“Is she asleep?” she asked Joe.
He peeked. “Yeah. She’s worn herself out.”
Maggie was certain she appeared as haggard as Joe did. She certainly felt it. “I’ll put her to bed, then.”
As soon as Maggie returned from the bedroom, Joe was waiting for her. “I can’t do this,” he said flatly.
She understood completely. “Of course you can. She may be young, but she knows her mother isn’t here. You just have to be patient until she learns that you are the stable factor in her life.”
He shook his head. “No. I can’t do it.” He held out his hands. “Look at me. I’m shaking. If you hadn’t been here—”
“But I was, Joe. Everything turned out fine.”
“Right, now it did, but what about next time? I don’t have what it takes.”
“You’re only lacking experience,” she pointed out. “As you reminded me earlier today, my nieces and nephews have given me an advantage, but dealing with them as their aunt isn’t the same as being a parent. I can spoil them rotten and then hand them back to my brothers.”
“What about your boyfriend’s kids?”
He would have to mention them. Thinking of Zach and Tyler, she added, “OK, so I took on a surrogate mother role for a while. It wasn’t quite the same, though, because they still had their father as the one constant in their life. Still,” she mused, “we had plenty of bad moments when the boys only wanted their mother, but they were too little to understand she wouldn’t be coming home again. She’d died of cancer.”
“I rest my case.”
“The point is,” she insisted, “you’ll have rocky days and you’ll have good ones, but you’ll get through them. Now, if I were you,” she said with a soft smile, “I’d grab some sleep. It’s hard to say if she’ll sense she’s in a strange place and will wake up during the night so we can go through this again, or if she’s so tuckered she’ll sleep until morning. But never fear…” She moved to the coat closet where she’d hung her windbreaker. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early.”
“You can’t leave, Maggie,” he said. “If she wakes up crying, you have to be here.”
“If she wakes, change her diaper and heat another bottle. There are extras in the refrigerator, ready to go.”
“You can’t leave,” he repeated. “I can’t comfort her like you just did and that’s what she needs.”
She understood his fear but it only proved that Joe had more fatherly qualities than he wanted to admit. If he’d truly been uncaring, she would have seen something other than worry in his eyes—something like irritation or anger perhaps, not concern or fear that he couldn’t meet Breanna’s needs. “You’ll do fine.”
“Please, Maggie? I’m begging you. For tonight.”
She wanted to refuse in order to protect herself, to use distance to help her stay emotionally detached.
“You can have my bed,” he said. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“This isn’t a good idea,” she began.
“If she wakes up, I’m calling you,” he warned, “regardless of the time. If you don’t come over, we’ll drive to your place.”
She wanted to run away as much as Joe wanted her to stay because she already knew she would have a difficult time leaving this precious baby in a few weeks. How could she not? A motherless baby was bound to tug on a childless woman’s heart, especially after she’d already lost two children she’d once thought of as her own.
“You have to start dealing with her some time, Donatelli.”
“I know and I will. Just not tonight. Please?”
Certain she wouldn’t relax if she went home anyway because she’d spend what was left of the night wondering what Joe was doing and how he was coping, she gave in. “OK. I’ll run home and grab a few clothes—”
“What’s mine is yours,” he said. “T-shirts, sweatpants, jeans, whatever. I’ll even lend you my razor if you want it.”
Knowing how her brothers always complained if their wives dulled the blades, she quipped, “The supreme sacrifice.”
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and his deer-in-the-headlights look eased. “How about it, partner?”
She thought about all the chores she’d planned to do on her day off and decided these two needed her more than her dust bunnies did. “Only if I can go home after breakfast tomorrow.”
He stepped forward and hugged her. “Thanks, Maggie. This means a lot to me.”
Maggie had never allowed herself to imagine what it would feel like to be in Joe’s arms. It would only have led to problems, but now that she was where she’d occasionally allowed herself to fantasize, she had to admit this spot was quite satisfying. Heady, in fact.
She noticed the strength in his biceps, felt his heartbeat against her cheek, breathed in his unique scent, a blend of Joe Donatelli and soap, and realized something unexpected.
Breanna wasn’t the only person capable of breaking her heart. Without any effort at all, Joe could do the same.
After his shower the next morning, Joe hesitated on the kitchen threshold to watch the two girls who’d entered his life without warning, one wearing a fuzzy pink sleeper and the other still wearing the clothes he’d given her after he’d talked her into staying the night. He’d never be able to wear that particular pair of sweatpants and long-sleeved T-shirt again without remembering how both had hinted at the curves they had concealed. Heaven help him when he saw her wearing shorts or a swimsuit!
Determined to keep his thoughts under control, he gratefully noticed Maggie had already brewed a pot of coffee and was feeding Breanna breakfast, although the youngster was more intent on trying to feed herself. With careful deliberation, the little girl picked up a single Cheerio, popped it into her mouth and chewed it with a noisy crunch before she repeated the process. After five carefully eaten Cheerios, she grabbed her sippy cup and took a long drink before allowing Maggie to spoon something orange—strained peaches?—into her mouth.
