“Let them.” I marched up to the bar and hefted myself onto an oversized stool with the same pink doily motif as the coasters. Reaching down, I helped Quinn clamber onto another equally heinous seat. “We’d like whatever you’re serving today, and a big pitcher of water,” I said to the cyclops. “Also, whatever’s on tap, please.”
His eye went opaque, the pupil swirled a couple times, then he blinked and it went back to normal. Well, as normal as a one-eyed giant can look, anyway.
“You’re late.” He nodded, handed me a scroll, and then shuffled off to the kitchen. My back itched with the heft of the gazes I felt leveled at us. I didn’t turn around, though. Important for the patrons to know we weren’t interested in causing problems.
“What did he mean, we’re late?” Quinn whispered.
“Cyclopes get glimpses into the future.”
“So he knew we were coming?”
“Probably.”
“What’s that he gave you?”
I took time to examine the scroll. Correspondence from my father. Of course. Only Auric Starfig would know I’d end up in a giant infested saloon on the outskirts of civilization. Why was I even surprised?
Quinn’s eyebrow quirked when he saw my father’s very recognizable seal on the scroll. “Well aren’t you going to open it?”
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted was more chastising from my dad.
Quinn fidgeted next to me.
Reaching out, I touched his arm. “Relax. You’re making them nervous.”
He frowned, but stilled his movements. “I take it you have experience with giants?”
“I helped one out of a tight spot once. Leave them alone and they’ll likely leave you to your business.”
Even though I saw how nervous he was, he attempted a smile. “The exact opposite of fairies, faes, and sprites, then.”
“Exactly. I find them refreshing. I know they look scary, but believe me, they’re the kinder of those options.”
“You’re stalling,” Quinn said after a moment.
I was.
“Fine.” I severed the seal with a fingernail and began unrolling the parchment. Pictures of my dad and each of his offspring filled the page.
“Is this your family?” Quinn leaned over to get a better look, his balance on the stool precarious.
“My father’s. The acknowledged ones, anyway.”
“Why did he send you this?”
I sighed, opened the scroll all the way, and pointed to the bottom. “A new addition.”
An adorable changeling with large eyes and a mass of aqua curls on her head stared back.
“Aww, she’s cute. A new Starfig.” Quinn’s face softened as he looked at the baby.
“Yeah. Poor kid.”
“Hey, nice likeness of you. And is that your half-brother?” Quinn pointed. “What’s so terrible about him? He looks harmless enough.”
Yeah, as harmless as a griffin with a grudge. I rolled up the parchment with a snap. He was the last fairy I wanted to think about at the moment.
Fortunately, the cyclops returned just then with a pitcher of water the size of a small bathtub and two huge plates of food. Quinn’s stomach let out a growl that would have done a hellhound proud and his attention shifted to the meal.
The cyclops also put two enormous cups of steaming tea in front of us. I sighed. Giants were notorious teetotalers. I pulled out a gold dypari and slid it toward him. He pocketed it without even a glance to see if it was real. Nodding, he moved down the counter, giving me and Quinn a little privacy.
“Rice and beans?” Quinn sniffed. “No meat?”
I pointed to a gelatinous blob at the center of the plate. Maybe it was because giants only had a few teeth, or maybe they simply couldn’t cook worth shit, but they boiled the hellafuck out of everything.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, they like spice though, so it’s bound to be hot.” My stomach growled at the thought. I might not breathe fire, but my mouth could handle any hot pepper or spice thrown at it. I dug into my meal with gusto, using a large slab of bread to scoop up as much of the food as I could.
Quinn watched me eat for a moment before he picked up his own bread and dipped it. A bite or two later and he gulped water like his tongue was on fire. My mouth tingled pleasantly, but his watering eyes and reddened face said he didn’t feel the same way.
After that, he stuck to the bread and some plain green vegetable I found rather tasteless, though he seemed pleased with it. Between us, we managed to finish off the water and I consumed my entire plate of food. No easy feat since the portion was giant sized. Not having much to eat the last two days fueled my feeding frenzy and even Quinn managed to put an impressive dent in his plate . . . staying well away from the meat.
