“I don’t want to hurt you–”
“Then leave me in peace,” she shot back. “You say you love me? Then act like it. If you really love me you’d want me to be happy. Do I look happy, Max? Answer me that.”
Straightening, he drew in a ragged breath. “No. No, you do not.”
Standing, she walked over to the door and pulled it open. “Then please go. Let us heal and move on.”
Carrie thought he might argue but he did as she asked, pausing in the doorway.
“This isn’t over, Carrie. I’ll be back. I won’t give up on the love of my life.”
If only he’d thought of her that way before throwing her out of his home.
“There’s nothing for you here,” she said simply, her heart breaking into a million pieces as she spoke the words aloud. “We are the very definition of the word over. Please leave.”
She heard his footsteps on the front steps as she closed the door and locked it behind him. Not to keep him out but to keep herself in. It took all the strength she had not to fling it open and run after him, throwing her arms around him and telling him she loved him. Ignore all the warning signs that were blinking right in front of her.
Her back against the door, she slid to the floor and curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth as painful sobs wracked her body. Hot tears slid down her face and she could taste the salt on her lips. Nothing had ever felt like this. It was as if someone had cracked open her ribs and took a mallet to her heart.
How would she ever get over Max?
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Max slammed two beers down on the table and slid in the booth opposite Nate. It was men’s night out at the pub and they were supposed to be relaxing but there was no way he could be calm when his entire future happiness was at stake.
“I need your help.”
Taking his time, Nate didn’t answer right away, instead taking a long drink of his beer first.
“Give me one good reason to help you.”
“You’re my friend,” Max retorted. “And even though I fucked up royally, you are still my friend. I want to fix this, Nate. I don’t want to hurt Carrie any more than I already have.”
“Did you stop by her flat yesterday by any chance? Because Paige spent a couple of hours over there last night picking up the pieces of whatever you did and eating massive amounts of ice cream. She was sick to her stomach when she got home. I blame you.”
“I did and I’m sorry. I’m trying to make everything right, but I need your help.”
“What did you say to her?”
The last thing Max wanted was to rehash the most painful conversation of his entire life.
“I apologized and she said she couldn’t forgive me. She said that I was looking for something to be wrong so I could end it.”
Nate seemed to be thinking about his reply longer than usual. “Was she wrong?”
“No,” Max answered honestly. “I was scared and I didn’t have trust – in her or myself. But all of this has woken me up and I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I love Carrie and I want to make her happy. I’d do anything she asked if she’d only give me another chance. I know I don’t deserve one.”
“You don’t but women tend to be more forgiving than we deserve.”
Max leaned forward, almost knocking over his glass. “She’s the one.”
Scraping his fingers through his hair, Nate groaned. “Do not make me regret this because if you manage to upset Carrie again, then Paige is going to unhappy. I don’t like it when Paige is sad. Am I clear?”
“Very. Now Carrie said that I don’t know what I want but I do. I just have to convince her of that.”
“Piece of cake,” Nate snorted. “She’s not inclined to believe a single word from your traitorous lips. We’re actors and therefore people are often suspicious of the things we say.”
“Absolutely right. I need to make this a grand gesture so she sees I’m willing to go out on a limb to prove myself to her. I’m willing to allow her to make a fool of me while everyone watches.”
“I’m afraid to ask. What grand gesture do you have in mind?”
Max smiled and lifted his glass as if for a toast. With Nate and Paige’s cooperation, he might just be able to pull this off. This was the first positive thing to happen to him in weeks.
“I have a plan.”
* * *
Carrie and Paige stood offstage as they waited for the talk show to begin. Nate was a guest and Paige had asked Carrie along to the taping. She said it would be educational to see the behind the scenes action of making a television show. It was interesting but Carrie couldn’t help but feel like she was in the way. There were people buzzing all around them, seemingly in a huge hurry while she and Paige stood casually in the wings of the soundstage.
“What is Nate promoting?” Carrie asked. “It’s too early for the movie he just shot. That won’t be out for at least a year. The Thunder movie premieres in a few months but this appearance seems a bit early. Wait…is it that animated movie he did the voice work for?”
Paige shrugged and kept her gaze trained on the set. “It’s just to keep his name out there in between projects. He can talk about the play, the movie, and getting married.”
The host, dressed in a bright blue suit and orange tie that assaulted the senses, took his seat at the end of a long U-shaped couch. One hand held a stack of index cards while the other smoothed his hair back from his forehead. One of the crew spritzed the top of his head with hairspray and then removed the tissues that were tucked into his collar to keep it free of makeup. Carrie could hear Paige suck in a breath as one of the crew began a countdown to air time. Why would her boss be worried?
“Are you nervous? Nate’s done this a million times.”
Linking her arm in Carrie’s, Paige held on tightly. “It’s not Nate I’m worried about.”
That was rather cryptic.
