And we kiss.
Then Cicely says, “Now shall we go have that talk with the cat?”
I:
1. Nod.
2. Say, “Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”
“I hope so,” Cicely says.
We head into the living room and find the cat:
1. Sitting on her spot on the couch.
2. Licking her leg.
“Abby,” Cicely says.
And the cat:
1. Glances at us.
2. Goes back to cleaning herself.
“You can stop pretending,” I say. “We know it’s you.”
I’m lying, of course, but the evidence does point in that direction.
1. The cat showed up at our cabin a few weeks ago, and she didn’t have any tags. And judging by Abby’s past behaviors, she wouldn’t hesitate to exploit our compassion in this way.
2. I’ve known friendly and affectionate cats, but she’s far beyond the norm. She hardly spends any time alone.
3. She’s accident-prone.
“I know you’re not trying to hurt us,” Cicely says. “But you are. You can’t keep lying to us, hon.”
The cat:
1. Turns around 2 times.
2. Curls up.
3. Closes her eyes.
And Cicely says, soft and strong, “Nicholas and I care about you, Abby, so we’re giving you one more chance. You have to leave now, but you can come back if you come back as Abby. If you try to deceive us again, we won’t open our home to you anymore.”
The cat doesn’t move.
Cicely:
1. Picks up the cat.
2. Carries her out the front door.
3. Sets her down.
4. Says, “Goodbye, Abby.”
The cat:
1. Looks up at us.
2. Turns around.
3. Walks away.
Cicely and me, we watch the cat fade into the dark frost.
Then we sit on the couch.
“Do you think she’ll come back?” I say.
“I don’t know,” Cicely says, and she sounds a little sad. “Well, I think it’s about time I paint a head on my Vaudevillian snapping turtle.”
“Alright,” I say.
So Cicely works on her new mural.
And I head into the bedroom.
Sure, I don’t create as many lists as I used to, but I still write in my little purple notebook every night.
I write about how Cicely:
1. Names my moles after B-movie directors.
2. Compliments the trees when we go for hikes.
3. Makes winter coats for her yard gnomes.
4. Calls Ruth every week, and listens to her problems.
5. Puts on elaborate puppet shows for the neighborhood kids.
6. Makes a special meal for Meta, whenever she and Gordon visit.
7. Kisses me on the cheek every night before bed. According to her, this is to make up for all the slapping.
Tonight, she gives me #127.
And she’s more than my girlfriend right now, even if she doesn’t know it. She’s my redemption.
Of course, part of me still feels like I’m:
1. Stupid.
2. Pathetic.
3. The same asshole I always was.
And sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve Cicely.
But at this point, I don’t care.
Because the other part of me is the Batman of Love.
And if the meaning of life is to get so wrapped up in living that you don’t care about the meaning anymore, then I must be doing something right.
About the Author
Jeremy C. Shipp’s work has appeared or is forthcoming in over 50 publications, the likes of Cemetery Dance, ChiZine, Apex Magazine, Pseudopod, and The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction. While preparing for the collapse of civilization, Jeremy enjoys living in Southern California in a moderately haunted Victorian farmhouse with his wife, Lisa, and their legion of yard gnomes. His other books include Vacation and Sheep and Wolves. And thankfully, only one mime was killed during the making of his first short film, Egg. Feel free to visit his online home at www.jeremycshipp.com, but beware the spork-wielding jerboa ninjas.
Also Available on Kindle by Jeremy C. Shipp
Vacation by Jeremy C. Shipp
It’s time for blueblood Bernard Johnson to leave his boring life behind and go on The Vacation, a year-long corporate sponsored odyssey. But instead of seeing the world, Bernard is captured by terrorists, becomes a key figure in secret drug wars, and, worse, doesn’t once miss his secure American Dream.
“This is an intriguing, challenging, literate, provocative novel… — Piers Anthony
Sheep & Wolves by Jeremy C. Shipp
Jeremy Shipp is the master of the mind-bending tale. Much like his critically acclaimed novel, Vacation, these stories bewitch and transport the reader. Though you may not know where Shipp will travel next each story is an unforgettable thrill-ride and you’ll be glad you took the trip.
Fungus of the Heart by Jeremy C. Shipp
Fungus of the Heart explores what happens between people when society breaks down and the rules go out the window. Haunting and heartbreaking, pithy and potent, the quirky inhabitants of Shipp’s bizarro world will carve an indelible line from your funnybone to your spleen to your emotional core.
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