Zander took one gulp of what was in his cup. He felt bad. He wanted her happy. It was not supposed to be torturous. But their union was important. And he believed Fin’s opinion about the prince was unfounded. He believed it was based off of fears. And all would be well once she got over her jitters and opened up to the idea. She would be the most powerful woman in all the land. She was making history.
Lark stood outside the door talking to two guards. Fin looked at him and rolled her eyes. She was angry at the world. She felt bad afterwards. He had done nothing. Said nothing. She wondered if he knew. If he did, then she wouldn’t regret rolling her eyes. He could have said something. Prepared her some sort of way. Fin was tired of secrets. It seemed everyone had an agenda.
“Excuse me,” Lark said, as he pushed past the soldiers. “You ok?” he asked. Fin continued walking. “Fin! What’s wrong?” he asked. Fin quickly turned around. “You tell me. You are with my father every day. He trusts you. He tells you everything. And you always speak to me. You’re always near me. Looking at me. Yet you would know I am to marry, and not say anything,” she said, looking intensely at him. Lark narrowed his eyes. “What,” he said, his eyes filled with pain. Fin looked intensely at him. He looked troubled. As though hearing it for the first time himself.
“You didn’t know?” she said, shocked that her father kept it from him. Lark shook his head no, slowly. Fin could see something change in him. He looked at her differently. A longing. A sadness. She felt like a woman for the first time. Lark was a man. A man’s man. Particular and loyal. He had his pick of single females and yet he remained single. Fin always wondered why. He was skilled at keeping his eyes to himself. He stole looks and glances whenever he could. Most men his age was married with children. But he lived a single life. He still lived in the servant’s house behind the castle, even though he had the means to live on his own. He could take breaks. But he never did. And something in his eyes told her it was because of her.
******
“Gather the soldiers. It is time,” King Zander commanded. He walked down the hall towards his wife’s chambers. “It is time. Can you help Fin get ready?” he said. Queen Aterra smiled. She too, wanted the union. She envisioned her grandchildren being the future of all of Madaka. The four cities could one day be united. “I will help her get ready. Give us a moment,” she replied.
Aterra walked the long hall to Fin’s room. She was happy for her daughter. A result from the fact that her motherly instincts were never honed. She had failed to notice Fin’s hesitation. Her anxiety. Most marriages in Madaka were set up by the father. And one was expected to be happy. Especially if they were marrying a prince. Not that Aterra would understand. She didn’t have first-hand knowledge of what it felt like. She’d had the privilege of marrying someone she’d known her whole life. She had fell in love with, and married, her prince charming. They were raised in the same household. The castle of Mojarro.
“Can I come in,” Aterra said, as she knocked gently on her daughter’s door. She waited for a reply. It was quiet. Aterra knocked again. She narrowed her eyes then slowly opened the door. “Fin!” she called out, as she walked inside. Aterra walked through her daughter’s oversized room. The walls lined in gold colored silk. Fin’s love of plants was displayed prominently throughout. Rare hemini plants imported from Piratchu were her favorite. They glowed at night. A natural bright light that gave off a bright yellow hue. The world of Madaka glowed naturally at night. There was no electricity. No light bulbs. During the day, light from a sun like source in their beautiful blue skies shined down on the land. And at night, moss and algae came to life as their bioluminescent properties illuminated the ground and surrounding mountains. It was a remarkable sight. Madaka was beautiful.
Aterra was perplexed. Fin was nowhere to be found. “Fin!” she called again. Soon Finora emerged from her bath. “My goodness. Didn’t you hear me calling you?’ she asked. “Yes mother,” she replied. Her voice harsh. He words abrupt. She wasn’t in a good mood. Fin felt strange about going to meet with the man she would be marrying. The man she met in the sea one day. She was unimpressed. He acted arrogant and entitled. She never told her father that Eulachonians were in the water. The prince himself. Near their mountains under the sea. That he acted as though he had a right to be there. She didn’t like him. But now she would be marrying him. It was overwhelming.
