by P. J. Belden
Immediately, she pulled out her phone and dialed her mom. When her mom answered, she failed to keep the sob in.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just… I just… I just ran into Sage.”
“Oh dear!” Kimberley exclaimed.
“Listen, he wants to talk. Do you mind if I go to lunch, hear him out? Will you be okay with Hudson?”
“Of course. This is a long overdue talk. Does he know about Hudson?”
Swallowing hard, Ember forced her words past the ball of fear in her throat. “No, I’m not sure I will tell him that yet.”
“Honey,” Kimberley tsked her through the phone. “He’s his father. He has a right to know.”
“I’m not getting into this right now. I’ll call you when I’m done. Love you.”
She hung up the phone and hurried out to the front of the store where she found Sage sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. Slowly, Ember walked up, studying him as she did so.
“Sage,” she whispered.
His head snapped up, and his relief filled eyes met hers. “I thought you weren’t going to come back out. I’m glad you did.”
“Um, where would you like to go to eat and talk? Do you want to just share a sub and go to the park so we don’t have prying eyes? Or, um, we can go back to my house, and I can make us something?”
Sage watched her intently for a while. A small smile formed on his kissable lips. “I can see how nervous you are about taking me to your home, but I do like the idea of a sub and the park if that’s okay with you.”
Nodding her agreement, they headed out in her car to the nearest Subway. The whole drive there, Ember thought she was going to faint. The same familiar scent filled her car and her senses. God, how she loved that smell. Even all these years later, it was still a comforting scent for her. Yes, it brought back so much pain sometimes, it still grounded her.
Once they had their sub ordered, she drove them to one of the less crowded parks and sat off away from all the playgrounds near a little pond. Ember busied herself with laying out a blanket that she pulled from her trunk. This whole time she was freaking out over if he noticed the car seat in the backseat. Or if he saw the toys all over the car? If he had, he’s not said anything yet.
“Ems?”
She stopped fussing with one of the frayed ends of the blanket and nervously met his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Are you okay,” he asked in such a tender voice that it caused tears to build in Ember’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, but the last time I saw you – not the one before this, but the start of my heartbreak – you killed a big piece of me. I’m not scared… I’m terrified.”
“When I last saw you,” he sighed. “… a big piece of me died too. Everything I said to you that day wasn’t real. None of it. It broke me even more as I remembered your face, your looks, your tears. It wasn’t true, though, Ems. Nothing that day was. I love you. I have from the moment I saw you. We planned our futures together. I was looking forward to making each of them come true.”
Setting her sub aside, she wrung her hands in her lap. “Why did you say it then? You killed me that day. After all the effort that my dad had gone through to find you for me, then the drive… It wasn’t just me you hurt that day.”
“I was mixed in with some bad people. Real bad people. See I’d went to apply for a position and somehow was pulled into this gang, and they looked for weaknesses in their members. They’d use those to get the person to toe the line appropriately. I didn’t want to risk you getting hurt. You were there, in that hell, and it was all I could do to save you.”
The sadness in his voice hit home with her. He truly was upset with how things had happened that day. But that left her with another question.
“Why couldn’t you have just moved in with me? Mom and Dad would have let you. You know they would have.”
He, too, sets his untouched sub aside and moves closer, grabbing Ember’s hands. Sage’s eyes bore into her own both heating her body and sending another bout of worry through it. There was no doubt that in the past five years, her feelings for him have not changed.
“I couldn’t. You know my parents. They hated me. They always have. When I was living there, I was an income. Yes, you heard me right, an income. When I left, they lost that. But I couldn’t handle their abuse any longer. If I’d stayed in town, we would never have had peace to just enjoy being us and being together.”
She chuckled, solemnly. “I haven’t had peace since you left. Your parents have been a cause of that.”
“What?” He both gasped and shouted.
“It’s nothing.” She brushed it off and tried to get back on track. Ember decided now would be the time to hit him with the question that sat at the forefront of her mind, all the time. “If you did love me, then why wait five years to come try to make amends? Why wait years after running into me to approach me again?”
“Can I ask you something?” After she had nodded her head, he continued. “Do I have a chance of making you fall in love with me again and deserve your love? Or has everything been lost by mistakes?”
Looking down, she twisted her fingers in her lap. She watched her fingers turn dark pink when she squeezed them tightly together. For the past year and six months, she’s thought about this over and over again. Even though she knew she could be making the biggest mistake of her life, she knew it would also be the same if she’d done the opposite.
Keeping her head down, she spoke softly. “You have always had my love, always deserved it. You are my one and only. There was never anyone else for me.”
He placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes,” she breathed.
Before she could get another word out of her mouth, Sage leaned in and slowly and tenderly began to seduce her mouth with his. For just a single moment she wanted to forget, but then an image of her son popped into her mind, and she found herself pulling away from him.
“Wait. I have more to say, please.”
His breathing was a bit harsher than normal, but all things considered, she could relate. “Okay.”
“You have my love and always have, but I have to be able to trust you again. You broke your trust with me. I mean, I’m twenty, Sage, twenty. I’m not the fifteen-year-old girl you left behind. And you’re not the eighteen-year-old boy. We need to talk and become friends again.”
