by J. S. Scott
But I realized now that whatever it was that I was longing for would never be found in letting men use me.
Dean certainly hadn’t been the first guy who had been with me just because I could satisfy his needs.
And yeah, I really wanted to feel needed, but I was realizing that I had things I wanted from a relationship, too.
And I deserved having some of those needs met, no matter what my history had been.
No more dates in the near future. Not until I know exactly what I want. I am taking a year off from that kind of craziness.
I’d focus on myself, and take care of myself.
Amy had been right. I did need to embrace who I was, and love myself.
I had to learn that I was just fine with not being the socially acceptable woman that most guys wanted.
At five-foot-ten, with a big-boned and heavy body, it wouldn’t be easy to change my mindset. But maybe if I’d just been accepted by my parents instead of rejected and ridiculed, embracing myself would have been easier.
Looking for acceptance from the wrong men had compounded my issues.
I’d been through a ton of therapy to forget my childhood.
However, I’d never quite been able to shake off the feeling that I was unworthy.
The voice of my hyper-critical mother still rang in my head, no matter how much I tried to make it go away.
No matter how much I’d tried to please her, it had never been enough because I couldn’t change the way I looked. She’d wanted a daughter who could follow in her supermodel footsteps, and neither Amy nor I could be that coveted daughter for her.
After growing up with hyper-critical parents, I’d probably picked out what seemed normal to me—verbally and emotionally abusive men because I was used to getting that from my mother.
I let out an audible sigh as I stopped to look at ice sculptures of some very majestic polar bears. They were so lifelike, and amazingly crafted, that I stopped thinking about myself for a moment to admire the detail of the figures.
A second later, something enormous and heavy hit me in the back, causing me to careen forward.
“Oooff!” The breath was knocked out of me as I braced myself for a fall.
“Easy,” a low baritone rasped into my ear as I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, saving me from kissing the dirt.
My savior was warm, solid, and incredibly strong.
For just an instant, I allowed myself to lean back against his tall, solid form.
For God’s sake, move Hayden. You’re completely invading his personal space.
I shook off the heady sensation of feeling a powerful body behind me, and turned around, noticing that he still hadn’t completely let me go. His arms stayed lightly around my waist as I faced him.
“Thank you,” I said breathlessly.
“Don’t thank me,” he grumbled. “I’m the asshole who nearly mowed you down in the first place. You stopped so fast, and I wasn’t paying attention. Sorry.”
There was a milling crowd around the sculptures, and I had halted abruptly before reaching all the people in front of me to see the display. I’d wanted to observe it from a distance.
“I didn’t want to get into all the people,” I told him. “I’m sorry, too.”
I finally looked up at his face—and I did have to look up. The guy was tall, and towered over me by at least half a foot.
Oh, shit. It’s him.
I gawked at him openly, realizing it was the man I’d seen on the deck next door to mine.
And he looked even better in the light.
His hair was raven-black, cut short, with some tendrils that seemed to have a mind of their own as they sprang out from the top of his head. Maybe it was crazy to find a cowlick that appealing, but the man rocked the spiky pieces of hair, and the scruffy jaw.
His dark, chocolate brown eyes were mesmerizing. The bold stare he was laying on me was intense, but definitely not frightening.
It felt so nice, and so natural to have his powerful arms around me, but… “You can let me go,” I said, unable to turn my gaze away from his.
Suddenly, it seemed like nobody else existed in the general area except him, which was pretty ridiculous considering we were surrounded by a crowd.
Heat tingled up my spine as he started to grin. It was a slow-moving curve of his lips, until he was showing me a set of perfect, white teeth.
The smile made my heart skitter.
I was so completely aware of the guy that I was getting short of breath.
His arms tightened around me just a little. “What if I don’t want to let you go, beautiful?” he said huskily.
Beautiful? Really? The man has to be a player. Nobody calls me beautiful. Ever.
It wasn’t like I couldn’t get away. I knew I could break his hold in a second. He wasn’t trying to restrain me.
But I was still caught up in his mischievous grin, his warmth, and the depth of his eyes.
Don’t be stupid, Hayden.
Men like him did not flirt with women like me. In fact, no guy had ever flirted with me.
I lowered my head, breaking the enticing gaze, and stepped back to preserve my dignity.
God, I was nearly drooling, and it was kind of humiliating, even if he seemed just as captivated.
I shoved the hands that had been on his broad shoulders back into the pockets of my jacket. It was safer that way. “Well, thanks again.”
Walk away, Hayden. Just walk away.
“Wait,” he said urgently, grabbing my upper arm lightly as I attempted to get away from temptation. “You’re my neighbor, right? I saw you when you came in last night.”
I nodded, keeping my eyes below his face because his eyes just…did something to me. Problem was, keeping my gaze averted from his face had me looking at an incredibly muscular body. The man was pumped. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a white shirt, and a lightweight leather jacket, but his clothing couldn’t hide the size of his massive biceps and thighs.
He was built like a Mack truck, but there didn’t appear to be an ounce of fat on him. It was all sexy, muscular bulk.
