by Robin Roseau
"I'm so sorry," Loren said again.
I was still hurt by their prank, and I felt they had undone years of headway building respect for me amongst the Amazons. But in comparison to everything else, staying angry wasn't going to do anyone any good.
"Loren, I need to think about this. I'm going to forgive you, but I need to think about it first."
"Please don't take too long," she said.
"I won't."
I stepped away, then lingered behind when they returned to the bonfire.
Malora found me a couple of minutes later. She pulled me into her arms. "Well?"
"She apologized."
"Did you accept?"
"No. I need to let it sink in first. I will though."
"If you can bring yourself to do so, I hope you can forgive her by the end of dinner tomorrow. I think everyone would sleep better."
"I'll try. If not, the following morning."
"Tomorrow evening is better," she said. "She'll sleep better. You know, in case."
"I'll try, Malora." I kissed her neck.
* * * *
Later, in bed, I eased her aches and made slow, gentle love to her. We lay together afterwards, whispering to each other.
"I'm sending Omie and Beria away tomorrow after dinner," she said.
"I know."
"Beria told you?" she sounded surprised.
"Inference," I explained. "You'd try to send me away if you could, but we both know I won't go."
"I know," she said, holding me tightly.
Away
The day before the challenge, training was light. We stretched and we ran. Malora was in the best shape she could be, and we didn't want to risk an accident.
"What would we have done if she had gotten hurt yesterday?" I asked Nori.
"We would have moved my challenge match up by a day, a fight to first blow, and she would have let me readily win. Then she would have challenged me, and I would have accepted for tomorrow. If I lost against Parlomith, Malora would be next." She paused. "If I wasn't absolutely sure she was ready, we'd still do it that way."
"But she's ready?"
"Yes, she's ready." She paused. "She needs your love and understanding tonight."
"I know. She'll have it. Nori, will there be speeches tomorrow?"
"Sometimes."
"This isn't just about leadership of the Amazons, it's about what the Amazons are going to be," I said. "Does Parlomith have any supporters at all?"
"Yes, some. Probably most of the warriors from her village. People with similar attitudes tend to congregate together. A few of the chiefs agree with Parlomith, more or less, as well."
"I want to speak," I said. "For the companions. Will I be allowed?"
She turned to face me more fully. "I don't know," she said finally. I thought she wanted to answer differently. "Were you going to prepare something to say?"
"Yes," I said.
"If you write it out and give it to me at dinner, I can read it, if you aren't allowed to speak. As her second in command, I would have a right to speak."
"But not her companion?"
"I don't know." She paused. "I don't think you should bring this up with Malora. She doesn't need to think about this right now."
"Well, maybe I'll just start talking. It will piss Parlomith off, and you taught me fighting when you're angry is a bad idea."
"All right," Nori said. "But if you have anything you want me to say, in case Malora asks you to stop talking, you can leave it with me. Do it tonight before bed so I have a chance to look through it. If I have questions, I can ask them in the morning."
I nodded. "All right. I'll see."
In the end, I decided I didn't want anyone else saying my words for me. What needed to be said needed to come from a companion, and I didn't trust anyone else. Speaking in front of an audience isn't as easy as people think, and I wasn't sure anyone else would know how to project and how to judge the audience. I would speak my own words.
* * * *
Before dinner, everyone assembled at the dining area. Serra announced dinner would be slightly late, as she wasn't accustomed to cooking for so many. Instead, we passed out drinks and sat to talk.
Malora asked me quietly, "Have you forgiven Loren?"
"I'll do it in the morning," I said.
"Please, for me, can you do it now?"
I sighed. "For you."
I stood up. "Chief Loren!"
My voice carried, about a third of the mass of Amazons turning towards me. "Chief Loren!" I said again, even louder. It took a little hushing but after a moment I had the attention of everyone assembled.
"Maya, Queen's Companion," Loren said, standing up. Meena stood up next to her. They were a table away. I walked around my table to stand facing them.
"A little over a month ago, I was a guest in your village."
"I remember it well," Loren replied.
There were a few snickers. Pretty much everyone here would remember it well.
"You played a prank on me," I said.
"I did," she agreed.
"It was a good prank."
She smiled. "I am pleased you think so."
"I am sure you will be equally pleased to see my response, now that I have given it all due consideration. The cooks have prepared a special meal for you and your companion tonight."
I gestured, and Beria came forth bearing two plates with nothing but salted fish on them. She set them down at Loren's and Meena's places at the table.
The two of them stared at the meals.
"If you are ever tempted to engage in future pranks, I want you to remember who manages the distribution from the tithe. Remember this meal, and ask yourself this: how many months of salted fish do you think I can send you?"
Loren's expression of dismay was priceless. The laughter was not the same as I experienced at her hands, but there was, indeed, laughter.
"The companion has claws," I heard someone say. I wasn't sure who it was.
Loren stared at her plate, not responding, then lifted her face and spoke clearly. "I shall consider this meal better than the crow I thought I deserved."
