Katie found the sight of her amusing. She was almost vibrating with happiness, and reminded her of a starry-eyed parent watching their child leave on their first prom date, full of hopefulness and romanticized thoughts. It startled her a bit as well. She hadn’t known that Chad had spoken to his mother about her, although she supposed it shouldn’t surprise her that much.
Elaine reached across and patted Katie gently on the knee. “I just want what’s best for my son,” she stated. “I know how well you understand that.”
She nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“My son, on the other hand, just wants what’s best for you and Mason.” Elaine raised her gaze, holding Katie’s own stare steadily. “I hope you understand that, too.”
A solid lump of emotion formed in her throat. She couldn’t handle the intensity of Elaine’s stare, and she looked away. “He is the one struggling to walk again, and yet he still worries about Mason and me.”
“That’s right. And that is exactly why I’m not going to tell him that there’s something going on with you and Mason right now. If you want to, that’s your choice, my dear. But I don’t think you will, either, because I think you just want what’s best for him, too. And that tells me everything I need to know.”
With that, she put her palms on her knees and hauled herself to her feet, and Katie noticed just how tired Elaine looked.
“Thank you,” Katie said softly.
Elaine looked down at her, an unreadable expression on her face. “Don’t thank me, dear. But do remember what I’m about to say. You’re not alone. If you need help, we’re here. All of us. That’s what family is for.” She gave a nod as though to signify the conclusion of the conversation, and left Katie in the darkness of the living room with her overwhelming thoughts and jumbled emotions. She thought she heard Elaine bid her a softly spoken goodnight, but she couldn’t be sure through the sobs that were wracking her body and making her throat thick as she tried to choke them back down.
She lay down once again on the couch, using the arm of it as a pillow. Katie felt a lot of things—crushing fear, overwhelming anxiety, and a sense of being lost, unsure what do next. She felt so much, so deeply and so profoundly, that she wished for numbness to save her from the intensity of the painful combination.
For the first time in a long time, however, there was one thing she didn’t feel, and its absence gave her hope.
She didn’t feel alone.
Chapter Fifteen
“I mean it, Katie. I’m really sorry about yesterday.”
For the millionth time in the past hour and a half, Chad apologized, and the repetition was starting to frustrate her. “I told you, it’s all right. I get it. I know why you were angry.”
The sun shone brightly through the window of Chad’s hospital room, and upon her arrival that morning to see him, coffee cups in both hands, she’d found him sitting up in a wheelchair, the sunlight glistening brightly off the steel of the chair’s spokes. She figured he had purposely positioned his chair there, basking in the warm sun’s rays like a man who’d been banished to the desolate darkness of solitary confinement for the past few weeks. For a man who thrived on his independence and found his sanctuary in the rural beauty of the rugged outdoors, Katie supposed that’s exactly how the last few weeks had felt for him.
“I wasn’t angry with you. I was just frustrated.”
“It’s fine, Chad.”
“It’s not. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry.” He took a hesitant sip from the paper cup he cradled in his hands. Steam was still rising from the hole in the lid.
“I know you are. And it’s okay. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you right now.” She sat cross-legged on the couch cushion closest to his wheelchair. There was a sense of normalcy conveyed in sitting together, drinking coffee together, and having Chad sitting up, eye level with her.
“It’s not the struggle of getting my mobility back that’s the hardest part, Katie. It’s having to look you in the eye while I do it.”
Katie snapped her gaze up to his, alert. “What do you mean by that?” She wasn’t sure whether to be offended or not.
“You mean everything to me,” he sighed. “So, it’s hard for me to let you see me like this. So...so...”
“Strong? Determined?” Katie finished, arching a brow at him.
“So weak and fragile. So damn powerless.”
“Chad, you are none of those things! You survived a car accident that most people wouldn’t have. You do realize that, right?” She was astonished that he could see himself in such a harsh light. After everything he’d been through, she couldn’t fathom anyone ever describing Chad Kirkwood as weak or powerless. Ever.
Chad looked out the window. “Don’t tell me I was lucky, Katie. Please, if you love me at all, do not sit there and tell me that this...” he motioned stiffly with his free hand at the wheelchair and hospital room, “...is lucky.”
Katie reached over and set her coffee cup down on the table beside the couch. “All right, purely because of what you’ve been through, I’m going to let you have your moment of weakness. Because that’s the only weakness you’ve got in you, a moment’s worth.” She zeroed her focus in on him, glaring at him intently. “You are the strongest, most resilient man I know, and because of that, I want you to do me a favor from here on in. Don’t ever sit here and tell me you’re fragile or weak again. Are you listening to me?” The admonishment fell from her lips. “You’re right. You’re not lucky to have survived that car accident. Because it had nothing to do with luck and every goddamn thing to do with how strong you are.”
Her chest was heaving when she finished, but the conviction of her words felt cool and refreshing on her mouth after weeks of walking on eggshells around everyone, afraid of making the wrong impression, offending someone, or making things even worse, if that were possible.
“I’m sorry,” Chad muttered finally, sheepish.
“And don’t apologize to me again, either. I’ve told you, we’re fine,” she snapped.
A veil of suspicion darkened Chad’s eyes. “I’m Canadian; saying sorry is what we do. And we might be fine, but you’re not. What’s going on, Katie?”
She cast a quick glimpse in his direction, but couldn’t hold his stare. It felt as though he was looking through her, instead of at her. “Nothing. I don’t know what you mean.”
