by Carol Lynne
Chapter Three
Joseph set his lunch tray on the small table across from Drake. “You mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.” Drake wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “How’s Pip?”
“Better, I think.” Joseph stared down at the cafeteria food and grimaced. He hadn’t eaten a thing since Pip had fallen into his arms. He’d come out of Pip’s room the previous evening to check on Cullen only to find that he wasn’t there. Ashamed of his disappointment, he’d retreated back to the small family waiting room outside the ICU to do some soul searching.
“You gonna eat that?” Drake pointed to Joseph’s Salisbury steak.
Joseph shook his head and eased the tray toward Drake. “You can have it.”
Drake took a drink of his coffee and grimaced. “No thanks.” He pushed Joseph’s dinner back toward him. “Cullen’s been getting a lot of attention from the new men who’ve moved to town.”
Joseph nodded. It had only been a matter of time before others saw in Cullen what he always had. “So he’s dating?”
“He flirts a little, but that’s as far as it goes.” Drake met Joseph’s gaze. “I think the tipping point for him will be this trip.”
Joseph had a good idea where Drake was heading with the conversation, and he didn’t want to talk about it. “I can’t worry about whether or not Cullen’s seeing other people right now. I’ve got a boy up in the ICU who needs me.”
Drake stretched out his arm and tossed his cup into the nearest trash bin. “When you say ‘seeing other people’, it implies other than you, but according to you, there’s nothing between the two of you.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to go pick Cullen up from the airport. Should I take him directly to the shelter or will you come out long enough to talk to him?”
Joseph cleared his throat. “I know you mean well, Drake, but I think we both know the last thing Cullen needs is to get tied down by a man twice his age. He deserves a full life with someone.”
“It’s a nice thought, but what if he doesn’t find someone who loves him the way he deserves for another twenty years? I was thirty-eight before I found Oggie.” Drake continued to stare at Joseph. “Do you begrudge the years you spent with Phillip?”
The mention of Phillip’s name caused a bone-deep ache in Joseph’s chest. “Of course not.”
“Would you have fallen in love with him if you’d known the two of you would only have nine years together?” Drake asked.
“Eight years and seven months,” Joseph corrected automatically. He understood Drake’s point, but he didn’t think his heart could handle losing someone else. Despite what Cullen said, Joseph knew the younger man had fixated on him out of a misplaced need for family. The first time they’d met, Joseph and Phillip had been together, and for a kid who’d never known love, seeing the bond Joseph and Phillip shared had fascinated him. After their first meeting, Cullen had often followed them, always sticking to the shadows of the streets, watching their every move. It got worse after Phillip’s death, and if Joseph didn’t know better, he’d have thought Cullen had grieved right along with him.
“Sorry,” Drake mumbled. “Point is, would you give up the time with Phillip if you’d known?”
“No,” Joseph admitted. He wouldn’t share his shame regarding Cullen with anyone. There were plenty of excuses he’d used over the years, and he’d stick with those. It didn’t matter that his desire for Cullen went beyond anything he’d felt before. He’d loved Phillip beyond measure, but the sex had always been less than stellar. It wasn’t Phillip’s fault. Joseph had never been able to let himself go in the bedroom. He’d never understood how two people who were perfect for each other in every other aspect of their lives couldn’t successfully manage the more personal side of their relationship.
Drake stood, drawing Joseph’s attention. “Finding someone you care about to share your time with is too damn important to waste, but if you’ve really set your mind on not working shit out with Cullen, cut him loose. That man deserves to be happy.”
* * * *
Cullen was allowed to sit vigil in the small waiting room on the floor of ICU where he’d spent hours making notes in case Asa decided to go ahead with the plan to purchase Lobster Cove. It was still hard for him to believe there were people in the world with enough money to buy an actual fucking town. Harder yet to believe a person would spend that kind of cash in order to keep a bunch of street kids safe.
“If Pip continues to improve, they say they’ll move him to a private room tomorrow,” Joseph said, stepping into the waiting area.