I laughed at that.
"It was a good prank," I said again. "Don't do it again." I stepped forward and hugged them both before returning to my seat beside Malora.
Serra immediately announced dinner was ready. Malora turned to me. "You planned that all along."
I grinned. "Not all along. Just earlier today. I decided I could forgive them if I had my own gesture in return. Good?"
"Good," she agreed.
I rose to my feet to fetch our dinner. I looked over, and Loren was eying her fish with a great deal of suspicion, and I just couldn't do it. I fetched a second plate of tonight's venison and set it between Loren and Meena. "You two may share, but don't waste the fish."
Loren looked at me with gratitude.
* * * *
After dinner, Malora stood and said a few words. There was to be no bonfire. "I wish to spend the evening with my companion," she said, "and I know I am not alone in that desire. I do want to thank everyone for coming. Together, we will insure the future of the Amazons. Thank you."
No one talked about tomorrow. No one talked about what would happen if Malora lost. No one talked about how many Parlomith might kill before someone finally killed her.
What an ugly thought, that tomorrow, people would die, and so needlessly. I silently vowed the Amazons would be changing their succession methods. This was barbaric.
We all stood and talked for a while. I found Omie. "Are you taking Beria away tonight?"
She glanced at me sharply. "Yes."
"Did you warn her?"
"Yes."
I pressed a note into Omie's hands. "For my parents. In case."
"Oh Maya." She tried to give it back, but I pushed it in her hands. "Don't tell Beria you have it. It will upset her. Keep her safe for me, Omie. I love you both."
"We'll all be safe," she said. "I'll give your n
ote back to you in a few days."
"I hope so."
She stuffed it away, and I hugged her, then I went in search of my sister.
"Walk with me," I told her.
"Sure," she said.
I led her to the Lover's Tree. She laughed.
"Omie takes me here sometimes."
"Are you-"
"Lovers? No. But we sit and talk here. It's peaceful. I love her, Maya."
"I know."
"I know she's older, but I don't care. I'll be a warrior someday, so we don't have forever to be together. I don't want to waste any of that."
"I know, honey." I reached out and grabbed her hands. "Malora told me she's sending you and Omie away tonight."
Beria lowered her eyes. "Yes."
"Are you going to behave?"
"Yes." She looked up and her expression was fierce. "Yes."
"Good. I'd hate to have to worry about you."
"I know."
I hugged her and tried not to cry. I hoped this wasn't the last time I would see my sister.
"Let's go back before I cry," I said.
She looked like she wanted to say something, but we climbed to our feet and, our arms around each other, we returned to the village. I handed her off to Omie then went in search of Nori. I could see the strain in her back, and she visibly relaxed when I put my hand on her neck.
"You," she said without turning around.
"How are you doing?" I asked her.
"Do you have a little time for me?"
"Yes, a little."
That involved another walk to the Lover's Tree. I laughed. "I was just here with Beria."
"Ah." We settled down, and I let her hold me. I could feel as she calmed down.
"Take what you need," I said.
She didn't answer, but she stroked my hair and held me tightly to her.
"Maya," she said, "I want to tell you something."
"It better not be last words."
"It's not. Malora loves you very much."
"I know."
"Everyone here loves you. Everyone. You came here under such poor circumstances. I was so cruel, and even if you forgave me, I don't know if I ever can."
I rotated so I was lying across her lap, supported by her arms and looking up at her. I caressed her face. "Nori, I forgave you a long, long time ago."
"I know." She paused.
"Forgive yourself, then."
"You don't know why I did it."
"It doesn't matter," I said. "It hasn't mattered for three years. My only regret is that I haven't found a companion for you yet. You deserve one."
"How could I ever settle for less than what you have with Malora?" she asked.
"Do you think what Omie and Beria have, or will have, is less?"
"Yes," she said. "Your sister will be a warrior, a very, very good warrior. She has your fighting spirit, but she's not as gentle as you are. She throws herself into fighting, while you throw yourself into healing. And so, Omie and Beria know what they have will end some day, and not that many years from now."
"I could lose Malora tomorrow, or the next time some upstart thinks to challenge her, or the next time she faces a demon."
"Or the next time you do," Nori said. "Or you could miscalculate when you're swimming."
"Life is uncertain."
"Yes, but Omie and Beria have certainty. They will be friends forever, but they will be lovers for only a few short years. You and Maya could grow old together."
"I don't see any old Amazons, Nori."
"They retire. When Maya retires, she will have to leave, or she will always be queen, which will be too hard for the next queen."
"Will that be you?"
"Only if there isn't someone better. I have my ideas, but I'm not sharing them today. Maybe Loren, for a while, but there are others."
I caressed her cheek and sat up. Nori rose to her feet, pulling me with her.
"Thank you, Maya," she said, and together, we returned to the village. Before we arrived, she turned me to face her. "Tomorrow is going to be chaotic. Parlomith will arrive mid-morning. You should visit briefly with your friends tonight."
