by Rae, Nicki
“I don’t regret anything, Cam. I know I handled the news the wrong way and I’m sorry. But I don’t regret any time we shared and I don’t regret that we are going to be parents. Am I scared? Hell yes. But do I regret it? Not at all.”
“You’ll understand if I don’t believe that.”
“I don’t know how to be a father, Cam. I don’t know how to be a nice person most of the time let alone raise a tiny baby that is completely dependent on me. When you told me I was going to be a father, it scared the shit out of me. Think about it. Someone opened fire in the bar today and almost killed you. Everyone around me seems to be in danger and now you’re telling me we’re bringing a baby into our madness. I flipped. I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t the best reaction but I was shocked.”
“You don’t think I’m scared? I don’t know the first thing about being a mother. I was an only child to a mother who made me prostitute myself out to pay the rent. How am I supposed to teach a child about life, Fent? Huh? Tell me how WE, the two most fucked up people in the world, are supposed to raise a child?”
Without answering her, I kneel and rest my forehead on her stomach wrapping my arms around her waist. Tears stain my cheeks at the thought of my child growing inside her.
“We’ll make it, Cam. We have no other choice.”
“You know, if we make it out of this ordeal alive, I worry Piper will be waiting with open arms and that will leave me to raise this child on my own.” Her sobs are coming faster now and her tears are flowing like the pond that runs through my woods.
Piper. How am I ever going tell Piper?
“As long as Piper will have me we will be together, Cam. Just know I will always take care of our child, no matter who I am with.”
“What if she doesn’t want anything to do with you? Am I supposed to continue letting you back in time after time? Look where that’s brought us. I can’t do it anymore, Fenton. I can’t. I’m sick to death of crying myself to sleep every night wondering if you are coming back to me.”
Her tears break my heart but her words slice it to shreds. I pull her back to me to try to comfort her again. This time she resists and back pedals to the wall, sliding down once she reaches it.
“I’m sorry, Cam. I don’t know what you want me to say. Piper and I were together when all of this started. What would you have done if none of this would have happened? Would you still have expected me to leave Piper? I don’t mean to be harsh but Cam don’t you think that’s a little unrealistic?”
“At least if you’re with her, she’ll make sure you have something to do with your child.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, a little aggravated by her comment.
“You’re a mess Fenton James and for the life of me, I don’t know how she did it. I’ve known you for thirteen years and I’ve never made you as happy as you are with her. I don’t have what it takes to show you what you have to offer or to help you believe you don’t need the drugs and alcohol to make it through the day. But it’s only a matter of time, even with her happiness you’ll need the drugs and the alcohol, that’s just what makes you tick. She will make you happy for a while but you’ll grow tired of her. You always do. But I don’t care about your relationship with her, I care about our child. The child we created when you came to me, as you always do, because you feel safe with me. Whether you want to admit it or not, we created this child out of love. A love I’m certain our child will never see. Especially since it will never know about our past or how we met. He or she will not be subjected to our old lifestyle. I refuse to put it through the hell we went through. So, when you leave her, and you will leave her, and revert back to your old ways, you’ll have nothing more to do with your child. Please keep that in mind.”
“Wow! You sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself.”
“Don’t fucking guilt trip me, Fenton. I’ve had it up to here with your shit,” she says, gesturing to her chin.
“I will just have to show you I’ve changed. I can stand here and tell you all day I’m not the guy I used to be but you won’t believe me. I’m sorry you’re upset we didn’t make it. I’m sorry, too. But we were only meant to be friends and I’m happy every day I know you and you’re in my life. You’re going to make a great mother to our child and I can’t wait to begin this journey with you...and hopefully Piper.”
Chapter Twelve
Camille
I hate this. I hate being locked in a room with him when I can’t stand his face. The face I’ve loved for so long. The face that’s hurt me for the last time.
“What will we tell our child when he or she asks how we me?” I ask him. I have no idea how we are going to raise a child together. Neither of us knows the first thing about children.
“I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll come up with something since I won’t be allowed to see it.”
“So you’re agreeing that you’ll not be with Piper long?” He shakes his head and waves his hand at me but he doesn’t answer.
