by J. S. Scott
Since I wasn’t counting on an encounter tonight, I put on a pot of tea and Levi waited patiently, watching me with such expressive eyes.
I shivered.
I felt raw.
I felt exposed.
And I felt vulnerable, even though I knew this man as well as he knew me.
He knew my secrets without hearing them from me. He understood how to turn me on, but he’d never touched me intimately in those dreams until very recently.
“Stop undressing me with your eyes,” I mumbled, practically squirming beneath his intense gaze.
“How about I just undress you?” His voice was dark and mysterious, loaded with sex appeal and husky with desire.
It was enough to make me pause and think about it.
The teapot whistled and I quickly returned to the stove. “Saved by the steam.”
“There’s been plenty of that,” he said drily as I poured two cups of hot water and submerged teabags in each.
“Sugar?” I asked.
“Please.” He winked and grinned wickedly.
I ignored his innuendo.
I filled the sugar bowl. When I finally handed it off, our fingers touched for a brief second, and I almost dumped the sugar in his lap. Our gazes fastened again in an exchange that was silent, yet loud enough to drive a point home.
We were in this together, whatever this was.
The emotional tug was more than I could stand. It was as if he’d found a way to lure me closer without saying a word, without a touch or even a promise.
“Well, here we are,” I finally said, trying to break the sexual tension before claiming the spot beside him.
“Yes we are.” He tilted his head at the vintage box I’d placed on the coffee table. “How many years have you kept those?”
I shrugged in an attempt to remain noncommittal. “A few.”
“Looks more like you’ve documented the last ten or twelve years anyway.”
I tilted my head one way then the other. “If my life’s an open book, there’s the proof.” I didn’t mention it, but most of my journals were more focused on random dreams instead of our fantasy crush that spanned over the years.
“On the phone you mentioned Germany. I took that to mean that you didn’t remember writing about us before now.”
Hearing him say ‘us’ sounded intimate.
We weren’t strangers, but I wasn’t sure how to play this out since we were indeed very familiar with one another, but in an unconventional way.
As if he understood, he said, “It seems like a waste to start over again when we could run with the relationship we’ve already established.”
“There’s that word again. Relationship.”
“I didn’t realize…”
“You haven’t used it as much as I have in my journals,” I confessed.
“Amy?” He brushed my hair aside and peered at my face. “When did you start writing about us?”
His touch gave me a rush.
I sighed. “Oh boy. That’s a complicated question. In my mind, there wasn’t an us. There was an irritating little boy who invaded my dreams, and took my Big Wheel home to show his parents.”
“Princess One.”
I laughed. “So you remember.”
My heart swelled with unexpected love and recognizable joy. We were old friends, yet newly acquainted.
“I’ve had a lot of dreams over the years,” I confessed.
“So have I.”
“Not to burst your bubble, but they weren’t always about you.”
Only about ninety-nine point nine percent of them.
His eyes flickered with amusement. “I’d love to tell you the same—since I’m such a player and all.”
“Surely you’ve dreamt about other girls and women.”
“At the risk of sounding like a creeper, no. But I wanted to. Does that count?”
“No.” I bumped his shoulder with mine. “And now you sound like a player again.”
“I’m not,” he assured me, his eyes now settled on my lips. “Want to know why?”
“What if I’m afraid to ask?”
“You don’t have to ask.” He dragged his hand through my hair, and I shivered. “My grandmother was psychic. Jackson and I learned a lot about ourselves through her. She once told us that if we tried to resist the dreams, it would complicate our lives later. As I’ve aged, I’ve begun to see that as a ploy.”
“How was that a ploy?” The more he talked, the more I wanted to hear what he had to say. I could learn so much from him about the crazy psychic dreams. Levi had shown up on my doorstep in hopes of learning more from me as well.
“Grandmother was old fashioned, and wanted to keep us honorable. Mom later told us that she was also a hopeless romantic who wanted her grandchildren and other family members to stay devoted to their fated paths.”
“Do you believe in fate?”
He chuckled. “I do not. I’ve always believed we make our own futures.”
“You don’t?” I understood what he was suggesting, but needed to hear him as he explained his journey in his own words.
“I’m an engineer by trade. Everything I have, I worked for. I’m not one who plays the lottery in hopes of winning millions. I worked hard to get Gillette Engineering to where it is now, and know that with my training and PhD, I’ll figure it out. I didn’t really think I needed to concern myself with my destiny. I could make my own.”
“You make it sound like our relationship is technical.”
“No. My experience has taught me to be a problem solver. To work at finding solutions and explanations rapidly,” he admitted, a touch of resignation in his voice. “While I solve problems, I also do whatever’s necessary to avoid them.”
“That’s commendable,” I joked, already knowing that his bullheadedness was just part of who Levi was.
He shrugged. “I didn’t go out there and search for flings. I’ve had very few. In many ways, I would’ve viewed most relationships as temporary, and therefore, a waste. Having said that, nothing could’ve prepared me for you.”
I was touched by his sentiments. “So maybe you believe in fate after all.”
