Elizabeth accepted the censure and returned to her book. Lydia, on the other hand, began speaking again.
“But, Mama, Mr. Collins spoke of Mr. Darcy quite often. We could prevail on our relation to Mr. Collins.”
“No,” Elizabeth protested in a much lower voice this time. “Mr. Darcy is”—Elizabeth struggled to find the words—“Mr. Darcy would consider it impolite. He is Lady Catherine’s nephew, and I doubt he gives much importance to his acquaintance with Mr. Collins.”
“Lizzy is right,” Mrs. Bennet said, and for a moment Elizabeth thought her mother had seen reason, only to discover an instant later that she had been wrong. “Men like him do not care about the sufferings of poor souls like us. And if he is as unpleasant as Mr. Collins and Lizzy said, he will only ruin our first meeting with Mr. Bingley. Even worse, his proud manners might even deter Mr. Bingley’s interest from Jane. We must avoid this on all accounts. But never mind. We shall meet Mr. Bingley one way or another. That I shall promise you.”
***
Elizabeth preferred solitude that afternoon; remaining in the house meant hearing her mother repeat herself again, and she could take it no longer. Jane, unfortunately, was forced to sit with Mrs. Bennet in the drawing room, but Elizabeth made use of her chance to escape and went to the pond, the place she could think without being questioned.
She deeply regretted having spoken so impetuously against seeing Mr. Darcy again. She knew she should not have done that. And not because she had changed her mind about the gentleman but because, in doing so, she felt that she invited others to inquire about their acquaintance.
No one will ever know that I allowed myself to be fooled by Mr. Darcy’s good appearance. I can hardly accept it myself!
After the discussion, Elizabeth most feared Jane’s questions on the matter. But even when they were alone, Jane would not impose questions on her sister that made her uncomfortable. Jane’s delicacy was stronger than her curiosity.
Elizabeth wished more than anything to erase Mr. Darcy from her mind, but she found it impossible. She had hoped in vain that his memory had faded since their meeting in Kent.
I cannot understand myself at all! Why does this man stay in my mind with such a strong presence? I was quite comfortable before meeting him. Now… Elizabeth paused, knowing that she was afraid to finish her thought.
Together with the painful realization of being preoccupied with Mr. Darcy’s strong presence, Elizabeth understood that she needed to make plans to react and behave properly. The prospect of meeting the gentleman seemed likely. How soon or for how long, she did not know. The length of Mr. Darcy’s presence at Netherfield and his purpose were still a mystery.
If he remained at Netherfield only a couple of days, the matter would resolve itself. She could stay in the house and avoid walking to Meryton until the peril had passed. But for a longer period of time… Oh, this is all such nonsense. I have no reason to hide from him when we meet. I shall treat him with indifference, for he is nothing to me. He never was and never will be!
“What are you doing all alone here?” Elizabeth turned, surprised by the interruption.
“Papa!” she exclaimed, relieved. “I just needed some time by myself. To think.”
“About what?”
She blushed and averted her eyes. “Mr. Bingley’s arrival seems to have affected Mama much more than I expected. She is determined to have him visit us.”
Mr. Bennet drew near his daughter, placing his hand gently over her shoulder. “Do you think it a good idea? To have Mr. Bingley in our home?”
“For Jane’s sake, yes. She seems inclined to favour Mr. Bingley. But—”
“I know—‘but’! Alas, we must be prepared for all possibilities as I invited Mr. Bingley to call on us.”
Elizabeth widened her eyes in surprise, incredulous at what she had heard.
“I paid him a visit yesterday, and we happened upon each other again today while I took a ride. He was very friendly and expressed his desire to meet you all soon. Now that I have seen for myself what kind of fellow is he, I think his company will be quite pleasant.”
“Truly? Oh, Papa, I cannot believe it. Will you not tell me more of what you have found? He made a good impression on you then?”
“He is a fine man, Lizzy. And if God will allow your mother’s wish to come true and he and Jane form an attachment in the future—which of course is more a dream than a reality—I do think they would make a perfect couple. But my child, you must promise not to say a word to your mother about this, or I shall not hear the end of it for weeks.”