Finally, I spoke. “I own the place, but I don’t get down here very often.”
“Same here,” he answered. “It’s only the second time I’ve been here, and I’ve had my place for a couple of years now. But my family gets plenty of use out of it in the summer.”
Then he’s married.
Not that his marital status was any of my business, but I couldn’t quite tamp down the mysterious disappointment that made my stomach drop.
I was trained to be polite, so I put out my hand to introduce myself. “Hayden Longmont. Nice to finally meet one of my neighbors.”
“Jackson,” he responded as he took the offered hand firmly. “A pleasure to meet you, too, Hayden.”
The way my name rolled off his tongue like it was a verbal caress stunned me just as much as the touch of his fingers.
Jackson had a touch of a Texas drawl. Not heavy, which told me that he probably hadn’t spent his whole life here in the Lone Star state, but enough of it to still retain a hint of a drawl.
I’d lost some of my accent during my decade out of state for college, too, so I could recognize the difference.
I looked down at our joined hands, the first time our bodies had met anywhere skin-to-skin, and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.
Brief flashes of my sexy Christmas dream drifted through my mind uninvited.
Bodies meeting in desperation.
The feel of a muscular chest abrading against my hard nipples.
Heat. So damn hot.
And a breathtaking need that flared with every single, sensual touch.
I wrenched my hand away from his like it had been burned, and stuck it back into my pocket.
I shook my head as the scenes disappeared.
“I’m sorry, but I need to go.” I was rattled, and I needed to get away from him so I could breathe again.
I turned my back to hi
m, and started walking.
Chapter Four
Jackson
I watched the woman slowly disappear into the crowd for a minute, still stunned that she hadn’t recognized me.
Not that I minded.
I’d come to my Galveston place to get away, have my privacy.
She doesn’t have a clue who I am.
Hayden wasn’t a transplant from another state. I knew she wasn’t. She had just enough of a Texas accent to prove she belonged here.
And honestly, I was recognized a lot almost everywhere. At least here in the U.S.
I grinned as I saw the flash of her cherry-red jacket in the crowd, a color that suited her blonde, fair complexion.
She was so fucking beautiful.
Her angelic face.
Her intelligent, flashing blue eyes that reminded me of the Caribbean Sea.
“Oh, hell no, I’m not going to just let her walk away,” I said quietly to myself.
Not when I’d worked so damn hard to find her.
I was starting to feel like a fucking stalker. I hadn’t followed her here. Well, not exactly.
Yeah, I’d headed for town because I knew she’d left her place, hoping I’d run into her. What I’d seen as I’d driven into town was her vehicle, a red Ford Escape, parked near the pier. So I’d figured she was seeing the lights.
Literally bumping into her a few minutes ago had been accidental. Once I’d spotted her, I’d been so focused on her voluptuous ass that I hadn’t noticed that she’d stopped. And when a guy is built like a bulldozer like me, I cause some physical damage to almost anything I run into.
The moment I’d wrapped my arms around her, I’d known there was no way I was ever going to let her go.
I couldn’t.
Generally, I didn’t have time to have a girlfriend in my life. If I wanted to get real with myself, I stopped looking for a female who just wanted me a long time ago.
That’s what happens when you have fame, and a hell of a lot of money.
Women were attracted to me for what I had; they didn’t give a damn about me, personally.
And if they really knew me, they’d be running away, regardless of how much money or fame I had.
I’d always been…different. Even as a kid. And there had been no end to the shit I’d had to put up with from other kids until I’d gotten big enough to keep them off my back.
I grunted unhappily as I noticed that I’d lost sight of Hayden.
Unfortunately, not seeing her hadn’t affected the raging hard-on I was sporting, a massive erection that hadn’t quite deflated since I’d seen her on her deck the night before.
Hayden had grabbed me by the balls, and hadn’t let me go since.
Mine! She’s so fucking mine!
She just didn’t know it…yet.
I was grateful for the darkness around me, and I stayed out of the direct glare of the lights as I started to jog after her.
There was a benefit to being a big guy, and I plowed through the crowds, searching for the bright red jacket, and curly blonde hair like my life depended on it.
I was relieved when I finally caught a glimpse of her ahead of me, still walking at a faster pace than anyone else around her.
She’s scared.
I frowned as I trailed her, not liking the fact that she might be afraid of me.
I could have sworn that she was attracted to me, too.
In fact, I was pretty damn certain that she was, but she was avoiding me for some reason.
Maybe she already has a guy. Maybe she’s married.
Holy hell, I didn’t like the thought of any other guy touching her.
It was possible she was taken, even though I hadn’t seen a ring on her finger. And yeah, I’d fucking looked.
After holding her sexy, lusciously curvy body against mine, I’d checked out her ring finger, just in case.
It had been pretty damn hard to believe no guy had snapped her up yet, but her finger had been bare.
If I was a gentleman, I probably would have stepped back, and let her get away. She obviously had her reasons to be careful, but my gut told me that she wasn’t married.
And if there was a man in her life, I’d steal her away.
