by Mates, Dates
I sank on to her bed. ‘Hell’s bells. I did go, but I went to Pond Square first.’ I quickly filled TJ in on seeing Josh again and how fab it had been. ‘But I don’t believe it. She’s checking up on me.’
At that moment, we heard a car drawing up outside. TJ peeked out the window. ‘She’s here. Look, if you had a drink, you’d better go and clean your teeth. She might smell it.’
‘I only had one and it tasted like it was mainly coconut.’
‘Breathe on me.’
I quickly breathed on TJ and we got the giggles as she fell back against the wall and feigned passing out.
‘Smells slightly of alcohol,’ she said. ‘You’d better not risk it. Just rub some toothpaste on your teeth, then I’ll give you some gum.’
I rushed into the bathroom and did as TJ had advised.
‘Izzie, can you come down,’ Scary Dad called up the stairs. ‘Your mother’s here.’
I had a quick gargle with some mouthwash as well for good measure, then combed my hair. TJ was waiting for me on the landing outside the bathroom. She looked really sorry for me. ‘It’ll be OK,’ she said. ‘Just tell them what happened.’
‘You don’t know my mum,’ I said. ‘She’d go ballistic if she knew I’d been hanging out with strangers.’
‘Izzie.’ This time it was Mum’s voice and I knew I had no choice but to go down and face the firing squad.
Mum was deep in conversation with Scary Dad when we got downstairs. TJ and I stood there for what felt like hours before they acknowledged us. They seemed to have bonded over shock horror stories about alcohol abuse. I couldn’t believe it. So much for keeping what happened at Nesta’s private. She’d clearly told him all about it, and now anyone would think I was a regular drinker, the way they were going on and the looks they were giving me. Scary Dad works as a hospital consultant and was telling Mum about his early days when he worked in Accident and Emergency.
‘You’d be surprised how many teenagers came in, vomit all over them, out of their minds…’
Mum was shaking her head.‘I know. Terrible, isn’t it?’
I wanted to shout, ‘But I’m not one of them! I’m not that stupid,’ but I just stood there like a lemon instead. TJ’s dad is so intimidating. I just hoped that I hadn’t got TJ in trouble with him, as he was even looking at her suspiciously.
Finally, Mum turned to me. ‘Ah, there you are. And where do you think you’ve been?’
‘Upstairs with TJ.’
‘You told me that you had a rehearsal.’
‘I did. But by the time I got there, the boys had gone.’
‘And why were you late getting there?’
Talk about an inquisition, I thought. Why couldn’t she wait until later? TJ and her dad didn’t need to hear this.
‘I… er, walked there.’
‘Why? Why didn’t you get the tube?’
‘It was a nice evening…’
‘So why did it take so long to walk? You must know how long it takes. You must have known you were going to be late if you walked. So why didn’t you set off in time? And why didn’t you phone when Ben wasn’t there?’
‘Mum …’ I wished she’d stop. I glanced at TJ and Scary Dad. She looked uncomfortable and he looked like he was enjoying every minute. ‘You knew I was going to be out for a while. I didn’t think…’As I said this, Scary Dad and her exchanged weary, knowing looks. ‘I… I came here instead.’
‘We had an agreement, young lady. I said I wanted to know exactly where you were at every hour of the day.’
‘You can always call. I have my mobile…’
She shook her head. ‘Forget that. For one thing, you can turn it off and for another, I may phone you, but I still wouldn’t really know where you were. You could tell me anything. No, from now on, I want the land-line number of where you are so that I can phone and check.’
TJ was looking at me with great sympathy. Her dad was looking at me as though I was a criminal. I wanted to die.
‘ Why couldn’t you have waited?’ I asked as soon as the car pulled away from TJ’s.‘ Why did you have to do that in front of everyone?’ I’d felt so humiliated, getting a public telling-off and I hadn’t even done anything.
‘You weren’t where you said you were going to be,’ said Mum through tight lips.
‘Then please, I’m asking you from my heart, please, in future, wait until we’re home or at least on our own before you yell at me. And I don’t even know why you’re so upset. Don’t you trust me or something?’