He headed directly to the coffee and poured a mug for himself. “Good morning, ladies. How did you sleep?”
“Great. Like a log,” Maggie answered cheerfully from her place at the table. “Your bed is really comfortable.”
He grinned. “I like to think so.”
“No one else has told you that?”
Joe was quite aware of his reputation. The guys at the station teased him mercilessly about his love life and rather than admit he didn’t have any or that he limited his encounters to women who weren’t interested in more than a few nights of no-strings companionship, he played along with their assumptions that he lived his bachelorhood to the fullest. Oh, he didn’t live a celibate life, but he’d always gone to the woman’s apartment so he could leave whenever he pleased. His home was his private domain—his sanctuary—and he didn’t share it with just anyone.
“No,” he said.
She stared at him incredulously. “Are you telling me—?”
“You’re the only woman who’s slept in that bed. Contrary to public opinion, I don’t bring my dates here. Ever. For any reason.”
“Not even for coffee?”
“For any reason,” he repeated.
Approval lit up her face—approval that he hadn’t realized how badly he wanted from her until she gave it. “A wise decision, considering Breanna’s in your life now. So…” She drew out in a tone that heralded a conversation shift. “How was the sofa?”
“OK.” What could he say? It was a sofa and while it worked well for a Sunday afternoon nap, it lacked a lot in the good-night’s-sleep department.
If the too-short frame that didn’t accommodate his form wasn’t enough, a host of other issues had cluttered his mind. Worries about fatherhood and the responsibilities associated with it, the multitude of decisions to be made and details to be organized and his own fears marched through his head with staccato-like precision.
When he’d finally been able to convince himself that those concerns had to wait until morning, a me
ntal picture of Maggie tangled in his sheets, wearing his T-shirt and her lacy underwear made him break out in a sweat.
He’d finally dozed off in the wee hours, knowing that Maggie would come running if Breanna awoke. He wouldn’t have had any rest at all if Maggie hadn’t given him peace of mind.
Although he faced a host of frightening challenges today as they all settled into a new routine, he felt more able to cope with Maggie nearby. Unfortunately, as comforting as it was to know he could depend on her to get him through today, his child-care problems had to be solved soon. They were scheduled to work tomorrow and he didn’t have any idea what he was going to do with Breanna. It wasn’t as if he could take her to the station with him, but knowing how difficult this whole situation was for his daughter—presumably his daughter—he hated the idea of putting the squirt through another night like last night where she was left once again with strangers.
Where did someone take their child when twenty-four-hour care was necessary?
Hell, maybe he should just call the captain and beg for more vacation time. Idly, he wondered what it would cost him to talk Maggie into doing the same because the idea of spending another entire day on his own was a grim one.
As he glanced at her and saw her delicate brow raised inquisitively, he knew he’d zoned out her question.
“Sorry,” he said, embarrassed she’d caught him daydreaming. “You were saying?”
“I asked if you were rested and refreshed.”
He took mental stock of his body’s aches and pains. “More or less. Why? What do you have planned?”
Her smile slowly spread across her face. “A field trip.”
Immediately, he wondered about the logistics of taking an eleven-month-old anywhere. “Where?”
“To my friend’s house.”
Paying social calls wasn’t on his schedule. At all. “Any particular reason why we’re visiting?” he asked gruffly. “I’d hoped we’d spend the day finding sitters for Breanna. She has to go somewhere tomorrow.”
“I know she does, but I’m not aware of any place nearby that is licensed to keep a child for twenty-four hours at a time. The way I see it, you need an at-home care provider.”
“And where do I find one of those? On short notice?”
She smiled. “Today is your lucky day because that’s where we’re going—to find you a sitter. My friend, Nancy, just moved back to Barton Hills after living in New York for the past several years. She was a nanny for a bank executive until the economy tanked and he lost his job.
“Anyway,” she continued, “Nancy’s looking for another position. I didn’t know if she’d be interested in taking care of Breanna because you won’t need her every day, but I took the liberty of calling her early this morning.”
This was more than good news. It was excellent news—news that exceeded his wildest dreams. “And?” he demanded, half-afraid to hope for the best.
She grinned. “Nancy wants to meet you before she’ll commit, and of course she wants more details about our work schedule and your expectations. As she’s living at home to help her parents remodel, she seemed to like the idea that she’d have more days to herself.”
“She’s reliable?”
“She worked for the same couple for five years and left with a glowing recommendation in her pocket. I’ll warn you, though. She doesn’t come cheap and she’s choosy about her employers.”
At this point, he would pay anything to solve Breanna’s child-care problems. “I’m the one on trial?” he asked wryly.
“I wouldn’t worry too much. I’ll convince her you’re a decent sort.” She grinned.
In light of everything that had happened between them, he was awed by her willingness to help him. “You’d do that? For me?”
“Sure. Why not? We’re partners, remember?” she finished lightly.