“I believe in you,” he said, his voice hard. “And I believe in us. Jesus, Amy, how could I not? There’s almost nothing we don’t know about each other. I’ve never spilt my guts to anyone except you.”
The quiet room made me nervous. I didn’t want to start making out with this man until I knew more about his goals for us. It was imperative that we each understood where our association could and couldn’t go.
I wasn’t interested in nurturing another broken heart.
Instead of telling him as much, I indicated the old container that was about the size of a boot box. “I’ve kept journals since elementary school, but started writing about my dreams consistently about twelve years ago.” I paused. “Sometimes I had more than one dream every night, but I only wrote the last one I had down on paper. I regret that now, but there are only so many hours in a day.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “I understand.”
“I should’ve remembered Germany but…” I winced at the memory of what I’d seen and heard in that traumatic shared dream.
I’d been so afraid he was going to die.
His pain had been my pain, too.
“You didn’t always know it was me?” he asked, seemingly more in tune with his own experiences. Maybe he could fill in the blanks.
“Did you always know it was me?” I asked, interested.
“I do now, gorgeous,” he said, a hint of regret in his voice.
My skin heated with the compliment. “I’m not gorgeous.”
He looked at me with more compassion than I ever remembered seeing in anyone else’s eyes. I nervously picked at the tea string and shrugged a couple of times. “I’m a thick girl. My mother always drove that point home. Don’t get me wrong. I work out and power walk several times a week. I’m an avid swimmer, play tennis when I can, you name it.” I
missed something. “Did I mention food? Unfortunately, I love all the things that don’t like me.”
He shook his head. “Food isn’t my friend either…but I love it, too. I watch what I eat because in my world, the stress will kill you if you aren’t careful. I limit red meat, sugary sweets, and potatoes. Everything else is a go. But I have my days where I just want a good pizza, a burger, or a beer or two. A guy can’t live on healthy food alone.”
Levi was my kind of man.
Granted, I didn’t see a single ounce of fat on his muscular body, but just knowing that he had to watch his own weight was a relief for some reason.
He brushed his hand over mine. “Your mother was wrong. You’re not thick. You’re exactly the right size, and completely gorgeous. If you never believe anything else I say to you, believe that.”
“Thank you for the compliment, but if you want me to trust you, you’ll have to tell the truth from time to time.”
“Christ! Amy, you’re stunning to me. All you have to do is smile at me, and my dick is so damn hard it’s painful,” he said, unapologetically. “And that’s the truth.”
Moved by the honesty in his expression, I whispered, “Thank you.”
As if he realized I was uncomfortable, he pointed back to the box. “Can I see what you have in there?”
I was taken aback by the sheer volume of journals as I looked in the box. “If you want to read them, I’ll trust you to read only the pages that apply to you.”
“You don’t discuss your chance encounters with other dream lovers in there anywhere, do you?”
I laughed. “If I could only be so lucky.” I instantly regretted my words and blurted out, “I didn’t mean that.”
“If you did, it’s okay. We haven’t set a date yet.”
I rolled my eyes. “Aren’t you the optimistic one?” I knew he had to be joking.
“I know what I want.” The husky edge to his voice showed hints of his alpha tendencies, but that nature was something I’d already grown to appreciate in my dreams. “And I know what you want, too. It doesn’t matter how many defensive walls you try to build up, I’ll tear them all down. You belong to me.”
You belong to me.
I squirmed as his arm settled around my shoulders. He dragged me against him so that my hand landed on his stomach, right above his belt buckle.
“This is comfortable,” he said, sounding as if he meant it.
“I wish I could say the same,” I admitted.
“Why are you uncomfortable, Amy? We’ve done this many times. In fact, we’re pretty good at it.”
“You know why,” I said, blushing. I was too aware of the way he’d touched me, if only in my sleep. “I can’t reconcile the dream world with this one. I want to, but it seems so strange.”
“You’re confused about your feelings there, and here. That’s normal, Amy.”
“It doesn’t feel normal.”
He sucked in a breath and then slowly said, “Would you be opposed to going with it?” He set aside the journals. “How about you follow my lead?”
Levi always wanted to lead. He could be annoyingly bossy when he wanted to be, even when he was just a boy.
“I’m afraid of where that will take us.” The possibilities were endless, and while that sounded exciting, it was also frightening.
But I wanted to be with him, and for once, I’d be damned if I’d let every insecurity I had get in the way.
“Don’t fear the pleasure, gorgeous.”
“It’s not the pleasure that I fear,” I admitted.
“You’re afraid we’ll get too caught up in one another, and then one of us will want out.”
“Happens all the time,” I pointed out, unwilling to enter into any relationship without speaking my mind. “It could happen to us.”
“I’m a terrific problem solver. If we run into issues later, I’ll take it upon myself to work it out.”
I rolled my eyes. “While I’m sure you’re a ‘terrific problem solver’ I’d like to point out that if we ever become a couple, that comes with the expectation that two people are involved in the relationship. There’s a level of give and take required on both sides.”
“So you’re open to a relationship. Excellent.” He grinned, and that cute dimple won me over.
I narrowed my eyes. “I now know why everyone thinks you’re so charming. You take whatever anyone says, and somehow manage to turn it around so it suits you, and pacifies them.”
