After he relaxed, she got off of him, noting the familiar wetness between her thighs. She’d scrubbed the area between her legs until her skin was raw right after the ordeal with Mr. Price. No matter how much she’d washed herself, she hadn’t felt clean. It wasn’t like that with Richard. This time, she didn’t mind it because it was his seed.
Richard wrapped his arms around her, and she settled into a comfortable position against him, choosing to rest her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head then rubbed her back in soothing circular motions.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?”
“For being willing to do this with me after what you went through.”
“It was different with you. I felt safe.” And loved. But for some reason, she couldn’t quite voice that thought.
He pulled her closer to him and rested his cheek against the top of her head. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.”
“I know.”
They drifted off into silence, and before long, she fell asleep and had pleasant dreams for a change.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Richard lightly stroked Amanda’s back while she slept. He should have slept more last night, but with everything that happened, he couldn’t. Too many thoughts kept cycling through his mind, the most prominent one, of course, being the fact that she’d made love to him. It’d been a moment he’d anticipated ever since he was sixteen.
As wonderful as it’d been, he couldn’t help but think it should’ve been better. He didn’t like how she’d held back, but he couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault. It was Mr. Price’s fault. He’d been the one who robbed her of her innocence. Richard thought leaving New York would make all her demons go away, but he’d been wrong. It would take time for her to fully heal and be comfortable with him in bed.
He wrapped his arms around her and settled his cheek against the top of her head. He hated what Mr. Price had done to her, but there was nothing he could do about it. He’d already confronted him, demanding he make restitution for what he’d done to her. That had proven useless.
He released a long, slow breath. Closing his eyes, he once again saw her in the alley. She had been so pale, and when he called her name, she didn’t respond. Worse than that, she’d been much too thin. When he picked her up, she barely weighed anything. His first thought was to take her to his parents, thinking his mother would know what to do, but something stopped him from doing it. Instead, he’d taken her home.
He’d put her in his bed and given her soup, thinking it best to start her on something light since she was so thin. Who knew when she’d last eaten? She obviously hadn’t bathed in weeks. He had filled the tub, bought her new clothes, and made her eat. It took her a week before she finally told him what happened. Even now, his body tensed as he thought of that conversation.
“Amanda,” he softly said, setting a blanket around her shoulders, “won’t you please tell me what happened?”
She seemed so small on his couch. Though she was clean and fed, she still had a ways to go before she was back to the girl he remembered. Most notable in the changes, though, was the absence of happiness. Her eyes used to sparkle, and she used to laugh. Now, it seemed none of his jokes brightened her mood. There was a heaviness weighing her down. If only he could take some of the burden from her. Maybe then, he could break through her shell.
After a moment of silence, he gave her a cup of hot tea and sat beside her. She didn’t drink from the cup. Her hair fell over her shoulder, partially blocking his view of her face. He wanted to tuck her hair back behind her ear, but he didn’t dare touch her. She didn’t seem ready for it, not with the way she flinched when he got too close.
“Amanda, it’s me. Richard. You can trust me. I won’t do anything to hurt you.”
Staring at the cup in her hands, she finally whispered, “I know.”
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“As soon as I say it, it’ll be real,” she finally answered, her voice breaking.
A tear fell into her tea, alerting him to how painful it was for her to even talk about. He took the cup from her and set it on the table. “Amanda, it won’t get any easier if you keep it to yourself.” Taking her hands in his, he urged her to face him. “Pushing it away won’t change anything. You’re safe now.”
She swallowed. “I know.”
Good. He was glad she did know it. “Then tell me. What happened?”
“A friend of my brother-in-law’s…he…” She closed her eyes, probably to force back more tears, but she lost the battle since some slid down her cheeks anyway.
Unable to take it anymore, he brought her into his arms. She didn’t shy away from him. He thought she might, given how closed off she was. Instead, she collapsed against him. In all the years he’d longed to hold her, never once did he imagine it would be like this. He’d thought there’d be joy and happiness, not this heavy sorrow.
“Mr. Price forced me to be with him,” she choked out. “I told him no, but he just kept coming, and before I knew it, he was ripping my clothes off and…and…”
“He raped you,” he finished for her.
She broke into a fresh wave of tears. Richard didn’t know how much time passed as he held her, doing his best to soothe her. There was nothing, really, he could do. Yes, he could hold her, but he couldn’t erase the memory of the incident from her mind, nor could he go back in time and prevent it from happening, two things he most wanted to do.
He could only imagine what she’d been through. It was something no woman should ever experience. And he couldn’t understand why a man would want to do that kind of thing.
“You won’t ever go through that again,” he said, tightening his hold on her. “I promise.”
That promise led to his proposal, one that she’d accepted because she’d had nowhere else to go. Thinking it might be best for her, he quit his apprenticeship and got his things ready for their trip out West. It was a new start, something he thought might be a welcome relief after all she’d been through.
