I suppose I did not give a great deal of thought to these matters then. Remember, I was only fifteen, and a giddy fifteen at that, with my head full of things like silk flowers for my gown and admiring looks from the young men of the household. I was untutored for, with all the excitement of life at this time, who could spare a thought for my education? I could read a little, write with some difficulty, and picked up knowledge where I could. I was not of a serious enough nature to seek to educate myself. I liked to sing and dance and be merry, so was not concerned with my academic shortcomings.
I think my grandmother might have noticed the deficiencies if she had been more aware of me. But how could she have been expected to, with one other granddaughter taking up so much of her thoughts?
We eagerly awaited the birth of Jane Seymour’s child. The question everyone was asking was, will it be a boy? Would there be another disappointment? People talked of little else. Some whispered, and if not, how long will it be before Queen Jane follows Queen Anne? That scene on Tower Hill was too recent to be forgotten easily.
It seemed all was well. Oh joy! Oh jubilation! The child was a boy and the King’s dearest wish had been granted. At last, he had a son—a legitimate heir to the throne!
There must be rejoicing throughout the land. Alas, the Queen was in a sorry state. The doctors shook their heads in dismay, but even so the King could not hide his delight, for it was believed that the boy would live, if not his mother.
The child must be baptized at once, even though the doctors assured the King that he would survive. No chances must be taken. Poor Jane, how ill she must have been, exhausted, craving rest, too tired to enjoy her triumph in succeeding where her predecessors had failed.
The boy was to be named Edward. I heard accounts of his baptism: how he was taken from his nursery in Hampton Court to his mother’s chamber, accompanied by the sound of trumpets, while poor Jane lay there, pale, wan, desperately trying to take part in the ceremonial ritual. It lasted for three hours and at the end of it Jane was in no condition to understand what was happening.
The King, however, insisted on her presence. They said he could not take his eyes from the baby Prince, who behaved with impeccable good manners throughout the proceedings and gave only the occasional whimper.
Poor Jane! She never recovered from the ceremony. So died the perfect wife. Not only had she produced the longed-for son, but she had had the good grace to die before the King had tired of her.
He could now ask himself where he could find a new wife.
* * *
Queen Jane was taken from Hampton Court to Windsor for her burial.
It was a day of mourning. The people were in the streets, and we must be among them. There were masses to be said and hymns to be sung in St. Paul’s Cathedral, where, a day or so before, there had been rejoicing over the birth of an heir.
There would be no revelry, of course, which was a pity, and even the rejoicing on the baby’s birth had to be subdued because of his mother’s death; but nevertheless it was an occasion for an outing.
So, with Joan, Dorothy and Mary Lassells, and some of the others from the band of Norfolk pensioners, I boarded the barge at the privy stairs and we sailed down the river to the City.
There were crowds in the streets and, after leaving the barge at Westminster stairs, we walked through the press of people to St. Paul’s.
The cathedral was overflowing and we remained among the crowds outside, and it was there that I saw him.
He was standing before me, staring in undisguised delight. Then he took off his hat and bowed low. I was tingling with excitement.
“Mistress Katherine Howard!” he cried. “Oh fie! Do you not know me?”
I was never subtle. I cried out: “Of a surety I know you. You are Francis Derham. You gave me the silk rose.”
“Well met.”
I could think of nothing to say but: “So … you are back.”
“Yesterday noon. I have been seeking you ever since.”
“You remembered. It is long.”
“Did I not say I would never forget?”
“You said you would come back.”
“That is what I meant. What do you here? Come to sing hymns of sadness for the Queen?”
I nodded.
“I am on the same mission. But chiefly to look for you.”
Joan and Dorothy were listening with some curiosity.
“You remember them?” I asked.
“Well met, Mistresses,” he said, bowing first to Joan and then to Dorothy. But I knew he had not remembered them, and I was rather pleased about that.
“You came with a party?” asked Dorothy.
“Yes. But I am begging to be allowed to join yours.”
Joan and Dorothy laughed. I could see they liked him. He was so handsome and charming that it would have been difficult not to like him.
He walked along with us and slipped an arm through mine. He told me how often he had thought of me during those long absences when he was far away.
“Where?” I asked.
“Too far from you,” was the answer, which made me laugh happily.
“And now that you are back, shall you stay?”
He looked at me soulfully and, pressing my arm, said: “I could stay with you forever.”
* * *
We were seeing each other often, and it was very soon after that meeting at St. Paul’s that he told me he loved me and had done so from the moment he had seen me making the silk rose in the gardens.
“You were such a little girl then,” he said. “You are still a little girl, but methinks you have grown up somewhat since then.”
“I am much older,” I assured him.
“You will always be young to me. My little girl.”
We progressed quickly from there. He told me he would love me until the day he died. It was a time of enchantment, and he sought to please me in every way.
