by Joy Eileen
“So, what do you want for your birthday?” D asked me.
My skin crawled, as it always did, at the thought of my birthday. I would usually try and forget it completely. My dad had never pushed me to celebrate it when I’d been little. My birthday had always been a reminder of the day my mom abandoned us, breaking our family apart.
“Nothing. I don’t like celebrating my birthday,” I said, trying to shrug off my unease.
I hoped he wouldn’t ask for an explanation, because I wasn't in the mood to share. D peered at me, and I could see the question he wanted to ask, forming in his head.
Kill knocked over a glass. “Shit, hand me that towel.”
I grabbed the one hanging off the oven door, playing along with the diversion I was positive he’d created for me.
“I’m going to bed,” I announced, once I’d handed Kill the towel, and like a coward, ran up the stairs, yelling my goodnights as I went.
In my room, I changed into my jammies and crawled under the covers, turning the TV on while waiting for D to go to bed so Kill could sneak in.
Footsteps stopped in front of my door, and I held my breath. There was a light knock, and I wished them away, knowing it would be D. I stayed as quiet as possible, until D walked away, and then let out my breath in a silent whoosh.
Plugging in my headphones, I let the harsh beat of Halestorm penetrate my head. The music overpowered all of the thoughts swirling around, as it always did.
Kill came in later, and slipped under the covers. He pulled me close and kissed me gently on the top of my head. I took out my earbuds and shut off my iPod, snuggling further onto his chest.
“We need to talk to D. He's worried about what will happen if we get together, and I mess things up,” he said into my hair.
My eyes popped open, and I was met with the inky darkness of my room. “Okay,” I responded, knowing it needed to be done. Kill let out a rush of air, sounding relieved.
Chapter 5
The next morning I woke up alone, wondering how much sleep Kill had gotten. My phone notified me of a missed call from my dad.
Smiling to myself, I called him back, chomping on a handful of Tums as it rang. His voicemail picked up. I left a message telling him I had a fabulous Fourth of July and to call me back soon.
Kill sat in his usual spot on the couch, protein shake in hand.
“Hey,” he said, extending a mugful of coffee toward me. He’d started making me a cup of coffee in the morning, just the way I liked it, ever since the first night we kissed.
We made our way outside after putting our glasses in the dishwasher. After a warm up, we went for a run, bumping into each other and smiling like fools.
Kill convinced me we needed to have taco night, after we got back. I rifled through the fridge to see what I needed to get at the store. I hadn't seen Jason since our encounter at the Mexican restaurant, and the thought of tacos had my stomach pitching around. My mind flashed back to that day, when he’d told me he was going out of town, but the continuous stream of hateful notes showing up on my car proved he still lingered.
After we showered, Kill went with me to the store. He wouldn't admit it, but ever since my run-in with Jason the boys had been on high alert. They always had one excuse or another to come with me. At the store, Kill enclosed me with his arm at the front of the cart and pushed me around, causing my guilt at keeping the notes from him to expand.
While the boys finished their practice, I went to the kitchen to start cooking. Jessie came in as I pulled everything out. Her supermodel body now perched on the counter.
She watched me with a concerned face as she twirled her long blond hair around her finger. My heart dropped, and I desperately wished I could get a handful of Tums into my stomach. I could sense a lecture milling around inside her head.
“What?” I squeaked out, walking to the fridge for a bottle of water.
“Nothing. I was just wondering what's happening between you and Kill? I haven’t had much time with you lately.”
I glanced at the garage door and shrugged. I knew this was going to happen eventually, but I still didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know, Jess.”
“Well, tell me so I can figure it out for you,” she replied in an authoritative tone.
“I want to, but I don’t think I have time to tell you everything.” I eyed the garage door again.
“Fine, but we need to have a girls talk soon.” She watched me throughout dinner, and I was sure she was cataloging every touch or gesture Kill and I made toward each other. My nerves were frayed by the time we finished cleaning up.
