by Angel Lawson
He nodded in understanding and the tears that had been welling in my eyes for days started to spill. Anderson looked panicked by my sudden burst of emotion but sitting here with him, seeing Hayden—all the bruises and his injuries. It was all too much and I broke.
“Heaven,” he said, tears glistening in his own eyes. In a fuck-it-all move, he reached out for me and pulled me against his chest. It was wrong—so wrong, but it felt perfectly right. His firm chest, the weight of his arms, the thunderous pounding of his heart.
“I shouldn’t have brought it up. Not now,” he said, stroking my hair. “I’m just freaked out about Hayden. What he’s going to do while he recovers and if he’ll ever get to play again. They’re getting more and more strict on the head injuries—as they should—but it’s his whole life, especially since…”
“Since we broke up.” I completed the statement for him. “He has Sabine. He was moving on.”
Anderson grunted, arms tightening around me.
“We agree on one thing then,” I said, my tears having dried on his shirt.
“What’s that?”
“That Hayden is our number one priority.”
He nodded. “Yes, he is.”
Releasing that built-up dam of emotions pushed through my anxiety and I finally felt myself relax. Anderson didn’t move his arms and I slowly felt myself sinking into his side, comfortable for the first time all night.
14
Anderson
I didn’t dare move.
Not an inch.
I couldn’t wake her—not just because she needed sleep, but because the feel of her, the weight of her against my chest, settled me in a way I thought I’d lost forever.
I had zero doubt that once she woke she’d take off…again.
I knew I’d been hard on her the day before. Two years of tension wound into a heightened moment that had been compounded by my fear for Hayden’s health. But when I saw her in that waiting room my insides shattered, every emotion I’d held onto for so long splintering into a million pieces. Anger mixed with sadness, mixed with longing, mixed with desperation…the results weren’t pretty.
Even under the strain of worrying about Hayden, she’d startled me with her beauty. She’d grown from a skinny girl to a curvy woman. Her face looked different; thinner and more defined. Her eyes didn’t carry the tinge of sadness that had lurked there for so many years. She looked good—healthy—and that nearly broke my heart again. She was doing well without us. Maybe better than with us.
And that was the crux of it all…maybe we were all better off separately. It didn’t feel like it, especially not at first. I’d thrown myself into my competitions, channeling the pain into sweat and gold medals. Each win was hollow without her at the end of the pool, but I persevered because I had a dream, with or without her, and failing…that wouldn’t bring her back. Instead I swam each race as a tribute to her strength, fighting every day for her health.
And here she was, healthy. Strong. Sad about our friend, but ultimately strong.
She shifted beneath me, forcing her shirt to rise up, revealing her lower back. Dark marks caught my eye and I strained to get a better look.
A tattoo.
I blinked, reconciling that Heaven had a tattoo, and carefully lifted her shirt a bit higher. I realized quickly that it was a scattering of stars, a constellation.
I grazed my fingers over each one, counting the number over and over again.
There were five.
She moved beneath me and I willed my body to behave. I glued my hands to the edge of the couch, away from her soft skin, and made myself relish in this one moment, fascinated by the fact I’d learned something new about her. What else did I not know? How much had she changed?
It broke my heart knowing she’d moved on without me—us—but it also made me proud.
15
Heaven
The hospital doors slid open and we entered the building with considerably less tension than when we left the day before.
We’re both avoiding the way we woke up, groggy and intertwined on the couch. Anderson blinked at me, like he was surprised to see me there, and I pretended I didn’t feel the natural presence of his hard length between us.
“Uh, sorry,” I mumbled, scrambling off the couch and into the bathroom to change. In my mind, I prepared a dozen statements for when I reentered the room, but he just handed me a coffee and a bagel with peanut butter, exactly how I like them, and slipped into a silent agreement not to mention it again.
Times like this, I truly appreciated Anderson’s stubbornness. It made denial so much easier.
“So, we’ll meet with the doctor and then what?” I asked, entering the elevator.
“Hopefully get a plan together.” He leaned against the wall. “I don’t know if he’ll want to stay here while he recovers or…”
“Or what?”
The elevator doors opened, and standing just outside are two familiar faces. My heart seized and I wipe my palms on my pants. This couldn’t be happening.
Jackson greeted me with a lazy smile before pulling Anderson into a hug. Oliver watched me carefully while exchanging a bro-handshake with Anderson.
“What are you doing here?” I finally asked when I was able to find my voice. I hadn’t been in the room with this many Allendale boys in a long time.
“These guys have some ideas about Hayden’s treatment,” Anderson said.
“You talked?” I asked him, feeling a bit betrayed. Anderson and I had spent most of the last two days together.
Jackson shrugged. “Anderson’s been giving us updates. It gave us time to make arrangements at the gym and get out here.”
We entered the small private waiting area outside Hayden’s room and I felt like an observer in this surreal situation. What happened to our rules? The agreement for space? Did it all go out the window if one of us needed help?
I knew the answer to that and it left me unreasonably conflicted.
The door opened and all eyes shifted to Sabine walking through, ear to her phone. She passed us without much of a glance.
