Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1)

by P. J. Belden

  “Mom,” Hudson said with a frisson of fear in his voice.

  Breaking her eyes from the sight and the noise before her, she looked at her son. He was pale as a ghost. It frightened her as she dropped to her knees in front of him, feeling his forehead and checking his pulse.

  “He is broken, Mom. No, he’s more than that. He’s not going to forgive us,” he stammered out as tears fell down his cheeks.

  Hugging him as tightly as he could handle, she tried to assure him that he’d understand. But at that point, Ember wasn’t sure who she was really trying to convince – him or herself. Pulling back when suddenly a crash sounded and then nothing followed. When she looked out the window, time seemed to freeze. Ember didn’t know if minutes were passing or if it really was going as slowly as she felt it was. She watched as Sage fell to his knees. Her name was on his lips. It was plain to read. The heartache in his eyes was enough to stop Ember’s breath. It was almost as if he could see her standing there. That he was looking right at her instead of whatever he was actually seeing. Then with horror, she read his lips once again as he grabbed a gun.

  “I’ll be with you soon, my love.”

  “No!” Ember screamed. “No! Sage! Damn it,” she huffed as she tried to remember what button it was that unlocked the door for her to be able to get out and go to him. Finally, a click filled the eerily, silent room. Quickly, she grabbed the handle. Just as she turned the knob, the sound of gun fire caused her to choke on her next breath. Hudson screamed, but right now, Hudson was safe. Ember wasn’t so sure that her heart was. In fact, she was pretty confident it was long gone.

  “Stay in here,” she yelled at her son to be heard over his screams. Flinging the door open, she stepped out into the once immaculate space. Hell, she wasn’t even sure that there was a speck of dust on any surface when they’d led her into this room. Everything had a place, and it was sure to be in that exact place every time it was put away. Honestly, for the kind of ‘business’ Rufus had been – and still was to a point – associated with, it was the last thing that she’d expect to see. However, the precisely set room was not what she saw right now.

  At that moment, papers were everywhere, his desk was where one of the bookcases used to be and the bookcases were all knocked over, the contents spilled and piled on the ground as if it had experienced a tornado. But what drew her focus was the smell of recent gunfire. Her eyes swept the mess before her until she landed on Sage. He sat – still – on his knees staring toward the door. That’s when she noticed Creighton standing there in the doorway. Sage’s glare was petrifying – to say the least.

  “You mother fucker,” Sage roared, climbing to his feet. “Why and the fuck did you stop…”

  Ember could see the murderous look on his face and knew she needed to do something to stop this. So, she did the only thing that she could – that Ember thought would help –, and she stepped forward, and as calmly as Ember could, she called for him.

  “Sage,” her voice was soft, but it was thick from unshed tears.

  Sage threw his hands to his ears screaming. “Stop it! I failed you! I failed both of you!”

  Tentatively, she stepped forward even as Rufus shook his head. She called his name again. Tears fell down her cheeks faster as she watched him fall to his knees crying. The agony in his voice as he pleaded with her ‘spirit’ to leave him alone broke her apart even more. Still she forced herself to step closer to him. With each careful, cautious step, she repeated his name. When she could get no closer, she reached a shaky hand out and placed it on his shoulder.

  “Sage,” her voice cracked from the pain that he’d been put through.

  Whirling around, Sage fell to his butt and stared at her in what almost looked like horror. With each passing second, he continued to stare at her and a bit of her hope died at her feet. Kneeling down in front of him, she rested her hands on her knees.

  “Sage, please talk. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I love you so mu…”

  He made an almost choking sound cutting her off. Reaching out for him, he recoiled back from her. In just that single motion, Ember dropped her head to her hands and started to weep.

  “You’ve been alive all this time? You’ve been… What about Hudson? Is my son alive too?”

  Ember looked up at him with watery eyes and nodded her head. “He’s in that room back there. He’s doing better. They believe with a lot of work, he’ll be back to our little boy in no time.” She tried to smile.

  He stood suddenly after several moments of staring at her. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m sure you and Hudson will have a great life.”