The set fell silent and the host gave a toothy grin to the camera, oozing charm. “Good evening, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to our show tonight. We have a terrific lineup of guests and you won’t want to miss this, so let’s get started. The two stars from the Thunder movie series, Nate Mason and Maxwell Hayes, are here tonight so let’s give them a big round of applause.”
The introduction kept echoing in Carrie’s ears.
Maxwell Hayes. Maxwell Hayes. It was Max. He was here. Despite everything she’d said to him that day, she couldn’t control the pleasure that flooded her veins when he was anywhere in the vicinity. It might always be this way.
Paige had known about this. That would explain why Carrie’s boss had a death grip on her arm. She was holding Carrie here so she couldn’t flee. Not that it was even an option. Her legs were immobile, firmly rooted in the concrete below her feet.
“I can’t believe you did this.”
Carrie had said the words so softly she wasn’t sure Paige would be able to hear them.
“He begged and pleaded. First Nate and then me.”
It was hard to be angry when she knew Paige was only doing this out of love and concern. But dammit…
“Did he cry?”
Paige turned her head so she was looking into Carrie’s eyes. “Yes.”
“Good.”
That’s all Carrie had been doing so it was only fair but it didn’t make her feel any better. The fact that he had been just as miserable wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she’d hoped.
Nate and Max had joined the boisterous host on the couch, everyone all smiles and charm.
“You can’t go on like this,” Paige whispered. “I’ll give you the same advice you gave me. When are you going to forgive him? When will he be punished enough?”
Carrie felt a twinge in her chest where her heart was supposed to be solidly encased in ice and locked tight. She had thought it to be dead, no longer beating. A little like her appendix. It might have had a use at one time but now it just sat there useless.
“He didn’t trust me.�
�
It came out like a whine and Carrie inwardly winced. Of all moments in her life, this one called for maturity and grace. Too bad that was in short supply even on a good day.
“He didn’t trust himself,” Paige whispered back as the three men on the set bantered back and forth, about what Carrie had no idea. She wasn’t listening. The blood roaring in her ears made it difficult to hear anything. “He wants to now. Are you saying you won’t give him a second chance?”
“Are you saying I should?”
Paige’s hold on Carrie’s arm tightened. “Just ask yourself one question. Are you okay living the rest of your life without him?”
Carrie already knew the answer to that. No. Since the day she’d ordered him out of her home she’d been anguished, fighting to keep from picking up the phone and calling him or just showing up at his front door. Unlike when she and Mark ended their engagement, she couldn’t begin to fathom how she was supposed to move on without him. She wanted a future with Max. Marriage. Children. Picket fences and Sunday dinners.
She wanted to fight with him and then make up afterward. She wanted to watch his hair turn gray and the lines around his eyes to grow. She wanted his face to be the first thing she saw in the morning and the last at night. She wanted to see his blue eyes and stubborn chin reflected in a tiny human being that might have one or two of her attributes as well.
How on earth was she supposed to get over a love like this?
“I’m mad at him. He hurt me.”
“Then be mad. Yell and scream. Just don’t ruin tomorrow because you’re angry today.” Paige nudged Carrie. “Now be quiet and listen. This is why we’re here.”
Too distracted to take offense and honestly curious as to why she’d been dragged to a talk show, Carrie did stop speaking, instead turning her attention to the three men in front of the cameras. Nate was grinning and rambling on and on – as he was known to do – about the joys of love and marriage. It was lovely and sweet and Nate would surely be getting laid later tonight after extolling Paige’s virtues for millions of viewers, plus the studio audience.
When Nate finally shut up, the smiling host turned to Max who looked quite somber after listening to his friend speak of commitment in such an enthusiastic manner.
“So Max, what are you looking for in a woman? What would it take to get you to settle down for good?”
Nodding, Max frowned and then reached into the breast pocket of his designer jacket, pulling out a folded up piece of paper.
“Funny you should ask that because I actually have a list of what I’m looking for. I’ve been working on it for a long time and I think I finally have it just right. Would you like me to share it?”
The crowd watching burst into a fit of applause and screaming. It was Carrie’s turn to grip her friend’s arm as the legs that were holding her upright went numb.
What in the hell was Max doing? Was he going to talk about the stupid Baked Alaska again?
“She has to hate getting up in the morning. No early birds for me. Then when she is awake, she has to need caffeine immediately. Lots of it. That’s a requirement. Oh, and she should take it with lots of cream and sugar. She should want it disgustingly sweet. It should be like candy.”
With a jolt her heart resumed beating, an action so painful it made her softly gasp. She’d missed part of what he’d said because now he was standing on his feet and facing her instead of the camera.
“She has to keep half of the household in her giant handbag. She should make lists and then check them off as she finishes them. Her hair should be like a curtain of fiery red silk and her eyes as soft as brown velvet.”
The block of ice encasing her heart melted and fell away. She could hear the plea in his tone, the love that no actor in the world could fake.
“She should be willing to fly thousands of miles to help her brother celebrate and then again at a moment’s notice to be there for a friend. She has to want to give me lectures about being a better boss to my assistants.”