When we pushed our plates away, the cyclops swept in to remove them. He returned a moment later, waiting.
“Any rooms available for the night?” I slowly raised my eyes to meet his one, and kept my posture as relaxed as possible, which wasn’t hard since I was so full I wouldn’t be able to fight my way out of a cloth sack if something went wrong.
“Just passing through?” His eye swiveled in a way that was a bit unnerving.
“Not planning to stay long.”
“Going to Nevershire?”
Nevershire was the largest city on this side of the Expanse, but still dwarfed in comparison to Lighthelm.
Quinn began to shake his head in the negative.
“Yep.”
Quinn froze mid shake and then nodded a little too vigorously. The cyclops’s huge pupil began swirling again, then clouded over. He shook his head, blinked, and his eye was back to normal.
“I see.”
I held my breath. Since this was the only inn at the outpost, I really hoped we could get a room. I didn’t fancy sleeping in the tall grass since I couldn’t be sure what would come out at night to play. I’d never sleep with Quinn’s safety at stake and, if the rumors were true, I needed all the rest I could get to deal with Sahara Burningwood.
The scraping of a chair being pushed back from somewhere behind us wasn’t lost on me. Quinn obviously heard it too, though to give him credit, he didn’t look behind us. I ducked my chin approvingly. He nodded back, preparing for the worst. I groaned. We just couldn’t catch a break.
14
I tried not to tense, which wasn’t easy since my dragon side shrieked at me to protect my mate. This mate business was ridiculous if you asked me. Yet, I couldn’t deny the pull Quinn had on me—and not just my dragon side.
Heavy footfalls approached. I propped my elbow on the bar and swiveled my chair slowly to meet the danger head on. An enormous, ugly giant towered over us. His—er, no, her—jaw was slack and her tiny eyes gleamed in the dull light.
“Krofom,” she said to the barkeep, “these two is a little runty to join Burningwood’s zombie army, doncha think? ’Course, giants ain’t dumb enough to venture into Rottingvale Quagmire. Didn’t think dragons was neither, but maybe it’s the fairy blood. Makes one reckless.” She tapped my forehead to demonstrate how brainless she thought I was.
Quinn quivered by my side, a dagger appearing in his hand. It would be too small to make much of a dent in a giant’s thick hide. The fact he owned it at all was rather shocking, though he was full of surprises. He bounded to his feet, standing on the stool. Even so, the giant towered over him.
I remained sitting. The giant ignored him.
“Can dragons even become zombies?” I asked to no one in particular.
The giant tilted her huge head, looked between the barkeep and me. “Dunno, really. Suspect so. Centaurs, leprechauns, fairies, minotaurs, serpents”—she ticked these off on her meaty fingers,”—“fae, goblins, and witches has all fallen to Burningwood’s magic. And you is part fairy.” She shrugged like I should have considered this.
“Yeah, but my dragon’s dominant,” I said. “What about giants?”
“Can we? Sure. Like I said, we ain’t dumb enough to
try, though.”
“You aren’t worried she’ll send her army to attack this outpost?”
“Nah. Her reach ain’t this far yet. She’s had to poison the trees first and we got lots of wards on this area.”
“She’ll get here eventually.”
“Maybe. But not today.”
“Tomorrow, then.”
The giant smiled, her rotten teeth resembling nothing so much as ill kept tombstones.
“But that ain’t today, is it?”
“Guess not.”
“’Sides, you’re going to rid the forest of her, ain’t you?” The cyclops chuckled at the giant’s words. Quinn stiffened at the taunt.
“Fuck—”
“Could be,” I broke in before Quinn started trouble. He glared at me. The giant’s smile broadened.
“Nice little human you got there. Sure you want to hand him over to Burningwood? Even if you got protection, he sure ain’t got none.”
I growled deep in my throat. “I’m not handing him over to anyone.” He’s mine, a voice in my head screamed.
Quinn twirled the knife in his hand, drawing both my and the giant’s gaze. “I’m not exactly helpless,” he snarled.
