“Well, no, I guess not. But you asked that before. Do you think there should be?”
“No, no. I just wondered, that’s all.”
“I expect they’ll tell me when I see them.”
“Well don’t hesitate, just let me know if I can do anything.”
“I will. If I get the chance I’ll give you a ring. I’m in turmoil, Lily. You would think that him being dead would solve things but it hasn’t. It just hasn’t, it’s opened up more stuff I think. I can’t just let this go, you do see that, don’t you? If that old fart, Andrew Stoner, knew about Peter, if I find out he had any idea about what was happening with my mum back then, or God forbid, with me, then it’s not over, is it? Even though Clive is out of it, it’s not over. It’s just another phase, only just begun.”
Chapter 46
Lily tried to concentrate on clearing her desk. She was brutal. Old photographs that she had treasured for years were dumped into a bin bag. Letters and postcards followed them. How pointless it all seemed, this hanging onto the past and wallowing in sentiment. Her mind strayed constantly to Bath, to Terry and his struggle. It was where she wanted to be, so, she would go.
As the decision firmed in her mind she realised there may not be the opportunity. If they had suspected, if the people at the home had called the police, even now they would be searching for her and she may not go anywhere ever again. She attempted to research the issue online, how long it might take for the alarm to be raised, the police involved. What the procedure would entail.
It was confusing and did nothing except wind up the tension.
She went into the basement. For a while she sat in the candle-lit space in silence, tried to calm her rushing thoughts in the quiet, with her baby, their baby. She knew that this was just more wallowing, but what else could she do? The thought of him had ruled her life for so long and would continue to do so until she made him safe. Terry had much to decide, but then so did she, and if the police came and she had to act, to take her pills, she still had not protected Peter.
She wouldn’t be able to wait much longer. Time was running out. She would have to speak to Terry. It was a failure and she would lose him, just as she had lost Peter, but she had gone so far now and she had to take it to the end.
As if the thought had caused the event, she heard her phone ringing out from where it sat on the table in the hall. It took a while to climb back to the hall but she made it before the ringing stopped.
“Lily, I hope it’s not too late. You weren’t in bed, were you?”
“No, I was in the basement.”
“Oh right, I didn’t know you had a basement. Is it habitable?”
She smiled, the property manager had quickly come to the fore. “No, it’s not.”
“Sorry, automatic response.”
She heard him chuckle. It made her smile.
“Anyway, I’m just letting you know that I’m back from The Grange. It didn’t take that long really. It was pretty much a formality. Final arrangements, just what you’d expect.”
She waited, looked down at her hand and was surprised to see that she had crossed her fingers. A childish habit that had resurfaced in this moment of high tension. “Did they give you any details? You know, about the actual, erm… the end?”
“They said that he was found by the nurse when she took in his morning tea. They had looked in during the night and he’d been sleeping.”
She knew that this couldn’t be true. If they had checked on him properly, they would have found him dead. So, for all the quiet luxury, things were not quite as well-managed as it seemed in the upmarket care home. No matter how much you paid, no matter how smart the furnishings and decorations, at the end of the day, people were people. They would take shortcuts, particularly, she imagined, when they saw no real cause for concern.
“Are you there, Lily?”
“Yes, sorry. I’m a bit tired.”
“Right, well, I’ll let you go. I just thought you’d like to know.”
“I’m glad you rang. Tell me about the arrangements?”
“Arrangements?” Terry sounded puzzled.
“Yes, the funeral and so on.”
“Oh right. Yes. Well, Clive had it pretty much organised apparently. When the home rang Andrew Stoner, he told them who to use and that all enquiries, God knows who he thinks would be enquiring, are to be directed to him. As I said, all a formality really. But I do have some thoughts. He might not have it all his own way. But that’s for later, about the grave, and it’s not your problem.”
She was still not reassured, so she risked the question that was nagging at her mind, “So, no post-mortem or anything?”
“No, they just called the doctor who was looking after him this morning. He certified the death as a stroke, they stressed that they had been struggling a bit with his blood pressure, and that’s it. They did say that I could ask for a post-mortem myself if I wanted, apparently, they are obliged to tell me that. Did you have one, when Charlotte died?”
“No. Of course her death was expected, a relief to be honest.”
“It’s just that you’ve asked about it a couple of times and I wondered if it was something I should be thinking about. It was very straightforward with mum, her being in the hospital. I’m just letting Andrew Stoner look after it right now, to be honest. He was so pleased with himself, so smug, let him do the running around. Look, I’m keeping you up, I’m going now. I’m going to have a massive brandy and then see if I can get to sleep. God, what a day it’s been.”
“Alright. Good night, Terry. Sleep well.”
There was no risk of the police knocking on her door, there was to be no shame, no need to take the pills to escape the authorities. She could live a while longer, help Terry. A smile crept across her face. She had literally got away with murder.
She felt energised, a little hysterical. The horror, dread and disgust had dissipated to be replaced with something that she could only describe as joy.
Chapter 47
Milsom Street in Bath city centre had been trimmed, there were multi-coloured umbrellas strung between the buildings. It was faintly ridiculous, but Lily couldn’t help but smile. When she discovered it was to acknowledge the idea of Rainbow Love she felt a lump in her throat.