The discussion continued for a while. It was emotionally draining. Ember had not cried so much since he left. She’d also never seen him cry the way he was. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realized what she’d done before it was too late. Sage assumed he was here to make amends with her parents, by what he said as he climbed from the car. Honestly, he was there by accident.
Shit! What am I supposed to do here? I promised myself and Hudson that I’d tell him when I saw him, but what if…, she started to think before a loud scream broke her from her thoughts.
“Daddy!” Hudson screamed and ran to Sage hugging him.
Sage looked up at me then with questions in his eyes. It was at that moment that she realized Hudson had just made the right decision for her. She needed to tell him. He needed to know. Ember just wasn’t sure now was the right time. Taking a deep breath, she met his gaze.
“Sage, meet your son Hudson. He’ll be five the day before your birthday.”
His eyes had narrowed at her accusatory before he lowered down to one knee, about eye level with his son.
“You know about me?”
“Yes,” he nodded his head enthusiastically. “Mommy and I look at your pictures and talk about you all the time before bed. Sometimes she cries because she misses you. Sometimes I do because I never got to meet you. Now I have.” Hudson grinned big.
Ember’s parents walked up then. Ember’s eyes wouldn’t leave Sage’s face. His eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, and his smile wobbled as he listened to his son ramble on and on. This time,
as Hudson flung his arms around his father, Sage wrapped him in his arms and buried his face in the curve of his son’s neck. His body shook as the tears Ember knew were falling fell from his eyes.
Turning away she leaned on her parents for the support and strength she needed. Not a single person in the room was dry-eyed. Ember was scared to look too much into this moment, but her damn heart – that never listened to her to begin with – hoped that this was the start of having the life she’d thought she lost so many years ago back.
“Daddy, you’re coming to our house right?”
Quickly, Ember whirled around on a gasp. Sage’s head popped up and looked at her. The pleading in his eyes got to her. They now had each other. She couldn’t keep them from each other now. Not that she wanted to, but she just wasn’t sure where things were right now.
“Do you want Daddy to come for supper?”
Everett whispered in Ember’s ear how proud he was of her. She just barely heard it over Hudson’s hoots of excitement when Sage said he’d come over. Though butterflies built in her stomach for what would happen, she was glad that they both accepted each other. Well, at least it looked like it so far. Giving her parents a strong hug and a promise to call, they head out to her car.
“Come on little man. Let’s get in your seat,” she said as excitedly as she could manage.
“Do you mind if I do it,” Sage’s small unsure voice said from behind her.
Turning, she forced a smile and shrugged. “If you want to, it’s just making sure he’s buckled in properly. It’s not a huge deal…” she started to say, but Sage had already eagerly walked away and put her son in the backseat. It took a lot out of Ember to not walk up there and throw him out of the way so she could take care of her son. It was then, too, that the thought that he’s his son too hit her like a ton of bricks. Sage was back in her life. Right now, she’s not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
With the shake of her head, she moved to the car and got in the driver’s seat. As she was buckling, she watched Sage and Hudson playing around in the back. The sound of Sage laughing brought back the past, memories that both hurt her and made her smile.
“Mommy! Daddy says that he’s going to be around more,” Hudson said excitedly as Sage made his way around the car and into the passenger seat.
Ember chose to keep her mouth shut. Anger was building inside her, and Hudson definitely didn’t deserve to be subjected to her irate mood. Actually, Ember wasn’t fully sure what she was angry about, she just knew she was. The entire drive back, she was quiet, listening to Sage and Hudson talk back and forth like they were old friends reuniting. Hudson had welcomed him freely into his life. There was no trial period, no anything. He just saw him and loved him immediately. Ember should be proud of the huge heart her son had, but she also knew the man. Well, at least what he’d done to her for five freaking years. He abandoned them, for crying out loud. Sage walked out of her life without looking back. He had five years… Five fucking years to contact her, to apologize, but he didn’t. Yes, she remembered what he had said about his life not being all that great and all that, but shit! He left her to deal with his psychotic parents. While she had an infant to care for to boot.
By the time they pulled into the parking lot of the apartments they had lived in, Ember was boiling with anger. She was angry at the whole damn world right now. So upset that it kept bringing tears to her eyes. So angry that when Sage spoke to her, she lashed out at him, thankfully they were both out of the car and Hudson still sat in the backseat. Hopefully, he couldn’t hear her fighting with his father.
“You live here?” He said it almost like it offended him.
Well, fuck him! “Yes, we do!” She yelled. “Unlike you, I’ve been raising a child and trying to finish high school. Then when I finally did finish, I had to pick up more hours at work so I could make ends meet. Most nights, I didn’t sleep, or I was so damn tired I would cry. Not to mention Hudson was colicky, so he barely slept and couldn’t handle to not be rocking. College,” she laughed. “I had to forget my dream of joining my father’s firm because I couldn’t work the hours I needed and still go to school. BECAUSE I WAS DOING IT ALL ON MY OWN!”
