I stare down at him with disbelief, then horror as I scramble down next to him. “Khristos!” I yell with alarm as I pat at Nathan's cheeks desperately. “Nathan?”
My door flies open, and I look up as Khristos strides in. He quickly drops down next to Nathan and checks his pulse. He looks at me and gives me a reassuring smile. “He's fine. You just took more than what I thought you would. We have to work on your control so you can feed in public.”
I ignore his comment and stare at him worriedly. “He's okay? You're sure?”
Khristos's eyes roam over Nathan, and they settle on a small damp spot on the front of Nathan's jeans. When he looks up at me, there's no mistaking the laughter in his eyes. “Trust me, he'll be fine. He'll wake up feeling...pretty good.”
A fine line appears between my eyebrows as my eyes flicker to Nathan's jeans. When I realize what it means, I scramble away from him and dart across the room. I cross my arms over my chest with embarrassment as I avoid looking at Khristos. I look everywhere but at him and Nathan.
“Trace,” Khristos calls.
I look up and see Trace appear in the open doorway of my room.
“Take Nathan to the guest room,” Khristos says as he lithely rises to his feet.
My face is still red hot as I watch Trace walk over to Nathan. He bends down and easily hefts him over his broad shoulder before turning and exiting the room without a word.
Khristos turns on me, eyes serious. “Feeling better?”
It all sinks in, and my heart begins to thud out of control. My breaths come in quick pants, and I begin to feel light-headed. It's real.
Khristos quickly approaches me. “Head down, long deep breaths,” he orders as he pushes my back down, forcing me to lean over so that my hands are braced on my knees. My head drops forward as I try to control my breathing.
I'm a succubus.
There is simply no other explanation. I felt Nathan's essence as it flowed into my body. I...recognized it for what it was. My eyes close tightly. I'm part of a demonic family.
I'm a demon.
Khristos rubs my back. “Better?”
I jerk away from his touch and straighten up to face him. “Better?” I ask with sarcastic incredulity now that I can breathe normally again. “I just found out I'm a demon. No, I'm not better,” I snap.
“Part,” he corrects.
“Whether I'm fifty percent or one-hundred percent demon, I'm still a demon,” I point out.
His eyes scan mine. “It'll be a bit of an adjustment,” he agrees.
A bit of an adjustment? That's an understatement. I turn away and begin to pace, because I can't seem to stand still. The second I'd ended the kiss with Nathan, my body's been feeling restless. “I don't understand any of this,” I tell him. “Why am I this way? Why do I have to take someone else's energy?”
Khristos looks at me with that damn, impenetrable calmness of his. “You're the product of a human and incubus conception. Your mother unknowingly slept with an incubus, and she got pregnant. Most incubi take a form of birth control, because no matter what folklores say, we don't go around trying to impregnate every female we feed from,” he says dryly. “Sometimes our method of birth control gets low before we're aware of it, which can lead to unexpected...pregnancies. Our kind knows when a living seed has...ah, reached its destination,” he says tactfully. “We can sense the conception. My brother sensed it after he left your mother, and he kept tabs on her. Once he died, I took over and kept track of you and your mom.”
I halt my pacing to pause several feet in front of him. “I figured out you'd been watching me way before Brad attacked me.”
He nods. “Most succubi and incubi come into their powers at the age sixteen. Their energy begins to decrease, and that's of the age where they need to start learning our ways and feed. The female succubi are a little trickier to predict. All males born from an incubus are full incubus. Females on the other hand are kind of what you would say a touch and go of genetics. There's a fifty percent chance the incubus genes will become apparent, and sometimes the female’s human DNA will reject them completely. This is how some females born from a human and incubus conception turn out to be completely human. The other fifty percent have the genes, and it either flourishes within them, or it mutates, causing a partial succubus. When you showed no signs of debilitation by the time you turned seventeen, I quit having you watched on a regular basis. Then, the incident with Brad occurred, and I realized we were wrong. Usually a succubus has an aura of power, as do all supernaturals. We can sense it among other supernaturals, though you may not ever be able to sense another’s aura, not with being only part succubus. However, you never had that aura, I couldn’t sense it. At least not until I moved you here. Once you were among your own kind, it began to develop, but it never got stronger than a faint trace of it. This is how I know you can feed off a kiss. Your aura would be a lot stronger if you had the full genes.”