  “Sage,” she cried out his name as she stood to reach for him. “Please, you must understand…”

  “Understand what?” He hissed. “Understand that the two people that I love more than my own life, have been alive this whole time I’ve been dying slowly. How am I supposed to understand that?”

  “If you’d…”

  He held up his hand and glared at her with eyes so cold that she froze in spot. “You got your payback, Ems. You have destroyed my world and all I have ever thought I’d have. Just as I assumed, I did for you all those years ago. Only this time…” he stood taller and his glare hardened further. “Have a good life Ember. Tell my son I love him. ” He turned and shoved past Creighton and left the room.

  Ember broke down and fell back down to her knees. She never got to explain anything to him. She thought at the very least he’d let her do that. That he would want answers. If he had listened to why she agreed to pretend to be dead, he’d see the reasoning and understand. But he didn’t even give her the chance to say more than a meek apology. Yes, she knew that he’d be mad finding out that they’d been alive all this time, but she thought for sure her love for him was enough.

  “He didn’t even listen to me,” she cried. “He hates me. I told you he’d hate me.” Her body jerked with each broken plea left her lungs. “Please forgive me. Please. God, please forgive me.”

  “I know it’s hard to see right now,” Rufus said sitting next to her. “But he’ll realize what actually happened here. He’s just in shock right now. You and Hudson are his life. He won’t stay mad long.”

  She looked up at Rufus then. “You didn’t see his eyes. I know Sage better than I know myself. He isn’t going to forgive this one. He isn’t. I know it.”

  “I’ll talk to him, Emmy. I’ll tell him everything. It’s my fault this has gotten to this point. I wanted to save my son as well as you and my grandbaby. I guess I just went about it the wrong way.” Rufus said dejectedly.

  Please, Sage, please forgive me.

  Sage sat on a park bench and stared out at all the kids playing. Their laughter both warmed his heart and broke it at the same time. He missed his family. He missed his son. But Sage couldn’t let go of the betrayal of being left to believe his world had ended. In his mind, there was no justification for it. None. Still, even though he knew this – and he reminded himself of it often – over the past two months, he couldn’t stop himself from missing them. Hudson was everything he dreamed he’d wanted in a son and so much more. It was uncanny how much they looked alike.

  Then there was Ember. Ember held his heart in her hands from the minute she started to point out his bullshit. Something about how she’d never back down from him eventually led to the love of a lifetime. But then somewhere in there, she developed a pension for lying. He still remembered the look of devastation on her face when he’d told her off for lying to him. Sage was angry. No, it was beyond that. It was rage. For a whole month – a whole fucking month – he was made to believe that there was nothing left for him in the world. That he’d just said goodbye to the very beings that gave him reasons to try every day.

  In his fit of rage, he stopped by her parents’ house to find out if they knew she was alive. Sickeningly enough, it was comforting to know that they too had been kept in the dark. Everett even understood the anger that coursed through him even still now – just
not as strong as that day. From what Sage had got from her parents, the only ones that knew the truth were his family as well as Holden and Aspen. Grey didn’t even know. It was that moment that Sage had realized that he hadn’t seen Grey since that day in the hospital.

  When Sage went to Grey’s apartment, it was in shambles. It wasn’t until he maneuvered through the mess room by room, that he found Grey on his bed face down. Next to him was a letter. Basically, the letter had said how much he loved her and would see her again soon. He also said on there that they’d been robbed of their forever, but he’d have eternity. Thankfully, there was a weak pulse, and he’d called the ambulance, and they’d rushed him to the hospital. The cops and Sage had looked everywhere for how he tried to kill himself, but they couldn’t find anything.

  Grey still hadn’t woke from his coma, but when he did Sage was ready to see what the hell he was thinking. Since the first day they’d met, they’d been inseparable. He couldn’t blame Grey for loving Ember. She was impossible not to love. However, he could blame him for what he’d done in keeping him away from her.

