Oh my God. The manipulative bastard.
‘You wouldn’t?’
I look at his face. He doesn’t seem to be joking.
‘Yes, yes you would, because you are Felix Montague, manwhore and douchebag.’ I roll my head back, mock banging it into the wall behind me. ‘Your classroom. When?’
The prank is set. Now all I have to do is come way out of my comfort zone and play my part.
I let my class out five minutes early. Not one of them says anything, they just rush for the door, obviously thinking I’m having some kind of nervous breakdown. Meanwhile, I hurry around the corner to Felix’s class. My heart has been thudding in my chest all morning in anticipation. This is it. Time to play my part.
I take a deep breath and give myself a pep talk. If you can do this Katy, you can do anything.
I bang open the door so loudly, several teenagers jump from their seats. One of them is Brad the gobshite.
‘I want a word with you.’ I shout at Felix.
He drops his pen on the floor, in pretend shock. ‘Miss Cornish, is everything all right?’ A secret smile plays on the edges of his lips, only visible to me.
‘No. It most certainly isn’t all right!’ I yell. ‘How could you? That promotion was mine.’
He huffs and dramatically rolls his eyes. ‘Didn’t see your name on it.’
Show time.
I launch myself towards him, grabbing his shirt as I mock wrestle him to the ground. He yelps, and I realise I accidentally touched skin with my nails. All eyes are on us and voices rise as the children get up to gather around.
Felix pulls my ponytail which does actually sting a bit, so I dead-leg his thigh with my elbow. Fuck that was hard as a rock. The man’s pure muscle. My elbow hurts.
‘You’re an idiot,’ I yell for real as I nurse my elbow, my traitorous eyes running from the pain from that and the hair pulling.
Then I find myself pulled aside as a fist launches straight into Felix’s jaw.
‘Leave her the hell alone.’
I look to who threw the punch. Brad. Oh dear.
Katy
Well that went well. Not. I got fired. Bloody fired! The first stupid things I do in my life and I get caught. Once I admitted it was a prank and that Brad shouldn’t be punished for violence, the Headteacher said he had no choice but to let someone go.
Apparently, some kid streamed it live on Facebook, so the office was overrun with complaining parents ringing in, wanting something to be done. Someone’s head on the chopping board. I tried my hardest to let it be Felix, and I blamed the whole thing on him and said I got led astray. I’ve already lost too much this week. Well it was Felix and me.
I do kind of feel bad that he lost his job too, but it’s not like he was employee of the year beforehand. Whereas I’ve been a bloody star. Never late, always ready to take on more work, frequently bringing in Krispy Kremes. I should have been given a medal working with these fucktards for so long.
Only, well now that I’m looking for teaching jobs, there doesn’t seem to be many. And by many, I mean any at all. I’ve had to expand my search to the whole of the UK and even then, I’ve only got ten interviews lined up. I have no idea how I’m going to drive all over the country to attend them but needs must. Mum and Dad have started packing up the house and I’ve been told I have only a week to get my stuff out. Charming.
Meanwhile that bitch of a sister has coasted through life, always landing on her feet. Well not anymore. I’m the Kat that’s going to fall on her feet this time. I’m going to find an amazing job in a new part of the country, start afresh and be the new Kat that I’ve always wanted to be. It’s just what I need.
I’m just packing my last few bits into my suitcase when the doorbell goes.
‘Could you get that, love?’ Dad shouts from their bedroom.
‘No probs.’ I pass him in his bedroom, as he attempts to dismantle his wardrobes. Mum’s sat with a cup of tea watching him.
I run downstairs and swing the door open to find Felix Montague leaning against my doorframe, his hair more dishevelled than usual.
‘Felix,’ I say stupidly. ‘What are you doing here?’ And how did he know where I was staying. That’s weird.
I look around him to see two black bags. Is it rubbish day?
He looks up at me, his eyes troubled. ‘I need your help, Kat.’
I cross my arms over my chest. ‘Why the hell would I help the person that got me fired at work?’
‘I could be saying the same bloody thing to you!’ he snaps.