“I still don't get it. Why do I need to feed at all? You say we lose energy or something?”
“Yes,” Khristos nods. “As adolescents, you can't feed. Everything has to mature in our world before they begin to embrace what they are. Once our kind is of age, we can't sustain our own energy anymore, I guess you could say it's like our life force. You know how people need to eat and sleep to survive?”
I nod.
“Well, with humans, their stomachs empty of food, and their energy fades, causing them to need rest or to replenish their body with food. It's the same for us, but instead of just food and rest, we also need energy. Our body doesn't sustain it on its own. It eventually begins to fade, and we need to take it from elsewhere or we die.”
I mull over what he says. “Okay. But why does it have to be during sex? And even if I'm half-succubus, how was it I could feed through a kiss instead of sex?” I ask as I look at him expectantly.
Khristos gives me an approving look. Evidently, I'm asking all the right questions. “We can't steal someone's energy, it won't sustain us. When it's forced out of someone, it does something to their life force and energy. It begins to deteriorate immediately the second you try to take it. By the time you get it in your own body, it's practically non-existent. It won't last but for an hour, maybe two,” he explains.
“So the energy has to be freely given?”
“Yes. The best energy is taken when a human is active or excited. A happy human means potent energy. Sex is ideal because the energy is the strongest during this time. Plus, a lot of humans lose consciousness after they've been fed from, and most just assume they fell asleep afterwards. We feed, and they never know any better. You can't just walk up to someone who's jogging and kiss them. Well, you can, but I doubt they'd be all that willing,” he muses. “Sex has been our way of feeding for centuries.”
“Can a succubus or incubus feed during a heavy make out session instead?” I ask curiously.
Khristos shakes his head. “Someone like yourself can, but we can't. The energy isn't as potent. We tend to feed while the human is ah...reaching their highest moment of pleasure. A make out session, as you call it, doesn't give us the strongest potency that we need. Because the genes are mutated, you only need about twenty percent of what we generally take. You also don't need it at the strongest level. Weak energy will still sustain you, because you aren't considered a full succubus. Of course, you can feed through sex if you'd like, and it'll likely keep you well fed for quite some time compared to just a kiss. But I guess that will be up to you. As for tonight, Nathan passed out because you were too low, and you didn't know enough to pull back when you'd had enough.”
“Could I have hurt him?” I ask with alarm.
“No,” he assures. “You don't have the ability to contain a human’s entire life force or energy inside you. The human would pass out like Nathan did, putting a halt to the feeding.”
My head tilts as I ask, “So, if I only need twenty percent of what you usually take, does that make me twenty percent demon instead of fifty percent?
”
Khristos chuckles. “No. You're still half.”
I'm silent for a long moment, and I chew my bottom lip as I process all this new information. I look at him suddenly. “So all this time, I've been feeding off Brad?”
This has him sobering up. “Yes. If you were sleeping with him, you were more likely feeding through sex without even knowing it.”
“You said...that regularly feeding from a human can cause insanity?” I ask softly.
Khristos walks over to me, and he stares down at me with surprising gentleness. “You didn't know, Livvy.”
“How?” I ask abruptly as I gaze up at him. “How could he go insane like that?”
“Remember how I told you that a succubus or incubus can become like a drug to a human?”
I nod.
“That's what happened. Our kind gives off very strong pheromones. It's how we get the humans to want us, to give us what we need. He became addicted to you and the pheromones. His body grew accustomed to it, and it got to the point that he couldn't be without you,” he says quietly.
