“Tell me you want me to stay, Taylor, or I’m leaving right now,” he says. His voice is low, warning me, but I hear the underlying plea. I chew anxiously on my lips, hesitant under his intent gaze. I don’t answer him, not because I don’t want him to stay. Words are lost on me. He kisses me again, testing me. He pushes me back on the bed and climbs on top of me, one knee falls between my legs, knocking them apart. With his elbows on each side of me, he holds himself up, we lock eyes and I know what he needs from me.
“Stay,” I whisper.
And that’s all it takes, all restraint melts from him and he gives himself wholly to me. His lips move down my neck, nicking as he goes. I feel his fingers at my waist and I lean up, encouraging him to unbutton my plaid shirt. When he hesitates, I pull his off and throw it on the floor. His smile is smug as he lowers his lips to my ear. I shiver at the closeness.
“Impatient, are we?” He whispers.
It feels like an eternity has passed when he finally reaches the last button. I watch him with hooded eyes, my breathing is shallow. Needing him to be closer, I rock my hips into him and that’s all of the encouragement he needs, after tossing my shirt to the side, he dips down and sucks on my right breast. Looking up at me with a sly grin, he gives my nipple a tug. I dig my heels into the sheets, and thread my fingers through his hair, tugging. Our first time was great, but now I know he was holding back on me.
“These fucking pants. Don’t wear them when I’m not around,” he says. His fingers slide under the band of my leggings, then he gently tugs them down my legs. My hands travel down his chest, stopping on the small tattoo, the only one on his torso. My finger traces the inked skin, when he sighs, I move on. I fumble with his belt, unbutton his jeans and he kicks them off.
“Shit,” he mumbles. He pushes himself off of me and crouches by his jeans. The crinkling package makes its presence known before I see it. As he brings it to his mouth, I sit up, enjoying my favorite part of the show. Using his teeth, he tears the top off the package. His eyes never leave mine as he tugs his boxers down.
He leans over the bed, with his hands placed on each side of my thigh, he kisses me softly. It’s easy to forget the scene he just caused when he kisses me like that.
“This your last chance to make me leave…and keep your virtue.” His grin is wicked as I cock my eyebrow.
“I think you ran off with that long ago.”
He shakes his head. “It comes back to you when I leave. And then I fuck everything up…”
I silence him by pressing my lips to his. Finally, he disposes of the only clothing separating us and rolls the condom on while whispering he loves me. He lies on me, half of his weight is supported by his left hand, the other half crashes into me. His right hand glides up my thigh, only stopping when he reaches my center. His fingers plunge inside and I let out a gasp.
“Let’s try something new,” he says. I nod my head, silently cursing him. He knows that I’ll agree to anything right now. “You on top.”
Unsure of what to do, I roll over and straddle him. He lets out a laugh and I blush.
“No, babe, turn around. Face the other way,” he says.
I scan his face, not finding a hint that it’s a joke. Without a word, he rubs his hand on the small of my back, grinning. That’s the thing about Hayze, he can read me like an open book. He knows when I’m nervous, he’s patient with me. He tugs me down to his chest, his lips meet mine with a slow, sensual kiss, then he pulls away.
“Trust me, you know I want to make you feel good,” he promises.
All doubts melt away and I turn around. His hands loop around my waist, helping me position over his length and gently presses me down so that he slides in. I tense, and he doesn’t move right away. I hold my breath, getting used to this new position. It’s much different than the other times, I can feel every inch of him in me.
I shift, testing out the new pressure, and he groans from the movement. The sound shoots pleasure down my body. With new found confidence I begin to rock, biting my lip when it becomes too much. I know these walls are thin and with students arriving back, I don’t want them to hear what Hayze is doing to me. His fingers trail down my spine, stopping at my waist. He bumps into me, matching my rhythm. The pain blends into pressure each time he slides into me.
“Turn around, I wanna see you riding me,” he says.