Well he’s got me there. I sigh. I’m too busy to fight right now.
‘Do you want to come in?’ I offer begrudgingly.
‘Thanks,’ he nods, seeming completely unaware it wasn’t a genuine offer.
He picks up the two black sacks and carries them into the house.
‘Err… why are you bringing our rubbish in?’
His shoulders sag. ‘This isn’t your rubbish. This is my fucking life.’
‘Alright!’ I hiss. ‘My parents are upstairs, and they hate swearing.’
His face contorts. ‘You’re living with your parents?’
‘Yes, just temporarily.’ I fold my arms over my chest as if to protect myself from the humiliating truth. ‘I didn’t have much of a choice thanks to my darling sister. Now tell me why the hell you’re here.’
His eyes droop, immediately turning into puppy dog, doe-eyed browns. ‘I need your help.’
‘Yeah, I heard that. Stop with the dramatics and just tell me.’
‘Fine,’ he hisses through clenched teeth. ‘I need a place to stay.’
Is he for real? He wants to stay here?
‘What? How the hell have you suddenly become homeless?’
He huffs. ‘My landlord’s selling up. I was all sorted to move straight into another flat, only then someone,’ he pauses to glare at me, ‘got me fired and now no landlord wants to take on an unemployed teacher.’
‘So you’re homeless? Why can’t you move in with your parents?’
He scoffs. ‘I don’t know if you failed to notice my accent, but I come from down South. I’m a long way from home.’
‘So go home then! It’s what I’ve had to resort to doing. You might be proud, but there’s no point you sleeping on the streets.’
He rolls his eyes. ‘I know that. Which is why I’m asking to crash here tonight. Tomorrow I head home. Well, first I’ve got some interviews and then home.’
‘Interviews?’ I can’t help but pry. ‘Oh yeah, where?’
He puts his hand through his hair. ‘All over the bloody shop. From Newcastle to Newquay. Who knew teaching jobs were so hard to come by? I thought they were desperate for us to teach the youth of tomorrow?’
Shit, is he taking the same interviews as me?
‘So what you’re saying is, I only have to put up with you until tomorrow and then you’re going?’
‘Yep. Out of your life forever.’ He leans past me and grabs my printed itinerary. ‘What’s this?’
I go to grab it back, but he’s easily a foot taller than me. Lanky bastard. I jump up in a feeble attempt to get it back off him.
‘Give it back, Lurch!’
He puts his hand on my forehead, annoyingly managing to hold me back while his eyes scan over it.
‘No way! You have the same interviews as me?’
‘Do I?’
‘Yeah. This is amazing. You can give me a lift.’
I splutter in shock. The cheek of this man is ridiculous.
‘What?’ I can’t help but hold the revulsion clear in my face.
‘Yeah, you’ve got a car, right? Mine was on lease. I’ve got to return it now I’m not earning. I was going to have to spend my last one hundred and fifty quid on train tickets. This is perfect. Road trip!’
‘No! You honestly think I want to drive around the country with you? You’re fucking insane!’
He steps forward, completely into my space. He places his index finger ove
r my lips, his eyes brooding. ‘Sssh,’ he whispers. ‘Your parents hate swearing.’
I hate how him being this close has my chest heaving up and down erratically. I hate that he affects me, and I hate even more that he knows it.
‘If I do this for you, do you promise afterwards that I’ll never have to see you again?’
He grins cockily. ‘Darlin’, it’d be my pleasure.’
‘I’ll make up the spare bed,’ I tell him. ‘After I’ve just checked it’s okay with my parents.’
I should have known. My mother was out of bed by 6am the next day making a full English. I walked into the kitchen and there she was, hair done and fully made up. Then she looked disappointed to see me!
'Where’s Felix?'
I shrugged. 'Either still in bed or with any luck he’ll have changed his mind about staying here and left in the night.'
'Katy! That’s not very charitable when you both got fired at the same time. You think you would have sympathy for your colleague.'
'Yes, you’d think so, wouldn’t you?' Said the man himself walking into the kitchen.
