by Robin Roseau
"It was an unintentional, minor mistake with no lasting damage," I said. "I am sure anything you have planned will be entirely in keeping with the severity of the crime."
Loren blinked at me before saying to Malora, "Your companion is quite vexing."
"That she is," Malora agreed.
Loren turned back to me. "I wouldn't suppose I could convince you to talk back to me."
"I talk back to Malora on a daily basis, so I'm sure if you say something stupid, I'll be sure to correct you."
There were titters at that.
"She's not very reverent for a companion speaking to a village chief," Loren complained to Malora.
"She's not very reverent for a companion speaking to the queen very often, either," Malora agreed. "You're free to try to elicit greater reverence from her, but make sure she doesn't take it out on me later."
I crossed my arms and watched both of them. Loren looked at me with pain in her eyes, and I realized she had something special planned. I just wish I knew if it were a joke on me, or a joke on Malora.
Then she brightened. "Of course," said Loren, "you did desert your duty before you had permission."
"Oh, oh," said Malora. "I bet she has a response to that one."
"Chief Loren," I said. "Is it not the duty of every companion here to see to it the garden takes no undue damage?"
"Yes," she said. "Absolutely."
"And is it not also true that history suggests my presence in the garden leads to unintentional but certainly undue damage?"
"I could argue that," she added brightly.
"Well then, would it not be my duty to remove myself from the garden once it became evident that my presence in the garden was detrimental to the long term health of the plants in the garden? And thus, I was doing my duty to remove myself from the garden before I did any further damage."
Nori snorted, but no one outright laughed. Loren glowered at me but then brightened again. "I could argue you should not have been in the garden in the first place, and you should have removed yourself even before you did additional damage."
"I would agree with you, Chief Loren, except once is an accident, and it wasn't until there were two incidents that it became obvious a third wasn't far away. However, I think it's safe to suggest I should never be allowed into the garden again."
She frowned, watching me. "Do you admit, Maya, that your actions directly led to damage to the plants in my garden?"
"I admit that I unintentionally uprooted two or three flowers, but that Meena was able to replace them into their beds."
"Do you admit that you understood damage to the garden carried punishment?"
"Yes, I believe I understood that rule."
"Then, as the damage was unintentional and relatively minor, there is no need for more than five strokes across your bare back."
I stared at her, my jaw dropping. Everyone had grown still. She was going to whip me for it?
"Come," she said, and she turned towards the practice grounds, the location of the whipping post. She got five steps, and I spoke out clearly.
"No."
She froze in place, stood there for a moment, then turned around, scowling.
"Would you care to repeat that?"
"What part of 'no' wasn't clear?" I said. "You are not touching me with a whip."
"You are refusing my judgment?" she asked.
"Yes."
She began to smile. "Queen Malora, would you agree that refusing to submit to the village chief for justice carries greater punishment than a few unintentionally damaged plants?"
"Yes," said Malora.
"Good," Loren said. "Maya, strip."
"Not happening."
Malora got up from the table and turned to me. "Maya, do what you're told."
I stared at her for a moment then slowly began removing my clothes, sitting on a bench to take off my boots. Malora gestured, and Beria hurried over to take my clothes from me, folding them carefully. I was hurt and angry with Loren and Meena and livid Malora was letting them do it.
"Blindfold her, Meena," Loren ordered. Meena stepped forward holding a cloth. She was grinning, I let her wrap the cloth around my eyes but kept my curses to myself. I had thought Loren and Meena were my friends, and I didn't think Meena would have been grinning if this was going to be terrible, but I was still angry.
"Bring her," Loren said. I felt Meena take my right arm and someone else stepped to my side to take my left. I was then led forward but quickly grew disoriented, having no idea where they were taking me.
We came to a stop, Meena and the other woman supporting me. "Bind her hands and feet," Loren ordered.
I was starting to get scared, but I didn't resist while they tied my hands together in front of me and then my ankles together. "Lift her and put her in," Loren said.
Strong Amazon arms, two on either side of me, lifted me into the air. I whimpered, and then I was lowered again, my feet dipping into cold water. I felt cold wood at my back, and then they were lowering me in.
The water came up to my waist. I reached out with my hands and found more wood; I was in a wide barrel of water.
I felt someone step closer to me and then I heard Loren's voice speaking quietly. "Close your eyes, Maya. Do not open them until you have permission."
I nodded understanding and closed my eyes.
"I understand you can hold your breath for a very long time," Loren said. "So this next part should be easy. Take a big breath and then don't breath in and don't swallow the water."
I took a breath, and Loren ordered, "Dunk her. Hold her down for a count to twenty."
Twenty? Easy.
I felt hands on my shoulders, pushing me down, and I relaxed my legs, sliding into the water. As the water reached my chest, the hands moved to the top of my head, and a moment later I was fully submerged.
Whoever was counting counted slowly, but it still wasn't very long before the hands removed themselves from my head. I decided to offer a moment of pettiness, and I didn't stand up. But then there was a hand in my hair, pulling me up, and I stood.
