by Lisa Daniels
She mumbled something into his hand.
He glared down at her before removing his hand. Bree sat up, “I’m sorry.” Once the words were out, the indifference settled back in, and she looked away.
For several minutes the only sound was that of the meat and fire. Once it was done, Calixto put it on a make-shift plate and put it down beside Bree. He began to eat his own.
Bree looked at him, then at her plate, but found she did not want to eat. The pain that had woken her was growing steadily worse. Without touching her food, Bree stood up and began to walk toward a dim light, thinking that movement would distract her form the pain.
An arm wrapped around her as she shuffled through the cave. “I don’t know what it is you are doing, but stop it.” Calixto picked her up and took her back to the fire. He was less than gentle as he dropped her back on the blankets next to her food and sat back in his seat, his face cold and dispassionate.
For a second, Bree wanted to hurt him, she wanted to wrap him in flames and force him to leave her. As soon as the thought occurred to her, a tear ran down her face. Moving closer to him, she put her head on his shoulder and held onto his arm. She felt his body tense, but he did not say a word. After a pause, he resumed eating.
“You need to eat something.”
Bree did not respond.
“Sorceress, you need to eat something.”
Bree did not move.
Calixto tried to shake her off of his arm, “It has been over three days since you ate. Eat.” He held a piece of food near her. Still Bree did not move. Though it was awkward, Calixto pulled her mouth open and pushed the food into it. He closed her mouth too. The woman remained motionless apart from his actions.
Suddenly the room became incredibly hot, causing her wound to burn more. Calixto stood up quickly, finally getting Bree off of his arm. “How am I supposed to react to this?” His voice was full of anger and resentment.
Bree stared at the wall, “Leave.”
The man made a frustrated noise. Bree knew that was what he must have done, but from her hazy thoughts his reaction sounded like the roar of a dragon. Slowly she turned her head to look at him.
He got down in front of her, his red eyes full of pain and anger, “If I had any choice, I would. But you have already seen for yourself what was started. I have as much ability to walk away as you do to cease being a sorceress.”
Her eyes looked into his, “I would stop being one if I could.”
It was like a cold bucket of water had been dumped on him. Running a hand through his hair, Calixto sat down, the rage subsiding. “Is that what this is about?”
Bree blinked a few times, but said nothing.
A warm hand turned her face to look at him, “Are you honestly sitting here right now wishing that you weren’t what you are?”
It was an inelegant question, but there was no way to mistake what he meant.
Bree frowned, “It would be better if I could be something else.”
Calixto snorted, “And it would be better if there were more hours in the day, but that isn’t going to change anything. There’s no point in regretting the impossible.”
“I don’t need to regret what I am because I have enough to regret with what I’ve done.”
Whatever Calixto was about to say, he swallowed it. She could feel his anger rising again, though she did not know why this time.
“Regret is a luxury for creatures like us. It is why you have to spend more time choosing a path.” Calixto managed to sound calm as he spoke.
Bree sighed, “I was bored.”
The young woman could feel him tensing as soon as the words were out of her mouth.
He took a moment to measure his words, “So we are in hiding because you got bored and took on something that you shouldn’t. Keep living like that and you won’t be living much longer.”
“I’m ok with that.” The words flowed out without her having to think about them.
Calixto grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him, “I’m not ready to die yet. I have an entire clan that I need to take care of, and yet I am here with you. Your death is not something I can accept.”
“It will free you.”
“No, it won’t. I will die before you.”
Bree held back her reply, that it was his choice and that death was another type of freedom. However, the look in his eyes made her stop. Instead of continuing on with what she wanted, Bree decided to tell him what she knew.
Her eyes looked up for a moment, then they returned to his. The man had not moved, his face frozen like a statue as he waited for her response.
“The entire world knows how powerful my kind were, yet they believe that their decision that we should go extinct was what lead to the drastic decline of our kind.”
Calixto took a deep breath, his eyes flashing, but he said nothing.
“But other species never understood about us. Most species feared us. Then you had things like humans and orcs who feared and envied us. In the end, we were the only ones who could control us. Even back then, shifters were on our sides.” She looked at him to see if he knew that.
Instead of answering that, Calixto asked, “How do you know that? Is that knowledge passed down through generations?”
Bree laughed, then pointed to her head, “It’s written in here. When my powers became evident, it was like an entire tome was just dropped into my mind. It had virtually everything in it, and I never had to learn a thing.”
Calixto shook his head, “I know many people who would love to have that ability.”
Bree gave a faint smile, “Yes, I thought it was nice too. At least at first. But you know, if we hadn’t accepted that we shouldn’t exist, we would not have died out. It was not the decision by others that persuaded us of this, but the deep understanding we had of what we could do without meaning to or without wanting to. We can extend our lives for millennia, yet we chose death.” Calixto watched her, his fiery eyes dancing in the light. “It was guilt and fear of ourselves that led to our decline. I did not understand it at first because I could use it to help Annora and my friends to do better. But slowly, I learned just how dangerous it could be, and how even the most powerful are sometimes powerless. I seriously injured Annora once when I was just learning how strong my magic was. She was teaching me self-defense and I was using my wind swords. They cut right through-”
Calixto stopped her, “That was your problem right there. You let a human woman teach you how to fight. It was risky to use real weapons between the two of you.”
