Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1)

by P. J. Belden

  Sage’s hands rested on her hips as he stood behind her. Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, he pulled her back into his body, filling her with his warmth. Just as Ember sighed and relaxed into her favorite way for him to hold her, he hoisted her up and caught her in his arms, carrying her like a groom would a bride. Ember caught his gaze as his smile only grew when she’d squealed loudly. Her whole body tingled. It hummed from the look he was giving her and the feel of being in his arms.

  “I like you being short. You are my perfect height. You are my perfect everything. Getting to hold you like this is more than worth having to reach up and grab a bowl.” Ember’s heart melted at his words. “But hey, that whole stretching thing has some pretty good possibilities going for it too,” he laughed.

  “Ugh! You pig,” Ember teased. The truth was he had her so well hooked on him that even her mind started with dirty thoughts.

  Sage tipped his head back and started making pig sounds before meeting Ember’s giggling sounds. He looked deep into her eyes for what seemed like forever but mere seconds at the same time. Leaning down, he kissed her lips tenderly before resting his forehead on hers. In a whisper soft voice, he spoke.

  “Only your pig, Ems. Only ever yours.”

  And before she could stop it, even knowing it’d only been a few months, Ember blurted the words that she had no clue how he’d take. “I love you, Sage Jacobs.”

  Setting her feet on the floor, her frantic heart stopped when he cupped her face in his big hands. “Finally,” he breathed before taking her lips passionately.

  Ember wrapped her arms around his neck and stepped closer to him, kissing him back with all the love she felt. It was like a first kiss all over again. The circumstances changed, unknowns known and the whole dynamic of the moment meant so much more. She stopped when she realized he never said it back. Pulling back, Sage tightened his arms around her waist and lowered his head to her shoulder.

  He laughed suddenly, and Ember’s heart squeezed tightly in her chest. “I think I walked away from that lunch table in love with you. I think I fell more and more in love with you as our friendship grew. Then you said yes to me when I asked you to be my girlfriend and my heart about exploded with love.” Lifting his head, he gazed down at me. “You had owned my heart long before you became my world. I love you so much, Ember Watson. We’ve got many happy years ahead of us. Many memories to make and a family to raise. You are it for me, even only sixteen, I know you are it for me. I’m all yours body and soul. Pig and all.”

  Ember laughed softly before she pressed a small kiss to his lips. Just then, her father walked into the kitchen.

  “I know I told you that you could date Emmy, but it doesn’t mean I’m ready for it. No kissing until your forty-five, yeah? You’re going to give me gray hairs.”

  Sage stepped back and apologized. All Ember could do was start laughing.

  “Where’d you go,” Grey’s voice penetrated one of her happy memories, one that didn’t shatter her heart.

  “Sorry. I was thinking about Hudson’s appointment next week and my work schedule,” she lied.

  Grey cocked his eyebrow and stared at her a moment. She could tell that he didn’t believe a word she just said but let it go anyway. Silently breathing a sigh of relief, she moved into the living room where everyone else was. Ember was tired of everyone looking at her like she was about to break any second. Though she hadn’t broken down since the day she walked away from him, she didn’t feel like she would either. However, everyone else waited for her to explode or implode, whichever be the case. If she was waiting to break, she didn’t know it. Today, more than any other day, she felt stronger almost.

  Hudson squirmed in Ember’s arms to get down. Setting him on his still slightly wobbly legs, he took off running. Grey stepped up next to her just as Bexley, Jada, and Isa came over. They gabbed about nothing, mostly work, for a long time. Bexley, Jada, and Isa were the same age as Sage and Grey for that matter. They’d befriended the young pregnant woman right away. Several times they’d told Ember how they were in awe of her strength. To Ember, it wasn’t strength, just stubbornness that kept her going.

  About an hour into the party, Grey pulled her to the hallway. Looking up at him, Ember’s face was contorted in confusion. By the look in his eyes, he realized that he’d just practically yanked her away from everyone, including her son.

