by Leen Elle
"Because it just does," was all I managed to say.
The rest of the day went by pretty much uneventfully. Halley was in most of my classes and I showed her around whenever I could. I got some looks from people and some random people gave me hugs throughout the day. I guess I had forgotten that people weren't able to show their pity for me when Maddy first died because it had been on the last day of school. Apparently they held in their sympathy for me all summer.
Nathan picked me up after school and brought me to his apartment for half an hour before I would have to go to work. We had only been in the apartment a few minutes before Nathan had his hands on me. He led me into his bedroom, and before I knew it he was on top of me pulling at my clothes.
"Wait. Stop," I said, pushing his hands off of me.
"Come on," he said, still kissing my lips and neck. "Don't you love me?" The line went off like a bomb in my head, echoing through my mind.
I bolted upright. "What did you say?" I asked with wide eyes. I was never going to fall for that trick.
"I said, don't you love me?"
"I think the real question is, do you love me?" I said.
"Of course I love you," he said, starting to tug at my jeans. I pushed his hands off me.
"If you really loved me you wouldn't be trying to get me to do something I don't want to do." I stood up and walked towards the door. "I'm going to work." I slipped on my shoes and walked out the door before he could stop me.
I wasn't sure what to do once my shift ended. I was almost afraid to go back to Nathan's, but I knew I couldn't go home. I decided to risk going to Nathan's apartment. When I got there his car wasn't, and then I remembered that he had work until 10 o'clock. A surge of relief swept over me.
I went to the guest room where I was staying and sat down on the bed. I noticed a plastic bag sticking out of the corner of my suitcase. I picked it up and realized it was the bad of stuff I had taken from Maddy's room before her parents moved away.
I picked up the bottle of perfume and brought it to my nose. The scent seemed to fill my whole body, and it almost seemed like she was sitting right next to me. Her charm bracelet jingled and the sound of her foot steps went off in my head. I looked at the picture and saw her beautiful, smiling face. My eyes burned with tears, but I brushed them away.
"How could you do this to me Maddy?" I said aloud. "How could you leave me? My whole world is falling apart. I'm lost without you." I couldn't hold my tears any longer and I collapsed onto my bed in a fit of sobs.
I heard a noise near the door and looked up. Nathan was standing in my doorway. "What are you doing here?" I asked through my tears.
"They let me leave early," he said coming to sit down next to me. "What's wrong babe? Why are you crying?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. Everything is just falling apart."
He put an arm around my shoulders. "Don't cry baby. I hate to see you so sad," he said. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk earlier. You're right, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to."
I wasn't sure I believed what he was saying, but I wanted to remain in his arms. I could hear Maddy's voice in my mind. Don't listen to him, she was saying. You're supposed to be with Cael.
Chapter Twenty
I could never get away from Cael, not with him as my Physics partner. "Your dad came asking for you again, Nev," he said that morning during homeroom. "I couldn't just not tell him where his daughter was."
"What?" I said. "You told him where I was?"
"Well he kind of already knew. He saw you go off with that guy. He just doesn't know how to contact you."
"Well good," I replied. "I don't want him to contact me."
"Nevaeh, you can't just hide from him forever," Cael argued. "You're his daughter. You're only sixteen years old. Besides, what happens when you and Nathan break up?"
I shot him a look. "Who says we're going to break up?" I said defensively.
"Come on," he said. "You really think you're going to be together forever?"
I glared at him. "Oh, like you and Kyla are really going to last," I said sarcastically.
"Hey, what we have is real," he replied. "She likes me for who I am. Can you say that about Nathan? I'm sure he's already tried to get something from you."
My mouth dropped. I didn't know what to say. "Of course he hasn't!" I lied. "Nathan loves me for who I am, not what I can give him. He would never pressure me into doing something I wouldn't want to do."
"Maybe he didn't have to pressure you," he said suspiciously.
I stared at him with widened eyes, amazed at what he said. I could tell by his face that he wished he hadn't said that. He knew instantly that he had went too far.
"Nevaeh," he said with regret in his voice.
I picked up my books and stood up. "I hope you and Kyla have a very nice life." I turned and walked out of the room.
I didn't know where to go, all I knew was that I didn't want to stick around. I got my backpack from out of my locker and left the building. When I got outside I saw a familiar car sitting in the parking lot. I looked at the woman sitting in the driver's seat. It was Jasmine.
She saw me before I could run away. She opened her car door. "Nevaeh!" she called. "Come here!"
I shook my head. "I'm not going with you!" I yelled back.
Despite the distance, I could tell she was crying. "It's your father," she yelled. "He's been in an accident."
It took me a moment to process the information, but once I did my head began to ache. "He's what?" I asked.