Tears fill my eyes as I realize I'm the reason Brad is in a coma. Not just because I hit him in the head with the bat, but because I'm the one who'd driven him insane.
Khristos touches my shoulders. “You can't blame yourself, Livvy. You couldn't have known—”
I shrug away from his touch and look at him accusingly. “It's your fault, too. You've been watching me for years, right?”
His jaw clenches, and he stares at me mutely.
I glare at him with simmering eyes. “I was dating him for almost a year. How would you not think I might be feeding from him? I wouldn't show any signs if I was feeding off someone. You had to have known about him.”
“You started dating him shortly before your seventeen birthday. You hadn't shown any signs for several months after turning sixteen, and you didn’t have a supernatural aura. As far as we could tell, he was your first boyfriend. What else were we supposed to think? I assumed you were fully human. I kept an eye on you, but accepted the fact that you would lead a normal life.”
I turn away from him and walk to the balcony door to stare out at the pool. I don't know what to think. I have no idea how I can be so calm right now, but I'm guessing it'll sink in later, and I'll flip out.
“Livvy...”
“Do the succubi all turn at the same time? On their sixteenth birthday?” I ask as I look back at him.
His hands are in his pants pockets, and he's beginning to look a bit defeated. “No,” he admits.
“How long does it usually take?”
“Weeks, maybe months.”
My eyes narrow. “You knew there was a chance I still might be a succubus.”
“I still had you watched, but not as consistent as before.”
“Did the possibility cross your mind at all that I could have been feeding off Brad?” I demand tightly.
Khristos sighs as his lips tighten in the corners. “We missed the signs, Livvy. I'm sorry.”
“Tell that to Brad. Oh, right. You can't, because I put my boyfriend in a coma,” I say flatly, my eyes flashing at him accusingly.
He doesn't say anything, he just stands there, completely still as he studies me.
“Where's my mom?” I need her now more than ever, and I’m desperate to feel connected to her.
“I don't know,” he says as a fine line appears between his eyebrows. “I'll track her down for you if you'd like. But you need to know something first,” he says carefully.
“What?”
“It's not something I wanted to tell you.” His eyes fill with regret as he gazes at me. “It'll change everything, and I don't want to hurt you.”
“Tell me,” I demand.
“I paid your mother for you.”
For a long second, I stare at him blankly. “I don't understand.”
Khristos reaches up and rubs the nape of his neck. “When I arrived at your apartment, I took Caroline out to dinner and offered her five hundred thousand dollars to let me take you back to Cherry Creek. I was a total stranger to her, Livvy. All I did was assure her that I knew your father and that you'd be safe. It took her a half hour to agree to my offer.” Anger flashes in his gaze as he stares back at me. “I would have gone up to millions to bring you here to keep you safe. But half a million is all you were worth to her.”
I recoil back, my heart slamming against my ribs as his words sink in.
Khristos grimaces when he sees my expression, but he continues on mercilessly. “Part of the deal was for her to no longer have any contact with you. I expected more out of her, and she handed you over like a piece of furniture. I tacked on the last stipulation after she caved so easily. At that point, I felt she didn't deserve you. You deserve better.”
My lips part, and I turn away, staring at the wall as things begin to make sense. The excitement in her gaze, the brief comment here and there that last week about wanting to replace things after she could save up the cash. She knew she was getting all that money, and she couldn't wait to spend it. It's why she left the apartment. She bought a better place. She got rid of the cell phone, because she was honoring the agreement.
A broken sob escapes from me as I double over. My arms wrap around my waist as the brutal truth slams into me. My own mother sold me. She didn't want me. I thought... Everything I've always thought of her begins to splinter.
“Livvy.”
I straighten up and scream, “Get out!”
He doesn't flinch where he stands, but his blue eyes are alert as they study me intently. “I get you're mad at me. I probably come off as a total bastard in this moment, but I'd rather you hear the truth as it is. I won't embellish it to make your mother look better than what she is. She doesn't deserve it.”
