by Angel Lawson
“Is she why you got back on the field too soon last time?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I had clearance but yeah, maybe. She and I both were afraid I’d lose my position if I didn’t commit one hundred percent. That means working my ass off, cultivating social exposure, delivering for my endorsements.”
“That’s a big burden. Where does what you want come into play?”
“What I want?” I laughed. “I stopped thinking about what I wanted a long time ago.”
RJ ran a hand through his hair. “That’s no way to live, man. I get it. I really get it, but don’t let the machine take over your life.”
I raised my eyebrows. Easier said than done. RJ was young, powerful for his age. He didn’t have injuries to contend with and a dozen athletes willing to kill for his spot on the team. I did have one question, though. “Did Heaven tell you everything about our relationship?”
RJ paused. “You mean how it involved you and the other guys?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, she did.”
“Did she tell you about her past—some of the more private things?”
“A little. I don’t pry.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “If the press digs around on her background it would be bad for her. I’m doing everything I can to keep her out of it.”
“What do you mean, everything?” he asked.
I shrugged, not wanting to be specific. “She’s better off without me, that’s all.”
“Even if you still care for her?”
Instead of answering, I grabbed a towel and wiped my face.
RJ sighed. “I don’t know if I could do it, but what you have; your friendships and your respect for one another. That’s once in a lifetime shit, dude.”
He offered me his hand again and I shook it, arms shaking from exertion. “Let me know if you need a workout partner. I’m around and willing.”
“I will,” I said. “And thanks. For the spot and the talk.”
He grinned, one that was worth the salary they were paying him on the show, and I sat on the bench until he left the room. I felt better having spoken to someone—saying all of that out loud—I knew I was making the right decision. Keeping Heaven safe had always been my priority.
And it always would be.
38
Heaven
I’d adapted to coming and going from Oliver’s house quicker than I expected. Probably because it was habit from back in high school, coming over to the property to visit him at his apartment. Or because the house was luxurious; with every possible need met, from kitchen appliance to electronic. When Anderson let us know his qualifiers would be live-streamed, Oliver set up the system and asked everyone to come over.
He invited Amber, who was still in town planning for the wedding that was now in three weeks. Her mother had taken charge, leaving her annoyed and frustrated. She’d hit Oliver’s bar hard and fast, dulling the anxious energy she’d been holding after a full day of cake tastings and wine selection.
I’d also invited Lea and RJ, both happy to get out of their bubble and away from prying eyes. They were adorable, clearly falling in love, and their energy was infectious, especially now that I wasn’t fighting my attraction to Oliver and Jackson.
Hayden had come reluctantly, irritable and exhausted. I kept my distance—tired of fighting against him. I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to win him over. He had to figure it out on his own. In or out. As much as it hurt, I wasn’t going to risk what I had with the others.
I was out on the patio with Lea and Amber before the game started, discussing wedding plans.
“My mom is okay with me marrying a woman. She swears she knew I was gay long before I did.” She shrugs and sips her drink. “Maybe it’s true. Did you think I was gay, Heaven?”
“No, but I wasn’t surprised when you and Ginger started dating.”
“It’s amazing you found your soul mate so soon,” Lea said. “I mean not as early as Heaven here, but college.”
I rolled my eyes at the soul mate thing. The jury was still out on that one. We were making baby steps but I had a good feeling about at least Oliver and Jackson. They seemed committed in a way that felt more intense than before.
“Well, I know Allendale seems like a little Mayberry-ish, nice town but not everyone here is so open-minded. I don’t think I would’ve had the guts to come out in high school. Look at what Heaven went through.” She gave me a sympathetic grin. “To be honest, we’ve been quiet at all the vendors about details. A few are down in Oceanside and you know how they can be.”
I definitely knew. Oceanside was where the rumors about me and Justin went wild. Close to my father’s church with their antiquated ideas about women and sexuality. “I wouldn’t push it either,” I admitted. “Oh, did I tell you who we saw a few weeks ago?”
“No.”
“Spencer.” I said his name quietly.
Amber’s jaw dropped. “No. Way.”
I nodded. “Jackson was with me, but we didn’t tell the other guys.”
“Afraid they’d go down and kick his ass?”
“Who’s Spencer?” Lea asked, looking between us.
“Spencer’s the worst,” Amber said. “A harasser and an abuser. He was the one that bullied Heaven so bad in high school. He tried to attack her.” She glanced at me. “Did Jackson tear him apart?”
“No, actually,” I said with a small smile, “I did. I punched him.”
“Oh my God!”
“He was just as disgusting as before. He’s learned nothing.”
“Who knew being in a small town would be so exciting?” Lea asked. “I grew up in Portland. We just, you know, did normal stuff.”
“Yeah but your normal stuff led you to that hottie in there,” Amber said, raising her eyebrows at the guys in the other room.
RJ sat on the couch in front of the massive TV, talking to the guys about sports. He looked like he fit in. Definitely could have been one of the Allendale boys in high school.
Lea looked at Amber and asked, “Since Heaven will only give me the basic details, tell me, what were they really like in high school?”