If any man is stupid enough to let a woman like her come to Galveston alone for the holidays, the bastard deserves to lose her.
My long legs ate up the distance between us until I was at her side. “I’ll walk with you, Hayden,” I insisted. “It’s getting late.”
She turned her head to look at me, her expression alarmed. “You don’t have to do that. It’s not even nine o’clock, and I’m from Houston. Being out after dark here is nothing like the city.”
“Are you afraid of me? Is that why you took off?” I really had to know.
“No,” she answered firmly. “But you have a family. You’re a married man. And I think you were flirting with me a little. You called me beautiful. It was…uncomfortable.”
She thinks I’m married.
I put an arm around her shoulders to stop her from hightailing it down the pier, and then turned her toward me. “I’m not married, Hayden.”
Her eyes were full of uncertainty as she said, “B-But you said your family uses your beach house.”
God, she was so damn adorable when she was flustered.
But I wanted to make one thing perfectly clear with her. “My family does use it…as in my parents, cousins, and occasionally my older brother, Levi, who lives in Houston. I was born and raised in Texas, so I have a lot of extended family here in the state, and friends who like to escape to the beach, too.”
Her eyes widened, “Oh.”
“So can I walk with you, now?”
She shrugged. “If you want.”
I wasn’t completely pacified as we started walking down the pier again, but at least she seemed less alarmed.
“Why in the hell did you convince yourself that I was married?” I asked curiously. “I’m not wearing a ring.”
“Some guys don’t,” she mused.
“I would,” I informed her. “What about you?”
Hell, if Hayden was mine, I’d want the whole damn world to know.
She turned her head, and her plump, gorgeous lips turned up in a small smile.
And I felt like I’d been sucker punched by a guy even bigger than me.
“I’m not married. Not even close,” she said in a hesitant voice. “In fact, I was dumped by my boyfriend just a few days ago.”
“He must have been a complete moron,” I grumbled.
Her smile got wider, and it made my gut ache even more.
“I’m kind of a jerk magnet,” she said.
“I’m not a jerk,” I assured her. Okay, maybe I could be an asshole sometimes, but that wasn’t something I was about to confess to Hayden at the moment. And I could never treat her badly. Ever.
“He broke up with me because he couldn’t have sex with me anymore. He said I was too fat,” she said quietly. “And he wasn’t the first guy to dump me because of the way I look.”
I was so pissed that I could almost feel the steam coming out of my ears. “Are you serious?” I asked, my tone angry now.
She nodded, but she didn’t look at me.
“I take back what I said. He’s more than just a moron,” I growled. “He’s a fucking idiot. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Hayden, and I’ve seen a lot of females. I’ve traveled all over the world.”
It pained me not to mention that I’d give anything to see her ex-boyfriend right now so that I could beat the hell out of him. But the last thing I wanted was for her to think I solved everything with violence.
What was wrong with the guys she’d had in her life?
“I have no idea why I’m telling you all this,” she murmured.
I reached for her hand, and wrapped my bigger one around hers. My big paw swallowed her delicate fingers.
“Maybe because you know I don’t feel that way?” I suggested, relieved when s
he didn’t pull her hand away. “If you were mine, there wouldn’t be a single night that I wouldn’t make you come at least five times.”
Damn! I hadn’t been able to stop myself from saying those words because they were so true.
“I don’t like sex,” she admitted hastily. “Not at all.”
“Then you’ve never had good sex,” I teased her, my dick throbbing to show her just how damn good it could be.
Her curvy body was made for sin, and I was more than willing to teach her how to be bad. Very bad.
Apparently, she’d been involved with men who had shit all over her, so I understood why she was so cautious now.
But, holy shit! It was a crime that no guy had ever made her feel so good that she screamed out their name, begging for more. Seeing Hayden’s beautiful face in the height of climax would be the biggest turn-on I could fantasize about.
“This is a weird conversation,” she said, sounding amused, but a little disconcerted.
“Kind of strange for me, too,” I confessed.
I rarely talked to a woman about sex at all, much less a female I’d just met. But there was something about Hayden that made me want to get inside her head, and not just her body.
“You hungry?” I asked her.
“I am. Although, as you can see, I’m not exactly fading away. I could skip a meal or fifty.”
“Hayden,” I said in a warning voice. “I don’t want to hear you say that again. You’re fucking perfect.”
She rolled her eyes. “Unfortunately, I do love my food. It just doesn’t love me very much. Which is kind of sad, really. I’m kind of a foodie.”
“My kind of woman,” I told her with a grin I couldn’t keep hidden. “I’m a foodie, too. Where to?”
“Most stuff is closing,” she said.
“Not a problem. I have a fridge full of Bronco Burritos. I stocked up yesterday morning.”
I saw the surprise in her pretty blue eyes as she looked at me. “God, I love those burritos. And they’re so good reheated.”
“It’s all about the green sauce,” I told her.
Bronco Burrito was an iconic place in Galveston, at least it was for me. But their hours were so limited that I stocked up in the mornings when they were open.
She nodded in agreement. “It’s definitely about the hot sauce. I’ve never had another one like it.”