She had been a part of that war, hadn’t she? But then, they hadn’t really fought, hadn’t been warriors for the cause. All that she and Charlotte Mary had done was to live their own lives in their own way. But they’d done it quietly, sneakily, if she was honest. Whenever it became uncomfortable, they had fallen back on the Friends since school and it just made sense to pool our resources story or even pretended to be sisters.
Looking at the rainbow flags and the bright domes floating above the street, she felt shame. Not because of their choices, but because they had been cowardly in the face of truth. Still, that had been then, it had been dangerous and the publishing, rather ‘arty’ world, that they had inhabited had been accepting, so the issue of their sexuality hadn’t loomed as large as it could have done. And of course, Charlotte Mary had been the stronger one and she had enjoyed being on the outside of the mainstream.
There had been times, quickly pushed aside, when Lily had wondered just how much of their relationship was built on true affection, and how much was bravado and daring. On her part, she had been completely enamoured of Charlotte Mary, but there had always been an element of fear. She knew that her partner could be shallow and insincere and there had been a low-grade but constant worry that she would become bored and decide to try something new. She flirted with men and really it was hard to believe that she had ever felt anything deeply. Bisexual probably, and simply out to enjoy any and all experiences that were available to her. How Lily wished she had been so daring.
What would Charlotte Mary have made of Lily’s new secret? She nodded to herself, she would probably have been excited by it. She would have thought it the greatest thrill. At last, Lily would have impressed her.
She was old,
it was too late now for her to make any difference to things that had happened in the past, or indeed, the young people that she saw around her. There was no point in pretending. When they looked at her they wouldn’t even consider her sexuality. She was a rather dowdy, unimportant woman. They didn’t know her truth, and now she had a second one, a greater one: as she moved along with the crowd she felt isolated, but also, she was amazed to find, she felt special and superior. It was an unfamiliar sensation.
* * *
Terry waved at her through the window of the tea shop. He looked tired, there were dark rings under his eyes and two tiny grooves between his eyebrows that she had never noticed before.
“I was surprised when you rang me, you didn’t need to come, Lily. I don’t like to put you out like this. To be honest I don’t know what you can do.”
Of course he didn’t know how much she had already been able to do. “I thought I might be able to help. You’ll have a lot to do and it’ll help if you have someone to talk to. I wasn’t doing anything else, and I kept thinking about you.”
“That’s good of you, thanks. Really, thanks, but…” He pursed his lips and glanced around, awkward and ill at ease. “Thing is that, well, maybe I can just get through it quicker if I just zoom around, you know, on my own. I have to keep things ticking over with the business, there are meetings and what have you. Stoner is taking care of funeral arrangements right now, there’s not much to do on that front. Honestly, Lily, it’s kind of you but, well, really there’s no need.”
She smiled at him. “Yes, you’re probably right but I like Bath and I’m just rattling round at home, I enjoy the train journey, and you were on my mind.”
He leaned across and squeezed her hand. “You’ve been ever so good, Lily, I do appreciate it. When things have settled down a bit, when things are clearer in my own mind, I’ll come through to Southsea. We’ll get those ashes and then bring them back, and we’ll have some sort of little thing, a ceremony, and put Peter with his mum. I know that’s what you wanted. I know that’s why you came in the first place. Is that okay? Shall we do that?”
“Yes, let’s do that. It’ll be good to have that sorted.”
“Actually, that’s something I’m dealing with today. No way is Clive going into the grave with Mum and Gran, I’m just not having it, so I’m arranging for a cremation somewhere else. Stoner’s trying to interfere but I’m determined about this. So, there we are, Peter can go with them, in the family plot.”
“And what about all the other things? What about the abuse, the baby selling, all of that?”
He shook his head and sighed deeply. “I don’t know. I just don’t know any more. It’s too late, isn’t it? Clive’s dead, there’s no way to make him pay, not really, and to be honest, I don’t know that I’ve got the heart for it. When you said yesterday that maybe Andrew Stoner had known about it…” He paused. “Well, it made me see how embarrassing all this will be if I pursue it and really, is there any point anymore?”
“It’s got to be your decision, of course, Terry, but it seems a shame. What about the others, and what about Peter?”
He looked at her, a question in his eyes. “How much difference can it really make, do you think? I’ll be honest, this has thrown me off-balance a bit, Clive dying right now. I’ve thought about it all night, and really, if he did die because of me showing him that report, and telling him that I knew all about his dirty secrets, well, do you see? That is a sort of revenge. In a way, he has paid. So, I can live with that. I can happily live with that. It wasn’t deliberate, not as if I even hoped for it to happen – but…” He nodded and shrugged. “It’s a way out and it feels like a sort of victory.”
She was disappointed, but couldn’t force Terry to act if he had decided against it. In a way, she had already had the ultimate revenge, but that was to be her secret and it really wasn’t enough. It had become a dignified escape for the person who had caused all this and no justice for the others. She struggled to hold down the anger, it was not against Terry, he was damaged and in some ways fragile, but she wasn’t yet satisfied, it still wasn’t over for her.