His parents had been happy to learn he’d be joining them on the wagon train, as he’d expected. Though they hadn’t said anything, he knew they had wished he would come with them, but they’d understood he enjoyed his work. Fate, however, had other plans, and he had no regrets over leaving. He could work anywhere, but this was the only way he could have Amanda.
She stirred next to him. He turned his attention to her, wondering if she was awake yet. They didn’t get the chance to sleep in late while on the trail. This morning, however, since they would spend the day in town, they were allowed this luxury.
He glanced up at the window. The morning light told him it was between six and seven. Probably closer to seven.
Amanda lifted her head from his shoulder, looking around as if she’d forgotten where she’d fallen asleep.
When her gaze went to him, he smiled and brushed her hair over her shoulder. “It wasn’t a dream. You’re really in a bed instead of lying on the hard ground.”
She chuckled at his joke. “For a moment, I did expect to wake up in the bedroll.”
“That’s to be expected.” He turned to face her. “I figure we’ll start out in an apartment when we get to Omaha, and I’ll build you the house you want. I have some experience with this now, so don’t be afraid to make it as big as you want.”
She chuckled again. “I didn’t mind growing up in an apartment.”
“I did.”
“Well, you had a lot of brothers and sisters. Up until I was twelve, it was just me and my sister. Then she got married, and it was just me.”
“But won’t it be nice to have a yard and a garden? You used to mention wanting that when we were younger.”
“You’re very thoughtful, Richard. You’ve always been that way.” She leaned up on her elbow and looked down at him. “I’ll be content with wherever we live. It’s just nice knowing I’ll be with you.”
> He cupped the side of her face with his hand and brushed her cheek with his thumb. “I bet you have no idea how beautiful you are. And when you smile, the entire world seems brighter because you’re happy.”
Though she shook her head, a faint smile graced her lips. “You only see what you want to see. There’s a lot of darkness in me.”
“I don’t mind the darkness because I know the light inside you can still shine through. I don’t expect it to be gone overnight. It’ll take time.” He brushed her cheek again. “You aren’t in this alone. You have me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but none fell from her eyes. Instead, she closed them and leaned forward to kiss him, her lips barely touching his. After a moment, she kissed him again, this time letting her lips linger on his. He was surprised when she parted her mouth. Since she’d shied away from him last night when he’d initiated a more intimate kiss, he hadn’t expected her to do it now.
But then he realized what she was doing. She was making an effort, struggling to let that light come in and banish away some of the darkness that plagued her. Following her lead, he parted his lips and waited, deciding it might be best for her to make the move. After what she went through with Mr. Price, she needed to know she had control over the situation.
A couple seconds passed before her tongue brushed the tip of his, a gesture that seemed more like a question than anything else. He responded in kind, making sure to keep his action gentle in case he frightened her. If last evening hadn’t taught him anything else, it had shown him how important it was to approach their intimacy with great care. Mr. Price had taken away her control. It was up to him to give it back.
And the next time she brushed her tongue along his, she didn’t seem so timid. Good. As long as she felt safe, she’d continue letting him into her heart.
She proceeded to kiss him in earnest, seeming content to explore him. His mind unwittingly went to the previous evening when she’d lifted her blanket, offering him a generous view of her body, which was far more beautiful than he’d imagined. On its own accord, his penis lengthened.
He didn’t know if she’d be willing to make love to him again. He figured he’d been fortunate enough that she’d allowed him to be with her so intimately already. He didn’t want to push his luck. But even as he told his body to practice restraint, he moaned and pulled her closer to him.
He had thought being with her already would have sated his desire for her, but it seemed to have had the opposite effect. Now he knew what lovemaking was like, and because of that, his pulse raced with the need to do it again.
He didn’t know if she picked up on his growing passion or not. He was trying not to betray it in case he scared her. There were moments she had trembled last night, alerting him to the fact that it’d taken significant willpower for her to continue. Even now, there was a hesitation on her part as she touched his arm.
But then she got on top of him and took him inside her. He groaned and closed his eyes. He didn’t think it possible, but she felt even better this morning than she had last night. He’d probably never get over the initial pleasure of being wrapped in her warm, moist flesh. The urge to move was a surprisingly powerful one, so he squeezed her thighs in an effort to stay still.
The tactic worked this morning, as it had last night. He managed to stay still while she rocked her hips. Her movements were slow, which was as wonderful as it was agonizing. It was strange, this conflict of desires, this need for release while wanting to prolong the journey to the end. All of it felt good. And he wanted her to experience it, too.
He opened his eyes and saw she was staring at him, just as she had last night. It was probably her way of reminding herself she wasn’t with Mr. Price. Just as he offered her a reassuring smile, she rocked faster, and he was, once again, closing his eyes and moaning.
“It’s alright, Richard,” she whispered. “You can move.”