He pats my back side, encouraging me to move. With his help, I face him without skipping a beat. His pace speeds up, pushing me to keep up. His face is flushed with pleasure, and his eyes snap shut. I circle my hips around, loving the look on his face. His hand drops down and rubs my center.
“Oh, Hayze,” I moan.
“That’s right baby, I’m the only one that make you feel like this.”
He gently tugs me down and hooks his arm around my neck. With his hand rubbing me, and the new pleasure, my body trembles in pleasure as I cry out. I mash my lips into his, hoping to drown out the noise, and I feel him tremble. His hand slides down and in one movement I’m lying flat on my back, looking up at him in awe. He pumps in and out of me, giving all of himself to me.
I lay, panting, and wrestling with my own doubt.After he collapsed beside me, his breathing evened out and he hasn’t said anything. My hair is tangled around my arm, I want to move and readjust but I’m afraid of waking him up. What would I say? We were mid fight when this happened—nothing has been resolved, will we go back to the fight or continue on like it didn’t happen, like the last three days didn’t happen? If I know him at all, he wants to forget it happened. And that won’t work for me, along the way we’ve collected so much baggage that we can’t possibly add anymore. He needs to know he can’t follow me to my dorm, pick an argument, then fuck me until he falls asleep. That solves nothing.
“Stop over thinking it,” he mumbles. I jump, thinking he was asleep. He chuckles and tosses his arm around me to pull me near.
“I’m not thinking about anything,” I say, defensively.
“Bullshit. I didn’t come over here for that…Just so you know.” His words soothe me, but only for a moment. He knows I’m thinking about what just happened, maybe he’s lying.
“Sure you didn’t, Hayze,” I say, my tone is loaded with sarcasm.
I stare at the ceiling, studying each stain, nail, and anything I can find to take me away from here. My mind overthinks, it always needs something to do, and recently it’s job is to overanalyze Hayze. I keep replaying today, over and over, wondering where it went wrong. Why can’t we sit down and have a normal conversation, without yelling? I believed he followed me over here to apologize, but now laying here beside him, I’m afraid he was using me.
He sighs, “I uh, I’ve been thinking…We’ve never been on an actual date. I tried once, but it doesn’t count, you couldn’t keep your hands off of me. Like today,” he says.
I nudge him in the side, he holds it dramatically and groans. He sits up and the sheets pool in his lap, leaving him exposed. He rubs the back of his head, like he always does when he’s nervous and I cock my head to the side.
“What is it?” I giggle.
“Do you wanna go out…with me? On a date?” The fact that he’s nervous is everything to me. I smile at him, deciding to joke with him.
“No.”
He looks surprised, I start laughing and he grins. “You just used me? What are you going to say next, that you want me to leave?”
I shrug my shoulders, looking up him innocently. “Well—”
He leans over, quieting me with a kiss. “Huh uh, not happening. You’re stuck with me forever.”
My stomach does a flip when he says forever. His head falls on my chest and I tangle my fingers into his hair. If every day could be like tonight, we could be okay. We could be forever. But if he leaves again—if the doubts, or what ifs come back, we have to stop. This isn’t good for us.
The door slams into the wall, I squeal and hold the covers over me. Hayze lays over me, blocking me from the visitor. “Fuck, Lea! Y
ou could knock!”
“What in the actual hell, guys? I ran after you when Joel told me about your little scene! Seriously?” She laughs. “I guess I’ll come back…Please be decent.”
“My place?” He asks as he falls to my side again.
“Hayze! That could’ve been Joel coming after you! Why didn’t you lock the door? If she would’ve walked in two minutes before,” I say, rubbing my temples.
“First of all, I said I didn’t come in here for this. It would’ve been a little cocky to lock the door,” he says and I scowl at him. “And if Joel, or any of my friends ever walk in on us they won’t make it out the door.”
I gulp, lifting from the bed. I take the sheet with me and walk to the closet for clean clothes. “So, your place?” I ask, changing the subject.