Elizabeth was astonished. The notion that Mr. Bennet had done what his family begged him to do for so long and refused to confess it to them was nothing new. He had a peculiar sense of humour and—as much as he loved his wife and daughters—he would not trade his amusement for their tranquillity.
But instead of answering her father’s jest—as she used to do—Elizabeth fell even deeper into her thoughts, struggling to find a clever way to introduce Mr. Darcy’s name into the conversation. She wanted to know whether her father had met the gentleman that she was so eager to avoid.
Eventually, she simply inquired, “Will Mr. Bingley call on us alone?”
In waiting for her father’s answer, Elizabeth found her heart pounding faster than before.
“I think so. He has not mentioned anyone else who would accompany him. Why—did you expect him to be accompanied?”
“No!” Elizabeth answered hastily, and Mr. Bennet’s eyebrow rose in puzzlement.
“Is there something you would like to tell me, Elizabeth?” Her father never called her Elizabeth, with the worthy exception of a serious occasion.
“Since you returned from Kent, I have seen you changed. I have not questioned you because I thought you trusted me enough to tell me. Has Mr. Collins done or said anything to you?”
“No, no, no! Nothing Mr. Collins says or does can bother me.”
“I know, but I also know there are things that trouble you. I have observed you most carefully, and I shall not force you to tell me what you do not want, but please know that you will always find comfort in your old father.”
Elizabeth hugged him warmly and smiled.
At last, she heard her father say, “And now, will you come inside with me and help me deliver the news of Mr. Bingley to your mother? I confess I am in a terrible fright of doing it alone.”
Elizabeth laughed and walked towards the house in higher spirits.
***
Mr. Bennet’s news brought Mrs. Bennet beyond the edge of her nerves, and her excitement kept her restless until noon the next day. The notion that Mr. Bingley was expected to call on Mr. Bennet and they could see him in their house, even briefly, was also a cause of distraction to Elizabeth and her sisters, although for different reasons. Mrs. Bennet asked Hill to have fish, cold meat, at least three types of cheese, three types of sweets, and various fruits prepared in case the gentleman might wish refreshments.
However, their hopes were soon shattered. The next day, their servant John arrived from the market with the news that Mr. Bingley had left for Town on urgent business; he would be gone for a week. The news brought devastation to Mrs. Bennet who was sure that Mr. Bingley’s idea was not to settle in the country after all and that he fixed a week’s time to leave entirely.
“How will the gentleman ever wed if he is not even willing to move away from Town?” Mrs. Bennet complained to her husband.
“I have advised you, Mrs. Bennet, not to feed hopes that cannot be entertained.”
For Elizabeth, Mr. Bingley’s departure meant another departure as well. She was once again free to enjoy her walks without fearing a chance encounter with Mr. Darcy. She had heard little of him except for reports that he had been seen in Meryton once or twice, accompanied by Mr. and Miss Bingley.
On the following day, Mrs. Bennet’s spirits rose again when she heard rumours that Mr. Bingley might return for the Meryton assembly after all, and bring a
large party of friends. If this was true, Elizabeth knew she would have no means of escaping Mr. Darcy’s attention should he accompany Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth followed all such conversation with a mask of indifference, but the days and nights that passed were not without distress.
When Mr. Bingley returned a few days later, rumours varied on the number of people accompanying him, but Mr. Darcy’s presence was confirmed. Though more than one family in the neighbourhood viewed Mr. Darcy as one of their own—he was single and in possession of a large fortune—there was one lady in particular who cared for him not at all: Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She partook in the preparations for the ball with little interest. With Mrs. Bennet on one side and Lydia on the other, the house buzzed with talk of gowns and lace. Jane had the most difficult role, as she was required to participate in every activity suggested by Mrs. Bennet.
Thus, Jane danced and rehearsed every possible subject of discussion that Mr. Bingley or his sisters might raise. Mrs. Bennet had even considered her practicing a proper faint, but Jane refused, mortified at employing such dishonest tricks.
“By God, everyone has gone crazy in this house,” Elizabeth heard her father speak out of his usual temper on the day of the assembly when Lydia and Kitty quarrelled noisily about a gown that favoured them both. “I have come to believe that a ball is the cruellest punishment. If single gentlemen were to find out exactly what it costs them afterwards, none of them would attend.”