"Hold that breath," Loren said. Someone wiped my face with a towel, and then Loren said, "You may breath now, but keep your eyes closed.
They lifted me from the barrel, and that's when the laughter began. I blushed immediately. I didn't know what had just happened, but I was sure I wasn't going to like it.
"Keep your eyes closed," Loren ordered, and a moment later, cold buckets of water were poured over my head, as if the dunking in the barrel wasn't enough. Then hands were on my, drying me. They pulled the blindfold from my face, washed it, then blindfolded me again. I kept my eyes closed throughout.
The hands grabbed my arms again. Someone untied my legs but kept my hands bound, and I was led back to the dining area, the laughter continuing. I couldn't make out many individual voices, but Beria's laughter was at least as loud as anyone else's, and I thought I detected Malora's and Nori's as well. Both the people holding me were laughing as well.
They were all getting salted fish. Last year's salted fish.
We came to a stop and Loren said quietly, "Thank you, Maya, for refusing the first punishment. I've had this planned for a very long time, but you were right. It's well out of line for a few damaged tulips. It is quite in keeping with refusing my judgment." Then she removed my blindfold and told me I could open my eyes.
I was standing in front of a full-length mirror. The Amazons didn't have many, so it was impressive to even see one.
What was even more surprising was my own reflection. From head to toe, I was purple. I stared.
I stared at my reflection, and in the background I saw the other Amazons, still laughing at me.
I finally turned to Loren. She wasn't laughing but she was grinning madly. I held out my wrists to her, and she untied them.
"It'll begin to fade in a week or so," Loren said. "As much time as you spend in the water, you won't be able to tell in a few weeks."
"Malora begged me
to be gracious," I said quietly. "I promised to be at least as gracious as she would be. I wonder how gracious she'd be if she were the one standing here. What do you think?"
I didn't say another word. I stepped to my sister and asked, "Where are my clothes?"
She pointed. They were piled on one of the tables.
With continued laughter following me, I collected my clothes and walked slowly and proudly to my hut.
Music
I got dressed slowly, pulling on traveling clothes. I heard the Amazons set and light a bonfire, but I didn't hear any entertainment beginning. I fumed in the hut for a while, and everyone left me alone. I finally came to a decision and turned towards the exit, intending to head to the stables, saddle my horse, and head home.
I wasn't sure if "home" meant Queen's Town or Gallen's Cove. I wasn't sure how soon I would have made that decision.
But just then, Malora entered the hut. Seeing me, she couldn't help but grin.
"Laugh it up," I said. "Enjoy the view, because it's the last you're getting for a while."
"Don't be like that."
"I promised to be as gracious as you would be," I said. "I'm pretty sure right about now you would be trouncing her on the practice grounds. As I am incapable of that solution, what do you recommend I do instead?"
"Please keep your voice down. I know you want to scream right now, but it will be easier for you if you decide to calm down if you don't make a scene in here for everyone to hear."
"Did you enjoy the joke, Malora?"
"It's temporary, Maya. Any reaction you make has far greater duration than what she has done."
"She did this at the beginning of our trip, meaning every single Amazon is going to see me like this, unless it washes off faster than I believe it will. As if I needed help being the Amazon laughingstock. And it's not even a real punishment. It was a prank, one you ordered me to accept."
"You're the one who refused her judgment."
"Don't give me that! She was going to continue to push until I did something bad enough she could justify this. And you let her. I'm going home. Get out of my way."
She didn't move but stood there, leaning against the doorway, watching me.
"I mean it, Malora. Get out of my way."
"Maya," she said, "you have two basic choices. You can respond graciously or you can respond ungraciously. One of these choices has a far better outcome for everyone, including yourself, than the other."
"Meena was part of it," I replied. "From the beginning."
"I'm sure she was."
"Why?" I asked. "What did I do they hate me this much? Am I that horrible a person they need to humiliate me to put me in my place?"
"Oh Maya," she said, "No. They're your friends."
"Oh please. I think that has been clearly demonstrated to be false."
"Maya, listen to me. Please, just listen. What we do here, what the Amazons do here, is a drain on all of us. Surely you've seen that."
"So why would they make it worse for me?" I asked. "Don't I do enough? I am companion to everyone who needs one! What more do all of you expect from me?"
"Wait, just let me finish," she said. "We need laughter. We need levity. You're really good at teasing people-"
"But I never take it remotely this far, and if I think someone is getting upset, I stop."
"Let me finish!"
"Fine," I said, crossing my arms.
"This village is still short on companions. Meena is working hard to fill the gap, as are one or two other companions, but none of them are you. I don't know what it is, but you are more soothing when handling three or four warriors than most companions are when focused entirely on a single warrior."
"Well, you're on the edge of losing that!"
"Just wait, Maya." She took a breath, blew it out. "We need laughter, we all need laughter. You gave everyone out there the best laugh they've had in months. Nerves here are ragged, and there have been fights. Loren would never have whipped you for a few plants, but she's had to whip a few of the warriors for fighting. That tends to put significant strain on a village, and the two warriors are probably about to ask me for permission to relocate. But I am going to have to tell them 'no' because this village can't afford to lose them. My only other choice is to relocate some of our warriors here. Whom do you want me to send?"