“That’s great,” Cullen replied, looking up from his notes. “How’re you holding up? The offer’s still open to sit with Pip if you need to go get some sleep.”
Joseph sat across from Cullen and sighed. “I’ll be fine. I can’t leave until he wakes up.” He glanced at the pad of paper in Cullen’s hand. “I see you’ve kept yourself busy.”
“Yeah.” Cullen had told Joseph about Asa’s idea of relocating the shelter to Maine, but he didn’t get the feeling Joseph was as onboard with the plan as they’d hoped. He knew Joseph’s primary objection had more to do with the kids he hadn’t saved yet, and how they’d be forgotten if the shelter moved.
Cullen flipped the pages of his notebook before handing it to Joseph. “I’m trying to come up with a list of people in DC who could call and give us a heads-up when they run across someone who needs our help. He’d written down details of several shop owners from the neighborhood who seemed to give a shit about the teenagers living in the alleys and behind their buildings.
Joseph tapped the tablet. “Corrine Bloomfield’s been real good lately about working with us.”
Cullen retrieved the pad and wrote Corrine’s name down. “She’s that social worker who’s always at the St. Martin’s food kitchen, right?”
“Yeah, she’s the one.”
Cullen tore off the page and handed it to Joseph. “If you think of anyone else, you should write them down.”
“Okay.” Joseph looked uneasy.
“Asa’s not trying to take over by doing this, but what’s the point of saving these kids if we can’t give them a fresh start in a safe place. I know you’ve worked your butt off to make the shelter a success, but until the cops can get the crime under control, it’s too dangerous here.”
Nodding, Joseph stood. “You keep saying we, but your place is in Wyoming. DC’s my problem.”
Cullen felt the words like a physical blow. His body jerked and it took every ounce of his control to hold onto the tablet. “Don’t cut me out,” he pleaded. “It’s bad enough you shipped me off to Cattle Valley after I got out of the hospital. Please don’t push me away completely.”
Joseph’s normally bright blue eyes filled with tears. “You’re wasting your time waiting for me. It’s not going to happen.” He looked away for several moments before turning back to face Cullen. “You should move on.”
Cullen sat stunned as Joseph left the room without another word. Move on? How the fuck was he supposed to do that? He threw the pad of paper across the room before storming toward the elevator. Joseph had put him off for years, but Cullen had always held out hope—until that moment when Joseph told him to move on.
Once on the street in front of the hospital, Cullen considered his options. For the first time since moving to the shelter, he wanted to get drunk and fuck whoever looked at him twice. His ringing phone saved him from a very bad decision. He pulled out his phone and glanced at the display. Although he didn’t recognize the number, he knew it was a Wyoming area code.
“Hello?” Cullen answered.
“This is Snake. I was wondering if you’d come down to the shelter? One of the boys is threatening to leave, and we can’t hold anyone here against their will.”
“Yeah, but I’ll catch the bus so it might take me a while.” Cullen started toward the nearest stop. “Who’s giving you a hard time?” He had a good idea, but it would help to know for sure what he was walking
into.
“The one who wears makeup, Zander, I think is his name,” Snake replied.
“Shit.” Cullen wondered how much he could tell Snake without betraying Zander’s trust. “That’s what I was afraid of. Zander was locked in his parents’ basement for almost two years after they caught him dressed in his sister’s clothing. I can understand why he wouldn’t handle lock-down well. It’s one thing for Joseph to lock the doors to keep them safe while they’re there, but probably an entirely different situation if he feels trapped.”
“Hell.” Snake cleared his throat. “No wonder he freaked when Priest stood in front of the door and wouldn’t let him out.”
Cullen passed a drug store and stopped. He pulled out his wallet and checked his cash. “Tell Zander he needs to wait for me to get there. Tell him I’ve got a present for him.”
“Will that work?” Snake asked.
“I don’t know,” Cullen answered honestly.
“Take a cab, and I’ll pay the fare.”
