Trusting the Cowboy

by Carolyne Aarsen

  But Lauren sensed that things were changing between her and Vic. She couldn’t let this go. She felt as if they were on the cusp of something important. And she wanted to know everything about him before she dared move forward.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’d liked her, and we dated for a while. But she was more attracted to Dean. So we broke up and she dated Dean for a couple of years,” he said. “But then things weren’t working out for them. Dean found out that she wanted to go out with me again. She didn’t like the life Dean was living. Partying, drinking. You know what he was like.”

  She did. Dean always drove the fastest, partied the hardest and talked the toughest. Those were many of the reasons why they’d talked Erin out of dating him when he’d asked her out years ago.

  “Anyway, she got tired of it, so she said. She came to talk to me about him and in the process told me that it was me she really cared for. That dating Dean was a mistake.” Vic sighed and shook his head. “I told her that she had to end it with Dean. That it wasn’t fair to him. So she did. Trouble was, she told me she had done it the week before. So the night of the rodeo, she called me. Told me she was going to be in the audience. Watching me.”

  He shook his head. “Dean’s horse was taking a while to settle down and I kept looking for her in the stands. Then I heard her call out to me. I turned to look at her just as Dean’s horse jumped out of the chute. It was in that distracted moment that Dean was injured.”

  “What happened?”

  “He made a turn away from where I was. His horse made a spin, not a bad one. Nothing Dean couldn’t have handled, but for some reason Dean lost his balance. His leg was crushed against the fence and caught between the bars as the horse pulled away.”

  Lauren winced, thinking of how close some of today’s riders had come to the fence. “So you’ve always thought Dean’s injury was your fault?”

  “I should have paid attention. I shouldn’t have looked when Tiffany called me.”

  Lauren heard the pain in his voice. The regret. Then something Vic had said caught her attention. “But you just said Dean could have handled the spin his horse gave him.”

  “It’s not my job to assume that. It’s my job to watch out for the cowboys. Always. And what made it worse was that Tiffany lied to me. She hadn’t broken up with Dean the week before. She had just broken up with him that night. Right before he had to ride.”

  “How cruel of her.”

  “Not the best timing, but then, neither was mine.”

  “So in reality, Dean was even more distracted than you were,” Lauren said.

  “What are you saying?”

  “Dean’s frame of mine was probably worse than yours when he climbed on that horse. Just before he’s supposed to ride, his girlfriend breaks up with him? He surely can’t have had all his attention on what he had to do.”

  “Doesn’t excuse my carelessness.”

  “Maybe not, but Dean’s concentration should have been on his ride. I’m sure it wasn’t. So most likely he wasn’t performing the way he usually did. Even if you had been watching him the entire time, I doubt you could have prevented his accident.”

  The puzzled look on Vic’s face told Lauren that he might not have considered this possibility before.

  “When I saw you working today, I saw a man who was in charge. A man who knew exactly what he was doing all the time. The way you handled that cowboy caught up in his stirrup showed skill and foresight. You know what you’re doing, and I don’t think that one moment of distraction was the problem.”

  “So you’re thinking Dean is as much to blame as I am.”

  “I’m not thinking it’s a matter of who’s to blame. I’m thinking the whole mess is a series of circumstances that were beyond your and Dean’s control. It was an accident.”

  Vic sat back, frowning, as if mulling it over.

  “I have a feeling that you and I are more alike than we realize,” she continued. “I often felt guilty over what happened to Jodie—when she and Dad got into that awful fight and she injured her hand. I felt I should have been there to talk reason into both of them. But I wasn’t and I doubt I could have. I think as oldest siblings we feel like we have to take care of our younger sibs. And if something happens, we think it’s our fault.”

  “Maybe.”

  He didn’t sound convinced.

  She leaned forward, reaching out to him. “I don’t think it’s right of you to take all that on yourself. Tiffany doesn’t sound like she’s a real class act. No offense.” She realized too late how catty and jealous that might sound.

  A wry smile crawled across Vic’s lips. “She wasn’t the best choice for either Dean or me. My mother never liked her, which should have been my first clue.”

  “At any rate, I think you’ve been putting too much of the blame on your shoulders, when I don’t think it belongs there.”

  Vic took both her hands in his. Squeezed them hard. “Thanks for saying that. I don’t agree with you one hundred percent, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

  “It’s not a sentiment. You’re a good man and you take good care of your family. You can’t let this one event that wasn’t even your fault take all the good parts of you away.” She squeezed his hands back.

  Then, to her surprise and pleasure, Vic lifted her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to each one. He gave her a tender smile, his eyes glowing in the low light. “I think it’s time to ask for the check.”

  A small thrill shivered down Lauren’s spine. “I think I agree with you.”

  A few minutes later they were walking out of the restaurant across the darkened parking lot. The sun had set and the overhead lights cast captivating shadows.