“Come sit. Let’s talk,” Aterra said. Fin looked at her. This was unlike her mother. She was rarely available for talks. Even at times when she had so many questions. What she learned about life she had to observe or get from Rae. Aterra was secretive. Quiet. Private. And usually absent. Fin walked over to the bed and sat next to her mother. Aterra touched her hand. Fin was in shock.
“Are you worried. Don’t be. You are ready. You will make him a great wife,” she said. Fin bit her lip. Her mother had never touched her. Touch was avoided in their world. Their happiness came from conversation and their surroundings. Bonding came from families having dinner as one. Giving gifts. Doing favors. Touch was irritating. Their sensitive skin too delicate for it. Even a husband didn’t touch his wife. You were touched as a baby. Once you were big enough to walk, touching all but disappeared. Aterra was innately familiar with it. She had a desire for touch that perplexed the king. Aterra was rare in many different ways. And her daughter was even rarer.
She longed for a touch. She remembered it as a child. And she never forgot how it comforted her. Soothed her frightened spirit at times. The absence of it propelled Fin into a life of mischievous behavior. Like the time at five years old when she jumped into the sea. And the times she hid from her mother. Behavior that stemmed from a deep-rooted hatred at her worlds disconnect. And the confusion she felt for desiring something no one else seemed to care about. She remained defiant in her youth. A trait she was outgrowing. But old habits die hard. She was being defiant once again. She didn’t want to go and she thought of running away. Prince Andreus embodied old world values. He would not be open to change. He would not seek truth. Or a different kind of love. He would love without personal involvement. Babies made from pools of sperm floating in contained tubs. No sex involved, even though they had the means. Not that Fin knew.
She was unaware that what she felt was called sexual desires. It was unique for her. No one else desired to be close. Their private organs were void of sensation. Sexual intercourse not a part of intimacy for them. There was no joining together. No physical closeness or copulation. Their satisfaction came from smell. Sight. And the knowledge that they were cared for through one’s actions.
Fin felt betrayed by her own body. She believed something was wrong with her. That the sensations she felt was a sign of sickness. She hid it. Acknowledging what she was experiencing would only bring ridicule and confusion. So, she kept it to herself. Always wondering if there were any others who felt that way. Namely her mother.
“What’s wrong Fin? Why do you seem so unhappy? It is normal to be nervous,” she stated. Fin pulled her hand away. Her mother had not been honest. She could feel it. She wondered why the secrets. What was she not saying.
“Mom? Do you ever feel strange? Like…Do you ever want to touch dad?” she asked. Aterra narrowed her eyes and looked away in confusion. This was not the conversation she wanted to have. She looked back at Fin. “Strange? What do you mean?” she asked. “I don’t know. In your body. In your special parts. Where the babies come from?” she asked. Aterra was floored. This was a conversation they shouldn’t be having. “I mean. Don’t you ever want to touch dad. Hold his hand. Hold him close. Why don’t you? Why doesn’t anyone? What are we afraid of?” she asked.
Aterra had heard enough. It was an abomination. No one touched. No one held hands. Only small children and it was only as needed. It wasn’t necessary to express love. Words, energy, emotional transference were the ways to a person’s heart. And loyalty. Always being available. It was unheard of, to physically touch one another. Babies were the result of sperm pools. Timed pe
rfectly during ovulation, as the female entered water in a controlled, confined space after the male exited. It was their way of life. It had been since their existence. They were a lot like fish. Sex was unknown. Their minds and bodies did not yearn sexual pleasures.
But Fin was different. Something had been going on in her body for quite some time. She panicked at first. And then hid what was happening after Rae shamed her. But Fin was to be married. She didn’t want to lay in sperm pools. Something in her wanted touch. Wanted to be close. And she hoped to get answers. And even though she was free-spirited and was known to say anything, Aterra was unprepared. She considered Fin’s behavior a clever ploy to get out of her duties and responsibilities. That fear was guiding her. And she was being dramatic.