“Thanks.” Cullen ended the call before opening the store door. He sent up a quick prayer that he was doing the right thing. Joseph would know, but Joseph was the last person Cullen would call for advice.
* * * *
The taxi pulled in front of the shelter and before Cullen could ask the driver to wait for payment, Snake was there, shoving a wad of bills toward the cabbie. Cullen grabbed his duffle from the seat beside him and climbed out. “How’s Zander?”
Snake studied the area briefly before opening the shelter door. “He’s in his room.”
“Thanks.” Cullen nodded to Priest and Al Jessup as he crossed the common room toward the hall of bedrooms. He stopped outside Zander’s door and knocked. “Zander? It’s Cullen.”
It took a few moments, but Zander finally opened the door. Dressed in low-rise jeans and a vintage black T-shirt, he beckoned Cullen into the room. “Will you talk to them and tell them I need to leave?”
Cullen sat on the end of Zander’s bed. “I hope I can talk you into staying.” He handed Zander the plastic bag he’d carried in. “I’ve had a real shitty day, and I’d love someone to talk to. I thought we could put this shit on our faces and chill out.”
Zander dumped the items onto the bed and sucked in a sharp breath. Tears filled his eyes. “You bought me makeup?
“Yeah.” Worried that he’d overstepped, he reached for the products and started putting them back into the sack. “I’m sorry. I’ll take them back.”
“No.” Zander took the pallet of eye shadow out of Cullen’s hand and clutched it to his chest. He stared at the floor for a long time before lifting his chin to meet Cullen’s gaze. “No one’s ever bought me something like this. Does it mean you’re okay with me wearing it?”
A lump formed in Cullen’s throat. The jeans and T-shirt Zander wore finally registered. “You should feel free to be who you want to be.” He thought of Kit. “There’s a fantastic woman in Cattle Valley who was born a man but chooses to live her life as a woman. She seems perfectly comfortable being herself.”
A look of surprise crossed Zander’s face. “Really?”
Cullen nodded. “I’d love for you to meet her.” He reached for Zander’s hand. “What’s going on with you?” He gestured to Zander’s clothes. “I thought Joseph told you it was okay to wear whatever was comfortable to you.”
Zander dropped to the mattress beside Cullen. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt the shelter.”
Cullen had a bad feeling someone had given Zander a hard time about his usual choice of skirts, blouses and makeup. “Did someone in the neighborhood say something to you?”
“Nick said we’d never fit in here if I kept drawing attention to us.” Zander released Cullen’s hand and tugged on the end of his waist-length dark brown ponytail. “He said I should think about everyone else.”
Cullen searched his memory for the name. He seemed to recall Joseph mentioning a seventeen-year-old who had stopped him on the street to ask for help. “The new guy?”
“Yeah.” Zander worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “Do you think what happened to Pip was my fault?”
Fuck. “No! God no.” Cullen jumped to his feet and began to pace the small room in an attempt to control his anger at Nick for putting that guilt in Zander’s head. “Nick should’ve never said those things to you.”
“I think I make him uncomfortable.” Zander set the pallet of eye shadow on his small, three-drawer dresser. “Don’t be mad at him.”
With a sigh, Cullen decided to swallow his anger and concentrate on Zander. He picked up a tube. “Have you ever put one of these masks on? Mandy made me do it a couple months ago, and I couldn’t believe how good my skin felt afterward.”
Zander shook his head. “That stuff’s expensive.”
“Well then, you’re in for a treat.”
Twenty minutes later, Cullen stared at Zander’s bedroom ceiling. The mask was dry but there was something soothing about the slight discomfort of feeling like his skin was too tight.
“Do you think that town up north will work?” Zander asked.
“If Asa decides to commit to it—absolutely. He’s not the kind of man to do anything half-assed.” Cullen turned to look at Zander who was stretched out beside him. Since it wasn’t a done deal, he may catch heat for telling Zander about Lobster Cove, but he felt Zander needed hope. “If you move there, you’ll be able to dress however you want.”