‘I don’t think your recent behaviour has left that open for discussion, Izzie.’
‘But I haven’t done anything. It’s not fair.’
‘You don’t think, Izzie.’ Mum turned to look at me. ‘I’m your mother and I don’t know where you are any more. Or who you’re hanging out with.’
‘Well, I’ve been upstairs in my room for the last two days. You haven’t had to look far. And you do know who I hang out with TJ, Lucy, Nesta. Same as always.’
‘Well, where were you tonight before Ben’s.’
‘I told you, walking to his house.’
‘And what were you doing as you walked?’
‘Nothing.’
‘So why do you smell so strongly of toothpaste? Don’t think I don’t know all the tricks, Izzie.’
‘TJ gave me a stick of gum, that’s all.’
We drove a bit further in silence, then she piped up again. ‘So who’s the boy you were in the park with on Sunday?’
That shut me up for a moment. ‘What boy?’
Mum hesitated for a moment. ‘Mrs Peters next door said she saw you with a boy on Sunday in Primrose Hill park, on the night you were supposed to be corning straight home from your dad’s.’
‘I… I don’t remember,’ I said. ‘Maybe I bumped into one of the boys from the band. I don’t remember. And anyway, can’t I even talk to people I know now?’
Mum saying Mrs Peters had seen me threw me for a moment. I didn’t remember seeing her around when I was with Josh. The park was empty and she’s not someone who’s easy to miss as she’s about eighteen stone. I decided to zip it. At least she hadn’t seen me this evening, drinking and snogging.
‘And what happened to you and Ben?’ she asked. ‘I thought you liked him.’
‘I do,’ I said. ‘We’re mates.’ Why was she going on about this? I wondered. I hadn’t told her that Ben and I had finished, but then I’d never told her that we were going out. It wasn’t like we were engaged to be married or anything. It was way more casual. But how did she know we weren’t having a relationship any more? Maybe she’s more tuned into my life than I realised.
‘So who’s this boy in the park?’
She clearly wasn’t going to let it go. ‘Nobody.’
‘What’s his name?’
‘Josh.’
‘What school does he go to?’
‘I don’t know!’
‘Don’t raise your voice, Isobel. Where did you meet him?’
‘Oh, just around.’
‘And where does he live?’
‘Dunno. I’m only just getting to know him.’
‘Well, I’d like to meet him. Invite him over to the house.’
‘Whadt!’
‘You heard me. I like to know who you’re spending time with.’
‘But Mum, it’s not like that. He’s not like my boyfriend. I can’t invite him over. I hardly even know him.’ This was appalling. Imagine me inviting Josh back and her giving him the third degree! She must be out of her mind. It was so unfair. She was ruining everything before it even got started.
‘Bring him over one night at the weekend.’
‘I can’t, Mum.’
‘Why not? If he’s a friend, surely he must know you have parents.’
‘Yes, but… no. Oh, you don’t understand.’ She didn’t. I could never in a million squillion years invite the coolest boy I’d ever met back to meet my dragon of a mother. Especially as we hadn’t even been on
a date. He’d run a mile if I asked him.
‘If you don’t bring him back, I don’t want you to see him.’
‘But you never met Ben in the early days.’
‘Yes, but I knew who he was and I know he goes to the same school as Lucy’s brothers. And I know where he lives as I’ve dropped you off there a few times.’ Then she smiled. ‘I really think that you’re making a fuss about nothing, Izzie. It’s no big deal. Just invite him back for half an hour or so. I promise I’ll be very nice to him. I just want to meet him, that’s all.’
Sometimes life really sucks, I thought, as we drove on. No big deal? Maybe not if you’re living in Jane Austens times, but it is if you live in North London in the twenty-first century.
Song for Nagging Mothers
You’re So Rotten
You’re always telling me to do things like you do.
You’re always saying my room looks like a zoo.
Well, I don’t care. So there.
You’re always telling me that you don’t like my mood.
You’re always complaining that my friends are rude.
Well, I don’t care. So there.