He chuckles and I hear him moving around my room, searching for his scattered clothes. When we’re dressed I follow him out to his car. Lea is nowhere in sight and I thank god for that, I don’t think I could face her after what she walked in on. His fingers wrap in mine, and he taps me with his thumb. I look up at him, finding that he’s watching me. I smile, knowing something happened back there, we have a better understanding. He opens the passenger door on his mustang and jogs over to get in on his side.
“I love you…tater bug,” he says, smirking as he revs the engine.
I laugh once. “I would prefer the guy I’m sleeping with not call me by the nickname my parents gave me,” I say, crinkling my nose in disgust.
“Guy you’re sleeping with? Baby, I’m much more than that.” He tosses his arm on the back of the seat as he reverses from the parking space. I smile and shake my head, his confidence can’t be matched. And for once he’s right, he’s much more than that.
seventeen
I do a final mirror check. I opted for less makeup tonight, strictly powder and mascara. I pinch my cheeks, making natural color flow to them. Knowing Hayze, my face will be red all night, I think he enjoys embarrassing me. My beige sweater is tight and low cut, without being immodest. I chose a pair of maroon skinnies and brown combat boots. Now that I’m checking every angle in the mirror, I’m having second doubts. I wanted to be myself, not over the top, but maybe I should try for another outfit. It’s basically our first date.
My nerves get the best of me and I chew anxiously on my bottom lip. He hasn’t told me where he’s taking me and that worries me a little. I don’t have enough time to panic, a knock on the door draws me out. I stand, smooth my clothes and my unruly hair and answer it. Hayze stands in front of me, simply dressed in jeans and a tee. His black leather jacket covers his tattoos, there’s something about the combination of his classic car and leather jacket that makes me want to call off the date and pull him in my bed. But I shake that image from my head. I breathe a sigh of relief that he’s not dressed up, but now that I think of it, when has he ever been?
“Ready?” He asks, kissing my cheek.
“You tell me. I don’t even know where we’re going,” I say, gesturing to my outfit.
“You look fine, babe.” I close my door, locking it behind me. “More than fine,” he whispers, coming up to my backside. With a stroke of his hand, he sweeps my hair back and places a kiss behind my ear.
“Stop it,” I giggle and slap him away. Or we won’t make it out.
When we get to the restaurant my stomach is in knots. It’s the same place Corey took me on that…unforgettable date. The smell of Italian knocks into my senses when I open the car door. People spill from the front doors, waiting for their names to be called.
“We have a reservation,” Hayze tells me, seeing my reluctance. I smile at him thankfully, surprised that he thought ahead. When we get to the lobby, I freeze. Chandler and Kassi are seated on a bench. There’s no way to avoid them. They were really nice, but I haven’t talked to any of the group since the night at the cabin. Kassi is the first to see us. She stands and walks unbelievably fast in heels that have to be over five inches. Her soft blonde hair is braided and hanging off her shoulder. Her smile is genuine, making me feel worse about my reaction.
“Taylor, it’s so good to see you again,” she says, smiling. Chandler walks over and slings his arm over her shoulder, splashing his beer in the process.
“Clarke,” he says, tilting his head to Hayze. “Was wondering when I’d see you again.”
Hayze laughs once, but it’s missing humor. “You just saw me last week.”
“Yeah, last time I saw you, you were taken off in cuffs. Good to see you’re out, what happened?” My body goes rigid, I do a quick scan, hoping no one heard him. Chandler’s smiling and I can tell Hayze is trying to play it off as a joke.
“They let us go…It was just a misunderstanding.”
Chandler snorts, “Joel seems to have a lot of those. Goddamn idiot, he was just arrested for shit at your cabin. He won’t ever learn.”
I look at Hayze, confused. “What happened?”
Kassi laughs nervously as she places her hands on Chandler’s chest. “They probably need to get a table, hon, it was good to see you guys.” She waves and practically tows him away from us.