I excused myself quickly and ran upstairs. In my room, I was trying to figure out which pair of shoes to wear when Kill strolled in and wrapped me in his arms from behind. I leaned into him and sighed. Since I was no longer under the watchful eye of Jessie, I melted into his strength.
“What was up with you at dinner?” he asked, kissing my neck before settling his chin on the top of my head.
“Jessie wants to know what's up between us. I avoided telling her, but I know I can't put her off very much longer.”
“Let me know when you tell her. I don’t want D to find out from anyone else but me. I need to reassure him this won't mess with the family dynamic or the band.” He kissed the top of my head. "Faith, you know I would’ve told everyone by now if you’d let me. You asked me to take it slow with you, but I need to tell you this sucks."
He turned me around so that we faced each other. I looked down at the ground, but he refused to let me evade him and placed his finger under my chin, lifting my head until our eyes met. “What is it, Slick?”
The uncertainty in his voice surprised me. I had a fleeting thought that maybe he was just as vulnerable as I was.
“I'm scared.”
He pressed his forehead against mine. “I am too.”
I closed my eyes, letting his words pierce my soul.
“I need you to trust me.” His pleading tone caused my heart to pick up speed.
This was the one thing I had to deny him, but I could at least pretend. I nodded my head and moved in further until our lips were barely touching, relishing the moment.
I reluctantly stepped away from him, so I could finish getting ready for work. Jessie had already left when I made my way downstairs. Van pouted on the couch, confirming she’d finally broken down and talked to her parents.
Van was lost in thought, looking so sad. I went over and kissed him on the cheek. My best friend was really pissing me off, and I was strongly considering breaking my promise to her about staying out of her business. Van hugged me close, and I didn’t stop him, figuring he needed the support. When he released me, his face looked less forlorn, and I winked at him before I walked out to my car.
"Love you, sis," he called out as I closed the door.
"Love you too, Mr. Snuggles."
Like every other time, my stomach squeezed painfully when I spied a piece of paper under my windshield wiper. Kill walked behind me, and I began to panic the closer we came. Kill's eyebrow rose when I yanked it off my window and stuffed it into my back pocket.
“Coupon for this new coffee shop I wanted to try; I forgot to take it off my windshield,” I said, wincing at how guilty I sounded.
I could tell he wasn’t buying it, but thankfully he shrugged it off. “Have a good day at work.” He traced his finger down my cheek.
I wanted to let him scream our relationship to the world. My heart was sick of hiding us, while my brain kept slamming me with the reality that we didn’t have much time. It felt like I was in a perpetual bungee jump, plummeting toward Kill. It was exhilarating, but the yank back by reality, reminded me he wouldn't be around much longer.
“I'll see you later, Slick.” He winked at me, melting me into a puddle of lust as he walked away.
When I parked in the back lot of Ray's, I plunged for the letter in my back pocket. It had burned a hole in my jeans the entire drive to work. It had one word slashed angrily across
the paper in red.
MINE
I stared at the blood-colored word until it blurred, and then shoved the fucker in my glove compartment.
As the night went on, I found it harder and harder to push the note to the back of my mind. The boys cheered me on as they always did during my karaoke number, giving me a tiny reprieve.
Amy was stuck at work, and Jet moped around, missing his partner in crime. Jessie was avoiding Van, and I had to clamp my jaw shut as I watched his eyes track her every move.
Bambi was unusually chipper making the whole night seem wrong. Ryan stared at her with suspicious eyes as I made my way to the bar. "I think someone slipped something in her drink." Ryan wiped the bar down as she spoke, but her eyes never strayed from Bambi.
"Well, if that's the case, we need to start doing it every night," I told her.
Ryan threw her head back and laughed. Most of the men at the bar stared at her with lust in their eyes. She had dyed the pink streaks in her hair a dark blue, making her look more mysterious. Her brown eyes even more prominent behind the black eye-lined rims. Her snug black tank-top hugged her body, barely connecting with her tight red leggings. She was hot. "You're right. How can we do it?"