  Sage has spent a lot of time next to his bed, talking to the form that was his best friend, hoping against hope that he could hear him and he was fighting. Of course, the first thing he told him was that Ember and Hudson were still alive. Sadly, Sage couldn’t leave off his anger at that knowledge. Sage wanted someone to pay for the pain he was in, but at the same time, it put a whole new perspective for how Sage had left her without a warning.

  Shaking his head, he looked around waiting for Everett to show up. Everett called and asked to meet with him, but wanted to do it without Kimberly knowing. Apparently, she’d told him that he needed to stay out of things. So, here he sat on a bench at what was his son’s favorite park remembering the trips they made here. His heart had never hung as heavy as it did when he thought about the time he lost with his son because Sage thought he was protecting Ember.

  “Dad?”

  Sage’s head snapped to the side and met identical eyes to his own. His chest rose on a deep breath as he watched his little boy wheel himself over to meet him. It was then that he’d realized the lack of an adult with him. His face turned from shock to stern.

  “Hudson, why are you here alone?”

  “I’m not. Grandpa brought me. I begged him to help me so I could talk to you.”

  Standing, Sage pushed Hudson’s chair further away from the crowded park and to a more off the beaten path section that had a little beat up bench. Once his son’s chair was secure, Sage took a seat on the bench and looked at him.

  “How are you doing, buddy?”

  “I’m doing better. I can stand on my legs for small bits at a time. Greenlee says it won’t be long before I’m back on my feet if I keep this up.” His smile was so big and bright that Sage couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face too.

  “I’m so proud of you,” he said softly and felt the tears building in his eyes.

  “You know I came here for a reason, right?”

  Nodding his head, Sage took another deep breath and looked away from his son. “I kind of figured. What does your mom want me to hear?”

  It was Hudson’s turn to take a shuddered breath. “Mom didn’t want me to come near you.”

  Sage’s head snapped back in his son’s direction. Ember didn’t want his son talking to him? What the hell is up with that? “You’ve got to be kidding me?” He muttered.

  Shaking his head, he looked down at his lap. “No, she said that the pain that she felt now is what she deserves for lying to you on something like this. But you have to know she had no other choice.” He urged.

  Skepticism filled him as he stared at his son with a ‘yeah right’ look on his face. Still he couldn’t help but be curious about why they felt she had no choice. Sage would have done anything. Why tell him it was going to be a plan and then make him believe she was dead. Not just her either, but his son too. Taking Sage’s silence as a reason to push forward, he began talking rapidly.

  “Mom had gotten a letter. It was delivered to the hospital. You were away looking into something with Uncle Crazy and the others. Grandpa had come in to check to make sure she was okay since you weren’t there. Mom had been crying. They won’t tell me what it said, but Mom said that they were coming after what she held dearest.”

  “You,” Sage breathed.

  “No. You.”

  “What?” He was beyond confused at this point. Sage was no fool. He knew how much Ember cared about Hudson and she should. That was her son, her baby. “I don’t get it.”

  “They considered me dead already I guess.” He shrugged not understanding fully what was going on. There were times that Hudson was smart beyond his years and then there were others when the reminder smacked you in the face.

  “It still doesn’t make sense. How does faking her – and your – death help out at all? If anything it left me more exposed.” He was saying this more to himself than to his son, but his son explained anyway.

  “Rufus came up with the plan. It put you in the spotlight, but it also brought… Uh, how did he say it? Oh! Yeah! The bugs out of the walls. Mom can explain this better if you’d give her a chance. I don’t know it all. I think everyone has suffered enough. I want my family back. I miss how close we all were. Please, Daddy, please at least talk to Mom and hear her out. If you would rather we not exist to you after that, then fine.”

  “Oh, son…”

  “Please,” Hudson begged. “For me if nothing else.”

  Sighing, Sage nodded his head. “Fine. I’ll go talk to your mom. I assume that Grandpa is still waiting for you?”

  “Yeah, I bet him that you’d go talk to her,” he grinned. “I knew I’d win.”

  Shaking his head, he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “You going back to their house while I go to… Wait, where are you guys even staying?”

  Hudson’s head dropped and his face heated. “In that motel on Eighth Street.”