She tried a different tack. “What about the solicitor though. He probably knows everything now. Aren’t you going to do anything about that? Surely you should try and find out. If he knew he should pay as well, shouldn’t he? What about the other people, have you given up on the thought of doing something for them?”
“I told you already, I’m not some sort of crusader, Lily. Clive’s dead – I don’t know if this can go any further. Anyway, at the moment I can only take things a step at a time I think.”
“So, it’s almost over for you?”
“I think it is, yes. I will always be grateful that you made me act. I do feel better, I feel as though facing him has sort of drawn a line under it. You coming and wanting to set Mum’s mind at rest has led to this, so I owe you, Lily. Listen, I’ll tell you what. Since you’re here anyway why don’t you stay tonight, we’ll go out and have a meal? We’ll sort out what to do about Peter and then tomorrow, if I can fit it in, I’ll give you a lift back to Southsea. Could you do that, do you think? I’ll help you find a hotel if you like.”
She nodded at him. “That would be lovely. Don’t worry about me finding somewhere to stay, I know where I can go.”
Chapter 48
It was strange being back in the hotel. Lily had thought she would never see it again but so much had changed. She was stronger now, she had done something that most people would never dream of. And she had got away with it. Of course, she had done it because of Terry, and Peter, but mostly Terry. It had been a duty.
There was no regret. There had been dreadful fear, and shock, but not any regret. Even when she allowed the memory to trickle in – the final moments, that strange last breath, the terrible aftermath – from just this couple of days’ distance, she felt strong and powerful. She hadn’t enjoyed doing it, but it had been necessary and it was done.
She couldn’t waste time dwelling on what had happened. There was still more work needed.
Terry didn’t know that she had already booked into the hotel and brought clothes with her; that she had never intended to go straight home. Not with so much unfinished business.
She took a hot shower and dressed in her black dress. It would be fine if he didn’t have time to take her back tomorrow. She had brought plenty of clothes and anyway, Bath was full of lovely shops. It would be an ideal time to spend some of the money that had been sitting in her account for an age. It would be fun, and she found she was open to the idea of a grand final flourish before the end.
She took her medication and made sure the spray was in her bag. She felt better than she had for a while. Having something to do, someone else to think about apart from herself, was good. She pulled the chair in front of the window and gazed out at the view over the little pond and the busy road beyond.
The afternoon wore on and she took a nap. Seven o’clock came, and she began to worry. There was nothing on the phone’s missed call list. It was so tempting to ring, to pretend to have forgotten whether they had already arranged something. Anxiety built; perhaps there really had been a misunderstanding. She replayed the conversation in her head and was convinced that he had told her he would ring. There was nothing else to do but wait.
It was after half past seven when the call came. “Lily, I’m sorry. I meant to ring earlier. Something’s come up. I’ll pick you up in about ten minutes if that’s alright. Do you think you could manage a little walk? There are a couple of pubs just near to where you are, they are both very nice. If that suits, I’ll call and book a table.”
“Lovely. I’m feeling fine, Terry, you really mustn’t worry about me so much, truly.”
Immediately after they met, Lily knew that there was something very wrong. He offered her his arm, but there was no smile, and the short walk to the pub was silent. “What would you like to drink, Lily?”
“A glass of red wine please, something heavy.�
�
He smiled as she repeated the words from their first meeting.
They ordered and she took her first sip of the Bordeaux. “Oh lovely, that’s perfect, thank you.”
He responded with a short nod and drank half of his pint of lager in a couple of deep gulps. It was a replay of the first time, and even the atmosphere was a mirror: he was distracted and edgy; he let out a huge sigh.
She could wait no longer. “What’s the matter?”
He shook his head, but then lifted his eyes to look directly across the table at her. “I had a meeting earlier, with Andrew Stoner. That’s what kept me. It was supposed to be a short thing. Just to talk about the funeral, but it took longer than expected. That’s why I was late.”
Lily took a sip of her drink. Her hands shook, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Was there something wrong?”
“Yes, you could say that.”
She was afraid to speak, afraid of his next words.
“So, Clive.” He paused again, he was struggling to format what he wanted to tell her.
“Yes?” She kept her voice calm but her stomach was churning. Here it comes she thought, they’ve found out.
“He’s screwed me. Even from beyond the bloody grave. Well, not in the grave yet, but you know what I mean. Even though he’s dead, he’s screwed me over. Sorry for the language, Lily, but I am so bloody mad.”
This wasn’t what she had been expecting. She would have felt relief if it hadn’t been for the furious fire in Terry’s eyes, the way he picked up the drink, drained the glass and slammed it back on the table.
“What on earth has happened, Terry? Tell me, what’s happened?”
“I’m sorry, Lily, this isn’t your concern. Look, let’s just have our meal and talk about something else.”
“Well, I came here to help you, Terry. If you need to talk about something, get something off your chest, then I don’t mind you using me. I’d like it.”
He gave her an odd look, but then he tried to smile. It was a poor effort, just an upward movement of his lips but it was enough to let her know that he wasn’t angry with her.
BONE BABY: chilling emotional suspense with a killer ending Page 16