“What? No! Good grief child. Where do you get such things?” she said, as she shook her head slowly. Fin could feel the tension. She could see her mother’s poise change. Something had her edgy. Tense. Aterra was a woman of few words. But this should have been a conversation that would yield more. Fin became frustrated. There was something her mother was not saying.
“Why don’t you ever get in the water mom?” she asked. Aterra gasped, placing her hand on her chest. She was not used to being questioned. And surely not by her child. “Fin! Stop this now! All of these ridiculous questions. Where does your mind go? Stop this now before people think you are insane,” she said, looking away. The queen was shocked at her daughter’s candor. “What people ma! We are talking in private. I am your daughter. If you can’t talk to me who can you talk to? Dad? About things regarding a woman’s body? No, you can’t” she said, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly.
“There are things I’ve noticed. And you never talk about them. And there have been times I needed you and you weren’t there. And when I was confused and tried to touch you, you pulled away. You cut me off from you as a child. It was very painful. I tried to hold onto your leg one day. I was frightened by a loud noise. But you pushed me away,” she said. Finora continued on as Aterra listened.
“I don’t understand why I desire things I can’t have. And my body…I have these weird sensations. I can’t explain them. Down where the water comes out. And I have strange feelings in my chest. I tried to tell you before. You looked so uncomfortable. And you started talking about something else. And now I am to marry,” she said. Aterra stood up. She couldn’t take much more. She’d had enough. “Get ready Fin. We leave soon,” she replied. Fin fumed.
“Did you hear anything I just said? Do you know me at all? Do you not know your own child? I don’t want him. I have no interest. He never crosses my mind. I don’t want to marry him. I can’t explain why. I just think bad of him. Please don’t make me marry a man I have no feelings for,” she pleaded.
Aterra looked like a woman with a thousand secrets. Fin looked at her. She hoped her mother would ease the stress. Open up. Be on her side. No one was around. It was safe. They could speak on things their world didn’t think about. Things that was foreign to them. Finora could tell what she was experiencing was unique. And she wondered why that was.
“You are to marry him Fin. What you describe I have no answers for. I only know that you are to marry Prince Andreus. He promised your father to make you comfortable. He promised to be a good mate. You will have whatever you want. It is really the best thing for you. He will be king of the largest land. When you are his queen, you two can decide how to bring the two lands together. After your father and I have passed on, this will all be yours. You will be free to do with it as you please. Now get ready. It is time for you to meet him,” she said, as she walked to the door.
Aterra was unable to look Fin in the eyes. She opened the door and glanced back. She gave a half-hearted smile. Fin became emotional. But she held her head high. The one person who should help her navigate through life was determined not to do so at the risk of exposure. She wouldn’t tell what she knew. Or what she felt. Fin was devastated.
T
he royal family and their soldiers walked through the village, towards the waters. King Zander chose not to take chariots since they were so close. It was a chance for him to greet his citizens. Walk by and nod, as they lined the streets or looked out their windows. Zander and Aterra waved. Oblivious to Fin’s bitterness. She walked ahead, refusing to look at anyone. The citizens weren’t fazed. It was normal to be nervous for one’s upcoming nuptials. “You’re so beautiful princess,” someone shouted from the crowd.
Fin gave a forced smile. She rarely came to town. The streets were crowded. It was an opportunity to see the elusive Princess Fin. Many had heard of her. Rumors of the beautiful yet spoiled child ran rampant. But years had passed. No one heard any updates. Surely, she was no longer a brat. And they were right. They stood in awe. She was like nothing they had ever seen. Her eyes seemed to glow they were so striking. And coupled with her dark hair, she stood out. She was the only black-haired maiden. She was an anomaly.