While we were trying to figure out how we could keep Bambi in her happy drugged stupor, a gorgeous man in a blue shirt and jeans walked into the bar. Bambi ran to him and threw her arms around his neck screaming at the top of her lungs. He spun her around, hugging her tightly.
I turned to ask Ryan if she knew who he was, but stopped when I saw her staring slack-jawed at the guy Bambi was wrapped around. Her eyes were wide, a slight red tint to her cheeks—something I didn't think I would ever see on the badass bartender.
The boys rose from their table and headed toward the guy, who was extricating himself from Bambi. He was close to Kill's height, the muscle tone evident under his form-fitting shirt. His dark-brown hair was shaved close to his head, intense hazel eyes scanning the crowd, his lips smiling when he saw the boys coming toward him.
Kill reached him first. When Bambi moved away, Kill grabbed the stranger, giving him a hug which involved pounding him hard on the back. All the guys followed suit with this weird guy-hug, ensuring their groins didn't brush against one another. I thought it was highly amusing that Ryan still hadn't moved, watching the new guy’s every movement.
“A bug's going to fly in your mouth if you don’t close it,” I said, nudging her with my hand to break the spell.
Ryan blinked and glanced at me, her cheeks turning an even brighter shade of red. “Do you know who that is?” she asked, tracking him with her eyes as they went toward their table.
I shook my head. Kill snagged a chair as they made room for the newcomer. Bambi was practically shaking as she followed him. She snaked her arm around his waist, begging for attention. He looked down at her, laughing at whatever she was babbling on about.
“It figures that she would have her hooks in him,” Ryan grumbled. Her voice was filled with venom, and it caught me off guard. She glared at their backs as they embraced.
“I'll be right back,” I said. Operation find out who the fuck this dude is was in full swing.
“So, how long are you here for?” I overheard Kill ask the new guy.
“I leave tomorrow. I went to visit my grandma and only had time to come back for one night,” new guy answered.
Bambi sniffled, and he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Don’t worry Bambam; I'll be back before you know it.”
I was stunned to see her eyes fill up with tears as she stared at him with what could only be described as hero worship.
“Hi,” I said, scooting close to Kill. I was able to draw comfort just being near him. I wondered what it was going to be like when he was gone from my everyday life.
“Hey, Slick,” he said locking eyes with me. Just for a moment, we were the only two people in the bar.
Jet broke the spell when he opened his mouth. “Hey, you were so fucking sexy up there. Are you going to sing again? Maybe we could do a duet. I'm bored without my Amy.”
I rolled my eyes, accustomed to Jet and his flirting. “I have one more song DJ Smoke wants me to do if you want to join in. Are you guys good?” I asked looking at their beer bottles to see if they needed a refill.
“I need a soda,” D said.
“What do you want, Matt? It's on me,” Kill asked the new guy.
“Slick, this is Matt, Bambi’s brother. The one I was telling you about.”
Matt smiled at me, reaching out his hand so I could shake it. I glanced over at Ryan to see her watching everything going on at the boy's table.
“Hi, Matt. What can I get you?” I asked, pulling my hand back.
He looked me up and down, his smile hitching up an extra notch. Kill went rigid in his seat when he saw Matt's perusal. “Hi, Slick?” he drawled.
“My name's Faith. Killer here thinks I need a nickname,” I explained, nudging Kill with my shoulder. Even though Matt was incredibly good looking, he had nothing on Kill.
“I'll walk up with you,” Matt said, letting go of Bambi, who was shooting me death glares.
I was stuck. I couldn't very well blurt out I was in a weird relationship with Kill. We walked off, and I could feel Kill staring at me the whole time.
Ryan seemed to be busy, so we waited at the end of the bar. Her eyes widened when she saw who was next to me. When I glanced over at Matt, I realized he seemed to be just as taken with Ryan. She twisted the bar rag in her hands, and I wondered if she was picturing Bambi's neck, as she made her way toward us.
“Hey, Ryan. This is Bambi’s brother, Matt. He's in town just for tonight. Matt, this is Ryan, the greatest bartender in the world.”