Elizabeth smiled bitterly, wishing she could be excluded from it all.
Chance came to her aid on the day of the ball when Mary fell ill. It started with a simple cold that by evening had turned into something more serious. Mary coughed constantly, and she seemed taken with fever. She was thus kept separate in her room with only Elizabeth and a maid to visit her.
Mrs. Bennet did not allow Jane to visit her ill sister. “We cannot have you fall sick before you see Mr. Bingley,” she repeated several times to her eldest daughter.
“Mama, we cannot all go to the ball and leave Mary alone,” Jane protested.
“Have you completely lost you wit, Jane?” Mrs. Bennet replied in disbelief. “Surely, you would not consider staying home and losing the greatest chance of your life! Mary will be fine; Hill and John will be with her. Besides, no daughter of mine has ever fallen seriously ill; we only cough from time to time.”
“But we cannot leave the entire burden on Hill’s shoulders. You know she can barely climb the stairs,” Elizabeth spoke indignantly.
“Then, if you please, Lizzy, you can remain home and take care of her yourself.”
And that was that. Elizabeth remained home. When she thought of the way things turned out, Elizabeth knew it was for the best. After everyone left for the assembly, she spent most of her time in Mary’s bedchamber. Her sister seemed to improve towards evening, so Elizabeth retired to her room, allowing herself a few moments of reflection. She wondered what was happening at the Meryton assembly and whether Mr. Darcy made an appearance with Mr. Bingley or… She pensively looked out her window a few minutes until a noise in Mary’s room alerted her. She hurried there and opened the door in haste, only to encounter her younger sister seated by the candlelit window with a book in her hand.
Mary immediately tried to hide her book under the blanket she had wrapped around her, but Elizabeth was quicker and drew near her at once.
“Mary, what are you doing? Why did you leave your bed?”
Mary sat in guilty silence for a few moments. “Lizzy, please, do not be upset with me. I have deceived you…I am not ill. I just did not want to go to the ball.”
“You pretended to be sick so that you could avoid the ball?” Elizabeth repeated incredulously.
Mary’s eyes filled with tears, and in a pleading voice, she said, “Please, Lizzy, forgive me for ruining your evening, It was never my intention. I hoped Mama would let me remain home under the care of Hill. It seemed like such a simple plan; I never expected you would choose to stay with me.”
Elizabeth waited until Mary calmed and asked again, “Perhaps, you would care to tell me why you employed this trick?”
“I just hate balls…” Mary admitted in puzzling honesty. “I know that Lydia, and Kitty, and Jane, and even yourself find great amusement in them, but I feel miserable and out of place when I am there. Lizzy, I am not entertaining, and I do not enjoy conversation; I find my only refuge in books. And I do feel different when I read, Lizzy. In fact, this is all that I want to do in life. Please say you understand!”
Elizabeth was overwhelmed by emotion as she listened to Mary. She had never thought that her younger sister had such thoughts. Mary—Elizabeth thought—had always been a reserved child, spending most of her time alone. But only now did Elizabeth understand that Mary was actually hiding from everyone else.
She realized that Mary had always been neglected by the rest of the famil—even by herself—and the revelation pained her. Elizabeth caressed Mary’s loose hair, trying to sound as encouraging as she could.
“I am glad you have found a way to be yourself, Mary, but there is no need for lies.”
“I swear, I did not mean to ruin your evening, Lizzy.”
“It is not that. It was my own choice to remain home. I am your sister, and I do hope you will come to me if you want to share other things with someone.”
Mary smiled then added fearfully, “Will you tell Mama?”
Elizabeth sat by Mary’s bed and looked at her as if for the first time.
“I shall tell you a secret; you have done me a great favour tonight, and I shall repay you with my silence. Now, will you not tell me what you are reading? Oh, and I was thinking—perhaps we could play together sometimes at the piano forte.”
“I would like that very much, Lizzy!”
“Now, no more reading tonight, please. I do not wish you to fall asleep with your candle burning.”
