by T. A. Grey
It was a small box, large enough to hold a grapefruit. He’d wrapped it in red-and-silver paper and tied a red bow across the top. A smile appeared at her mouth and Vane caught it, giving her a smile and wink. She chuffed in laughter and untied the bow then ripped the paper to reveal a box with a lid. Her heart was racing. How silly was that? They were mated after all. It’s not like much could surprise her. But, she didn’t know he’d bought her a gift, so this was a surprise.
She lifted the lid—and froze.
A picture in a silver frame. Of her, Vane, and baby Vince. Tears sprang to her eyes only this time for a multitude of reasons. It was a good picture; she remembered when it’d been taken only a few months ago by Roman. Vane had his arm across her shoulders and she had hers tucked around his waist. Vince sat at her waist as she held him. They all smiled at the camera.
She didn’t mean to cry. Not even a little bit. But a stray tear escape down her cheek. Almost at once, Vane stiffened which captured the attention of everyone in the room, who in turn, looked at Sarina.
“What’s wrong?” Alicia asked, rushing over. She saw the picture in the frame and smiled.
“Aww, what a wonderful gift, Vane! Don’t worry, everyone, it’s only emotional, happy tears!” She laughed and Sarina gave her a tight-lipped smile.
Yes, happy tears, she nodded. But it was a lie.
But as she looked at the picture all she could see was the imaginary baby that could be sitting in Vane’s arms.
If only he’d allow it….
Several moments passed and to Sarina’s surprise Vane came up beside her.
“What do you think?” he asked.
Muscles in her face twitched as she tried to keep the holiday cheer high, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult. How was she supposed to keep pretending she was happy when all she wanted to do was scream?
“What do I think?” she repeated.
Vane’s warm hand landed on her shoulder. Very slowly Sarina turned to stare at his act of comfort. The hand withdrew.
“I think…” Something in her voice made him frown. “I think that now is not the time to discuss this.”
Ire flashed behind his forest green eyes. “Sarina…” he cautioned in that deep voice of his.
“Sarina what?”
She was all-too familiar with the fact that the family sat close by eavesdropping as the tension elevated in the room. This was not how she wanted this conversation to happen. The family didn’t need to know about their troubles. About her troubles.
“Don’t you like your Christmas gift?” Vane hunched down in front of her. His powerful build of sinew and strength spread that silly sweater he wore tightly across his shoulders.
“Why yes, husband, I do like it,” she answered ever so politely.
His brow furrowed. “Then why don’t I believe you?”
Sarina glared at the man she loved, finally at a point where she did not care who heard their struggles. If he wanted to have this conversation now, then by golly, she’d let him have it!
“Maybe because a photo of our family is nice and all, but it’s not what I wanted for Christmas.”
His lips flattened and she watched as indecision flitted over his expression. He seemed determined not to ask any questions, and yet, finally, like music to her ears, the question rumbled out. “And just what did you want for Christmas, lumara?”
There it was.
The one question he’d been avoiding for weeks leading up to Christmas. Because he knew what she wanted. He knew badly, likely sensing her need for a new young rolling off her in waves, but he didn’t want her to have it. So although their love life was as active as ever, he continuously refused to plant his seed inside her.
Whatever reason could he have for not wanting another child? Vince was their perfect, beautiful little boy. A darling girl would only make the family complete. How could he be so incapable of seeing the obvious?
So, naturally, Sarina’s chin cocked as she looked away and answered as many women did in times of stress. “Nothing.”
Dumbfounded, her mate looked ready to laugh. “Nothing is wrong?” he asked in disbelief.
“Exactly.” Sarina stood and avoided her mate’s gaze. “Vince has fallen asleep. I’m going to go tuck him in.”
Alicia, Cassie, Vanessa and Vera made their rounds kissing Vince’s soft head while cooing their Christmas wishes to him. At least this night was almost over. Sarina was halfway up the stairs when Vane all but shouted at her.