Partners. In this one act, Maggie had given new meaning to the word. He stared at her, hardly able to believe his luck. No, Lady Luck wasn’t involved, unless her name was Maggie. Once again, he thanked the Fates for pairing them.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” she demanded. “If you don’t want to take her there, just say—”
“Not want to?” he asked as the weight on his shoulders suddenly lifted. “Of course I do.”
The concern on her face turned to suspicion. “You don’t seem too happy about it. Honestly, if you want to make other arrangements, you won’t hurt my feelings.”
“I don’t want other arrangements,” he said, “and, yes, I’m happy. Deliriously happy. So happy, in fact…” He didn’t give himself time to think about what he was doing, or time to talk himself out of it. He only acted.
He set his mug on the counter, pulled her close and kissed her.
It was supposed to be a simple way of saying thanks—a swift brush of their lips—but once his mouth met hers, his initial intentions fled. After token resistance, she melted against him and only one thought ran through his fevered brain.
This was what he needed. After facing the past he’d buried long ago and dealing with a present that had forced him to fight his demons in a battle he still hadn’t won, kissing Maggie brought him back to life.
Oh, how he wanted to live!
His arms tightened and he greedily consumed her mouth, aware that she responded in kind. No shrinking violet, this Maggie, no half-measures, just pure and honest response. Dimly, he noted her arms wrapping around his neck as they stood with their bodies pressed full length against each other.
He’d kissed other women before, but none of them compared to Maggie. Each feathery stroke of her fingers generated so much heat that he was certain his body temperature had reached a crisis point.
In the background, he heard Breanna banging her cup against the highchair tray as she raised her voice over her own din. He’d been with her long enough to recognize when she was finished eating and would soon be bored. He had a minute at most before she would arch her back and try to escape on her own if left to her own devices.
Slowly, reluctantly, he loosened his hold as necessity demanded, but more than a few inches of distance was impossible. Right now, he couldn’t move; his heart still raced from the adrenalin rush and his breath was ragged.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” she said in a voice holding the same breathless quality as his.
“Probably not.” But, oh, he was glad that they had. Knowledge was power and he felt extremely powerful.
“We can’t do it again.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”
She stared at him as if he had grown an extra eye in the middle of his forehead. “Because it causes extra problems and we have enough on our hands at the moment.”
He liked the way she included herself in the problems facing him. We. He’d never been part of a ‘we’ before. Then again, he’d never allowed anyone to be a part of his life because in the end everyone left.
She continued, “We work together, remember? Fraternization is frowned on.”
“Only if it violates the chain of command,” he said, taking the temperature of this relationship to see if Maggie wanted it to go anywhere, at least temporarily. “As we’re both equals, I’m not your supervisor and you aren’t mine, so whatever we do wouldn’t pose a problem. And our partnership is only temporary. As soon as Robert gets cleared for work, I’ll be going back to Station Two.”
“It’s still frowned on,” she insisted. “We both work the same shift, sleep in the same common room, even if we have a dozen chaperones. The department can’t afford to have any rumors of impropriety circulating.”
Damn! Unfortunately, she had a point. They couldn’t let their hormones lead them around by the nose, although he disagreed with her reason. The ‘work’ factor could be dealt with because the roadblock to their relationship would be removed in a few months. However, the real case against a relationship was that he couldn’t handle long term and from the few details he’d gleaned about her past relationships, Maggie was u
nlikely to settle for anything less.
“It was only a kiss, Maggie.” Even if he wanted it to be more.
“As long as we both understand that.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.” But as he watched her reach out and smooth Breanna’s hair before tickling the little girl under her chin, he wondered if Maggie had been trying to convince herself as much as she’d tried to convince him.
“Speaking of the department,” she began slowly, her expression pensive, “I wonder if leaving Breanna with a sitter so soon after she’s moved in with you is a good idea. Maybe you should take tomorrow off? In fact, you should ask for an entire week. Captain will understand.”
“We’re short-handed,” he reminded her.
“We can pull one of the emergency medical technician firemen to ride with me,” she said. “Last shift I worked with Kevin Running Bear.”
He didn’t like the idea of leaving the department in the lurch. He’d made a personal vow to be dependable and calling in on such short notice didn’t sit well with him. On the flip side, though, he had Breanna to consider. It didn’t seem right for him to disappear so soon after he’d walked into her life. Already he felt the squeeze of choosing between the responsibilities of his career with those of Dee’s daughter. He suddenly developed new respect for the men who managed to juggle both, although those same men with children also had wives or partners to share the load.
“Little Bee will be better off spending the day with your friend, the nanny,” he stated firmly.
“She needs to grow accustomed to you before you introduce her to someone else new.”
“In an ideal situation, yes, but we both know this isn’t ideal,” he said flatly. “Besides, who knows how long it might take for her to realize I’m one of the good guys? You said yourself we couldn’t put a timeframe on her getting acclimated to me. It could happen today and it might take months. I can’t put my life on hold indefinitely.”
Emergency: Parents Needed Page 5