  “I need to talk to you later. After the party, I’ll help you clean up. Please.”

  “Okay,” her voice shook in concern. She worried that he would be another one trying to tell her about Sage. Though she could handle more now than she could before, she just didn’t want to be reminded of what he wasn’t. With her.

  The party went on with Hudson being a ham as he’d grown to be. His laughter was constant, and he seemed to have the time of his life with everyone at the party. He may not have the father figure he needed in his life, but he had some great men to stand in that place if only for moments at a time. Ember’s dad was one that was there whenever he could be, which has been whenever they’ve needed him and sometimes when they didn’t even know they did.

  Soon everyone started heading out the door. A tired little Hudson had long ago crashed on her shoulder. Saying quick goodbyes to everyone, Ember took Hudson to his room and readied him for bed. Ten minutes later, she came out to only Grey there, cleaning.

  “Everyone left already,” Ember said with a yawn.

  Grey sat the bag down that he’d been filling with trash. “Can we talk?”

  “Well, you asked to speak.” She stumbled nervously. “Hudson is sleeping and no one here to interrupt. So speak.”

  He walked over closer to her but stopped a few feet away. Running his hand through his slightly shaggy hair, he shoved his hands into his pockets. The more he fidgeted, the more nervous Ember became. Finally, he sighed and started talking.

  “You’ve gone through hell over the last couple years. I’ve sat by and watched what he’s done to you. Sage has been my best friend since we were in diapers. I love that man like he was my brother. But he’s an asshole.” He looked up at her then, walked over until he was almost touching her. “I can’t sit back and let another day go by that I could do something. I can’t do it, Emmy. I can’t.”

  “D-d-do wh-wh-what,” she stuttered, tipping her head to look him in the eyes.

  “This,” he said right before he leaned down and kissed her ever so lightly at first.

  Ember stood there shocked. Her brain wasn’t firing anything. With her not pulling away or anything, Grey took it as something that was okay and deepened the kiss. His groan of pleasure filled her living room and echoed in her head. It’d been two years since she’d felt lips on her own that it almost felt foreign. After another few moments of pause, Ember found herself kissing him back. For a few minutes, she gave in to the moment. She allowed herself to feel. She allowed herself to forget.

  Breaking from the kiss after a few more stolen moments, Ember kept her eyes closed as she rested her head on Grey’s chest. “What… what does this mean?” she whispered.

  “I’ve fallen for you big time, Emmy. I know that Sage’s memory still hurts you, but can’t we live now and try this out? See where it goes? Please stop denying yourself the happiness you deserve. Please.”

  For a moment, Ember continued to stare unbelievingly into his eyes. Her mind had told her a long time ago that she needed to let go of Sage. Two years was a long time to hold on to a memory. At the same time, however, Hudson didn’t deserve temporary. That is what held her back from dating.

  “Grey, it’s more than just me here. It’s…”

  He cupped her face in his hands and a smirk formed on his lips. “I love Hudson like he was mine. I love that little boy, more than I could ever tell you. Remember, I was with you through the beginning of your labor until your parents were able to get there. I know it’s a package deal. What I’m asking is if I’m even an option for you?”

  So, she gave him the only answer she was com
fortable with. “We can try.”

  Six months later…

  Sitting down in the chair that Grey held out for her, Ember smiled up at him. Tonight, her parents were keeping Hudson. For the first time, she could relax some. Terrible two’s were not something that happened just when they were two. Hudson was now eighteen months old and the fits that kid could throw over nothing would shame any actor in the habit of temper sprees. Ember could let him go for a night. She could do it. I wonder if Mom remembered that he needs a bath before bed, she wondered to herself as she stared at her phone.

  “He’ll be okay, sweetheart.” Grey’s soothing voice pulled her from her panic.

  “I’m sorry. It’s hard,” she blushed as she put her phone away.

  He reached across the table and grabbed her hand, squeezing reassuringly. “There’s no one out there more capable than your parents. Look how well you turned out. And beautiful. Did I tell you how incredible you look tonight?”