The sisters engaged in conversation then had a light dinner and witty discussions on various subjects. It was long after midnight when Mary declared a wish to sleep and Elizabeth returned to her room.
Elizabeth sat on the edge of her bed, ready to prepare for the night, when she heard noises outside. She hurried to the window and saw the carriage arriving; almost immediately, Mrs. Bennet’s voice resounded gaily in the hall.
“Upon my word, I have rarely enjoyed such a lovely night in my life!”
Elizabeth left her room and stood at the top of the stairs, listening to Lydia and Kitty supporting their mother and declaring the evening had been delightful, a most excellent assembly, as they had danced every set. Elizabeth’s eyes turned towards the silent Jane and met her pleased countenance and glowing face. Although more restrained in expressing her delight, her elder sister appeared to have enjoyed her evening as much as the younger ones. .
“Lizzy,” Mrs. Bennet cried upon seeing her, “what a night you have missed! What a night! Mr. Bingley had eyes only for our Jane. The success of it!”
Elizabeth descended the stairs in curiosity as Lydia and Kitty ran to their room, almost knocking her down.
“Mama is exaggerating, but it is safe to say that Mr. Bingley is indeed the gentleman we thought he was,” Jane replied with humility when they could hear each other again.
Mrs. Bennet sighed contentedly. “Jane was so admired, and Mr. Bingley had eyes only for her. Everyone said how well she looked, and Mr. Bingley even complimented her appearance. For sure, he danced the first set with Jane, then one with Maria Lucas—and I was so frightened that he would favour her for the entire night—then he claimed Jane’s hand once again for another set! Can you imagine that? Oh, the glory!”
Elizabeth looked at her father, who only rolled his eyes in exasperation.
“Lizzy, how is Mary?” Mr. Bennet inquired briefly, hoping Mrs. Bennet would feel compelled to remember the daughter left at home. She, however, paid no attention when Elizabeth answered.
“She is fine, Papa; she is resting now, but I dare say we have no cause for concern.”
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“Then I shall retire myself. I am too old for balls and late nights. Good night, everyone!”
Mr. Bennet disappeared quickly into his bedchamber. Mrs. Bennet, however, was much too excited to think of sleep, so, opening the doors to the drawing room, she went on.
“Mr. Bingley has promised to call on us soon, Lizzy. And he has apologized for not having kept his earlier promise. So elegant in manners! And his sister Caroline—such a fine lady! Just like the other sister Mrs. Hurst! Excellent people, I tell you! Anyway, Miss Bingley has taken to Jane, carrying on with her as if they had known each other forever. It is a good sign, is it not?”
“Miss Bingley has been kind, indeed, to invite me to visit her tomorrow,” Jane added in explanation. “She told me I should ask you to join me, Lizzy.”
“Tomorrow?” Elizabeth said in some panic.
Mrs. Bennet continued animatedly. “And you will go, Jane! You cannot refuse such a lovely invitation. I am not sure, however, whether Lizzy should accompany you.”
“Why, Mama?” Jane asked, puzzled as Elizabeth remained silent, content Mrs. Bennet’s suggestion.
“Jane, my dear, you and Mr. Bingley are just starting to know each other. We should allow that to continue, should we not?”
Mrs. Bennet smiled and paused dramatically for a moment as if remembering something that had bothered her all along.
“The one I do not care about is that Mr. Darcy! What an insufferable man! Always in the proximity of Mr. Bingley! Mr. Collins did not exaggerate in describing him as he did. And you were right also in not wanting to see him again. Imagine, Lizzy, the room was full of women, and Mr. Darcy did not dance with any of them, just paced around the room, observing everyone. And not with a kind eye. Not one set. Not even with Jane. And do you know why? Tell Elizabeth, Jane!
“Mother, please!” Jane pleaded in vain.
“Very well, then. I shall tell her myself. I heard him say to Mr. Bingley that, since he knew no one in the hall, he would not dance. It was so obvious that he treated everyone with disdain and contempt. I cannot understand how anyone as enchanting as Mr. Bingley could have Mr. Darcy as a friend.”
Meant to Be: A Pride and Prejudice Variation Page 12
