheet holding the other sandwich back on the stove. As I walked out of the room, Airik turned.
"Aren't you having dinner?"
I stopped and looked back at him, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.
"I'm not hungry anymore. I have studying to do."
Then I left the room, not able to look at his face for another second, knowing that I was superfluous to him. I was merely an attractive roommate that made it easy to get a fuck when he wanted one. So much for being friends, lovers, or maybe something more. It looked like Airik didn't want anything to do with me.
It hurt more than I had expected.
"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Neesa."
"You made it sound important, so I came right over. I'll do anything for a sister. What do you need?"
I dropped onto the couch and looked up at her. She sat on the opposite arm.
"I want to get Airik's attention."
She let out a big sigh. "He's been pushing you away, hasn't he?"
"He's perfectly polite, Neesa, all the time. I shouldn't complain."
"Do you want polite?"
"No. I want authenticity. The real Airik, not the one he trots out for cocktail parties. I want to know who he is and what concerns him. I want to know what happened that made it hard for him to sleep for a whole week."
Neesa looked at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Quinn. He's always been like this. No, I shouldn't say that. He had his heart broken once. After that, all his girlfriends sounded the same. 'He pushes me away.' 'He keeps me at arm's length.' 'He doesn't care about me.' 'He's distant.'"
"Is there a box I can check that says all of the above?" I asked.
She sighed again and sat down beside me. "You poor thing. Airik's a hard nut to crack. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, Neesa. I guess he is the way he is. But people change when they desire change. He doesn't want to change right now because everything's great. Why would he want to sabotage the friends with benefits arrangement we have together?"
"Quinn." Neesa put her hand on my shoulder.
"I think I need to shake things up. If this doesn't work and he can't let me in, I'll be taking the divorce option at the end of the year."
Neesa looked shocked. "Did you tell him that?"
"No. I haven't made up my mind yet."
"You sounded pretty sure just now."
"He's making me crazy, and it hurts, Neesa. I want him to see who I am. He doesn't care at all." I stared down at my hands clasped around my knees. "Maybe if he could see me a different way, and through other people's eyes, it would change the way he looks at me. He would know who I am underneath my exterior, and maybe then he would..." I looked down, frowning. "Want me."
Neesa didn't say anything, folding me into a hug. A few tears leaked down my cheeks. I pulled away, standing up.
"I'm not getting upset for no reason. I'm going to do something."
"What's the plan, Quinn? I'm up for it."
I smiled and began to pace as I outlined my idea. "Airik is cut off from his feelings. He's very cerebral. In his head. You know?" Neesa nodded. "I need to get him to feel anything. Once he gets out of his head, maybe he'll start to pay attention to his heart."
"Sounds like a good theory. How are you going to do it?"
"What are some natural feelings to evoke?"
Neesa shrugged.
"Lust, jealousy, anger," I said, counting them off on my fingers.
"That's pretty far from love, Quinn. Don't you want him to love you?"
"I do. But getting him to feel anything will give him access to other, more pleasant feelings, as well."
"You think so?"
"Yep. If not, well, I'll just drive him crazy, which will be a good substitute."
Neesa laughed. "I like the way you think, Quinn. How are you going to elicit those emotions from him?"
"That's not my only goal. It's also about starting to choose my lifestyle instead of being tossed around by current events. I'm going to cut my hair."
"Oh no," she said immediately, a pained look on her face. "Don't cut your beautiful black hair. Please, Quinn. I would kill for hair like that. And besides, women don't wear their hair short on Koccoran."
"That will make me stand out even more. Get used to the idea, Neesa. The hair is going. It's part of my emancipation."
She sighed. "I'll go along with it, but I don't promise to like it."
I smiled. "Okay, then. I want you to help me buy some new clothes that are a little more provocative. I'm going to strut my stuff a bit. I'm sure some alien men exist who will take notice of an off-worlder."
Neesa frowned. "But you won't do anything, right?"
"No!" I said, a little too loudly. Then I lowered my voice. "Of course not. I want Airik. Not any other guy. I would never cheat on him. But he needs to see I am a woman who other men think is sexy. I am a girl who impresses other people. Maybe then he'll be more impressed with me."
"I'm on board so far."
"I think once my training's complete, Rob will offer me a job on his ground team as the on-the-scene Precog. He's been hinting about it. If he does, I'm going to accept."