“Then what do you want for Christmas, Sarina?”
Her body froze at the temper in her mate’s voice. Did he really just speak to her like that? In front of their family?
Sarina took a moment to collect herself as the entire family stared at them both with uncomfortable, wide eyes.
“What do I want?” she repeated slowly.
He ran a flustered hand through his long, black hair. “That’s what I asked, isn’t it?”
Glaring at her mate, Sarina said the words loud and clear for all to hear; words she’d been too scared to utter for weeks. “I want another baby!” It was amazingly freeing to speak her wish. Like a part of her was given newfound freedom. So, she repeated her wish once more. “I want another baby!”
Vane growled in the back of his throat, the sound like a warning.
“Humph,” Sarina scoffed and tossed her hair over her shoulder as she continued up the stairs. Her mate’s huffing and puffing hardly bothered her anymore. He could growl all he wanted as far as she was concerned.
Dmetri Demidov broke the strained silence with a whistle. “O-kay,” he crooned in his heavily-accented Russian. “Diz holiday over. Christine, come.”
Christine rolled her eyes at her vampire mate but grabbed her purse anyway.
The holiday was over.
Just like that.
After cooking some lousy ill-prepared food then handing out a few funny presents, then it was over. So quickly. Weeks and months leading up to this moment all passed by faster than a speeding freight train.
And Sarina needed to get away from Vane. By the time she finished singing a song to put Vince to sleep, Vane waited for her out in the hallway.
The silence down below told her Christmas was over. And her mate looked positively livid. Yes, well, she was angry too. So, with her head held high, Sarina strutted straight past her mate (much to his astonishment) and headed to their bathroom. Her emotions were too rattled to have this conversation now. Heck, it wouldn’t even be a conversation. It’d just be a fight at this point.
Maybe if she just turned on the water and got in the bath, then everything would begin to look better. Hot, sudsy water had a way of calming her nerves and relaxing her—even if the problem that awaited her sat right outside the bathroom door.
“You can’t ignore me,” Vane muttered from the bathroom doorway.
We’ll see about that, Sarina thought.
Sarina pulled her red-and-green Christmas sweater up and off her body. Her bra soon followed as well. She felt her mate’s gaze roaming over her bare skin. Not that she cared. Unbuttoning her slacks, she sashayed those down her hips and kicked them off, quickly followed by her holiday panties, which just happened to be adorned with miniature images of festive green wreathes and tiny red-and-white candy canes.
A soft growl behind her made her flush, but she told herself it was from the steamy water and not Vane. That insufferable lykaen didn’t deserve her attention right now as far as she was concerned.
“Fine,” he growled “You want to talk? Then let’s talk about this.”
Ha! Now he wanted to talk about this. Not this morning or last night or any of the numerous occasions in which he’d had time to bring up the topic. Of course he wanted it when he was ready, the selfish oaf.
Bristling, Sarina gave him a piece of her mind. “I don’t see what there is to talk about, Vane. You’ve already made it abundantly clear that you don’t want another child. Perhaps you think I’m getting too old?” She laug
hed out loud.
“Don’t be absurd. Of course you’re not old,” he grumbled. “But that doesn’t mean—” His words were cut off mid-sentence as she stepped into the steaming hot water. Sighing at the decadent sensations, Sarina turned off the faucet and sat back while bundling her hair high on her head with a band. A soft moan escaped her as tight muscles in her legs and back relaxed for the first time that day.
After a long while, Sarina realized her mate had yet to resume speaking. Peeking through one eye, she spied him. He’d moved much, much closer and she hadn’t even realized it. Darn that man and his cat-like reflexes. His cheeks were flushed, as they always were when he was aroused. His lips were moist as if he’d recently wet them with his tongue—a tongue she knew first and foremost was soft when he used it on certain delicate parts of her. Sarina quickly closed her peeping eyelid.
“You were saying, Vane, my dear?” She kept her voice firm and authoritative. Someone had to stay in charge here and better for it to be her.