“You look lovely Queen,” a woman yelled out. Aterra smiled. She was gracious. And she loved the attention. She looked at Fin. Although she couldn’t see her face, she could feel her mood. Fin stayed her distance. Her parents behind her and Lark at her side. Aterra could see some of the citizens becoming frustrated. They tried to get Fin’s attention. They wanted the princess to acknowledge them. But Fin looked ahead. Her head held high. It was the worst day of her life. But she didn’t plan on letting it show. She was sorry she wasn’t in a more festive mood. And looking in the eyes of people who appeared happy for her, would surely make her break down. They hadn’t a clue how she felt. How torn she was. How hurt and afraid she was. But this was her duty. And she was going. She just wasn’t sure how it would end. She would rather burn in molten lava.
The soldiers walked as one. Their steps in sync. The sea shore was close. Soon the large group was out of the local village and walking on plain land towards the white sands. The beautiful clear blue water would get them to Eulachon. The waters were perfect for travelling. Eulachon was miles away. There would be guards waiting to escort them the rest of the way. To a castle known as Pearl Palace. It was a strikingly beautiful estate with pearls and gold embedded in the rock. It was the oldest of all the castles, built hundreds of years prior. The pearls were rare for Eulachon. Only Piratchu had them in abundance. All who got a chance to get close enough, were left in awe. No one could figure out how the forefathers were able to acquire so many of the rare and precious minerals.
T
he Palimora Sea of was filled with guards navigating their way towards Eulachon. It was a dangerous yet necessary mission. The waters were filled with some of the most dangerous fish in their world. There was no easy way to get to Prince Andreus. Unlike Panga, which was separated by a smaller body of water, Eulachon was further. And Piratchu was even further, located on the other side of Eulachon.
The water swelled like a tsunami. The force from their movement near its surface was powerful. An intimidating sight as they swam together in unison. Never breaking line and staying in-sync. Hundreds, on a mission to get King Zander, the Queen and Princess Finora, to Eulachon. The Queen had to be carted by guards that carried her in a specially crafted wooden crate. It was lined for comfort and adorned with jewels. The crate was carved out like a chair and designed to be carried. Straps all around were fastened to the men’s backs. Three in a row, to carry it seamless above the water. No one ever questioned why the queen did not swim. There were whispers. But all concerns were disregarded when King Zander gave an explanation. He stated that queens of a particular age didn’t swim. That they were above such exhaustive burdens. And so, she was carried everywhere, when travel by water was necessary.
Finora swam next to Lark. Her father on the other side. The men with their massive and powerful tails moving them closer to their destination. Some of the soldiers looked at Fin. They had never seen her tail. A beautiful rich and vibrant blue tail and fin. She swam elegantly. They were proud of her. She had grown into a stunning beauty.
Everyone except Lark, hoped she was marrying a prince who would be great for her. Good to her. He was jealous of the pending union. He had secretly loved her his whole life. But princesses did not marry guards. And Zander would never have allowed the union. He could tell she was unhappy. And he hoped the meeting was at least pleasant. They did not war. It was unheard of. But the soldiers protected her fiercely. They would go to battle. And Lark would kill a stone.
Fin never looked at anyone. She kept her eyes ahead. Lark looked helplessly at her. Another stolen glimpse. Everyone’s eyes were on the waters around and below them. He looked at her again. She could see him looking. She turned her head slightly his way, then back. He could see she was angry. He wanted her to look at him. To know he didn’t agree with it. She would know if she looked. Just one peek. Lark was one of the few males in touch with his emotional side. It was rare and he kept it hidden. Something Fin seemed to bring it out of him unknowingly. He would touch her. He would allow her to touch him. She had before. When they were young. And he never forgot. It was the most pleasuring experience of his life.
But she pressed on, never giving him the eye contact he craved. She couldn’t. Her disappointment was profound. King Zander glanced at her, then continued forward. He wondered if it weren’t just nerves. Finora lived in a fantasy world. He had watched her as a youngster at play. He noticed early on, his daughter’s penchant for make-believe. He never understood her mind. Her desires. She seemed to want so much more than necessary.
Pretty Fin Page 7