I don’t know what I expected from him. He hasn’t been my Fenton in a long time and I knew deep down that even a baby wouldn’t change that. As hard as I’ve tried to keep us together, the drugs and alcohol tried harder. Or maybe it’s me who changed. Once upon a time drugs and alcohol were both our best friends. It’s what bound us together. It was nothing for us to blow through hundreds of dollars every few days on coke. We were invincible together and nothing held us back. We were the couple everyone in Geno’s house wanted to be. Inseparable and there was no denying the love between us. But all that ended when he went to prison. Even though we tried after he was released, it was never the same. As hard as I tried to make it work, we were different people. I got sober for him. He got sober because he had to and that never lasts. I’ll give him credit, though. He tried when he got out. He got a job with his dad, continued to stay clean and we were happy. But when his grandpa passed away, nothing mattered anymore. He had no one left in his life; therefore, no one left to live for. Or at least that’s what he thought. He still had me but I represented a time in his life he was trying to forget and even though we’re still friends, it wasn’t the same. So, he moved out of our house and into his grandpa’s. That helped our relationship. We still weren’t in a romantic relationship but our friendship was growing stronger again. The drugs never went away and there were times he would show up at my house in the middle of the night begging me to stay. I couldn’t tell him no. I will never be able to tell him no. I should’ve but I couldn’t.
The night he met Piper at the bar, I knew I would never be his go to person again. There was a pull between them that he and I never even had. I left the bar that night crying. I watched him take woman after woman home from that bar and it never fazed me. But Piper was different and we both knew it. She’s beautiful. They have the same job taste. She challenged him. And most importantly, she didn’t go home with him that night. I’ve spent half my life telling him yes and doing whatever he wanted just so he will stay with me, when what I should have been doing was telling him no and letting him know the things he was doing were ruining his life. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I loved Fenton but fifteen years to realize I was only enabling him. And when I finally stopped, he wanted nothing to do with me.
When Fenton went to prison, I thought my life was going to end. I spent every Sunday at the prison, sometimes talking to him on a phone and sometimes sitting at a table right next to him but never knowing what to expect when I arrived. My heart broke for him every week. But he got sober while he was in there and even though I tried to be sober with him, I was still living with Geno. And trying to stay sober in Geno’s house was almost impossible. I had to fight hard but by the time Fent was released, I was sober, too. By that point, I’d been through so much in my life; being forced into prostitution, moving out when Fenton and I were sixteen to live with him at Geno’s, getting hooked on drugs and then watching Fent being taken to prison for kidnapping. I just rolled with it all. I did what I had t
o do to survive and never thought twice about it. But none of that prepared me for how hard it would be to get clean. Then once I was clean, to stay clean. It was all worth it when Fent was released and we were clean together. When his grandpa died, he started using again but I had no desire. I loved the life we were making together but he couldn’t handle it. He never was one to like restraints and in his mind, I was one. So, he moved out of our small house we were able to rent and moved to his grandpa’s house. Our relationship has not been the same since.
“We could’ve had a good life together Fenton.”
“It wasn’t meant to be, Cam.”
The air in this room is becoming thick and I am chocking on it.
“We’ve survived some pretty fucked up shit in our lives, Fenton, but I honestly don’t know if we’ll survive this.”
Piper
“Are you ready?” Shane asks from the hallway. They are the first words he’s spoken to me since earlier. Tonight is going to be awkward and I know I should get over it but I’ve done nothing but mope and feel sorry for myself all afternoon. Not only because of my fight with Shane but I still haven’t heard from Fenton. I hope he’s stopped talking to me because he’s moved on and not because something has happened to him.
“Yes,” I lie, jumping out of bed to run in the bathroom. I flip the nozzle for the shower and jump in. As I begin lathering my hair my mind drifts to what could be happening with Fenton. I’m sure he’s been busy trying to find whoever demolished his bar on top of also trying to find out who is causing him all the problems. If he hasn’t called or messaged me by the time we are finished with dinner, I am going to head back home. I can’t handle not knowing what is going on with him.
I quickly rinse my hair and the day away, praying tonight goes smoothly. My father and Shane seem to be getting along just fine. But the minute Shane says the wrong thing or looks at me the wrong way, my father will not hold back. The stress tonight will cause is overwhelming and I want to play sick so we don’t have to go. However, this dinner is important to Daddy because he wants me to get to know Elizabeth. So for him, I will go and hope the two of them can make it through the night.
“Pipe, it’s time to go!” This time it’s my father’s voice on the other side of the door.
“Almost ready!” I yell.
I pull a brush through my wet hair and fluff it up with some gel. I run to my closet and pull on a black cloth skirt and a yellow long tube top while stepping into a pair of black flip flops. After grabbing my phone, I head for my bedroom door fifteen minutes later. I’m in such a rush I run right into Shane when I pull open the door.
“Piper, you look great,” he smiles.
“Thanks, let’s go,” I say, passing by him to run down the stairs. Before I make it down the stairs, I decide to have a small talk with Shane.
“Can we just be friends tonight? No talk of relationships or how much you hate Fenton? I don’t want to argue about this in front of Daddy. He’s so excited about tonight and I don’t want to ruin that for him.”
“Yes, of course. We wouldn’t want your father to know how I really feel about you.”
“That’s not fair, Shane!”
“Let’s go, Pipe,” he says, shouldering past me down the stairs. I can already tell his is going to be a fun night.