“Something tells me you won’t be that easy.”
“I could be,” I said, wishing it weren’t so true. Unfortunately, I’d already begun to feel dangerously comfortable with Levi, and that dangerous comfort level would only lead us into trouble. But another part of me knew Levi so well that deep in my heart, I knew his character.
“Tell me your first recollection of us,” Levi probed as he playfully walked his fingers up my ribs.
I squirmed. “You probably don’t want to know.”
“Want to hear mine?”
I couldn’t wait to hear his, but rather than act too eager, I simply said, “Sure.”
“We were in elementary school. You were hanging upside down on a jungle gym. I ran over to you, and pulled your braids, but I tugged too hard.”
“And I fell. Right there in the mud.” I couldn’t help but smile a little as I jumped in.
“Yes you did,” he said, laughing. “And believe it or not, I felt horrible about that, even though it didn’t happen in real life.”
“Good thing that was only in a dream. Hayden and I went to private school. East Prairie Prison. If that had happened at East Prairie, we would’ve been expelled.”
“East Prairie for Future Leaders,” he said, letting me know he’d heard of my first official alma mater.
Silence separated us once again, and I clung to it now like a safe haven that would stand as the only lifeline in the night. Dreams, when shared with other people, seemed to breathe an unusual amount of life into areas that should’ve been profusely guarded.
“It’ll get easier, Amy. I swear,” he promised, holding me tighter.
“How do you know?” I enjoyed his arms around me.
“Look at your sister and Jackson,” he said, brushing my hair away from my neck, and watching me with a light of recognition. My neck was my weakness. And he knew it all too well. One touch in just the right place, and I might strip off my clothes, toss my panties over my shoulder, and beg for a slow screw.
Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t opt for the extreme.
But my inhibitions would certainly fly off into the wind.
Or least, I thought they would.
Honestly, I’d always enjoyed the sensuality of our dreams. I’d yearned, but never the way I did now.
Maybe because I never really wanted him to see me with my clothes off.
Sex was important to men like Levi.
Sex had never been that important to me.
A lot of that was because of my mother. She made me feel inadequate, ugly. She’d done the same to Hayden. I tried to undo a lot of the damage by constantly building up my sister. I forever told her to keep her chin up, to keep trying, to ignore the weight stigma, and live out loud until everyone took notice.
Jackson Gillette had taken notice.
Even my mother would’ve been envious of Hayden’s husband. She’d been the world’s highest paid supermodel, but always wanted more. Whatever Anna Longmont wanted—men, jewelry, more exotic locations for her shoots, movie bit roles—she got.
Dad spent his life doting on Mom. After Hayden and I came along, Mom was easy to please. The only thing she ever wanted was another trip around the world, as far away from her disappointing daughters as possible.
My eyes grew heavy then and I snuggled closer, thinking maybe normal with Levi wouldn’t be as bad as it had been with other men who claimed to care.
Levi and I already had a past. Our history wasn’t conventional, but it wasn’t exactly unconventional either, at least not to
me.
We’d shared every trial and every triumph in our lives.
I took a deep breath. “Why is it that you disappeared sometimes? I don’t remember having a dream for some time until a month or two before I saw you at the rehearsal dinner.”
“I suspect that whenever we had another relationship in our lives, we didn’t feel good about showing up in each other’s dreams.”
He was right. I’d had a relationship that had broken off right before he crept back into my dreams.
“Do you know why this is happening?” I asked, silently wishing he’d have an explanation for the things we’d already experienced together.
“If you’re hoping I’ll say something like, ‘Relax. Follow my lead,’ then you may be disappointed.” He stroked my back. “The truth is, I had started to give up on ever meeting you. Really, I didn’t think you existed outside of my dreams. Then, one day out of the blue, Jackson called me and said he was in love. He told me enough to make me hope that I’d one day meet you outside of the dreams, too.”
“Are you disappointed?” I couldn’t help but ask.
He jerked. “Are you kidding me?” He briefly closed his eyes, and looked as if he might have been savoring the mere fact that we were sitting together. “I’m the one who should be asking that question, Amy.”
“You? Why?”
“I’m not exactly a prize catch,” he said. “I have a limp, and sometimes mornings are tough because arthritis sets in, and this knee gives me a fit when it rains. If you’re hoping to find a man who’ll dance away the best years of his life with you, I’m afraid you’ve been slighted, and we haven’t even had our first date.”
My heart skittered as I realized that even though Levi was self-assured, stubborn, and confident, he still had his own vulnerabilities.
I’ve always known that. It’s something I always loved about him.
“You’re an excellent dancer,” I argued, wanting to chase away any ideas that he had of not being the most desirable man I’d ever met.
“It was a good night,” he said, his smile proving he’d enjoyed our dance too. “The truth is, I would’ve danced with you if I’d had to hobble around with a cane. Do you know how long I’ve waited for you?”
I did know. Just as long as I’d been waiting for him. Deep down, somewhere that I didn’t dare go, Levi was always there. There had always been a sense of ‘waiting’ in my life. I just hadn’t known exactly what I’d been waiting for.