  They got to his truck, but before he opened the door, Vic pulled her into his arms, his hand cradling the back of her head. “You’re a special person, Lauren McCauley,” he said, his voice all husky.

  Lauren slipped her hands around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. Then they drew closer, their lips meeting in a warm, tender kiss.

  They pulled back after a few moments, looking into each other’s eyes.

  “I’m glad we did this,” Vic said. “Took some time for just the two of us.”

  “I think we’ll have to do it again.”

  “Are you going to church tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Yes.” She smiled at the thought. “It’s been a while since I’ve attended regularly, but I liked going last week.”

  “You mean you didn’t always enjoy it?”

  Lauren gave him a look of regret. “We went with my father because it was expected, which created some resentment.”

  “But you’ll be coming tomorrow?”

  “Yes. I will.”

  “Would you like to go out on a picnic? After church?”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  “Then it’s a date.”

  Lauren smiled at him and contentedly laid her head on his shoulder, her arm slipping around him as she held him close. This felt so right, she thought, her head resting on the warmth of his chest, possibilities dancing through her mind. Tentative plans. Hopeful dreams.

  You thought the same about Harvey. And you were engaged to him for four years. Can you trust this guy?

  The insidious voice was like a serpent, wriggling into the moment. Lauren tried to ignore it, but she couldn’t get rid of it completely. And as she drew back, looking into Vic’s face, she felt torn. Confused.

  Emotions she didn’t want in her life.

  Certainty and solidity. That’s what she was looking for.

  Could Vic give that to her?

  She wished she could be sure.

  Chapter Eleven

  “That was delicious,” Lauren said, wiping her mouth with her napkin, then foldi
ng it up and setting it on the paper plate.

  “You do realize that’ll get thrown away,” Vic teased her, leaning back on one elbow beside her. He twirled a blade of grass between his fingers, a feeling of utter contentment washing over him.

  They had come back to his place after church and he had packed up the truck and driven to a spot where he, his father, Dean and Finn used to go.

  Few people knew about it, even though it was on Bureau of Land Management land. He wanted Lauren to see it. To fall in love with the land.

  To change her mind about leaving?

  He realized that if he were honest with himself, that was part of his reason. The other was he simply wanted to share with her something he enjoyed so much. To give her a small gift of peace.

  “Force of habit,” she said, brushing her hair back from her face as she continued tidying up.

  Vic let her work, watching her, enjoying this small taste of domesticity. She had taken off the gray blazer she had worn to church; the scarf she had around her neck lay in a silky puddle on top of it. The simple blue T-shirt she wore enhanced the blue of her eyes, and her jeans were a surprisingly casual touch.

  “Oldest-child syndrome,” he teased, reaching over and running the blade of grass down her arm.

  “Something you’re not suffering from right now.”

  “I never had to do the dishes. Woman’s work.”

  She grabbed the napkin package and bopped him on the head with it. He sat up, caught her arm and pulled him to her, dropping a kiss on her lips.

  “You’re not playing fair,” she said.

  “I didn’t know we were playing a game,” he returned, slipping his fingers through her hair.

  “All of life is a game,” she intoned in a mock-serious voice.

  “And it doesn’t matter if you win or lose—”

  “It’s how you play the game,” she finished for him. “I wish more people played by the rules.”

  Her comment came from nowhere and he wanted to challenge her on it. But she pulled away and put the garbage into a bag, then set it in the cooler they had packed the lunch in.

  “Now that you’re done,” he said, getting to his feet, “I have something I want to show you.”

  Lauren sat on her haunches, her head tilted to one side. “That sounds intriguing.”

  “Come with me.” He held out his hand and she gave him a coy smile.

  “Can I trust you?” she teased him.

  He thought of what Jodie had told him. About her ex-fiancé.

  And he grew suddenly serious.

  “Always,” he said.

  Her expression softened and her eyes were intent.

  “You know, I believe I can.” She put her hand out and he pulled her up.

  Vic led her out of the clearing over a narrow, worn path. Tree branches slapped at them and he pushed them aside best he could. A few bugs followed, buzzing around their head. That, the faint rushing of water and their footfalls on the packed dirt were the only sounds in the stillness surrounding them.

  “I can’t get over how quiet it is up here,” Lauren said, her voice lowered as if in reverence.

  “I don’t imagine you have much quiet living in the city.”

  “No. I didn’t.”

  “Do you miss it yet? City living?”

  She didn’t reply and he glanced back again to catch her looking at him. “No. I haven’t.” Then she gave him a smile, and the glimmer of hope that had been ignited when she sat down beside him in church this morning grew.

  He wanted to ask if she would consider staying in Montana, but he was afraid to hear her answer.

  They eased down the narrow trail and then, as the sound of rushing water grew louder, he led her out onto a large, flat rock. Droplets of moisture from the water tumbling down over large boulders cooled the air, the water it fell into roiling from the force. But then as it flowed away from them, it settled into a quiet, deeper pool.