“Nice of you to join us, Piper,” my father says with aggravation in his voice. It seems he and Elizabeth has been waiting a while.
“You look beautiful, Piper,” Elizabeth cuts in, trying to make me feel better.
“Thanks, Elizabeth. You also look beautiful.” She is wearing a black silk dress that stops just above the knee. It’s very light and airy which is good since it’s so hot outside. Her hair is pulled back in a pony with her side bang hanging loose.
“Well, now that we agree everyone looks beautiful, shall we?” my father adds, holding his hand out in front of us to go ahead.
We all walk out in front of my father and head towards his car. My anxiety continues to grow as I don’t know what the night is going to bring. The last time I was out with Shane, we ended the night fighting because he was wasted which led to him assaulting me. Here’s hoping tonight yields better results.
I grab the door handle to Dad’s car when Shane grabs my other hand. He pulls me toward his car instead and I wonder if it’s a good idea.
“I was hoping we could catch a movie after dinner, do you mind?” he asks, sensing my hesitation.
“Sure, but we’re watching a chick flick.” He hates chick flicks, he’ll never agree to that which is fine because I really don’t want to go to the movies.
“I can go for a good chick flick,” he replies. His cocky grin spreads as he knows I know he hates chick flicks. This is an apology movie. He’s still trying to bring me back to him. I’m not sure how much longer we can dance in this circle.
“Dad, we’re going to drive separate,” I inform him, hoping it’s not the wrong decision.
“Ok, baby girl. See ya there.”
“I hope you know where this place is because I don’t.”
“Didn’t you live here?”
“Yes, but it’s been four years and I’ve never been to this place.”
“I’m sure my GPS will be able to find it.”
I check my messages again but there is still nothing from Fenton. Something is wrong, I can feel it. Even if he’s just very focused on what he’s doing, surely he would have the decency to send a quick message. I’m going to send him one more message and if he doesn’t respond by the end of dinner, I’m skipping the movie.
“Everything ok?”
“Yes…I don’t know. I haven’t heard from Fenton since yesterday and that isn’t like him.”
“I will refrain from commenting on that.”
“Well if that’s your answer then it’s probably best you do. Why didn’t you mention the movie earlier? Have you looked up times and what’s playing?”
“No, we’re just winging it.”
“Ok, but don’t be upset if we are stuck watching a Disney movie. They’re my favorite, you know.”
“I’m well aware.”
“How many times have you suffered through Aladdin?”
“Too many! I don’t even trust that little thief,” he chuckles.
“Hey! You can’t talk about him that way, I love him!” I joke.
“Yeah…”
I probably shouldn’t have thrown those words around. He’s already upset enough about Fenton, I’m sure he’s glad to hear me say I love another guy besides him. Even if he is a Disney character.
We ride in silence the rest of the trip. Well silence by way of neither of us is talking but I can hear my heart pounding thinking about Fenton. What if whoever killed Gibson has finally got to him? What if he has decided to end our relationship and didn’t have the balls to tell me? No, there is no silence in my mind as it is going full speed with the possibilities.
“I believe this is the place,” Shane says, breaking up my thoughts. He parks in one of the spots of the beautiful high rise that my father is contemplating a revision. Most of downtown Dayton needs some major renovation and this dinner tonight will be with the owner of the building. He’ll be pleading his case to my father and in turn my father will decide if he wants the opportunity. I’m actually very excited to be here while it’s happening. It’s been a while since my father has had to bid on a project. In this stage of his career, he doesn’t have to do that much. Clients beg him to build for them. However, with this being part of the city, it works a little different.
“You ready, baby girl?” my father asks me. “You’re about to see your pops pull down the deal of the year. I wish Frank James’ entitled ass were here to see this.”
“You know I am, Daddy!” I’m excited to see him in his element and to see him so happy. I glance over at Elizabeth and she is beaming at him. I will have to take more time to get to know her better. She seems to really be into my father and I want her to know I appreciate the smile she has p
ut back on his face.
Once we get inside, my father wonders off talking to someone while we wait on our table. For a place that needs major renovation, it isn’t too much of an eye sore. The building is three stories tall and when you’re standing in the grand entrance, you are able to see all of the other levels. It’s like you’re looking up into a cylinder and it’s outlined with oak banisters. At the very top of the cylinder is a beautiful stained glass skylight which casts beautiful colored shadows throughout each level of the floor. All of the walls are accented with oak trim and quarter round which all leads to the beautiful oak flooring. I sure hope Daddy takes this job as it would be so much fun to make this place beautiful again. Or more beautiful; It’s stunning already.
I search for the waiter but I can’t seem to find anyone and Daddy is still talking with whomever it is he is talking with. Shane has gone off somewhere leaving me with Elizabeth.
“So what do you do?” I ask her, trying to be friendly.