Naturally I wanted to look my best, and it was no easy task for I had very little money. It was only now and then that my grandmother would remember my existence; then she gave me little more than a coin or two to buy something I fancied.
She had changed since the death of Anne. She was more serious. Sometimes she would look at me sharply, as though considering me; but that was rare; more often, she lapsed into the old style of ignoring me.
The Court ladies, whom I glimpsed now and then, were now wearing silk flowers again. The favorite was the French fennel—a sort of love-in-the-mist—most beautiful, and worked in various colors. It was the very ornament to enhance the beauty of a gown and bring out the color of a lady’s eyes and soften her face.
I longed for a French fennel and was saving up my money to buy one.
When Francis discovered this, he said: “Once it was a red rose, now it is a fennel. I know a woman … a little hunchback in London. She is said to make the most exquisite flowers in the world. What if I asked her to make one for you?”
“Is she very expensive?”
“She knows her worth, and the ladies of the Court acclaim her.”
“Alas, I could not afford it.”
“Then I shall buy it for you.”
“And when I have some money, I shall insist on paying you back.”
“Insist if you must, but in the meantime, you shall have your French fennel.”
I was delighted when he brought it to me. It was blue and the feathery leaves were very attractive. I put it on, and was even more enchanted. Then I thought of what my grandmother’s reaction would be, for she could not fail to notice it. She would ask questions. She would know I could not afford to buy a flower like that, and she would discover how it was between Francis and me, and I knew there would be disapproval. She might even tell my father, or perhaps the Duke. They would remember that I was a member of the Howard family and, after what had happened to Anne, they would be especially careful.
I looked at my beautiful French fennel and wept. It must not be known that I was in love with Fra
ncis Derham.
Lady Brereton came to visit us; she was worldly and friendly, but rather sad at this time, for a relative of hers had been accused of being one of my cousin’s lovers and had been executed with her. She noticed the friendship between Francis and me and told me what an attractive young man she thought him. She was sure he would do well at Court. She was the kind of person with whom one could share confidences, and I was soon telling her about the French fennel.
“Wear your flower,” she said. “And if Her Grace asks, tell her I gave it to you.”
“Oh, thank you, Lady Brereton,” I cried. “That is kind of you.”
And so I was able to wear my French fennel.
The flower was a beginning. There were other things I coveted—silks … velvets, which could be made into gowns. Francis liked me to look well. He told me he had earned money when he was away from the country and could buy these things for me.
I said: “Only on the understanding that, when I have some money, I shall pay you back.”
I studiously made an account of all he spent on me and called it my debt to him.
Oh, they were happy days! I wondered how I had existed without Francis.
One day he said: “We shall plight our troth, for in time we shall be married. What say you?”
I replied: “There is nothing I want more!”
“Then ’tis done. You are my wife, I your husband. So, wife, you must call me husband.”
“But we are not that yet.”
“We are now troth-plighted, and that means that I am yours and you are mine.”
“If my grandmother knew … if she told my father … the Duke … perhaps they might seek to harm you.”
“Am I not a Howard? Am I not of that illustrious family? The only thing I lack is fortune. I shall make my fortune and then, sweet Katherine, all will be well. But in the meantime, you and I are man and wife.”
He kissed me with a yearning passion. I returned his kisses. I told myself that this was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me.
Dorothy appeared suddenly, as some of the women had a habit of doing. I wondered how much she had overheard.
“You are very familiar with Mistress Howard, Master Derham,” she said with a touch of severity which astonished me, for they all knew what went on in the Long Room and were indeed part of it.
Francis replied: “Who should hinder a man from kissing his wife?”
“Is that so then?” asked Dorothy.
“We have plighted our troth.”
“So, you are determined to have Mistress Howard?”
“By the saints!” retorted Francis. “You could guess twice and guess worse.”
Dorothy smirked. ‘Well, ’tis no great surprise, I grant you.”
Then she left us and went off—I am sure to tell her friends what she had seen and heard.
* * *
So they knew now. Francis used to come at night. He would bring strawberries and apples and wine—anything which he thought I might fancy. We would spread it out on my bed and we would feast. After that we would lie in the bed together.
This was different from the time with Manox. I wished I could remove all memory of that man from my mind. What I had experienced with him was distasteful now, and I deeply wished it had never happened. But what was the use in trying to change something which is already there? The only resort is to force oneself to forget.
So now I thought of Francis only. I need have no qualms. I was free to indulge in any exciting experience. Were we not troth-plighted?
Francis said: “Forget not, you are my wife.”
So I remembered.
Very occasionally, I saw Manox. He would look at me, half-pleading, half-angry Sometimes I thought he hated me because I would not look at him. The fact was that I saw him as I never had before. He was conceited; he believed himself irresistible; that was why he could not forgive me for rejecting him.
I know now that he was the one who betrayed us to the Duchess, for surely none of the girls or the young men who came to the Long Room on those nights would have done so.