“The Allendale Four?” Amber asks, eyeing the three at the party. “First of all, they were not my type.”
“Obviously,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I’m just saying I wasn’t one of their groupies, but,” she said, pinching me on the arm, “they were a definitely a band of their own. Hot, athletic, smart, popular—and by popular, I mean, above popularity. They didn’t have time for anyone other than themselves. Well, not until Heaven decided to break into their group and dismantle the school hierarchy in the process.”
“I didn’t break the school.”
“She totally broke the school. Turned everyone on their head. She got the Allendale Four. She won their hearts. She called out the bullies like Spencer and made them pay.”
“Damn, Heaven you were bad-ass.”
I shook my head, feeling like Amber was recreating history. “Well, they helped me, too. I was in a pretty dark place.”
“Well, I’ve been around these three enough to get why you were into them, but tell me about Anderson,” Lea said. “He’s an enigma.”
“Oh, he’s totally an enigma,” Amber said, sucking on an ice cube. “Even when you get to know him.”
“How so?”
“Well, he’s ridiculously good-looking, but you know that. I mean, his body is a fucking work of art. Like God chiseled him out of some kind of genetically enhanced marble. Wing-span like you wouldn’t believe. But he’s also super smart and incredibly motivated and loyal. But don’t forget stubborn. A complete pain in the ass.”
“Amber—” I warned. “He’s not that bad.”
“He’s definitely that bad.” She grinned and then whispered, not so quietly, “He was Heaven’s first.”
“First what?” Lea asked, slow on the uptake.
“Love. Lover. Whatever you want to call it. They’d been lusting after on
e another since middle school. The boys…they fell for Heaven later, but Anderson, he always knew.”
“Dude,” I muttered. “Too much.”
Amber took another sip of her drink, obviously not caring about revealing everything in my life. “He saved her life. Literally.”
Lea’s eyes widened. I’d told her I suffered from depression. About the cutting, but not about the boys and how they’d rescued me, time and time again. Those feelings were still a little raw, even after all this time.
I made eye contact with Jackson across the room and tilted my head at Amber. “Help,” I mouthed. She was stressed. Tipsy. She’d regret this tomorrow.
Jackson, always there when I needed him, assessed the situation quickly and swooped in. “Amber, have you seen Oliver’s wine cellar? His father spent decades collecting from all over the world. Come on, I bet he’ll give you a bottle for the wedding. Oh! Or maybe champagne for the honeymoon.” He doesn’t wait for a response, just easing her away from me and refocusing her.
Lea gave me an apologetic smile. “Sorry if she went too far. I wasn’t trying to be that intrusive.”
“It’s okay. She’s just had a long week. Her mom can be a little intense, I can’t even imagine what mine would be like planning a wedding.” I took a sip of my own drink, thinking about it. That was the first time she’d mentioned any concern about having a same-sex wedding in the area. I wondered if something happened.
“So if all that’s true about Anderson, then why haven’t you repaired your relationship like you have with Oliver and Jackson?”
“Well,” I said, weighing my words, “Amber may have a point about that stubbornness and pain in the ass thing.”
“You think he won’t want to take you back? Do you want him to?”
I glanced at Oliver, who saw me and gave me a slow, sexy grin. “Things are different now, and that’s not necessarily a good thing when it comes to Anderson. He doesn’t like change and things have definitely evolved between me and the guys. This new situation with me, Oliver, and Jackson isn’t the same as it was before. And I’m not sure where Anderson will fit in—if he ever will, or if he’ll ever want to.” I sighed. “I also think he’s waiting for an apology.”
“From who?”
“Me. He thinks I abandoned him—them. And I really don’t know if that’s true, but he thinks it is and well…stubborn pain in the ass.”
“Heaven!” Oliver called my name from across my room. He held up his phone. “I’m calling Anderson before his race. You want to talk to him? I know you guys had some kind of pre-meet ritual. Maybe it’s time to reinstate it.”
“Here’s your chance,” Lea said with a smile. She and Oliver didn’t know that pre-meet ritual was me giving Anderson an earth-shattering blow job, but still, the sentiment was nice. I squeezed Lea on the shoulder and walked across the room.
I let Oliver talk first, getting Anderson on the first ring. He used Face Time and ducked into the butler’s pantry adjacent to the kitchen for some privacy. I heard laughter and some good-natured ribbing. Oliver only wanted the best for Anderson and he knew how to help him get psyched for the race. When he handed me the phone and I stepped into the quiet pantry, I only hoped I didn’t ruin it.
“Hey,” I said, feeling a rush at seeing him. I saw the collar of his swimmer’s coat, lined to keep his muscles warm. His hair stuck up like always, wild despite his reserved nature. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good,” he said. His green eyes softened when he saw me. “I feel prepared and my conditioning has been going well. I’ve been carb-loading for fuel. I think I may burst.”
“I saw the photo of you eating that plate of spaghetti on Instagram.”
His forehead creased. “You on social media now?”
“No, Amber showed me.”
“Ah, of course.”