  Once again, she blushed only this time from head to toe. His soft laughter filled her ears. Just like that, she’d forgotten about how she wasn’t with her son right then. Smiling, she opened her menu. Through all of their date, they talked about everything from work to a game he watched, but carefully avoiding the Hudson topic. She had to admit that she was actually enjoying herself. Wednesday had been her eighteenth birthday. She was eighteen. God, she felt so much older than that. Maybe it was having an almost two-year-old? Whatever the reason, she certainly felt older than her eighteen years.

  Before long, they were walking up the walk to her apartment building. Things with Grey have been… comfortable. They’ve kind of been the same only with added kisses that they never shared before. He never pushed Ember to take it further, and she was grateful for that. She was going against everything that she promised Hudson in the hospital room after he was born. Though, some days, she wanted to tell him she couldn’t do it anymore and others she wanted to be able to feel more, be more, do more. It was hard to let go of something that lived and breathed every single bit in her body. But she was trying, and she’d keep doing it until she knew she couldn’t do it anymore. After all, it has been over two years since her heart was shattered. It was not as if he’d ever come back. To be honest, if he did come back, she’d only see him to kick his ass. She stopped clinging to the memory of Sage and did like Grey asked her to do. She stopped holding on to the past and focused on the here and now, the future.

  Looking up at Grey as he helped her out of her shawl, Ember smiled. Grey was great to her and to Hudson. She needed to stop punishing him for what Sage did to her. Leaning down, he kissed her lips softly.

  “What is that smile for?”

  “You,” she replied.

  “Me?” A small smirk began to form on his lips.

  “You,” she breathed before rising up on her toes and kissing him.

  His arms were immediately wrapped around Ember’s waist. A loud groan filled the space around them as he pulled her tightly against him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she lessened the space between them even more. The deeper the kiss got and the more his hands touched, the more the need that she’d long forgotten began to come to life. Brazenly, Grey moved his hands to her butt and pushed his erection into her stomach, another moan filled their joined mouths. This time, she didn’t pull back. Instead, she rocked forward into his hardened member. Removing her hands from his hair, where she stuck them on her own moan of pleasure earlier, she ran them down his chest, squeezing his pecs before she moved lower.

  Grey pulled back and looked longingly at her. His eyes were full of lust and something else that she was too nervous to decipher. “Emmy?” His voice thick and husky.

  “I need you. Please,” she whispered, her cheeks heating slightly.

  Ember waited for him to answer her for a few moments before she took action. She pulled his shirt from his slacks and pulled it up his toned and tanned torso. Slowly, Ember kissed her way over the valleys and crevices as she continued to lift the shirt up. Grey’s hands tightened in her hair as she toyed with his nipples before biting them gently. That seemed to be all it took to break him from whatever held him still. Before Ember realized what was happening, he lifted her from the floor, took her to her room, undressed her, and laid her out on the bed. His eyes moved slowly up her body, from her feet to her face, as he undressed himself the rest of the way. When she saw his erection smack against his stomach as he pushed his boxers down, she moaned.

  “Condom?” Ember somehow remembered through the lust that fogged her brain.

  Bending down, he removed a condom from his pants. “I’ve been carrying one around with me for the past five months, just in case,” he smirked before sliding it over his length.

  Slowly, he crawled up her body, kissing, licking, tasting her as he went. When he arrived at the apex of her thighs, she let out a loud, long, moan when she felt his tongue slide from the bottom to the top and circle her clit.

  “Oh,” she moaned as he continued to feast on her until she soon came apart on his tongue.

  Kissing his way up her stomach to her breasts, he stopped and feasted on her nipples for long enough that she was wound tight once more. His hands pushed onto the bed on either side of her head, taking his weight off her. Shifting down to his forearms, he moved his hips slightly before he pushed into her, quickly and hard.

  “Yes,” he breathed. “I’ve been dreaming of this. You’ve had me constantly hard for so long. Damn, you feel incredible.”