By the time she finished her rant, she was breathing hard, and her hands were shaking. Sage stood there and just stared at her. Without saying another word, he walked around Ember and got Hudson out of the car. Soon, his chatter filled the tension building between Ember and Sage. Thankfully in pure Hudson form, he was oblivious to any of that. He just felt the happiness from being with his father right now.
“…Jimmy at school is going to flip out when he knows that my dad is the Sage ‘Iron Fists’ Jacobs.” Ember heard Hudson say just as she walked into the apartment.
Another thing to mentally add to the ‘question him on’ list. Right now, though, it was time to get supper ready. She had to focus on their routine. She had to keep to that routine. It was what anchored her every single day. The one thing she could depend on.
“Hudson, do you have homework today?”
“Yeah,” he answered knowing where it was going.
“Then you need to go to the room and get it done. I’m starting supper. Go on. I’ll be there in a minute if you need help. Okay?”
He grumbled, but still turned and walked away and down to his room. Ember busied herself in the kitchen as she pulled out all the things she needed for dinner. Tonight she planned for a roasted chicken, with steamed vegetables and baked potatoes. She’d have to make enough for one more person since she now had a surprise visitor. Sage hadn’t made a sound since they walked in. When she looked over her shoulder, she saw him tracing a picture with his finger, a sad look playing on his face. When he finally spoke, Ember jumped slightly.
“They give homework in Kindergarten now?”
“He’s in the third grade.” She answered shortly.
“But he’s only five,” Sage stated, sounding shocked.
“Yes, I’m aware of that. I gave birth to him.” She snapped as she turned around to face him. Sage’s face filled with even more sadness and a bit of loss too.
He dropped his head before looking back up to meet her gaze. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just shocked is all.”
Sighing, Ember turned back around to finish chopping vegetables. “When I took him into Headstart, they had tested him to be sure he was ready to start. He tested off the charts. Mom and Dad said it’s because I’m a great mother, but I’m not sure about that. Regardless, there was a meeting held and a few other school board members and me sat in a room talking about his academics and it was then decided that a private school for gifted children would probably be his best and safest bet. Kids are so mean these days. So, he has most of his tuition paid for, but there’s still about twelve hundred dollars a year that I have to come up with. Which is really nothing compared to the amount that it costs to go there. I’ll do anything to make sure he has the best life, so it was the easiest decision.”
“He’s an incredible kid,” he finally said as she was putting the chicken in the oven. The vegetables were already going in the steamer her parents had gotten her, and the baked potatoes had already been in the oven about ten minutes prior. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant, Ems. That day in the club, why didn’t you say anything?”
Whirling around in the middle of drying her hands, her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? I searched for you for nineteen weeks because you quit contacting me! My father cashed in favors to help me find you! When I do, you tell me you just used me for sex and that you never wanted me. Why the hell would I tell you about my son when you just ripped out my heart?”
“He’s my son too, Ember,” he hissed at her. “You kept him from me for five years and want to act as if I was never around.”
“You weren’t!” She screamed. “You had no contact with me until he was two! Two, Sage! When he turned four, I told him all about you. However, the only thing I never told him was the hurt and pain you caused. How you walke
d away from me with no regrets, no problems. I didn’t tell him how broken I’ve been and how damn lonely! Don’t stand there and act like you are some kind of victim here! You had choices! You had chances! You could have been here for your son. I get it, you don’t want me…”
His eyes widened just as Hudson walked in. “Are you fighting?”
“No, baby. Why would you think that?”
“Well, I never hear you cuss for one. For two, you’re crying.”
Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she knelt down in front him. “It’s just hard on me seeing your daddy after so long. I’m okay. Are you doing okay on your homework?” she asked in hopes of changing the subject.
“Yeah, I’ve just got to read a super boring book that will take me less than a day to finish by the end of the week. Can I wait to do that so I can spend time with Daddy?”
Nodding her head, she swallowed hard. “Sure, honey. I believe that’s the sole reason he came here was to spend time with you.”
Running over to his father, he tugged him down to his room. Sage looked back at her, but she turned away before her tears started again. Moving back to the kitchen, she checked the potatoes, turning them, and then set the table. Just as she finished, there was a knock at her door. Ember went stiff as a board. Slowly, she made her way to the door and peeked through the peephole. Sighing with relief, she unlocked the door and opened it.
“Grey, I’ve told you to call before you show up. You know what it does to me.”
“Sorry,” Grey said as he stepped into the apartment. It was then he saw three places set for dinner. “Are you expecting someone?”
She could easily lie about it, but what was the point in that. Ember would eventually slip up because she wasn’t a liar. Taking a deep breath, she knew this wasn’t going to go well.
“Actually, it’s funny you ask.” She forced an awkward laugh. “Sage actually came back. He met Hudson, and now Hudson won’t let him go.”
“You let that prick around my son,” he hissed. “Are you fucking him too?”
Before she could stop herself, she slapped him hard across the face. His head snapped to the side with the hit. When he looked at her, she could see the hand print she left on his cheek. She was shocked, however, when she saw the tears dancing in his eyes.