He cleared his throat and the air stirred as he hunched down beside the bath. Water splashed. His hand dipped into the steamy water. Sarina swallowed over the lump in her throat. It took everything in her to remain strong and not look to see what he was up to. But the last thing she wanted to do was give him the satisfaction of knowing she was curious about anything he did.
“What was I talking about?” He sounded distracted.
Sarina finally did turn a glare on him, only to find him completely devouring her breasts with his ravenous gaze. From there his heated gaze drifted down to her stomach, then further to her legs before making rounds all over again.
“You said you wanted to talk,” Sarina prompted him. Had her voice grown husky?
A grunt. “Right.” He cleared his throat.
A finger touched her outer thigh. Sarina hissed at him. “No touching!”
He frowned in disappointment. “What were we talking about?”
Sarina gazed to the heavens for patience. “We were going to discuss the fact that I want a baby and you don’t.” Her voice cracked at the end, betraying her emotions.
“Lumara…” he began gently.
“Don’t!” Sarina stopped him before he could start. “Don’t you even try to sweet talk me and soften me up. The only words out of your mouth had better be an explanation.”
And it better be a good one.
Vane grew contemplative.
Sarina held her breath while her heart beat furiously fast. Her lips quivered and it was all she could do not to cry. But she didn’t want him to know how badly this affected her. She needed to stay strong and keep her emotions in check.
“Remember after you had Vince…” Vane began after a long while.
Sarina nodded. Of course she did. He might as well have asked if she remembered the day they were mated…or the first time they made love. She remembered everything from the pregnancy, to the birth, to the chaotic aftermath when their child was stolen from them. Tears filled her eyes but she rapidly splashed her face with water to hide the evidence.
“He was the most perfect thing I’d ever seen. First you entered my life, then you brought him into mine and it was as if…everything had finally settled into line. Like it was meant to. You’ve made me a happy lykaen, Sarina.”
She nodded but turned her head to the tub wall so he couldn’t see the emotion on her face. It was too raw. Too painful.
“But when those…demented sons of bitches stole our son from our own land, I’d never felt more helpless in my whole life. I couldn’t find him. I couldn’t save him.” Beneath the water his hand found hers and clasped it. This time, she clung back. “I had no control over anything. I had to wait to find out if he was dead or alive. Sarina, I…” he shook his head slowly side to side. “I don’t think I could do that again.”
“But they’re all dead,” Sarina tried to explain, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “Everything is fine now. No one will hurt us again.” Even she wasn’t sure if she believed it or not.
“For how long? Something inevitably goes wrong, lumara. And if I can’t protect you and our children…then I don’t know what to do.” He shook his head, sorrow heavy in his eyes.
“But we have help. We have friends and family who love us.”
He squeezed her hand tighter as he peered into her eyes. “And what if they can’t help us next time? Sure, Brayden found Vince for us. Without that old vampire’s help…who knows what might’ve happened to our boy. But, another child? A girl?” His hand tightened so hard, her skin pinched. “What if nobody can help next time? What if I—” he fumbled for a moment, before his jaw hardened, “What if I can’t help, Sarina?”
Her heart was breaking. “Oh, luma, your family is behind you. You won’t be alone.” Leaning forward she embraced her mate and cried. He held her tightly, uncaring that she was soaking his sweater. “We can’t live our lives in fear of the unknown,” she whispered in his ear.
His arms tightened around her so strongly, the air pinched in her lungs. And she happily stayed there for some time, finding comfort in the man she loved.
“I love you, Sarina. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”
She nodded through big tears. “I know, because I love you too.”
Pulling out her embrace, Vane cupped her cheek and stared deeply into her eyes. His warm gaze dipped over her face, studying her. “Finish your bath. Relax and enjoy some time for yourself. You’ve worked hard today.”
He was already standing, already pulling out of her arms. She didn’t want him to go.