“Get out. Just leave me the hell alone. I need time to... Just go,” I say flatly.
“I'm here when you want to talk,” he says quietly.
I turn my back on him, letting him know what I think of that comment. A second later, I hear the door shut softly. My head drops, and deep wracking sobs shake my body as I walk over to my bed to sit down.
Chapter Twelve
It's well after midnight, and I can't sleep. I've been restlessly pacing my room for hours, because my body isn't ready to rest. I don't think I could shut my mind off to sleep anyway. I'm just so angry right now. Angry at my mom. Angry at Khristos. Angry that I have to steal other people's energy to survive. I guess you could say I'm angry at the world.
As I pace, I liken my mood to an animal pacing its cage at the zoo, anxious to get out because the walls are closing in... If I don't find something to relieve this inner restlessness, I'm going to go insane.
Trace's face flashes in my mind, and I chew my thumbnail as I debate whether I should try to search him out or not. He's always been kind, even if he has been following me. I'm assuming Khristos ordered him to do it, so I can't really blame him for spying on me.
But then, I can't help but wonder if he was only being nice because he was spying on me. A sound of disgust escapes me as I pull my thumbnail away from my teeth. Khristos has me doubting everyone after blowing my world to smithereens with my mom's betrayal. My heart clenches at the reminder. Five hundred thousand dollars is all it took. Thanks a lot, mom.
I'm so angry right now that I don't know what to do with it. I'm mad at my mom, Khristos, Roman... My fists clench. I'd love to hit something right now. Preferably them, if I could. The punching bag in the gym flashes in my mind.
That’ll do.
Maybe I'll run into Trace, and if not, I have the punching bag to keep me company. I silently make my way through the mansion, and I momentarily wonder if Khristos and Roman sleep much. I've never seen them about when I've left my room late at night. Then again, this place is huge. When I reach the basement, I find that it's completely dark. I switch on the lights in the main room and make my way down the hall, flipping on the overhead light. I'm disappointed Trace isn't awake, but I quickly push it aside.
Just because he's been nice, doesn't necessarily mean I can trust him.
I walk over to the punching bag in the corner and lightly run my fingertips down the smooth leathery surface. I've never punched anything before. I step back, close my fist and tentatively punch at the bag. It's a weak punch and comes out more like a tap.
Heck, the bag doesn’t even move.
My eyes narrow, and I punch again, putting a little more effort into it this time. Still not enough. I pull back my right arm and punch it as hard as I can. “Shit!” I exclaim as pain radiates through my knuckles and up my wrist. I quickly shake out my hand as the pain subsides.
That hurt, but it'd felt good at the same time, because I'd made the bag swing on its hook. What's the old saying? No pain, no gain? I stretch out my fingers before clenching both hands into fists again. I punch the bag, refusing to wince. I take turns using both fists to pummel the bag, and I enjoy the sounds of my fists hitting the leather. Sure, it still hurts, but I grow numb to it as I think about my mom.
After a bit, my thoughts shift to Khristos as I take my frustration out on the bag as if it were him. All this could have been avoided if he'd approached me sooner. Yeah, he would have come off as a total loon, but maybe it would have triggered something, and I'd have begun to notice I was feeding off Brad. And what about him? If he wakes up from the coma, will he still be insane? Is there any way to fix it?
Then, there's Roman.
He's so dead the next time I see him. My jaw clenches, and I swing my fist hard at the bag, relishing the thwack echoing throughout the gym. That asshole did something to me that night at the club. Well, to be more precise, it was Tatum who gave me the drink. I know now that they drugged me. It's the only thing that makes sense. I'd found anything male attractive that night. Even those sleazy jerks that had me cornered before Trace interfered. There's also the fact that Roman and Trace had been in Khristos's office the very next morning, and Roman had been in huge trouble. I'm certain that meeting had been about me. I remember Adelaide telling me that Roman had handled a delicate situation badly.
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