I really hate you, yes I do.
I really hate you, yes I do.
Do I really hate you?
Yes I do.
You never listen to the things I gotta say.
Whenever I need you, you turn and walk away.
Well, I don’t care. So there.
I’m so angry, yes I am.
I’m so angry, yes I am.
Am I really angry? You bet I stinking am.
So there. I don’t care.
I really hate you, yes I do.
I really hate you, yes I do.
Do I really hate you?
Yes I do.
C h a p t e r 9
War
Contents - Prev / Next
I don’t believe it. I really don’t believe it! Mum has read my diary!
It was obvious as soon as I got back to my bedroom and went to get it out. It had been moved from its place in my underwear drawer. I always kept it under the Calvin Klein pants that my stepsiter Amelia gave me. They’re a size too big, so I never wear them. Now the diary was under a white T-shirt and I’d never have put it there. How could she? I thought, as I grabbed it and stormed downstairs.
Mum was sitting in the living room, having a drink with Angus. I could tell that they’d been talking about me by the way they suddenly went silent and looked guilty when I burst in. I stood by Mum’s chair and pointed at my diary.
‘Mrs Peter never was in the park, was she?’
For once in her life, Mum looked sheepish.
‘How could you, Mum?’ I asked. ‘This is really, really private.’ Angus got up and tiptoed out behind me. Mum looked at the carpet. ‘Well, how else am I supposed to know what’s going on with you? You never talk to me about your life and I’ve been worried about you lately.’
‘But reading my diary . . .’ I felt near to tears. I wrote all sorts of stuff in my diary, mad stuff, thoughts, feelings. It was a way of unloading, and often the way I felt one day was different the next. It wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone and it was horrible to think that someone had read it. I felt totally exposed, like I was naked.
‘Come and sit down, Izzie. Let’s talk about this…’ I turned and headed back up the stairs. I had nothing more to say to her. If she’s done this, I thought, then she clearly has no idea of who I really am and certainly doesn’t trust me. There’s only one thing for it, I decided. I’ll go to my room, put a chair in front of the door so that no one can get in, and tomorrow first thing, I’m going to go live with Dad.
‘Hello, love,’ said Dad as he opened the door the next morning and looked at his watch. ‘You’re here early. I was just off to college.’
I hauled my bag up the steps to his flat and into the hall. ‘I wanted to catch you before you left. Can I come and live here with you and Anna? I’ll sleep on the sofa bed and I won’t be any trouble, I just can’t take it at home any more. It’s been awful lately and she’s gone too far this time. She’s driving me mad.’
‘Whoa, slow down, slow down,’ said Dad. ‘Come into the kitchen and tell me all about it.’
I followed him in and blurted out everything that had happened over the last few days. ‘I really can’t stay there any longer,’ I said finally. ‘She’s a monster. I quite understand why you divorced her.’
Dad smiled sadly. ‘She’s not a monster, Izzie, she’s just… oh dear, Izzie, what are we to do?’ He glanced at his watch. ‘I’ve got a lecture in half an hour, so I can’t get into all this now, but listen… I agree your mum should never have read your diary, but, as for walking out on her… you know she has your best interests at heart…’
‘But she doesn’t seem to realise that I’m not a little girl who needs constant looking after any more…’ My voice trailed off. I knew that he was going to tell me to go back. Part of me had been expecting it anyway, as I knew they didn’t really have room. I sat at the table and put my head in my hands.
‘You have a nice home there,’ Dad continued,‘ and your own room. It would drive you mad here, not having your own space. You know that’s true.’ ‘Can’t I just stay a few days?’
Dad sighed. ‘You’re always welcome, Izzie, but… where would we put you? Anna’s mum and dad are arriving from Scotland this evening and will be staying for a couple of days. Anna and I are going to give them our bedroom and we’re going to camp on the sofa bed in the front room with Tom. So where would we put you? Listen, love, let me call your mum to let her know that you’re here, then stay until I get back at lunchtime and we’ll talk about it some more. I’ll drive you back and I’ll have a chat with her and see what we can work out.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
Mum clearly wasn’t in the chatting mood. It was horrible. Dad had only been in the house five minutes when they got into a huge argument about responsibility. She was corning out with the same old stuff about it being her who lay awake at night worrying about me. I couldn’t bear it, so I slipped into Angus’s study to hide until it was all over.