"Nori?"
"Just hug them goodnight," she said. "Maybe thank them for friendship. I think everyone could use a little comfort from you before bed."
I nodded. "All right."
She turned us and we finished the walk into the village. I took her advice, moving between the Amazons, speaking briefly with some. I hugged Neela and Aura each fiercely, telling them I was proud of them.
I found Vorine and pulled her aside.
"What number are you?" I asked her.
"Don't worry about that," she said.
"I used to be afraid of you," I told her.
"I know."
"I'm not anymore."
She smiled. "I know." She pulled me into a hug. "Oh, you feel good. Whatever you do as a companion, can you teach it to Careen?"
I laughed in her ear. "I think it starts with defeating a demon."
"Nori says 'no'. She said she felt it from you when she took you from Gallen's Cove."
"I thought it required the companion being willing to soothe for it to work."
"It normally does, and what she got from you was about what she gets from any of the other companions, and that was when you were ready to kill her."
I kissed her cheek and pulled away. "Thank you for being such a good friend. Thank you for treating me so well, all these years."
"How could I not?" she said. She smiled, and I pulled away from her.
I talked to Bea last, pulling her to the side. She was confused at first, but she went with. "Bea, thank you for being so amazing. I don't think I could have survived without you."
"Nonsense," she said.
"No, listen. I was ready to run. I was so ready to run. I hated it here. I can't begin to tell you how much I hated it. It was your joy that broke through to me."
She smiled. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"I'm sure Clara says nice things."
"Clara thanks me for being her companion, and she thanks me for the other things we do, but she doesn't love me, and I don't love her. Oh, I suppose a little. I like her, and what we do is fun, but. You know?"
I nodded. I thought I understand.
"Malora is very lucky, Maya. All the Amazons are lucky you joined us." She hugged me again. "But we're going to have a huge party at lunch tomorrow, right after that bitch is dead."
"Yeah," I said. I certainly hoped so.
After that, I found Malora, tucking myself under her arm. She kissed my head and said immediately, "My companion and I have some business to attend to. Good night everyone."
No one interrupted us as we headed to our hut. The moment we were inside, she pulled me into a crushing hug.
"Do you know what I want to do?" she asked.
"I can guess."
"Let's sit for a while first."
"Of course."
I helped her out of her boots first, then took off my own. Together we settled onto our bench. I curled into her, her arm around my shoulders.
"If anything happens tomorrow-" Malora started to say.
"It's not!"
"Listen to me. If anything happens tomorrow, Nori is going to need you."
"We're not talking about this."
"We are," she said. "Only a minute, then we can calm each other. Listen to me now, Maya."
"Fine," I said, but I was angry.
"I am going to win. But she is very good, and I need to see to the future of the Amazons, whatever happens. Do you understand?"
"I don't want to think about that."
"Parlomith might win. I might win, but be mortally wounded."
"Neither of those-"
She put her fingers over my mouth. "Let me finish this, honey. Please."
"Fine."
"Nori will need you. It is okay to grieve me, but I want to be clear about this. You are young. You will love again.
You will be a companion again. You were born for this. I understand if you need to go home for a while, but when Nori comes for you, I want you to come back here with her."
"I decide whom I love," I said. "And that is you!"
"I know. You make your own decisions, and this will also be your decision, but I want you to know, if that's what happens, you have my blessing. I've made sure my closest friends and allies know that, too. Maybe it's Nori, maybe it's someone else, but you have my blessing. Do not mourn me forever."
"Did you get that out of your system?"
"Did you hear what I said?"
"I heard you," I said.
"Good. Then I have one more thing to tell you. If I lose tomorrow, then you will stay away until Parlomith is dead."
I didn't respond to that.
"I've made arrangements, honey. If I lose, you'll be miles away from here before she can turn her anger on you."
"Nori's challenge will be immediate."
"She gets an hour between fights. She can do a lot of damage in an hour. And Nori isn't second. Loren is. Nori's mad about it, too, but she will do what I want."
"How did you get her to agree to that."
"I told her we'd be having this conversation."
I curled closer to Malora. We sat quietly with her stroking me. I was numb for a while, but I knew what she needed, and my numbness wasn't it. It was time to banish the voices, and I had gotten good at it.
I pulled away a little, looking up at her, and I kissed her neck, then began stroking her available skin. I offered my own skin to stroke, and she accepted.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"We'll do this again tomorrow morning," I replied. "There will be no voices to fight."
"No voices," she agreed.
She lifted my lips for a kiss, and then she began to unbutton my tunic, stroking the skin she uncovered.
"There's something I want."
"I imagine," I giggled.
"It's not what you think. I bought something for you. I was saving it for a special occasion. I'd like to see you wear it."
"All right."
She slipped from me, turned up our two oil lamps so we had more light, and went to her trunk. I knew the contents of that trunk, and there was nothing in it I hadn't seen before, but she pulled out a package that hadn't been there earlier in the day.