“Have you seen him yet?” Anderson asked Oliver and Jackson.
Oliver replied, “No, they were doing some tests and asked us to wait. How’s he doing?”
I waited for the tears to well in my eyes again but to my surprise, there were none. It was likely I’d spent them all the night before during my breakdown. “He’s okay,” I said. “A little confused—I think it’s from the concussion. His body is beat up pretty badly and he’ll have to stay off his ankle, but I guess it could be worse.”
I heard a snort from across the room. We all turned. Sabine rolled her eyes. “Worse? How could this be worse? He’s missing the final games, including whatever shot they still have at the finals. Then every event we’ve had on our calendar will have to be cancelled. But the biggest thing is, if he doesn’t make it to pre-season practice on June first, they will give his spot to someone else.”
Jackson, adept at hiding his true feelings behind his handsome face, arranged his expression into something neutral. He stepped forward and said, “I’m Jackson Hall. This is Anderson, Oliver, and Heaven.”
“Oh, I know who you are,” she replied and cut Anderson a glance. “Friends—not family like you told the doctor.”
“We’re on the paperwork,” Anderson replied calmly.
“Well, that was a mistake. I’m his girlfriend,” Sabine said, “and physical therapist. There are protocols for a reason.”
I tried to follow Jackson’s lead with my expression but there’s no doubt I made a sound. A squeak. A growl? Something, and a warm hand landed on my shoulder.
“Sabine, right?” Jackson asked, knowing her name already. He could be such a brat. I loved him for it. “I’ve seen you on the sidelines of the games and in the tabloids.”
Her cheeks flushed at that little tidbit and she smiled again. “Therapist for the last eighteen months. Girlfriend for six. And yeah, Hayden’s a very popular a
thlete, the media can’t get enough of him, which means we also have a lot of obligations socially and for his endorsements. His injuries are going to cause a problem.”
“A problem?” I blurted. “Because you can’t go to a party or something? He’s hurt and needs time to heal and hopefully get back on the field.”
Sabine stiffened. “I know what he needs. I’m his physical therapist. I’ve helped him through dozens of injuries over the past year.” Her eyebrows raised. “What have you been here for and do you have any idea, the slightest concept, of the sacrifices he’s had to make because of his relationship with the four of you?”
It was a direct hit, with the implication she knew exactly who I was and the others and how much my absence, in particular, was noted. Before I could respond, Hayden’s doctor appeared in the doorway, forcing us all to settle down for the moment.
“Doctor,” Anderson said, walking over and shaking his hand. “How is he today?”
“He’s making decent progress. His mind is a little clearer. He’s still in a lot of pain from the injuries though, mostly the ribs.” He glanced around the room. “Hayden has asked that you all attend the meeting about his treatment plan.”
“Everyone?” Sabine asked. “Why would all of you need to be there?”
“Because,” Oliver said, quietly, “he asked. Despite what you may think, Hayden is our family and we’re here to take care of him in any way he needs.”
“But...”
Jackson gave her a sympathetic grin and threw an arm around her shoulder. “Don’t see it as a threat, Sabine. Understand it for what it is. You don’t just date Hayden. You get all of us in the package, like it or not.”
The doctor opened the door and Jackson led Sabine through. Anderson followed, leaving me and Oliver last. Rage at Sabine boiled under my skin. Possessive, violent, rage. Oliver looked me over. “Are you going to be able to do this?”
For Hayden? “Yes, that girl just gets under my skin.”
“Mine, too,” he said, reaching for my hand. Probably out of instinct. I didn’t push him away. “But something tells me she didn’t quite know what she was getting into when she started dating Hayden.”
“You mean his baggage?”
He smiled grimly and led me through the door. “I mean all of our baggage.”
Bryant, the agent, with his carefully constructed hair and smile, was already in the room. He greeted each of us, shaking hands and introducing himself to Oliver and Jackson.
The room felt tight with all of us in it, and my hyperawareness of being so close to all my boys again rocked me. I vaguely recalled greeting Hayden and taking his hand as Sabine took the spot across from me. Her eyes flicked at our hands. I knew I should let go, give her the role of devoted girlfriend, but he clung to me like a lifeline.
“Hayden wanted me to share the details of his injuries with the people he feels will be integral to his treatment,” the doctor explained. He mentioned the concussion and swelling in the brain. The need for time and healing.
Hayden’s fingers were the only thing that told me how panicked he was about the information. The slow stroke of his thumb as the doctor spoke. I stole a glance at his face, and underneath the stoic expression was a man terrified his career—his dream—was over.
I fought back on my own wave of emotions—the sadness and fear. How overwhelmed I was to be back in the room with them, and focused on the man that needed me—needed us.
“At the very least you’re out the rest of the season, Mr. Pierce. At best…well, we need to see how your therapy goes. I’m hopeful that with enough care you can make a full recovery.”
“And you think he can make that recovery by June?”
It was early April, so that only really gave him eight weeks. The doctor hesitated but said, “Hayden will have to follow the therapy closely. No pushing. No slacking.”