"Come on," she said. It didn't matter that I couldn't stand her. I ran to her anyway. "Get in the car." She got in the driver's seat and I ran around to the passenger side door.
"What happened?" I asked.
She wiped her tears. "He was in a car accident on his way home from work last night," she said shakily.
"Is he alright?"
She shook her head. "He fell into a coma early this morning. Even if he wakes up it's possible he could be paralyzed."
"Oh my God," I exclaimed. "Have you been to see him yet?"
"No," she replied. "I was too afraid to go alone." We arrived at the hospital 10 minutes later and were directed to my father's room. We found a nurse and asked if we could go in to see him. She told us it was fine.
"I'll let you go in first by yourself if you want," Jasmine said. It surprised me. It was like she acted normal under pressure, almost likeable.
I went in my father's room and saw him lying on his hospital bed, bandages on his head and arms. It was weird seeing him so helpless. I could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor, and I watched his chest rise and fall. I had never been very close to my father, which would explain why seeing him that way didn't have as much impact on me as it should have. But I couldn't lose my father.
I suddenly realized that the last time I had seen him was when I knocked him over with my suitcase and ran out the door. I knew that people could sometimes hear you when they were in a coma so I decided to try and free myself from some guilt.
"Dad," I said quietly. "It's me, Nevaeh." His eyes flickered slightly but did not open. "You've probably been wondering where I've been. Well, I've been at Nathan's, but I know you already knew that. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Ever since Maddy died everything has just been changing so fast. I guess I just wasn't ready for such a big change. You know, it's hard for me, never being an important priority to you. I've never even admitted this to myself, but I think one of the reasons I've hated Jasmine so much is because she so easily won your heart when I never could. I guess there's always been a part of me that just wanted to be an important part of your life. I'm sorry."
I turned around to see Jasmine standing behind me. She took a step back. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help overhearing," she said. "Your father does love you a lot. Even though you think you're not important to him, you are. He's been going crazy worrying about you for the last few days."
"I know I shouldn't have left, but it was all just
too much for me," I said.
She nodded. "I understand," she said. "We did kind of spring all that stuff on you pretty fast. I wasn't trying to take over. I wasn't trying to take away your father's attention from you."
I shook my head. "You didn't," I said. "Before you it was his work that kept him occupied. Ever since my mom died he just hasn't been around. I was only five when she died, so I don't have very many memories of my dad and I actually being together."
She sat down on the floor next to me. "Maybe he just couldn't stand being around you."
I raised my eyebrows. "That's harsh."
"No, that's not what I meant," she said. "Maybe he just saw so much of your mother in you." I thought about that for a minute. "Maybe it just hurt him too much."
I looked at her. "You think he's going to be okay?"
She stared at me with such intensity in her eyes that I had to look away. "I've learned not to get your hopes up too high in life. Miracles don't often come."
I listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor and watched the rise and fall of my father's chest. "Sometimes they do."
Chapter Twenty-One
It was 11 o'clock when Jasmine and I left the hospital. I didn't want to go back to school, but I didn't want to go home with Jasmine either.
"So where am I taking you?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"You probably don't want to go home, do you?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, not really."
"Well, I can take you to wherever it is you've been staying," she offered.
"Would you mind just dropping me off at the mall?" I asked. I didn't want her to know where Nathan's apartment was. I was afraid she might come there and try to make me come home.
"If that's what you want," she said. "But will you be able to get to your boyfriend's place from there?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine." I took a piece of paper from my backpack and wrote down the number to Nathan's apartment. When we got to the mall I gave it to her. "Here, take this. If you ever want some company at the hospital just call me."
She smiled and I stepped out of the car. I waited until her car was no longer in sight and started to walk towards Nathan's apartment. When I got there he was sitting on the couch watching TV.
He looked up when I walked in the door. "Hey!" he said, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"My dad's in a coma," I said blankly.
He stood up. "He's what? What happened?"
He came towards me and pulled me into a hug. "He was in a car accident last night," I said.
"Is he going to be okay?"
"I don't know," I said quietly.
"Come on," he said taking my hand. He sat down on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. For a minute he just held me and then he began to kiss me. He laid me down on the couch and ran his hands up my shirt. I felt his hands move to the zipper of my pants.
I grabbed hold of his shoulders and pushed him so hard that he fell off the couch and onto the floor. "What the hell!" he yelled.
I got up off the couch and stood over him as he lay on the floor. "No, don't you 'what the hell' me! What is your problem? My dad's in a coma and you decide this is a good time to try to get what you want out of me!" I screamed. "God how stupid do you think I am? Forget it Nathan! I'm not living with you anymore. Jesus, I'm not safe for 2 minutes around you!"
"Wait!" he said as I turned to walk away.