Sarina’s heart flopped at the loss of heat. Of all the times for him to give her space, now was when she didn’t want him to go. She wanted to spend the rest of the night in his arms and simply showing her mate how much she loved him.
“By the way, you did a great job today. Christmas is only special because you’re here with me.”
And with those parting words, Vane exited and closed the door quietly behind him.
Sarina sunk into the water and let the flood of emotion flow through her.
Chapter Four
Sarina finished pulling on her red nightgown—a silk number that drove Vane wild, which is exactly why she chose to wear it after their conversation. Tonight she’d show her mate how much she loved and appreciated him—no matter how it ended, she’d be happy.
But first, she had to find him.
She thought he’d be on the bed, possibly naked and waiting for her, but no such luck. Then she figured, Vince might have woken up, but Vane wasn’t in his room either. Stepping lightly on her toes, Sarina kissed Vince’s cheek and tucked the covers in tightly around him before creeping downstairs.
The fresh pine-smelling Christmas tree was still lit up near the hearth where a dying fire was beginning to dim. The twinkle of red, green, and blue lights brought a smile to her face. Underneath the tree rested three stockings, one for each of them. All the presents had been opened but merry cheer still hung in the air.
But, where was her mate?
Sarina headed to the kitchen. Grabbing a midnight snack, maybe? The idea certainly wasn’t unheard of in Vane’s case. However, even there she found the room empty. That’s when she heard the split and crack of wood. It was a sound she’d grown accustomed to since living with Vane.
Wishing she had put her slippers on, Sarina tiptoed to the backdoor and peered out into the vast wintry scenery. And there, she found her mate. Bundled in a winter cap, a heavy coat and snow boots, he wielded the hefty axe up and over his head before splitting the final log. Squatting down, he bundled the logs into his arms and stood, headed straight for her. Sarina opened the door for him and stepped aside as Vane kicked off his snow-covered boots. He blustered and shivered, shaking his head and sending snowy dust across the floor.
“What are you doing down here?” Vane asked. “It’s too cold to be near the door and you know it.”
“I was looking for you.” She pushed the door closed and happily headed back to the
living room to warm up at the fireplace.
“Yeah, needed more firewood. Should’ve done it earlier. Got caught up in hanging out with the boys.”
Sarina chuckled.
Gazing into the flickering orange firelight, Sarina listened as boots were discarded, a heavy coat was removed, and finally Vane’s footsteps came closer.
“Babe…the dress…” She heard a groan in his voice that made her mouth twitch.
“I know. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry indeed.”
Vane braced the logs against the hearth and began setting more atop the dying fire.
“Did you remember to put the tarp back over the wood outside to keep it dry?” Sarina asked.
Vane sent her a droll stare. “Yes, dear, I did.”
Again, her mouth twitched. “Good.” Her toes were cold. Idly she rubbed the cold digits against her calf, but that too wasn’t particularly warm.
She was considering heading back upstairs, when she spied the heavy winter blanket resting atop the couch. Her eyes lit up. Perfection! She grabbed the cover and spread it down in front of the hearth as Vane finished prepping the fire.
Ahh, that was better, she thought. Smiling, she cozied up into the blanket for warmth.
Vane looked over at her, grinned, then did a double-take with his gaze remaining on her breasts. “Babe, you know how I love your breasts….”
“I thought you loved everything about me.”
“Yeah, mostly,” he agreed, grinning mischievously.
Sarina swung her leg out and kicked his shin making him burst out laughing.
“Hey now! You know I’m crazy about you. But were you aware that your nipples were on full alert?”
“Full alert?” Sarina looked down then let loose in a fit of laughter. Indeed, her nipples were on full alert.
“Maybe you should come warm them up with those big hands of yours,” she suggested mildly, as if she didn’t care one way or the other.
One eyebrow arched darkly and his expression turned positively wicked. Standing before the hearth, Vane pulled the snow globe sweater up and off his broad, muscular chest. Sarina watched while a gentle smile tugged at her lips.