Hayze walks to the front podium tells the hostess his name. Her cheeks heat as she gathers menus. She looks right through me, flirting and batting her eyelashes at him. I find myself, not for the first time, wondering how many girls he’s actually been with. He ignores her, but that just makes her try harder. My head has been foggy since Chandler dropped the bombshell on me. Kassi and Hayze couldn’t separate us fast enough, and that makes me suspicious. We’re seated in a booth in the back, but it’s still surrounded by people. This restaurant is always packed.
Hayze settles in across from me, he grabs his menu and starts looking it over. His eyes are glued intently to the menu and I can’t help but wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.
“What was Chandler talking about?”
He starts coughing, abruptly, his eyes snap up and I see that he’s laughing. I scowl at him and he pulls it together. “I had a bet going on with myself…I thought you would wait until after the food got here.”
“Cute,” I deadpan.
“You never cease to amaze me,” He says with a smirk.
“Stop, what happened?” I grab the menu from him, forcing him in the open.
He groans and rolls his eyes at me. “That night of the wreck he got arrested. And I didn’t tell you because it’s not our business. What the fuck do we care about that guy anyway?”
A gangly redhead walks to our table, pausing our conversation. “Hey guys, I’m Rance, I’ll be your waiter tonight. What can I get you to drink?” He asks passing out drink napkins. His eyes fall on me and he smiles.
“Water is fine,” I say, smiling back at him.
“Miller tap,” he says, his tone is cut dry as he glares at him.
“Can I see…your…never mind,” He says, backing off from Hayze’s hard glare. I smile apologetically as he scrambles from the table with our drink order.
“He was fucking flirting with you right in front of me,” he says, defending himself before I can say anything.
“Yeah? But did you see me glaring at the hostess for flirting with you?”
His nose crinkles as he stares at me, clueless. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing, forget I said anything. So, Joel, why was he arrested?” Another waiter drops our drinks off at the table and leaves garlic bread in front of us. The aroma fills my senses and it takes all restraint I have to stay away from the bread until we finish talking.
He sighs, “He had something on him that he shouldn’t have had.”
And then it hits me. He was adamant about not calling the cops that night. He said we would get arrested. I had to fight to get him to call an ambulance for Jenny and then he rushed us out before they could get there.
“So, that’s why you wanted to leave? You didn’t want us to get arrested?”
He takes a bite of bread, watching me as if I just said the most stupid thing he’s e
ver heard. “Yeah…That’s exactly why I left…I don’t want my girlfriend getting arrested, why would that be a problem?”
“You could’ve stayed and helped them clean up, or do anything you could for them. You don’t just leave your friend to get arrested!” My voice is low, but I still look around, hoping no one hears our constant bickering.
“He’s not my friend.”
“Really, Hayze? Really?”
He drops the breadstick, rubs his hands on the napkin, and tosses it in front of him. The way he looks at me makes me want to back down—pull all of the words hanging in the air back in my mouth, and have a quiet dinner like everyone else in the restaurant. “If I remember correctly, and I do because I was the only fucking sober one there, I beat the shit out of him for being a dick to you. I got you out of there as fast as I could so you wouldn’t get arrested and I didn’t say a damn word about it. Any sane person would be thanking me, but you,” He laughs without humor, attempting to calm himself down. “You, just want to pick a fight with me. Why the hell does it matter that some dumb fuck was arrested for having coke after we already left?”
“Coke?” I scrunch my nose and he nods his head. “How much of it did you actually do for me, Hayze? You’re telling me Joel didn’t piss you off about something else, or maybe you didn’t want to get arrested?”
“Look, this can go two ways, we stop fighting…or not.” He shrugs, nonchalant. “Either way, I’m not leaving you alone. I’m not going to give up on this because we can’t get our shit together. You can make me the happiest man in the world or nag me until I throw this fucking bread basket through the window, but I’m not going anywhere, because you do both of those things better than anyone I’ve ever known. And for some reason un-fucking-known to me, you love me, I’ll take you either way, any day of the week.”
Hazed (Hazed & Unfazed #1) Page 18