  Dread filled his stomach followed quickly by the guilt that his son and the love of his life had to live there. Standing, he pushed Hudson back to the car and got a stern talking to by Everett. Once he finished lecturing him, Sage headed to his truck and drove to the dive they were staying in.

  When he arrived, he stepped out of his truck and stared at the number Seven as if it were a foreign object. To be honest, he didn’t know what would happen when he knocked on the door. According to Everett, she truly had no idea that Hudson was doing this. Sage didn’t like it, but he wanted the full story too. So taking one last breath, he walked the short distance to the door and knocked on it.

  “Who is it?” Her small, timid voice came from the other side of the door.

  One more deep breath and he answered her. “Ember, it’s Sage.”

  There was a long silence. So long, that he almost knocked again. But before he could do that, the door opened a little before he was graced with her beautiful face. His heart tightened at the sight of her swollen, bloodshot eyes. He’d never stop loving her, but he may have to learn to live without her.

  “Sage?”

  “I’ve come to talk.”

  “Oh, uh, well…”

  Jealousy hit him hard and strong. Before he realized what he was doing, he pushed the door open. A small squeal had left her lips before she fell backwards on the floor. Once he was satisfied that she had no one else in the room, he held out his hand to help her from the floor. Her hesitation had him breaking the silence.

  “I’m sorry. It was an accident. I thought you had someone in here.”

  She shook her head mutely, but she still didn’t take his hand. His heart stilled in his chest when he saw the fear in her eyes, but deeper than that was the pain and sadness. Sage knew exactly how she felt.

  “I’m sorry, really I am. I just want to talk, Ems.” He almost pleaded.

  Finally, she took his hand, and he pulled her up. The current that moved from her hand into his body was undeniable, and he sucked in a d
eep breath. Just that one simple touch brought his whole body alive. Sage was so absorbed in the familiar feeling she filled him with that he almost didn’t see it. His eyes widened and shot up to meet hers.

  “You’re pregnant?”

  “You knew I was,” she said hesitantly.

  Shaking his head, “No, the doctor told me you lost the baby.”

  “Damn him, I told him no on that part,” she muttered.

  Tentatively, moving his hand back with every inch he moved forward, he touched her small rounded belly. A smile lit his lips and tears filled his eyes. She placed her hand on top of his causing Sage to meet her eyes.

  “We’re having twins. I don’t want you to feel pressured to be with me. You can see all your kids whenever you want.”

  Sage looked around the room and cringed at the thought of sitting on anything in the room, but still made his way to one of the chairs near the table and sat. He looked back at her as she still stood in the same spot.

  “Explain to me what justified you ripping my heart from my chest and stomping on it. Because seriously Ems, I don’t see anything that would justify it.”

  “Your parents work for or with – whatever – the Foxes. They believed that you had a will leaving everything to me. So they told me they would kill you, and come after everyone else to get the money you owed them. Apparently, your parents made promises that they couldn’t keep or rather you didn’t keep – in their eyes – and because of that they blamed me.”

  “That makes no sense. If there were broken promises then why kill me. Why not make me fulfill them?”

  “Apparently it has something to do with that psycho chick after you there for a while. You were to marry her, start fighting for them and after five years they’d kill you and find a new target. From what Rufus found out, they’ve got a new target. But when Rufus told me that we needed to do this, I refused. My heart broke just thinking about the pain you’d be in. But I happened to have left the room then and I watched one of Hudson’s doctors exchange money with who I later found out was Trainor. It was then I realized, we’d never be free to be happy until we did this. So, Hudson and I agreed. We agreed because it was only supposed to be a week at max. But it took longer for them to start sniffing around again. That day that you stormed into Rufus’s office, when he’d called you and told you that you needed to come in… It was because I said I couldn’t do it anymore, neither could Hudson. We wanted to be with you, to be a family again. But everything went as I feared it would. You hated us, and you should have. God,” she breathed. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for agreeing to do this. But it was to save your life so we could get married, have our babies, enjoy Hudson, all of it.”