My chest puffed with pride at his fearlessness. I also groaned internally that I would fall for an idiot who would challenge a giant with what amounted to a toothpick. Apparently, you could be book smart without having a lick of common sense.
The giant chortled, reached out and plucked Quinn up by the scruff of his neck, his tunic caught between the giant’s two large fingers. She hefted Quinn until they were at eye level to each other. Quinn swung his dagger, and generally twirled uselessly in the air.
I stayed still. The effort cost me, but Quinn’s life could very well depend on my next actions.
“Well, ain’t you a live one? What’s your name, little man?”
“None of your damn business!” Quinn took another swipe at the giant’s nose. He dangled just a couple inches too far to reach. For the best, really.
“He’s Quinn Broomsparkle. I’m Twig Starfig.”
“Know who you is. Ain’t any more dragon-fairy mixes I never heard of before.”
“I’m famous. How flattering.”
“You is.” She nodded. “You done a good deed for a cousin of mine. Most creatures think ’cause we big, we ain’t got no brains nor no feelings. My cousin, he ain’t a fighter and you helped him. So, I likes you, Twig. You’s alright.” She set Quinn back on his stool and patted him on top of the head. Quinn collapsed under the weight. “Oops. Sorry. I hope I ain’t damaged your pet. He’s a cute little fella.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” I eyed Quinn to make sure he was okay. Quinn’s face flamed bright red and he looked like he wanted nothing more than to tackle the giant. Yep, nothing hurt except his pride. Which was surprisingly formidable. Not that I blamed him. I didn’t take shit from anyone either.
The giant pulled up a stool. “I’m Judag. Nice to meet you. We ain’t received visitors since a month back. Couple orcs who decided to go after Burningwood, just like you. Guessing they make some good zombies. Prob’ly ain’t much difference, you know what I mean?” She guffawed.
I stuck my hand out and she slid one finger into my grip. We shook. I turned to Krofom. “Barkeep, a drink for my new friend here.”
The cyclops nodded and passed a teacup the size of my head to Judag.
“’Preciate it, Twig. A giant gets thirsty.” Her pinky shot into the air as she raised her cup to drink. The slurping ruined the effect. Drinking the cup until she’d drained every last drop, she set it carefully on the counter. Using the back of her hand, she then wiped her mouth. A large belch followed. “Good stuff.”
“Glad you enjoyed.”
“You really gonna challenge Burningwood?” she asked.
“Yep.”
“You ain’t struck me as the type to chase after glory.” She shrugged as if to say she could be wrong.
“Nah, not glory. She’s got something belonging to someone else, and I’ve been hired to get it back.”
Judag scratched her head. A large branch fell out and crashed down next to Quinn. Quinn ducked and cursed under his breath.
“Sorry ’bout that, little man. I ain’t used to spending time around you tiny folk.”
“I’m not tiny,” he groused, but without any heat behind it.
“He’s a moody one, ain’t he?” Judag tilted her head to better study Quinn.
“I’m right here,” Quinn crossed his arms over his chest. “You could try talking to me. I’m able to talk, and think, and”—he gasped—“state my own opinions.”
“Uh, sorry there, little man—”
“Quinn—”
“I just didn’t think you was allowed to speak without your master’s permission. That’s all.”
“It’s complicated,” I said. “Maybe if you pretend he’s a wizard?”
“Ah, okay. Is he?” The giant examined Quinn’s pink, sparkly collar.
Quinn shut his eyes and clapped his hands together like he was trying not to choke the life out of the giant. This was a side I only saw of Quinn in private. I suppose if I’d activated the anti-resistor clause like he said, he’d have to curb his tongue at least somewhat. I liked him like this, though. Puppets were never my thing.
“Ask him,” I finally said.
“You a witch?” the giant asked, lowering her face to better see Quinn.
“No,” Quinn bit off.
“Don’t believe it. You got the attitude of a witch.”
“Witches don’t have dicks.”
The giant’s beady little eyes widened and then she bellowed, a big belly laugh that almost blew Quinn off his stool.