  “This looks like something out of a movie,” Lauren breathed, clinging to his hand.

  “I spent a lot of happy times here,” he said.

  She hugged her knees, looking pensive.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, sitting down beside her.

  “I was just remembering today’s sermon. How hard it can be to trust God and, even more, people, when trust has been broken.”

  “Are you thinking of your fiancé?”

  “Very much ex-fiancé,” she corrected, looking at him. “And not only him, but other men in my life.”

  Vic felt a shiver of apprehension, but at the same time sensed they were slowly moving themselves to a place of trust. Much as he didn’t like to think of her with other guys, this had been her reality.

  “I’ve heard the verse that Pastor Dykstra preached on before,” she said, resting her chin on her upraised knees. “But it seemed to hit home today.”

  “‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,’” Vic quoted from Proverbs.

  “I’ve spent a lot of my life leaning on my own understanding,” Lauren said, her voice growing quiet, contemplative. “I always figured I was the one who had to be in charge.” She turned her head toward him, giving him a wry smile. “Always had a hard time accepting help, let alone asking for it.”

  “I got that from the first moment we met.”

  She granted him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry about that. I was feeling uptight. Tend to feel that way around guys I’m attracted to.”

  “That sounds encouraging.”

  She grew serious again. “Harvey did a real number on me—you may as well know that. I was going to marry him. I had made a huge commitment to him. And he broke that trust.”

  “Did he give you a reason for the breakup?”

  Lauren released a harsh laugh. “He said he’d never really loved me. And, looking back, I believe that.”

  “Did you love him?” As soon as he spoke, he wished he could take the words back. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know if she had. But more importantly, it wasn’t his business.

  But it is your business. You care for her. You need to know what she’s dealing with.

  “I thought I did. At first.” Her quiet words rested lightly in the air. “We were supposed to be business partners. And I think it got hard to separate the two relationships toward the end. We spent more time arguing about business than we did talking about wedding plans. I think I knew the truth, but I was too afraid to act on it. I figured he was my only chance. He was my first boyfriend. I’d never dated much before that. I didn’t think you could break up with a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé. I took the idea of being faithful very, very seriously.”

  “I have a hard time believing he was your only boyfriend,” he said, brushing his fingers over her knuckles.

  “It’s true. I was kind of uptight and smart and nerdy, and I took on the burden of caring for my sisters and grandmother. I was always mature for my age, and I think guys didn’t know what to do with that,” she said with a light shrug.

  He leaned in and gave her a kiss. Then another. “Then I have a lot to make up for, don’t I?”

  Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “You’re a special guy, Vic Moore.”

  Her comment was both encouraging and, if he were honest, not precisely what he hoped to hear.

  Vic felt the precariousness of his own changing feelings. She was growing more and more important to him.

  And he wanted her to know that.

  So he kissed her again.

  * * *

  A shiver trickled down Lauren’s spine as Vic’s lips slowly left hers. Her lips grew cool and she wanted to kiss him again.

  But she felt a warning niggling at her.

  Men don’t put
your needs first.

  Even as she looked into Vic’s eyes, part of her sensed that this man was different.

  She glanced down at her watch. She had promised Amy she would call her this afternoon. They needed to talk. Her plans for the future, which were once rock solid, had been shaken up by this man sitting next to her.

  And she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

  “Do you need to go?” Vic asked.

  “Sorry. I have to make a few phone calls this afternoon.”

  “Of course.” He gave her a careful smile and she wondered if he sensed what those phone calls would be about.

  He got up and started walking toward the path. She hesitated, looking at the pool, how restful it was, and yet it was a result of the turbulence of the waterfall.

  Please, Lord, she prayed, let me find my own place of rest. Help me to trust that You will watch over me and bring me where I should be.

  The drive back to the ranch was silent. As if each of them was lost in their own thoughts.

  But all the way there, Vic held her hand. They exchanged the occasional glance, reinforcing what was growing between them.

  She couldn’t pass it off or ignore it anymore.

  But she wasn’t ready to face it head-on, either. The thought of putting her life into any man’s hands... It made her tremble inside.

  Lean not on your own understanding.

  Could she trust God and believe, as the passage said, that He would direct her paths?

  The thought of changing everything created a mixture of fear. But behind that lay an excitement and expectation she couldn’t deny.

  But which one would win out? She was taking charge of her own life with this new business venture.

  Was it worth it?

  The question seemed to rock her crumbling certainty.

  Help me, Lord, she prayed. I truly don’t know what to do.

  “You okay?” Vic asked as he parked the truck beside her car. “You seem...pensive.”

  “That’s a sensitive word for such a manly cowboy like you,” she teased, taking refuge in humor. Deflecting and retrenching.