However, my grandmother received a note suggesting that, if she knew what took place in the Long Room on many nights, she would not approve of it.
As a result, one of the older women received a summons to attend the Duchess. Her name was Baskerville, I think.
She came back with a wry face.
“Someone has betrayed us,” she said. “The doors to the Long Room are to be locked at night, and the keys taken to Her Grace’s apartments where they will remain during the night, and at daybreak one of her attendants will come and unlock the doors.”
We were all alarmed to realize that the Duchess must have an inkling of what was happening.
For about a week we were disconcerted. Also, we missed our merry evenings. There was silence throughout the Long Room, broken only by complaints about how dull it had become.
And then one night, after we were all in bed, the door was opened suddenly and one of the Duchess’s waiting women was there. She stood very still, holding up the keys and shaking them. Then she tiptoed into the room in a mocking manner.
She said: “I liked not to think of you naughty girls missing your fun. Listen. Tell your gallants that they may return, but they must be very careful. I have unlocked the door and shall take the key back to Her Grace’s apartments. In the morning, I shall come again with the key, but there will be no unlocking of the door because the door will have remained unlocked throughout the night. You must make sure that before I come your friends have left for where they should rightly be.”
Then she sat on one of the beds and we all clustered round her and there was much merriment.
After that it was as it had been before—except that now we knew that the Duchess had been aware of what was happening, and it might have occurred to her that we could find a way of deceiving her—which, of course, we had.
* * *
Francis loved to give me presents. He was very anxious to make a fortune. He wanted to take me away with him. He often talked of sailing the seas, and I guessed that that was what he did during his absences. He had returned with money—far more than he could have earned as a pensioner in the Duke’s household, but still not the fortune he must have.
He was impatient. He wanted to marry me in truth. He knew that the Duke would never accept him as a suitor for his niece as he was; but if he were a rich man, his remote connection with the Howard family might carry him through.
So he would go away. It should only be for a short trip. He would earn money and come back. I did not want him to go—nor did he want to, but he was convinced that he must.
The Duchess was becoming wary. Neither of us could imagine what would happen if she knew how it was between us. We were troth-plighted and that was sacred to us, for no one could say we were not man and wife.
The Duke would doubtless have Francis removed. Who could say how? Taken to the Tower on some pretext, there to disappear, as so many had who had offended the great? And if we were caught by the Duchess and betrayed to the Duke, it would be the end of our hopes. And what would happen to me? Sent into a nunnery? Married to someone I should hate? It could be one of many things. However, once Francis was a man of great fortune, they would be ready to welcome him as a member of the great Howard family … which he undoubtedly was.
So, much as I disliked the idea of his going, he had made me see the necessity of it.
I was desolate, but he said I must not be, for he would be back ere long with the fortune which would make the way clear for us.
He already had one hundred pounds, and he would leave the money with me. I should keep it safe, for it was the foundation of our fortune. And if he did not return, that money should be mine.
Then he went away.
The days seemed long and the nights wearisome without him. I put the hundred pounds in a bag which I determined should always be with me. I kept it under my pillow at night and attached it to my wais
tband in the day, but it was too bulky for that, and I had to find another place for it. I had little privacy; but I did have a drawer in which I could put some of my clothes. I sewed the money up in the pocket of a petticoat and every day I took it out to make sure it was there.
At times I was tempted to spend a little on some ornament to which I took a fancy, some piece of silk or velvet which one of the women could make into a gown for me. I tried to persuade myself that Francis would have given it to me if he had been there. But I never did. It was a sacred trust. It was to be the foundation of our life together. Perhaps I guessed that, if I took a little at first, I should go on doing it again … and again. But I knew that one day Francis would come back. When he did, the hundred pounds must be his, just as he had left it with me.
One day, when I was sitting in the garden, I looked up and there was Francis. I leaped to my feet and we ran to meet each other. We could only laugh and cling together for some minutes, too moved for speech.
“Am I dreaming?” I cried at last. “Holy Mother, let me not be dreaming.”
“My own Katherine,” he murmured. “My sweet Katherine.” And I knew in truth that he was there.
It transpired that he had come back without the fortune he had hoped for, but what did that matter? All I cared for was that he was back. And how happy he was to be with me.
He asked earnestly, had there been someone else of whom I had grown fond?
No, no, no, I assured him. No one. I had spent my lonely days and nights thinking of him, longing for his return.
He was reassured. He confessed he had been afraid.
And himself? Had he been faithful?
“As I shall be all my life. Once I had seen sweet Katherine, there could be no one else for me.”
We talked as lovers do, and then he told me that he was going to ask the Duchess for a place in her household.
“So that I may see more of you,” he said. “All through the day I shall be so much nearer than I am as the Duke’s retainer.”
“What post would you have?” I asked.
The Rose Without a Thorn Page 7