Very slowly Bree took a breath as she forced herself to remain calm, “I don’t know anyone who is better with a sword than Annora.”
Calixto gave her a look, “Then you clearly have not known many good fighters.”
Bree’s eyebrow rose, “You judge my friend based on the fact that she is a human woman?”
Calixto shrugged, “I’ve never heard nor seen anything to contradict my opinion of them.”
Bree felt the grin inch across her face, “Shall I tell you how many dragons my fragile feminine human friend has killed?”
She enjoyed watching as the color drained from his face.
Bree thought she understood what he felt, “By the time I learned about my abilities, she had already killed two of them. I could think of no one better to teach me how to use a sword. And there was no risk of …. distraction either for her or me. Or at least I thought there wouldn’t have been-”
Calixto stopper her, “How many dragons has she killed?”
Bree frowned. “Are you doubting that she has killed any?”
He shook his head, “If you say she has killed them, I have no doubt that it is true. How many?”
Bree pursed her lips, “To be honest, I could not tell you. I do not approve of her work, and she does not approve of mine.” Bree thought that she saw a look of relief pass through his eyes, but she continued. “To avoid fighting, we simply avoid talking about it. I know for certain that she has killed a
t least six, including the one that killed one of our friends. To be honest, I doubt she could tell you how many she has killed. She doesn’t do it for the glory, the money, or the fame –obviously since no one even knows about her.”
“I apologize for interrupting. I did not mean to slight your friend. And yet, despite having killed two dragons, you bested her as she taught you?”
Bree frowned, “No, I did not best her. I did not understand the power behind the swords I used, so when I brought it down on her sword, it cut all the way through, and sliced her leg. Before she could see the extent of the damage, I forced her into a sleep and repaired it. She always thought that she fainted from the pain because I never had the courage to tell her otherwise.”
Bree paused to talk about the one thing that she had never told anyone before. Whatever she may have felt for Calixto, she knew she owed him the truth, he needed to understand why he had to let her go. “It wasn’t long after that when one of our friends decided to become a dragon slayer. He died about a year later, despite all of the magic I had worked to protect him. He never had any aptitude for it, but Nyle was desperately in love with Annora. He never said exactly why he felt that becoming a dragon slayer was the answer, but I think he just wanted to be close to her. At first I laughed off the idea and told him if he wanted to be with Annora, then he needed to ask her to marry him. My words couldn’t sway him. Somewhere in that thick skull of his, he figured fighting dragons was easier than trying to convince Annora to settle down. Gods, but I got mad at Annora after that. I yelled at her and told her she was being irresponsible to let him think that he could do it. I said a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, knowing how it turned out. Naya has always blamed Annora for her brother’s death, but I know that Annora feels far worse. I doubt she will ever forgive herself, and one day she’s going to …” Bree shook her head and gave a sad laugh, “He was such a wonderful foolish boy. If he hadn’t been so obviously in love with Annora, I think I might have considered a more normal life. Not that he ever looked at me that way. And I’ve no doubt that I would have made him miserable because he always said that my smile was painful to look at. I didn’t get an explanation about what he meant until after he died,” she swallowed and looked up to fight back the tears.” I tried to bring him back afterwards, you know, because all of the knowledge was there.”
She refused to look at Calixto because Bree knew just how horrifying the idea of bringing back the dead was to those who understood what it meant and the history of the magic behind it.
“Of course, I didn’t tell anyone because there was always a chance that I wouldn’t succeed. It was ridiculously irresponsible,” she laughed, “but I didn't care. I could have ended the world and no one would have known what happened. Doesn’t that make me a terrible creature.” A tear rolled down her cheek.
She felt a warm hand on her, yet she refused to look at the man as he spoke, “It made you desperate. When creatures with power feel hurt, it is the responsibility of those around them to help them get through it.”
Bree looked at Calixto, “And when they don’t know?” His eyes weren’t warm, but they didn’t seem as cruel.
He squeezed her hand, “You have to learn to trust them enough that they can be there to help you.”
Bree shook her head, “I didn’t want to be dissuaded. I’m sure that Naya would have agreed to it because Nyle was the only family she had left. Saskia and Annora would have forbid it though. Well, Annora was in no state to do anything afterward. The dragon had nearly gutted her and I was just barely able to keep her from passing over. I don’t know what it was about the dragon, but the wound it left was not normal. There was some strong magic at work, though I had no knowledge of it. I still don’t know how it managed to make the wound open weeks after the injury. But, gods, was she a force to be reckoned with as soon as she could stand up. I have not seen her very often since then because-” Bree shrugged. “It is enough to know that she is well and to see her smile from time to time.”