"What?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "I just love you so much. Just give me one more chance. I'll be better."
"I don't think I can trust you anymore," I said.
He stood up and took my hand. "This time you can trust me. I promise."
* * *
"Mr. Kelly, could I switch seats please? I'm afraid I'm going to be too distracted where I'm sitting right now," I told my Physics teacher the next morning. I glanced at Cael out of the corner of my eye. He almost looked hurt.
"Sure Nevaeh, if you think you would be more focused somewhere else," Mr. Kelly replied. I nodded. He moved me to a table in the back of the room next to Halley.
She smiled. "Hey, I guess we're partners now," she said.
"Yep," I replied.
"So how come you haven't been over to my house lately?" she asked.
"Well actually, I left my house."
She raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean, you left?"
"I moved in with my boyfriend," I said. She looked shocked.
"Oh. How come?" she asked.
"I just couldn't take living with my dad and Jasmine anymore."
"Well, how long are you going to stay with him?" she asked.
I shook my head. "I have no idea. I don't know what to do anymore."
"Well you could always stay with us," she offered. "My mother would be happy to have you."
I smiled. "Thanks, but I'll be okay. I'll figure something out."
"Okay, but if you're ever desperate for some place to go you are always welcome at my house," she said.
After school I walked outside and saw Nathan waiting for me in his car. I was surprised to see him. The only other time he'd picked me up from school was on the first day. I thought he might be trying to make it up to me.
"Nevaeh!" I heard someone call from behind me. I turned around. It was Cael. "Nevaeh wait!" I ignored him and kept walking. He caught up to me and grabbed my hand to stop me.
"What do you want?" I asked impatiently.
"I wanted to apologize for yesterday," he said. "I went too far."
"It doesn't matter," I said. "Forget about it."
"It does matter. It's like you can't even stand me anymore. What's going on? What happened to our friendship?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I guess it just wasn't meant to be." I heard Nathan honk his horn. "I have to go." I turned and left without another word. I was leaving everything I wanted behind.
"Hey," I said when I got into Nathan's car.
"Is there something going on between you two?" he asked, looking at Cael suspiciously.
I shook my head. "No," I said. "We're not really even friends anymore."
He glared at me. "I saw the way he looked at you."
"What way?"
"Don't play dumb with me," he said, growing angry. "Don't you dare lie to me."
"I'm not lying," I pleaded. "I swear."
"I don't believe you," he shouted.
"I'm telling you the truth! There's nothing going on between us!" I watched his hand rise and fall hard across my face. I didn't even have time to react. I put my hand to my cheek, unable to believe what he had just done. It hurt, like a pain I never knew.
I looked at him with wide eyes. A look of hatred was painted on his face. I glanced out the window and saw Cael standing there, staring at me, his jaw dropped. Tears began to form in my eyes.
"We're going home," Nathan said sternly, starting the car. The passenger door opened and I turned to see Cael standing there.
"She's not going anywhere with you," he said holding his hand out to me. "Come on."
I looked back at Nathan, anger still in his eyes. "Don't you dare step out that door," he said, grabbing my arm firmly. I pulled it away and took Cael's hand.
Nathan looked dumbfounded. "You're not going to hurt me anymore," I said, slamming the door behind me.
"You were such a waste of time!" he screamed before speeding away.
I burst into tears and fell into Cael's arms. "I was so stupid!" I screamed. "What's wrong with me!" Cael held his arms tight around me.
"It's okay baby," he said softly. "It's okay."
I looked up at him. "You called me baby."
He smiled and put his hand to my cheek. "I'm so sorry," he said.
"Don't be," I said through my tears. "You didn't do anything."
He leaned forward and lightly kissed the bruise on my cheek. "Nevaeh," he said, looking straight into my eyes.
"Yeah?"
He stared at me for what seemed like forever. I waited sil
ently for him to speak. He continued to stare at me, and I could see he had words forming on his lips but couldn't to speak them. But suddenly his gaze fell to the ground, and just like always, he couldn't seem to look at me. "Do you want me to take you home?" he said finally.
My heart dropped. For a moment I had thought that there was something there. But whatever flicker of hope I had seen was gone. I shook my head. "No, take me to the hospital."
Chapter Twenty-Two
"The hospital?" he asked, looking confused.
"Yeah, my dad's there. He's in a coma," I said.
His eyes widened. "What? What happened?"
"He got in a car accident," I said. "Come on. Let's just go."
Cael and I got into his car and drove to the hospital. When we got there Cael followed me to my dad's room. Jasmine was there too.
"Hi," she said, smiling weakly when she saw us. "Oh my God, what happened to your face?"
I put my hand to my cheek. "It's nothing. I just fell. Any change?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Cael looked at me. I ignored him.