“Will it hurt if I do?”
“No. It’s not painful. It’s pleasant with you.”
He couldn’t be sure, but he thought a low moan escaped her lips. The sound was so soft, though, it could have been anything. All he could do was go by what she said.
He gently rocked his own hips, pressing a little more inside her. She responded by lifting her hips so he was partially out of her and then bringing herself back down on him. Gasping, his eyes flew open. For him, it was exquisitely pleasurable, but did it hurt her?
She lifted her hips again and descended back down, and he was assured it hadn’t hurt her. Given the look on her face, he realized she had enjoyed it. Maybe not as much as he was, but she was finding some pleasure from it. And that being the case, he held her hips and helped her establish a rhythm that would please them both. Soon, he was thrusting in earnest, his shaft sliding easily almost all the way out of her before plunging back in.
At one point, she even smiled at him and whispered his name. He cupped her breasts in his hands, murmuring her name in return, relieved she was allowing herself to be vulnerable with him. It was her gift to him, and he didn’t take it for granted. He would do everything in his power to always make this something she could enjoy with him.
He glanced up at her face and, unable to hold back anymore, he released his seed. His body grew taut and he cried out. In return, she leaned forward and held him as he continued riding out the waves of pleasure that engulfed him.
It wasn’t until he settled back to earth that he realized she was crying. Startled, he cupped her face in his hands. “What is it? What did I do wrong?”
She smiled and shook her head. “You did nothing wrong. It felt good. I didn’t think I could ever enjoy it, but I did.” She sniffed and brushed away her tears. “Thank you, Richard. You are always so gentle and patient with me.”
He relaxed. “You scared me. I thought I hurt you.”
She kissed him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know. I’m just glad you’re alright.”
“I am when I’m with you.” She settled next to him and snuggled against him.
He wrapped his arms around her and wiped the remaining tears from her face. At least these tears weren’t borne out of sorrow. “I love you,” he whispered.
The words were getting easier to say each time he said them. The first time he’d confessed his feelings, he thought for sure she’d laugh at him. But she hadn’t. In fact, having said them seemed to have brought them closer, and that was one thing he wouldn’t change for anything.
Chapter Fourteen
As Amanda and Richard were finishing their late breakfast in the small restaurant, Richard set down his empty coffee cup. “Do you mind checking out the town? I notice some differences in the way the houses are built here compared to New York.”
She couldn’t help but smile. “You really love building things, don’t you?”
“It’s something I’ve always been interested in. I especially like the way things are designed. Every builder seems to leave his own mark on what he makes.”
She poked the last of her pancakes with her fork. “Does he?”
“It’s probably not something everyone notices,” he said as she ate. “Every builder has his own style. Unless the person paying him specifies what he wants, the builder is at liberty to be creative.”
“I’ve never noticed how different houses look while I pass by them. I usually just notice the color and how big they are.”
“Would I bore you by taking you through town to look at them?”
“No. I’d like to take a look,” she assured him. Since looking at houses would make him happy, that’s what she wanted to do. He’d done so much for her. She didn’t think she could ever fully repay him. Offering him a smile, she added, “You’ll tell me the differences in the houses, won’t you?”
“I certainly don’t mind doing that, but make sure you tell me if I’m boring you.”
She doubted he would bore her, but since he seemed so worried about it, she nodded.
/> After they finished their meal, they left the restaurant. Her gaze swept their surroundings, specifically looking for Joe. It still made her gut tighten to remember he’d been waiting for her last night. She couldn’t fault him completely for not believing she was in love with Richard. Up to now, she hadn’t given Richard any indication she cared about him romantically.
Granted, Joe didn’t know the situation that had brought her to marry Richard. If she were him, she would probably question the marriage, too. She had, after all, told Joe she would consider marrying him if he quit working on the rails, and he’d done it. Only, by the time he came to tell her, she was no longer living with her sister and brother-in-law. She was clear across town, and there was no way he could have known it. Nor could he have known she’d married Richard.
As Richard led her down the boardwalk, she considered telling Joe the truth, but that made her even more anxious than knowing he was waiting for her to run off with him. She couldn’t do it. It was enough she told Richard. That, in itself, had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. She didn’t think she could tell anyone else.
“Amanda?” Richard asked, his voice breaking through the dark clouds of her thoughts.
She blinked and turned her attention away from the other people. “What?”
“Are you sure you feel up to this? If you’re not feeling well, we can go back to the room.”
“I feel fine. I was just thinking.” And she’d rather not tell him what she’d been thinking either. She kept hoping Richard wouldn’t find out about Joe, but if Joe was going to keep pressing the issue, how was that going to be possible? Forcing the question aside, she took Richard’s hand and smiled at him. “It’s been a long journey so far. But I’m glad we’re doing this. I don’t think I really appreciated you until we left New York.” She squeezed his hand. “You really are a good man.”
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