After a few minutes, I heard the front door open. I peeked out and spotted Angus coming back with a sandwich for his lunch. He cocked an ear at the kitchen door, then when he realised what was going on, he turned on his heel and dived into the study, closing the door firmly behind him.
Then he saw me.
‘Hiding?’
I nodded.
‘Good idea. Don’t blame you,’ he said. ‘Best to lie low in here until it all blows over.’ He offered me half of his sandwich. ‘Cheese and tomato?’
I shook my head and sat on the floor by the bookshelves. I felt miserable. Dad didn’t want me at his house and I didn’t want to live here. I didn’t belong anywhere.
Angus looked at me with concern. ‘Been having a tough old time lately, haven’t you?’
I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. I blinked to make them go away. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Angus. But too late. He’d seen and was handing me a tissue.
‘There, there,’ he said. ‘Have a good old blow.’
I blew my nose into the tissue, but it didn’t help. Tears were spilling out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I pointed at the door. We could still hear raised voices in the kitchen. ‘I didn’t mean this to happen. I didn’t mean any of it to happen. Just… everything seems to be going wrong lately. Everything I touch turns into a disaster. Mum doesn’t understand me and now I’ve caused a row between her and Dad…What’s wrong with me?’
Angus chuckled. ‘Nothing. You’re a teenager.’
‘I bet Claudia and Amelia never did anything wrong,’ I said. More perfect girls you could never hope to meet. Both polite, both in good jobs, both married to accountants.
Angus laughed out loud and got up and went to one of his shelves. ‘Those two girls made my life a living hell,’ he said. ‘Want to see some pictures of t
hem in their punk days?’
‘Punk days? Amelia and Claudia? Never!’ My stepsisters were straighter than straight - blonde, tidy, the kind of girls who looked like they never had a bad hair day.
Angus passed me the album. Two girls with wild black hair and a ton of black eye make-up stared defiantly out from the photographs, Amelia with the full spiked-up works, Claudia in a tiny kilt, rubber basque and chains. Both had green lipstick on. Underneath the photos, Angus had written, ‘Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.’
I burst out laughing. ‘Excellent.’ That’s one for Lucy’s slogan collection, I thought. She spent the summer making T-shirts with cool slogans on them and had asked us all to keep our eyes out for good lines.
Angus shook his head. ‘It got to a point where my wife and I were afraid to go away for fear of what they might get up to in our absence. One time, half the neighbourhood came for a party and trashed the place -motorbikes on the lawn, police cars at midnight…’
‘I’m stunned,’ I said as I stared at the photos and thought about the girls now. One a lawyer, the other an accountant, neat and demure in their Jasper Conran outfits. Both had homes with matching towels in the bathroom…
‘So was I,’ said Angus. ‘It took me years to recover.’
‘Looking at these, I can’t help but think, so what’s Mum’s problem, then? I mean, no offence, but I’ve never been this wild.’
Angus sat at his desk. ‘Your mum cares deeply about you, Izzie. You must know that. I know you’ve got to grow up and be independent, but you’ll always be her little girl, just as Amelia and Claudia will always be my little girls, whatever age they are. Don’t forget a few years ago, you were all cuddles and wanting to be with her. It can be hard - suddenly she’s being shoved away as you want to be more adult and make your own choices. It’s a difficult time of adjustment for parents as well. I remember when my two didn’t want to hug me any more. If I ever went to embrace them, they’d push me away. And if I ever went to pick them up from anywhere, I was asked to stay out of sight round a corner because they were ashamed of me. They didn’t want to be associated with an old fogey like me. I was out of date. Only years before, they were a pair of real daddy’s girls. I was their hero, they followed me everywhere. Then suddenly, they didn’t need or want me any more. The rejection was tough to take.’