"You are serious about gettin
g Airik's attention, aren't you?"
"You think he'll be mad?"
"I don't think he will overlook you again."
"What do you want to buy first?" Neesa said, escorting me into one of the empty, airy rooms that filled the shopping mall.
"There's a beach party for Airik's work coming up. I need to get a bathing suit."
She went over to the console and tapped a few times. Immediately ten different kinds of swimsuits appeared in the air before of me. I walked around them, checking them out from all angles. I swiped away all the one-piece swimsuits.
"You're trying to expose as much skin as possible, I see."
"If I'm going to get Airik's attention, I need to be bold, Neesa."
I removed a couple more and tapped in the air on two types I wanted to investigate further. The empty room filled with holograms of the suits. Once I had narrowed it down to a few I wanted to try on, Neesa went to the console. A moment later, the suits came out of the door beside the console. I took them into the changing room at the back and tried them on. The first two didn't work for me. But when I put on the third, I thought it was what I needed.
I walked out of the room and Neesa gasped.
"Do you think it's too much?" I asked.
"Oh, no. That's the one. If it doesn't drive Airik and every man around wild with lust, I don't know what swimsuit will."
"But I don't want to look like a slut."
"You'll see smaller suits than that, trust me. We spend so many months under wraps that once summer comes, people shed their clothes the way a cyx sheds its coat. The less clothing, the better. Small bathing suits aren't provocative here, not the way they would be on other planets."
"Are you sure?" I repeated, looking at myself in the mirror.
It was an emerald green bikini. There was nothing brash about it, but the triangles that covered my medium-sized round breasts were small. There was a fair amount of my globes left showing which made me uncomfortable, but also made me feel excited and risque. The bottoms were barely there, riding midway between my navel and my sex. In the back, a fair amount of my butt was showing.
It wasn't that it was such a great bathing suit, but more that it looked so good on me. I felt like a sexy woman in it.
"I don't know if I can wear it in public," I said to Neesa.
"That's going to be one of the biggest suits you will see at that party. You're going to knock them dead."
"Okay," I said. "Now how about some sundresses?"
I hadn't expected Airik to dislike my new hairstyle. I liked it. From his grim expression, I knew he didn't feel the same way. I felt as if I had committed a horrendous crime instead of merely hacking off a few lengths of hair.
"It's just a haircut," I said defensively. "I think it looks cute."
"You are the wife of a high-ranking government official on the planet. Women on Koccoran don't wear their hair short."
"You're only worried about your job? Are you kidding me? I got a haircut, Airik. Deal with it."
"Quinn, this isn't just about my job. You don't understand. My career is important to me. I've been working towards this goal for my whole life. I have sacrificed everything to get here. I'm not going to throw it away because you're feeling ignored and throwing a tantrum."
I stared at him. My mouth opened in outrage. I couldn't believe he had the gall to belittle my feelings and pretend my concerns meant nothing.
"Your career means everything? Try talking to your career at the end of the day. I'm sure it will be an excellent listener. Or better yet, try sleeping with your career. Because you're not going to be sleeping with me. You don't care about me, and I don't want to be used for my body. The contract says I don't have to have sex with you unless we both consent. And I don't allow it any more."
"Quinn. You're turning this hair thing into a big fight. What are you upset about?" he said, looking annoyed.
A mirthless laugh escaped me.
"Do you think I'd tell you now?" I said, turning and going into the bathroom. I slammed the door in an attempt to relieve my feelings. It didn't help.
I walked over to the full-length mirror. My hair looked okay, didn't it? I hadn't been sure about cutting it. It used to reach down to my waist, and Airik loved it. By his reaction, he might have loved my hair more than he cared about me. I had worn my hair long all my life. And cutting it had made me more nervous than I had wanted to admit to Neesa.
To be truthful, I had foolishly hoped Airik would think it was beautiful. I turned my head this way and that, looking at myself in the mirror. It looked good. Maybe.
It was a pixie cut. The hairdresser hadn't known what it was. When I showed her a picture, she had said she could do it. She cut both men's and women's hair. At the time, I felt like she had never cut a woman's hair short, but she was willing to make me a pariah if I wanted it. I had felt strong when I was doing it, but now I wasn't sure.
I huffed out my breath and stamped my foot. I had only been married to this guy for a few months. He was already determining my self-esteem and trying to tell me how to wear my hair. I wasn't going to take it.