Calixto waited for Bree to return to the point of her story. It was obvious that the whole thing was difficult to recount and the regret was etched all over her face.
Bree pursed her lips, cleared her throat, and looked at the ceiling again, “There was no reason to tell them what I planned to do. Nyle’s body was….not pretty. They never saw it because I took care of everything after he died. Saskia and Naya accepted his death after I told them that I had taken care of his remains. I never had to tell Annora because she already knew. I don’t know how because he left her in a building after she was hurt, so there is no way she could have seen what happened to him. But she knew. It was all she would talk about as I tried to keep her alive.”
Bree licked her lips and unsuccessfully fought to keep the tears from progressing down her cheeks. Running a hand over her mouth, she continued, “So I decided that the only way to fix everything was to bring him back. Annora was the only one who had any idea about the extent of my powers anyway, so there was no point in telling the others what I planned to do because they would not have understood. I hardly remember anything after making that decision. I knew it was wrong, so I basically shut off my brain to keep myself from thinking about it. The first thing that I remember after making that decision was the look in his eyes, the pain and regret that filled them. It broke my heart to look at that beautiful face again. ‘You can’t do this,’ his voice was as gentle and sweet as when he had been alive. Of course, I didn’t fully understand what he meant and I told him that clearly I could. He shook his head and held out his hand. I grabbed it and immediately started to cry. He pulled me to his chest and told me ‘You can’t do this to yourself. You already hide too much pain behind your smile.’ I said something stupid like ‘I just want you back.’ He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head, ‘I know, but you can’t have that without losing yourself. Power can be used to prevent death and minimize pain, but you cannot reverse it. You have to let me go.’ I bawled into his chest because I felt like if I did let him go, I was killing him all over again, and I told him that. ‘Three wars. There were three wars started because of this magic. You may save me now only to lose me tomorrow, along with everyone we love. I accepted my fate, now I beg that you do the same.’”
Bree couldn’t hold in a sob at this point and she put her hands over her face. She felt Calixto waiting for her, unmoving from his spot. Brushing the tears from her face, she focused her eyes on the ground, “So I did. I let him go, and I have been afraid ever since.”
“You were afraid others would blame you for letting him go?”
Bree’s eyes met his, “No. I am afraid of what I will do if I hurt too much.”
A warm hand touched her cheek and oved around her head. Without a word, Calixto pulled her face into his chest and held her as she cried.
Chapter 9
Responsibilities and Obligations
Calixto was heating up Bree’s food as she stared into the fire.
His eyes darted to her for a moment, “Are you feeling better?” His voice had returned to the usual coolness.
She shrugged and gave him a little smile, “I would feel better if you would be a good shifter and just let me go.”
“I am being a decent person and following through with my obligations.”
Bree shook her head. “Are all shifters like you this stubborn?”
“We are all stubborn, but each clan takes a different approach to mating. Ours has been called the most extreme, but it has made us far more stable than any of the other clans.” He gave a derisive laugh, “If you can call having only nine shifters go insane in a 20 year period.”
Bree gave him a questioning look, “That seems like a pretty low number to me. Most of the shifter communities I know, it is a much higher rate.”
Calixto put the food on the make shift plate and handed it to her, “Well, most shifters are far less dangerous when they go insane. If my kind had that kind of mental instability, the world would be an incredibly dange
rous place.”
“You don’t think that maiming children and eating travelers is particularly dangerous?”
“It is a different degree of dangerous.”
Bree put her chin in her hand, “What is your original form.”
“Big.”
Bree laughed, causing Calixto to look at her out of the corner of his eyes. She saw a faint smile pass his lips as she responded. “You plan to stay we me until you die, yet you aren’t going to tell me your other form? Are you planning to stay looking like a human forever?”
“Not if my life depending on it would I retain this form.” He stood up, “and I’m sure you will see my other form soon enough. You stay here and eat, I’m going to go check outside the cave.”
Bree did as she was told, her mind pondering what kind of shifter Calixto could be. Usually she could tell by their movements and mannerisms what their usual form was, but there was nothing about Calixto that seemed particularly animalistic. He was very cold though. Bree stared at the wall and wondered if he were perhaps some kind of cold creature by nature. Though she had never heard of a Yeti shifter, if they existed, she could understand how people in colder climates would be at a lot more risk from unstable shifters. That would be particularly frightening.
By the time Calixto returned, Bree had finished eating. “Does it look safe to leave?”
His eyes darted to her plate before he answered, “Yes, it looks safe. I don’t know if that is actually the case since demons are not one of the creatures with which I have much experience.”
Bree gave him a big smile, “You aren’t missing anything.” Standing up and stretching, she said, “I guess we should pick up first.”
“There is nothing for us to do. All of this was here when we arrived.”
Bree gave him an incredulous look. “That seems incredibly unlikely.”
Calixto gave her his typical cold look, “I clearly do not haul this kind of stuff around with me, and I have no idea how to access your walking wardrobe and goods.”