Unlike me, who is still in a dressing gown over the top of pyjamas, with dishevelled hair; Felix is completely ready in his suit, looking like he’s been lifted off the catwalk.
He holds out a hand towards my mother. 'Mrs Cornish. Thank you very much for letting me stay the night. I hope I haven’t put you to any trouble.'
'Oh, it’s no trouble at all.’ Replies my mother, clasping onto his hand and then enfolding him in a hug. 'I’m sorry you got fired too. Times are dreadful at the moment, aren’t they?'
He peers at me over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow in my direction and following it with a smug grin.
'They are. But hopefully I’ll find something else soon and at least I’ll have the pleasure of Katy’s company as we head to the interviews.'
'Call me Marge please and… oh,' Mum looks at me with interest. 'You’re traveling to the interviews together?'
'Yes, I looked at Katy’s itinerary last night,' Felix says, while my eyes skirt over the kitchen table looking for my interview plan. Damn, looks like he’s nabbed it again. 'We have the same interviews, so it makes sense for us to share one car and one lot of petrol. We’ll have separate hotel rooms of course. She won’t be getting her wicked way with me.'
My mum proceeds to laugh like a little girl, all tinkly giggles. God, she’s embarrassing.
'Well, I think you should,’ she says playfully with a wink. ‘I’ve told her the best way to get over one man is to get under another.”
She seriously did not just say that.
Felix makes an open-mouthed expression over her shoulder and mouths, “Oh my God.”
Yes, yes, she did say that.
To someone whom she only thinks at worst is a colleague and at best a friend. Looks like she’s desperate to get me married off, now things with Richard have gone tits up. It’s only so I don’t pester to move to Edinburgh with them and spoil their retirement plans. Pimping your own daughter out. That’s desperate that is.
'Right, take a seat, Felix, and let me get this served up. You need to travel on a nice full stomach.'
I am still here, right? I pat my face. Yep, I’m present.
She puts us both a plate of food down, but Felix has double the portions I have. My mum eats a quick slice of toast and holds two cups of tea in her hands. 'I’m going to go back up to bed and take a cuppa up to your dad. What time are you leaving?'
'I thought around nine-thirty,' Felix says, as if he’s organising the entire trip. 'Give the morning traffic a chance to clear.'
'Oh good idea, smart thinking,' Mum says with a nod.
'Well, we’ll be down to say goodbye. If you want to leave anything to pick up in Edinburgh, Felix, if it makes things any easier for travelling, just leave them alongside Katy’s boxes.'
'That’s very kind, thank you.'
'You’re welcome. It’s been very nice to meet you, Felix, and you really should think about sharing accommodation. You don’t have to sleep together, but it would halve your bills while neither of you have much in the way of finances coming in.'
Oh my God. This woman!
'Thanks, Mum,’ I snap. ‘We’re sorted, honestly. Don’t let Dad’s tea go cold, he’ll be grumpy.'
She looks at the cups in her hands as if she had totally forgotten they were there. 'Yes, better get these up. Well, catch you both later.'
I place my head in my hands. 'Please can you forget any of that just happened? Just think you took hallucinogenic drugs and now you’re coming down.'
He snorts a laugh. 'I’ve taken them. They weren’t half as trippy as your real life. Sister runs off with your husband-to-be. Your mother wants you to shag me already. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were all sex maniacs. It’s like a real-life soap opera being around you. Well, apart from the fact that you’re so stiff. I’m actually surprised you’re not still a virgin.’ He pauses. ‘You’re not, are you?'
'No!’ God, he’s a buffoon. ‘Now, interviews. Are we seriously travelling to them all, together? What if I get the job today? How will you get to the other interviews?'
'Ah, now this is a road trip remember?' The deal is, if anyone gets a job, the other still has to travel around with them all week. We will share digs. I’ll take the sofa, I don’t mind, because I really don’t have the money for anything other than either a hostel, a cheap B&B or a budget hotel.'
'I’ve got a small bit of savings to go towards the week. Bit more than your one hundred and fifty quid, but not much. Maybe two-fifty.'