“It was cute and made me a little sick looking at it. I wish we could be there.” The qualifiers were in Toronto. “But you should see this set-up Oliver has. It’ll be like we’re in the aquatic center with you.”
“I wish you were here, too,” he said quietly. “I know the last few times we were together, things were tense. That was on me, Heaven. I needed to process some things, you know.”
“Hey, do not stress about that now. You and I are good.”
His lips quirked into a grin. “Yeah?”
“Definitely. We’ll get together soon. For the wedding, and we can talk about everything then.”
“I’d like that.”
A dirty thought entered my mind and I couldn’t help myself. “If I was there, I’d wish you luck like the old days.”
His eyebrows raised. “That…that would be…wow.”
“But I’m not there, so all I can say is good luck and I’ll see you soon.”
“Thanks, Heaven. That means almost as much as lucky head.”
“Kick some ass, Anderson.”
I stepped out of the room and handed the phone over to Jackson, who waited for me on the other side. He watched me carefully, knowing good and well that conversation could have imploded, but I kissed him on the cheek and walked back into the party.
Lea waited for me in the kitchen with a drink ready. “How did it go?”
“Pretty good.”
“Maybe there’s hope for that one after all.”
Maybe there was.
39
Heaven
With only a few days left before the wedding, Amber had her hands full with her mom, so I offered to head down to Oceanside to check on the chair rentals.
“I’ll come too,” Oliver said over breakfast.
“Don’t you have to work? I thought Jackson said you had a meeting today with that new trainer.”
He shrugged. “We do, but he can handle it.”
The change was subtle and neither of us made a big deal about it, but it was a big deal. Oliver had chained himself to that gym for the past two years. Ever since we broke through our issues, there’d been a loosening of control. He went in a little later, took longer lunches, let the trainers and managers take on more responsibility. The result was that he seemed way less stressed and more relaxed.
He stood and grabbed his plate, kissing me on the cheek. “Let me go call him. I’ll be ready in about thirty minutes.”
I watched him go, feeling my heart pound as he walked down the hallway. The last few weeks had been pretty amazing. The three of us eased into our relationship with renewed passion and open minds while also a sense of comfort and rightness.
Two years of celibacy created a hunger in both of them that could not be satiated, but I tried, man I tried. But we all felt the burning, hot and intense.
My phone buzzed on the table and I picked it up.
Anderson.
“Hey,” I said, answering his video call. He was bright-eyed already. His hair was held back with a pair of blue goggles and already wet.
“Hi.”
“Done with your conditioning already?”
“Yep. Last one before I get on the plane.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you at Oliver’s?”
“Yeah I am. We just had breakfast and have a few errands to run for Amber.”
“You got him to skip work today?” His eyebrows shot to his forehead in surprise.
“Right?” I laughed. “I’m trying to get him out of here before he figures it out and changes his mind.”
“If his options are spending the day with you or going to work, I think the choice is pretty obvious.”
I smiled at the compliment. “I really can’t wait to see you. One of us will be at the airport at six, okay?”
He nodded. “Thanks. The weather looks good so I’m hoping for no delays. We’ve been having crazy thunderstorms lately.”
“We’ll keep an eye on it.”
Someone shouted in the background and he looked over, telling them to give him a minute. “I need to run, but one thing…”
“What’s that?”
“Any chance you can be the one to
pick me up?”
I didn’t fight the smile. “I’ll try my best.”
Oliver walked in as we hung up, wearing a clean T-shirt and hip-hugging jeans, and he noticed my grin. “What made you so happy?”
“Anderson. We’ve been talking a little lately. He seems…less hostile. A little more receptive, I think.”
He leaned on the counter. “Have you told him about us?”
“He knew I was here.”
“Does he know about, you know, the three of us?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t told Anderson that Jackson, Oliver, and I were exploring new sides to our relationship. “I will, though. In person.”
He crossed the room and slipped his arms around my waist. “You don’t have to have that conversation alone, you know that, right?”
“I do, but thank you for saying it. We can play it by ear. The one thing I don’t want is a bunch of drama for Amber’s wedding. I’m happy to keep everything low-key until it’s over.”
He kissed my forehead. He smelled like shaving cream and detergent. “How’d you get so smart?”
“Juggling four temperamental men has taught me a lot about patience and timing.”
“Hmm, speaking of, do you think we have time to head back to bed?”
I kissed his chin. “Nope. But maybe if we get done early, I can see if it’ll fit in the schedule this afternoon.”
He laughed and squeezed me in his muscular arms. “I love you, Heaven Reeves. I never stopped.”
I rested my head on his chest. “I never did either.”
Pulling onto the main road leading into Oceanside always gave me mixed emotions. I had fond memories of the beach as a kid. My friendship with Justin and even the early years of going to my father’s church. Then everything shifted. My father was banished—sent to evangelize around the country. My mother and I were forced to move, humiliated and ostracized by the very church that had been the center of our universe. Years later, Justin and I made the deal that set me on a life-changing course. Two blocks away was the house we’d been in when we faked having sex during a party to hide his sexuality.