They stood staring at each other, and I wasn't sure they heard a word I said. I felt like an outsider, given the intensity of their reaction. Matt pulled his wits together first and reached out to shake Ryan’s hand, flashing her a seductive smile.
When their palms touched, both of them gasped. I could imagine the electricity they felt when they finally connected; it was the same feeling I got when I touched Kill.
I walked away unnoticed. When I passed Jessie, I informed her our little hardened-heart Ryan was smitten. We watched them from afar, giggling.
Ryan handled the bar effortlessly, like always, but kept glancing at Matt. He stared at her unabashedly.
“I think you lost your friend,” I told Kill, pointing over at the bar. The boys' eyes followed my finger. They laughed at the look on Matt's face as he watched Ryan's every move.
“Where’s my soda?” D asked, noticing my empty hands.
“Oops, I forgot. Hold on; I'll be right back.” I went back to the bar and ordered D’s soda. I had to hide a smile over seeing how flustered Ryan was acting. She valiantly tried to ignore Matt as he stood at the end of the bar, but judging by her stolen glances, she was failing miserably.
Ryan turned and scowled at Matt, and a laugh slipped out of my mouth. She flipped me off before turning around abruptly to get my orders ready. Her response made me laugh harder.
Jessie stood next to me while we watched Bambi try to talk to Matt. He kept glancing at Ryan, and I was sure he had no idea what Bambi was yammering on about.
“I’ve never seen her like this,” Jessie whispered in my ear.
“I know; it's kind of funny to see her all tripped up,” I whispered back.
I straightened when Ryan came back to fill my tray, not wanting to garner her wrath.
“Thanks, Faith,” D said when he took his soda.
"Sorry it took so long."
“So, Ryan wants to slob Matt’s knob, huh?” Jet asked, making me stare at him in shock.
I kept telling myself that I needed to get used to Jet’s vulgar outbursts, but he continued to surprise me. DJ Smoke called my name over the microphone, and I was grateful for the escape. I took off my apron and handed it to Kill.
DJ Smoke smiled, showing off the gap between his teeth. His black hair
was slicked back as usual, and his eyes shone with excitement as he made my introduction to the new customers, while the regulars cheered for me.
Jet jumped onstage behind me, and we did a pretty good rendition of Stone Sour's Imperfect. Jet surprised me again at how he could switch from vulgar to professional at his leisure.
I took orders as I made my way back to the boys’ table. They were beaming at me, and I rolled my eyes, because they did this every time I went onstage. Kill handed me my apron, winking at me as I tied it on.
“You were awesome up there,” Matt said when I reached the bar.
I tried to flag Ryan down, but she seemed hell bent on ignoring the side of the bar where Matt was sitting. “Thanks,” I replied, violently waving my arms around until Ryan had no choice but to acknowledge me.
“I think I pissed her off,” Matt confessed as she slowly made her way over.
“How?” I asked, but he couldn't answer because she now stood in front of us.
I gave her my orders while she ignored Matt’s presence. She left in a huff, and I looked over to Matt, wanting the details before she came back.
“I asked her out, but she refused. So, I played the soldier card and told her all I wanted was a date when I get back home for protecting her and her country. I have a feeling that was the wrong way to go.”
I laughed out loud. Poor Ryan was probably pissed she’d found someone she was attracted to, only to find out he was leaving the country after tonight.
“You’d better come back and ask her out, or she's going to be really mad,” I said, just before Ryan returned with my drinks, eyeing me as I engaged with the enemy.
“Thanks, sexy,” I said to her as I grabbed my tray. She turned on her heels, stomping away. Matt didn’t take his eyes off her as he responded to me.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
I checked on Catcher and made sure his soda was refilled, wanting to keep the huge bouncer on my side. He’d already proved to be useful in helping keep the creepers away. Between him and the boys, I was probably the safest I’d ever been. Some of the confidence I thought would never return had unfurled under his watchful eye.