“Witches don’t have dicks! You hear this tiny human?” She called to the other patrons. She laughed harder and we heard the others join in. Fat tears rolled down Judag’s cheeks. “I think I might like you even better than Twig.”
“I’m so relieved. My life is complete now.”
“Twig, is all human males like him? If so, I gotta start going to the Hominus Realm. He’s funny.”
“No, I’d say he’s one of a kind.” I smiled fondly at Quinn. He didn’t smile back.
“Have you heard much about Burningwood?” Quinn asked. “Anything that might help us?”
“You sure you set on going, teeny witch? She ain’t right.” Judag tapped her head. “She ain’t known for showing mercy, neither.”
“I’m not a witch—”
“We’re going,” I said.
“She have a manor house in the middle of the Quagmire. You prob’ly won’t make it there, ’cause of all the zombies. They guard that swamp like you ain’t never seen. Come up from the ground.” The giant shivered. “Don’t like ’em. Unnatural creatures.”
“Any way to stop them?”
“Don’t rightly know.” Judag scratched her ear. “Nah, that ain’t exactly true. Fire. Those things burn like dry wood. Only problem, that’s hard to do in a swamp. Always lots of mist. A dismal a place as you is likely to see.”
“So you’ve been?”
“Oh, yeah, once I been. Wanted to see it for myself.” She leaned in close until her rancid breath made me want to take a step back. I stood my ground because it would be rude and as I was on the bar stool, I’d be in for a hard landing if I moved away. “I’m not the smartest of the bunch here. Likes to see things for myself.” She winked.
“I haven’t been,” Krofom chimed in. “But I’ve seen it in visions.” He shuddered. “Many travelers pass through with the idea of besting Burningwood. But none ever come out alive.”
“There’s always a first time,” I said.
Quinn nodded his agreement.
The barkeep pressed his lips into a fine line, then moved down the bar and turned his back to us. He began polishing glasses.
“Don’t mind him none. Seeing the future are unnerving. Pain to always know something and not been able to change how it come out.”
; “Did he see something then?” I asked. Not sure why, since if we were going to be zombie fodder, I’d rather not know in advance.
“Dunno. You’d has to ask him, I suppose. Wouldn’t want to know, if it were me.”
“I think you’re right.”
“Happens more than you think.” She laughed.
We sipped several more rounds of tea throughout the afternoon. Judag was a surprisingly good conversationalist. We shared another meal together as Judag told us all she’d seen in Rottingvale Quagmire. After a while, I called down to where Krofom and Quinn leaned their heads together. Quinn had spent the last hour chatting with the cyclops. “Hey, barkeep, any chance you’ll give us a room?”
Before I got the words fully out of my mouth, a key the size of my forearm was hefted and tossed in my direction. I caught it and almost tumbled off the stool, but managed to stay upright. “Thanks!”
I made my excuses to Judag and Quinn said goodnight to Krofom. The room, like the rest of the building, was giant sized, so I needed to lift Quinn up to the doorknob so he could unlock and open the door. Once we were inside, we made quick work of getting ready for bed and crawled into the big bed together. A stack of romance novels lay on the bedside table. Trysprite, Little Wyvern, and A Tale of Two Flitties: 11 stories of Fairy Porn were just a few of the choice materials. Giants liked their smut.
Quinn hadn’t said much throughout the evening. Seemed to be considering some things. I debated whether to ask him, but when he kept a good couple feet distance from me on the bed, I knew something was up.
“You want to talk about it?”
He stared at the ceiling, let out a long exhale. “I hate that I’m seen as some sort of pet. Like I don’t have a brain of my own.”
I rolled over on my side so I could better see his face in the dark.
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t see you that way. And you talked to Krofom for a long time tonight. He didn’t seem like he was talking down to you. Besides, it’s not that they think you’re stupid. It’s more like they struggle to understand you’re . . .”
“A person.”
“Uh yeah, pretty much.”
By Fairy Means or Foul: A Starfig Investigations Novel Page 12