"Do not put this on me!"
"I'm not. I don't want to send anyone, either. They are our closest friends. I need Nori, Ralla and Balorie. I don't think we want to give up our cook, so that means I can't send Ping either. So that leaves warriors you call friends, or whose companions you call friends. And so I'm going to say 'no' when the warriors here ask to relocate, unless they can find someone to trade with them."
"Get to your point."
"You gave them a real good laugh, the entire village-"
"And you, Nori, Omie, and my sister."
"Yes, I admit. We laughed, but it was nervous laughter, unsure how you were going to respond."
"Not Beria's."
"She's young. If you want to discuss that later, we can. It's a side issue."
"Fine."
"They are still out there chuckling, and if you can go out there and be gracious, there will be more laughter, probably all night. And you, by being gracious, will do more good for this village than I could ever do. Or you can respond badly, and the village will probably fracture. I can't afford that, Maya."
"Did you know all this before we got here?"
"I knew they were struggling. I figured out Loren was setting you up, but not until I caught her watching you so carefully at the garden. She waited until you had done as much damage as you were going to, and I saw her disappointment when it wasn't worse."
"And the rest?"
"Not the specifics, but I figured it would be something funny. I only hoped you wouldn't be too upset. Why do you think I begged you to be gracious?"
"I am getting real tired of Amazons volunteering me to fix their problems for them," I told her. "Why can't anyone just ask me?"
"You made such a joke of your pink hair, I think she thought you'd find it funny."
"You gave me a chance to get used to the idea and didn't have me parading around naked in front of everyone, bright purple."
"It's not that bright."
"Do not make this into a joke!"
"Sorry," she said.
"You still haven't answered my question. Why do I keep getting forced to solve your problems instead of being asked?"
"My problems? They're not our problems? Maya?" Her voice was full of concern.
"They weren't my problems when I was kidnapped from Gallen's Cove, and right now I'm not in a mood to claim them. Do you want to play semantics on that or answer my question?"
"I think because Loren is probably on the edge as much as anyone here, Maya. But I am asking you now. We-" and she stressed that word, "have a significant morale problem, and I could really, really use your help alleviating it."
"You're right we have a morale problem," I admitted. "Mine. I suppose you're going to tell me I have to continue on this tour with you, too, that this 'morale issue' is spread throughout the entire forest."
"Yes."
I turned my back on her. "I think you're making this shit up so I don't go out there and do something that can't be undone. Like, I don't know, challenge Loren to a death match for leadership of this village."
"At least you can joke."
I turned around. "I'm not joking."
"Please, Maya. I need your help."
"Why is it always me? Why not go find someone who enjoys playing the clown? Or pick on someone else for a while."
"Why you? All right," she said. "You're the queen's companion. That makes you a target. I'm sorry, but it does. Why not ask you first? Because it wouldn't have been half as funny. It wouldn't have done half as much good if you had played a willing part. It's funny because it's a prank, and because it's about the most extreme prank someone could play that doesn't make eve
ryone think it was cruel. Why not someone else? Who?"
"You."
"Two reasons. First this is as much a joke on me as it is on you."
"Oh, I don't think so."
"All right, but Loren was watching my reaction, and I could see her grinning. At me, not you."
"So I'm the horse Nori once dyed?"
"Don't carry that analogy too far," Malora said, "but yes."
"Second reason?"
"Because we both know I wouldn't respond at all well."
"So I am supposed to be far more gracious than you would be."
"Yes."
"Fine. Nori. Loren herself. Loren's own companion. I don't care. Why is it always me?"
"It's not always you. Nori takes her share of jokes-"
"The worst I've seen are stories."
"I admit, most of the attention has shifted to you. Do you want to volunteer some of the companions? Maybe Beria?"
"Damn it, Malora!"
"I'm fighting with words, Maya," she said.
I turned around, still fuming. Malora let me think about it for a minute then I heard her approaching. I didn't flinch when she set her arms on my shoulders.
"I need your help, Maya," she said softly.
"I think you're making all that crap up."
"I'm not. Count the companions out there. And they're down to nine warriors."
I thought about it. "They can't be." I turned around. "There were... Um. Sixteen of us for dinner. With four on patrol-"
"No one on patrol. Black Oak and Deep Circle are covering their patrol tonight. Loren will send out a patrol in the morning." Black Oak was the village we'd passed through around lunchtime, and Deep Circle was one village further north. "I really should be sending them one or two of our warriors."
"Damn it, Malora-"
"Consider this. Let's say that I'm lying to you just to calm you down. You go out there, you're gracious, you take some more laughter, plus additional laughter in the other villages. What happens?"
I didn't have an answer.
"Now, if you go out there and make a scene, or if you just return to Queen's Town, what happens?"
I sighed. "I hate you."
"No you don't."
"Fine. I'm going to go play nice, but as far as I'm concerned, this village and everyone in it lost a friend, and I am not returning here. I will pretend I don't feel deeply betrayed and humiliated, but you and I know the truth."