Only the medication dulled the reaction on Hayden’s face, his hand clenching mine at the news. Soccer was his life—his passion--and the idea of giving up wouldn’t be an easy one to swallow.
“Got it, Doc,” he said. “I’m committed.”
“And if he doesn’t make a full recovery by then?” Sabine asked.
“We’ll play that by ear,” Bryant said quickly.
Oliver cleared his throat. “Since three of us still live in Allendale, we’d like to propose that Hayden return home with us as he recovers. He can use our facility for therapy. He can live with me and Jackson. Anderson’s father is orchestrating a transfer to the university hospital right now.”
“What?” Sabine blurted.
Bryant’s calm demeanor shifted just a little. “I’m not sure taking him away from the doctors and trainers he’s used to is a good idea, do you, Doctor?”
“Well, I do like the idea of Hayden having a strong support network and being in a familiar place. Getting away from the city could do you some good.” The doctor looked up from his papers. “What do you think?”
At first Hayden didn’t answer, his eyed shifting from Bryant to Oliver, struggling with the two options. I squeezed his hand, hoping to show support. It was his decision but I knew I could be more helpful if he was back home.
“Hayden…” Bryant said, clearly not wanting to discuss this in front of us. “Maybe we should take a minute to think it over. Go over all the options.”
When Hayden replied, his words came out a bit slow but his intent was clear. “I think it would be for the best. I trust the hospital and I know I’ll be in good hands with these guys.”
“What? You want to move across the country?” Sabine asked, barely above a whisper.
Bryant rubbed his chin. “You are an owner in the A5 gym. Maybe it would be a good show for you to spend your recovery there. Boost the visibility of the facility.”
Jackson rolled his eyes but said nothing.
Again, Hayden his thumb swiped against my palm and a shiver ran down my spine. I looked up and Anderson watched us closely, a thin line slashed across his forehead. Our eyes met for a brief moment and my neck flared with heat. Hayden and Sabine fell into a discussion. I felt caught in a battle I hadn’t agreed to. Slowly I extracted my hand and moved to exit the room.
Oliver grabbed my arm. “Hey, everything okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I just need a little air.”
“We don’t expect you to help, only if you want, when you want.”
And there it was.
“Of course. I’m happy to do anything it takes to get Hayden back to one hundred percent. You let me know where I fit into the plan.”
It came out harsher than I wanted, but the emotion of it all crashed over me. Where did I fit into this? I’d woken up in Anderson’s arms, but he’d barely spoken to me all day. I’d only just opened up a tentative relationship with Oliver and Jackson. I thought we may hang out occasionally. Grab a drink—move on from the past. I thought this would happen on my terms and on my time.
But now?
I took a last look at Hayden in the bed, his gray eyes sweeping the room for me and stopping when he spotted me at the door. Sabine still spoke into his ear, the doctor huddled with Anderson and Jackson.
Oliver watched me with pained, worried eyes.
It wasn’t the first time the feeling had overtaken me and I was now certain it wouldn’t be the last.
Entering the circle of the Allendale Four wasn’t a temporary thing.
It was for life.
16
Hayden
“I think Hayden has had enough visitors for now,” the nurse firmly announced shortly after the doctor left the room. “Let him have a little rest.”
“Later, man,” Jackson said, gripping my hand. “We’ll be back tonight.”
“Can you bring me some tacos?”
“Yep.” He nodded at Oliver. “A whole bag.”
“Thanks.” My head pounded with every word. Not to mention the ache in my side and the throbbing of my ankle. “For coming and setting up everything back home. Not just the t
acos.”
“You got it. We’ll get you back on the field. Challenge accepted,” Oliver said and bumped my fist.
I nodded then shifted my eyes to Anderson. “Tell your dad thanks, too, okay?”
“I will.” The others left the room and gave Anderson space by the bed. “I know it’s been weird for you to come back home after your parents moved overseas and, you know,” his eyes flicked at Bryant and Sabine, huddled in the corner talking, “everything else.”
“My mom called today and tried to come over here. I was a hard no on that. She’ll just stress me out.”
“I hear that.”
“Did you two get along last night? Everything go okay?” I didn’t say her name. Not in front of Sabine or Bryant. I’d already seen the disapproval in their eyes.
“Okay. We had a heart-to-heart at 3 a.m. because she was being stubborn about sleeping on the couch.” He shook his head in annoyance. “But I think we needed to clear the air. Maybe you two should talk. It may help with some of the unresolved feelings.”
I simply nodded, not committing one way or the other. Anderson didn’t push. Especially about this, but my relationship with Sabine was public enough, intentionally so, that they were aware of her. I used that relationship now to create a buffer between Heaven and myself—or I tried to. The medication and stress of the morning made me forget for a minute and I found myself holding her hand, feeling her soft skin.
Anderson leaned down and said, “Did you know she had a tattoo?”
“No.” My heart skipped a beat. “Where?”
“Lower back. Five stars.”
No. I did not know that and now I had a million questions.
Bryant caught my eye and cleared his voice, interrupting our conversation. Anderson caught the hint and said, “I’ll come back with the guys later. Take a nap, you still look like shit.”