I gazed into the mirror. My determined blue eyes looked back at me. The pixie cut was combed forward on my head and lay sleek against my skull. A little curl in front of each ear gave me a saucy appearance as if I was really a pixie. I smiled at my reflection.
Coming to this planet was supposed to start a new life for me, but I was wrong. My new hairstyle was a visible symbol of my reinvention, and it was just the beginning. I would show Airik he couldn't ignore me. He couldn't make fun of how I felt.
It didn't matter if I didn't know exactly who I was myself. I was learning as I went along and if he didn't like it, it was too bad for him. I hadn't signed up to be a slave and do whatever he wanted me to. That wasn't in the contract.
I was my own woman.
The next big thing was finishing my training and starting to work with Rob. I could tell that Airik didn't like how well I did in my classes. I thought he would be happy I aced all my classes, but it was making him uncomfortable. Like we were in competition with each other.
I had never wanted to go against him, but if he wanted competition, then he'd get it.
I put on my new bikini with the sundress over it, slapped a floppy sun hat on my head and stalked out of the bedroom.
"Are you ready?" Airik said, stiffly. Apparently we were still fighting. I had no problems with that.
It was time for the staff beach party. He couldn't leave me home by myself. We were going together, even though we weren't getting along.
When we arrived at the beach, we set our things down and laid out towels beside each other. We sat down on them without talking.
"Hi, Quinn!" Rob came running up a big smile on his face. He was in swimming trunks. His chest was broad, and his abs were well-defined. I smiled at him, appreciating the view. He was my teacher and might be my future boss, so I kept my thoughts under control. "Nice hair. Want to come play volleyball?"
I smiled brightly at him. "Sure. It used to be my favorite sport in high school." I turned to Airik, smiling triumphantly. Rob liked my hair. "See you later, honey."
He winced a little at my sarcasm but responded politely. "I'll get you when they're starting the meal."
I nodded, stood up, and pulled off my sundress. I was left standing in my bikini, and both men stared at my body. I kept a smile of satisfaction to myself, but I was pleased with their reaction.
Airik immediately glared at his friend, who grinned at him, then headed over to where they had a beach volleyball net set up. I bounced into the front row, aware of what the motion did to my breasts, and held my hands up ready to set. I glanced over at Airik and saw that he was glowering in my direction.
Good. Let him see what he was missing being such an ass.
I turned to face Rob, who was also in the front row on the other team.
"Ready, Quinn?" he said, a challenge in his voice.
"Let's do it."
CHAPTER 10
QUINN
Today was our three month anniversary. I wondered if Airik even remembered. My attempt to get his attention had ended with us not speaking to each other for a week. That idea wasn't working. I had to set aside my troubles with my marriage to concentrate on my training.
I was in a room stuffed with all the other Precog trainees. It was a large space with groups of overstuffed chairs, couches, treadmills, a track for walking that circled the whole room, and a games area.
Everything about the room was designed to help us relax and calm our minds. Visions were difficult to call when your body is tense. Everyone had a different way to decompress. For some people, it was curling up on the couch. For others, it might be going for a walk. Our vision room was identical to the ones trained Precogs used all across Koccoran.
Right now I was practicing recording with the Recorder trainees. Rob gave us a scenario. The Recorders asked us their questions, and we responded as if we were having a vision. The goal was to get us used to the procedure.
Next week, we would be assigned a fully trained Recorder, who would start working with us whenever we had a real vision. As I finished my session with my Recorder, Rob approached us. He leaned over my shoulder and looked at my tablet. I could smell the strong scent of his aftershave.
He smiled at both of us.
"Good work, Quinn. The recording's spot on, too," he told the Recorder. "Quinn, can I have a word with you?"
"Sure," I said, getting up and following him to the track. We began circling the room at a walking pace.
"I wanted to tell you that your training is going very well."
"Thanks," I said reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ear and realizing that there was no hair to tuck any longer. I began to feel nervous. I wasn't sure what he wanted to say to me.
"We've taken into consideration your mature status and your abilities. We've decided to put you on an accelerated program."
I frowned. Mature status? I looked around the room. Everyone else was a teenager or in their early twenties. I knew what he meant, but the way he phrased it made me feel like a grandmother. As for ability, I hadn't noticed that I was any different than the other trainees.