'So for the whole trip we’ve got four hundred quid? Jeez, looks like we’ll be eating children’s happy meals for tea.'
I shrug my shoulders. 'Beggars cannot be choosers.'
'So,' he holds out his hand. 'Road Trip. Together 'til the end. Deal?'
I grimace, but shake his hand, 'Deal.’
Why do I feel like I’ve just made a huge mistake?
All showered, packed and ready, we leave behind what we don’t need, and I give my mum and dad a hug. Felix is now also loved by my dad. I swear he should bottle his pheromones for a new Lynx effect deodorant because everyone thinks he’s bloody fabulous. He’s like the Pied Piper, only with people, not rats. Unless you count my sister.
I take out my phone as I walk towards my car and tap on the keys, calling her.
'Hello, Victoria Cornish speaking,' she answers.
She fucking knows it’s me. Bitch.
'Hi, Vic. I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m off on holiday for a week with Felix.'
'and I should care because…?'
'I just thought you should know that Mum and Dad are selling up and going to live in Edinburgh. They were going to ring you later, but I thought I’d give you a heads up, so it isn’t as much of a shock when they call.'
'They’re doing what?' she screeches.
'Yes, they're moving far, far, away, and there's no space in the new house for either of us apparently. So if you’d decided being with my ex is not as great as it first appeared, well, there’s nowhere for you to go; unless you’re going to get a place of your own.' I laugh uproariously at the concept of her doing anything by herself, for herself. 'So, Vic?'
'Yes?'
'Go suck a Dick.'
I end the call and throw my phone back in my handbag with a flourish.
‘Well, Miss Cornish, I’m seeing a whole new side to you.’ Felix gives me that smirk once more and I beam right back.
Katy
‘Right, I’m driving,’ he says coolly, walking towards my car with a sports bag in one hand and one of my coffee mugs in the other.
‘Err, first of all you’re not bringing my coffee cup with you, and secondly, of course you’re not driving, idiot. It’s my car.’
‘Yeah, but women drivers and all that,’ he smirks.
Is he joking or is he seriously this deranged?
‘Yeah, well it's ride with me or don’t ride at all,’ I snap, op
ening my car door to get in.
‘I’m just used to doing the riding,’ he adds with a wink as he gets in the car, still with my coffee mug, which on closer inspection says Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you’re a twat. A treasured present from Victoria. I have no idea why I ever kept it.
‘Well, there'll be no riding of any sort going on during this trip. Understood?’
He salutes me like a soldier. ‘Yes, sir.’
I cannot bloody believe I’ve somehow been talked into driving around with this plank. I mean seriously, how did I get so unlucky? Did I kill someone in a previous life? Victoria probably stole the luck right out of me in the womb too. I wouldn’t put it past her.
‘Right, where are we off to first?’ he asks, his hand on the lever and pushing his car chair back so he can stretch his legs out.
I consult my list. ‘First stop is Norfolk.’ I start tapping the postcode into the Sat Nav. ‘It says it will take us about three hours. Our interviews aren't until two pm and three pm, so we should have plenty of time.’
‘You sure you don’t want me to drive, so you can prepare for the interview?’
I scoff. ‘Why on earth would I need to prepare? I’m already prepared. It’s you that should straighten your tie and start working on your sales pitch. I doubt you’ll be able to bed the interviewer. I was told it’s a Mrs Amble. Doesn’t sound like a ditsy blonde with huge tits.’
He rolls his eyes. ‘I don’t need to prepare anything. People naturally love me. It’s you I’d be worried about. People assume you’ve got something stuck up your arse. You might want to look into that.’
My mouth drops open at the rudeness. ‘There’s still time for you to walk, you know?’
‘Alright,’ he chuckles. ‘You won’t hear another word out of me.’
And I don’t. Nothing but loud obnoxious snores for the next two hours. I’ve tried shouting at him to shut up, but he only seems to stop for a second before starting again. That’s quickly escalated to me slapping him in the face. I’m actually starting to worry. The guys out cold. If it weren’t for the snores, I’d check his breathing.
Road Trip Page 3