He pulled a paperback from his pocket and held it up. “Her favorite book has to be Scruples by Judith Krantz. I really read it, Carrie. Honest to God.”
A sob caught in her throat and she pressed her hand to her lips as the lock that had kept her emotions hidden away surrendered. Her perfectly calm and controlled existence was completely upended and any instinct for survival was gone. Her legs must have found the ability to move at some point because to her horror she was walking across the set, straight toward Max. Her body wasn’t listening to her mind anymore. Only her heart.
This drama would play out in front of the cameras and the studio audience.
I’ve lost my mind. I’m insane.
Stopping in front of him, Carrie looked up into his eyes. The heavenly blue eyes that were currently dark with emotion. His own hands were shaking, the paper fluttering as he struggled to read from it.
“She should be able to put me in my place when I have a big stick up my arse and not let me take myself too seriously.”
“I can do that.”
She hadn’t known she was going to speak until the words were already out there, recorded for all of posterity. She couldn’t deny them if she tried. In addition to the cameras, there were hundreds of witnesses and those audience members had finally realized something very important was happening here. They were on their feet, clapping and yelling for Max to kiss her or for her to kiss him. In the distance, she could hear a voice telling him to sweep her off her feet and carry her away. Little did that man know Max had done that a long time ago, just in his own subtle manner.
There were tears, both hers and Max’s. Leaning down, he shoved the paper into his pocket and raised his hands to cup her face, so gentle and tender. Any barrier she’d built up against him these last weeks crumbled into dust at his mere touch.
“She’s going to have to be able to put up with my moods, my career, the loss of privacy, and my interfering parents. Can she do that? Is she willing to give me a second chance even when I don’t deserve it? I love her so much.”
Placing her own hands over his, she nodded. “You just had to be a drama king, didn’t you? You just had to have an audience.”
His smile widened and leaned down to brush his lips over her aching mouth. “What is it you always say? Go big or go home? Would anything else have convinced you?”
“I never say that. But you might have a point.” Glancing toward the cameras, she raised her eyebrows in question. “Um…I don’t suppose you have a plan as to how we’re going to exit the stage?”
Grinning wickedly, he swept her up into his arms bridal style, taking what little breath she had away. She had a feeling he was going to make a habit of that. Lucky her. “Of course I do. I made a list and the next item is Nate taking over the rest of the interview.”
Good thing because Max didn’t waste any time, carrying her offstage and through the back area to where a car was waiting for them. When they had settled into their seats, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck.
“How many more items are on that list?” Carrie asked when the kiss ended and the car was speeding through the streets of London. “Can I see it?”
Max reached into a different pocket and retrieved a small piece of paper. “Let me know if there is anything you object to.”
It was an honest to God list and it all started with Paige convincing Carrie to come to the taping. It ended with…
Oh my.
“This list turned pretty graphic near the end. Were you planning for us to do any of this in the car or are we waiting until we get home?”
That evil smile told her he had all sorts of plans. Lovely plans. Deliciously delightful plans.
“When we get home. I don’t want to scandalize the driver, love.”
He leaned down to kiss her again and she placed her hands on his chest, holding him off for just a moment.
“I’m still kind of mad at you.”
His smile fell and his fingers slowly traced her lips. “I know. I have a lot of making up to do. I know that I need to prove to you that I’m ready for this. For…forever. I love you.”
Carrie realized he’d never heard the words from her, despite her thinking them for a long time.
“I love you too. More than I ever thought possible.”
Slowly exhaling, Max’s body immediately relaxed. He’d been worried and tense. There had been no taking her for granted here today. He truly hadn’t been sure of what she was going to do. In his mind, it was possible she might simply turn and walk away.
Carrie consulted the list again. “Can we do number thirteen as soon as we get there?”
“We can do it twice, if you like.”
At least. Maybe more.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Max was certainly taking his time tonight. While Carrie had been trying to keep herself from ripping his clothes off in the car, he’d been watching her closely, his gaze never leaving her face. Those expressive blue eyes took in everything but also managed to say a great deal. He was fighting his own baser instincts. He was simply better at hiding it. His intensity was one of the things that had attracted her to him and it was exciting when all of his attention was focused solely on her. He didn’t take out his phone, he didn’t talk to the driver, he didn’t even glance out of the window.
They’d practically fallen out of the vehicle before it came to a complete stop and then raced into the house and up the stairs, leaving a trail of discarded clothing in their wake. Now Max had her naked underneath him and he seemed determined to savor every moment of it.
His lips roamed over her jaw and ear, then down to her shoulders in an unhurried manner. His warm mouth kissed a path between her breasts and down her belly, using his tongue to tickle the sensitive flesh over her ribs. He kept her guessing where he was heading, placing feathery kisses on her instep before creating a damp trail from her knee to her hip then circling around to the backs of her knees.
Swinging On A Star (The Hollywood Showmance Chronicles Book 2) Page 28