“Do you think it’s wrong?” Zander rolled to his side to face Cullen.
Cullen took a moment to form his response. “My own brother tried to kill me when he found out I was gay,” he began. “He said I was an abomination and the world would be better off without another fag in it.” He lifted the bottom of his T-shirt and fingered the lump on his ribcage, remembering the beating he’d taken at the hands of his older brother. “I was twelve, and when I went to my parents for help, my dad did this.” He ran a finger down the bridge of his nose that had obviously been broken.
Zander nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Getting away from them was the best thing that ever happened to me because even at twelve, I knew who and what I was.” Cullen reached for Zander’s hand. “So, to answer your question, I guess it depends on what your definition of wrong is. To me, it’s wrong to live a life that doesn’t fit just for the sake of others.” Joseph’s handsome face came to mind. “It’s wrong for someone you love to push you away.”
“You’re right.” Zander smiled, cracking the dried green mask around his mouth. “You’re pretty good at this.”
“Not really.” Cullen took a deep breath. “We should probably wash this stuff off, huh?”
Zander glanced at the clock on his bedside table. “Yeah, probably.” He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the mattress. “Hey, Cullen? Do you think I’ll ever meet that friend of yours who’s like me?”
“I guarantee it,” Cullen replied as he followed Zander out of the room.
* * * *
“I’m home,” Asa announced as he shut the door.
“In the kitchen,” Mario called.
Asa dropped his suitcase before making his way to the man he loved. The strong odor of taco seasoning filled the air as he entered the kitchen. “Smells good.”
“We missed Taco Tuesday because of your meeting at work, so I thought I’d make it up to you.” Mario turned away from the stove and pulled Asa into his arms. “I’ve missed you,” he said before drawing Asa into a deep kiss.
Asa groaned and pressed his body against Mario’s hard, muscular physique. They had a lot to talk about, but he couldn’t think of anything other than the feel of the man in his arms. “I need you,” he whispered.
Mario reached between them and started to unbutton Asa’s dress shirt. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He turned off the stove. “The best thing about tacos is they’re just as good warmed up.” He grabbed Asa’s hand and led him out of the kitchen.
By the time they reached the stairs, As
a had his shirt off and was struggling with his shoes and socks. “Need you,” he growled when he looked up in time to see Mario push his sweats down. Asa automatically leaned forward and captured the head of Mario’s erection between his lips.
“Fuck, babe.” Mario buried his fingers in Asa’s hair. “Missed your mouth.”
Asa nodded, taking more of Mario’s length down his throat. Nothing was worth risking the love he felt for his partner, not Cattle Valley, not Lobster Cove, certainly not business. He released Mario’s cock and stared up. “I won’t do it,” he whispered. “It’s not worth it.”
Mario sat on the step, putting them eyelevel. “You won’t do what?”
“Lobster Cove.” Asa moved to kneel between Mario’s thighs. “I won’t risk what we have.” As much as he loved the quaint town, nothing was more important than his relationship.
“Oh, baby.” Mario cupped Asa’s face. “We had a fight. It was just a stupid fucking argument, but we’ve had them before.” He stood and held out his hand. “We’re a team, and it’ll take a hell of a lot more than Lobster Cove to break us.”
Asa closed his eyes, the fear he’d allowed to consume him over the last two days falling away. He got to his feet, chuckling when his knees popped and protested the action. “Make love to this old man, will ya?”
“Absolutely.” Mario turned and continued up the stairs. “Promise me something?”
“Anything.” Asa couldn’t take his gaze off Mario’s tight ass as they reached the second floor.
“If we’re going to be spending half our time in Lobster Cove, you let me buy a house for us.”
Asa stopped beside the bed. “Wait. What? You’ll go to Maine with me?”
“Every chance I get,” Mario conceded. “I’ll need to talk to Rio about a revised schedule at The Gym, but I should be able to travel back and forth with you as much as possible.” He opened the drawer and retrieved the lube. “I can be a stubborn asshole at times. After you left, I realized I should’ve gone with you.”