  Wrapping her arms around to his back, she lifted her hips to get him to move. She needed to come. The feeling was consuming her. It was all she could feel. She needed this orgasm. Taking the hint, Grey thrust slow and deep. Each thrust seemed to push her closer and closer to a bliss she didn’t know she wanted until he showed her what she could have. After a few minutes, his thrusts picked up. Ember wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her heels into his ass trying to push him deeper, deeper to the spot she knew was there, and he just wasn’t hitting it. Soon, no thoughts filtered through her head because her body clamped down on his as another orgasm ripped through her body, pulling Grey right along with her.

  He collapsed on top of her, huffing from the shudders that still coursed through his body. Rolling to the side after a few moments, he pulled Ember into his hold, her back to his chest. Kissing the top of her head several times, silence filled the room, and Ember started to doze off. His whispered words were almost missed as sleep began to take her.

  “I love you, Ems.”

  Just like that, just by using the nickname that he called her, she was pulled back into all the pain of the past. A pain she apparently hadn’t pushed past after all. A sob escaped before she could stop it. Grey tightened his hold on her and whispered that everything would be okay. He told her that he’d wait for her to see she loved him too. Ember wasn’t sure of a lot of things, but one thing she was. She knew she liked Grey, a lot, but she didn’t love him. She wanted to, but she didn’t. Ember prayed silently that she could fall in love with Grey instead. As she fell asleep, those were the last thoughts she had.

  Please let me be able to love him back. Let me forget Sage and need, want, only Grey.

  One year later…

  As much as Ember tried to love Grey, she couldn’t. About six months after their special night together, she sat down with him and talked to him about how she felt, or in this case didn’t feel. He took it hard, even cried. It hurt Ember deeply. She wanted to love him. Ember even told him that. She wanted to, but she just couldn’t. In the end, Sage still held her heart even though she didn’t want him to have it any longer.

  It took a little while, but Grey and Ember were back to being friends. There were times when she’d catch him looking at her with that sadness and longing in his eyes. When he’d see that he was caught, Grey would give her a sad smile and wink at her. He was a great guy, and she prayed he found the love he was meant to share his life with.

  Today she was running late. She ran from wo
rk and was headed to the store that Grey now worked at, to get the things that Sanchez – a friend of her father’s – had for Everett. Everett and Kimberly had a plane to catch, and she was cutting it close. The restaurant had been so busy today causing her to lose track of time. It wasn’t until Bexley rushed over to tell Ember to leave, that she’d realized how late she was running.

  A lot of things have happened over the past year. Aside from Hudson being two and a half now, Ember had a run in with some pricks. They beat her up pretty good, hospitalizing her for a week, all to steal one hundred and ten dollars in cash and her debit card – that her father had immediately canceled.

  Since then, she’s been struggling to make ends meet, which was why Ember was even at work today. She needed the cash. Her bills were piling up, but she’d never let anyone know that. No one was going to pity her. It took months to get her mom and dad to finally go on their vacation that they’d been about to leave for when she was mugged. There was no way she’d let them know her struggles now and ruin their plans again. They deserved to get away from everything and be just them. Since Hudson was born, they’d been by her side. In Ember’s mind, they were just waiting for her to be strong enough for them to be able to step away.

  Running up the sidewalk to the front of the store, she ran head first into a hard wall of a man. Her body tingled and hummed just from that little contact. Ember’s heart raced in her chest. What the hell has gotten into me today, she wondered as she fought to catch the breath she’d lost in the collision and proceeding fall on her butt. Fighting to get the hair from her face, she grabbed the hand that was stretched out for her, pulling herself from the ground with their help. A zing of awareness shot through her causing her to pull her hand quickly from the person’s grip.

  “I’m so sorry. I…” All her apologizes died on her tongue. Anger filled her, and she swore she could spit fire. Yes, anger is good, she thought to herself. “You!” That one word came out as almost a growl filled with so much hatred that even her eyes widened in shock for a moment matching his.