Chad reached sideways, setting his coffee cup beside hers, then pulled her hand into his. “Don’t lie to me, please. Not long ago, we made a promise to each other that we wouldn’t lie to each other again. That promise still holds on my end.” He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, and the heat of his skin radiated into hers. “You’ve been distant and curt with me since you got here. You keep telling me that you’re not still upset about yesterday, so something else is going on. Don’t shut me out, Katie.”
“I’m not.” She suddenly felt cornered, and Elaine’s words from the night before rang acutely in her ears. He just wants what’s best for you and Mason...and you want what’s best for him, too. She couldn’t tell him Jay had taken Mason; it would send him into a spiral of fury, which would only hinder the progress he’d made. But she couldn’t lie to him, either.
Katie had never been so glad to hear the ringing of her cell phone, not only because it gave her the opportunity to delay her response, but also because Jay’s name was flashing on the caller display.
“I’ve got to take this,” she said, pulling her hand from his and rising to her feet, a little too quickly.
As though summoned from Katie’s innermost wishes, Chad’s physiotherapist appeared at the doorway of his room, putting a stop to any protesting on his part. Katie bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before retreating to the hallway.
She had just discovered the closest lounge area, thankfully vacant, when she answered the call.
“Mason?”
“Mom! You’re the best for letting me stay with Dad!”
Katie closed her
eyes, jutting a hand out against the bare wall for support. Just hearing his voice sent a wave of relief through her. “I’m glad you’re having fun, Mase. What have you two been up to?” She thought it was better to refrain from mentioning his desire to come home, and she felt better knowing he was actually enjoying himself, and not being dragged along with Jay like a man on the run. She also decided against flat-out asking where he was. Mason was smart, and he may find it odd that she didn’t actually know his whereabouts. She might have just been paranoid, too, but it was safer to err on the side of caution than to raise any warning bells in her son’s mind.
“We’re at the campground! The cabin has a really big fireplace in it. It’s made of boulders, Mom, and it covers the whole wall!”
Katie chuckled softly to cover the tears that were forming in her eyes. “Did it take a long time to drive there?”
“Not for me. I fell asleep.” Mason laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. “When I woke up, we were almost there.”
“That’s good,” she said out loud, but inside she was cursing a blue streak. How the hell was she going to find out where he was? “Are there any signs around, Mase? I forget what the campground is called.” It was a long shot, especially if Jay was being cautious, but she had to ask.
Mason hummed and hawed, sounding distant as he pulled the phone from his ear. “I don’t see anything, and I can’t remember. If you want, I can ask Dad—”
“No!” she exclaimed, jerking her head up violently. She looked around to make sure her shriek hadn’t alerted anyone’s attention. “No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, all right?”
“Okay. How’s Chad doing?”
“He’s doing a whole lot better—”
There was a shuffling sound on the phone. “Well, hey, Katie. How are you this morning?”
Bile rose in her throat at the cheery notes in Jay’s voice. “Oh, as good as can be expected when my son has been abducted.”
“Easy now, Katie. I didn’t abduct anyone. He’s my son. I’m not a bad father.”
“This little stunt of yours isn’t exactly winning you any Father Of The Year awards, Jay.”
“All you have to do is say we won’t go to court, and that you won’t try to take him from me, and Mason and I will head back.”
Somehow, she didn’t believe it was truly that easy. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against the wall, cool against her skin. “Just answer me one question. Why are you really doing this? Because you’re jealous of Chad?”
She was met with a heavy silence, but she could hear his breathing, steady and rhythmic in her ear. Strengthened by the fact that he was still listening, she continued. “I don’t understand this, Jay. I just don’t. Why was it okay for you to have a girlfriend, to leave me for someone else, but it’s not okay for me to move on?”
“I made a mistake,” Jay spoke hastily, his words coming out in rapid succession. He paused, reining in his aggravation—and if Katie knew him at all, she presumed he was more aggravated by the fact that he was forced to outwardly admit he was wrong than by the mistake he’d actually made. “I should have never left you, Katie. I should have never chosen someone else over my family; I know that now. But now that I’ve come to my senses, I won’t sit by and watch you do the same thing.”
“Jay,” Katie said slowly, squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m not choosing Chad over my family. I’m choosing him to move on with. Despite what you think, Chad is good with Mason. He’s good for Mason.”
“Mason will suffer in the hands of Chad Kirkwood, Katie! Being stuck in the limelight—”
“Jay!” Her voice rose slightly, growing firmer. “Listen to yourself. Chad is not the devil incarnate. He’s also not someone who is going to swoop in and replace you. You are Mason’s father, and I’m not trying to change that by building a life with Chad.”
“He wouldn’t have a normal life with him, Katie.” Jay sounded surprisingly defeated. His arguments were losing steam, and she was pretty sure he could tell that, too.
“And this is normal?” she replied, resisting the urge to laugh. “Mason is pulled from school, you’ve felt compelled to take him from me, and not one damn thing around him is something that little boy recognizes anymore. Jay, we can’t keep going on like this. Chad Kirkwood is not the problem. We are.”
Silence.
“You and I, we’re no good together anymore. By now, you’ve got to at least realize that.” Katie spoke with a gentleness that surprised herself. Despite the anger and frustration she harbored for the man on the other end of the line, she recognized that he was suffering from his own share of fears, as misguided as they were. “We’re toxic for each other, but we will always be connected to each other through Mason. That’s why we have to be civil with one another, so we can sit down and figure out a semi-normal plan for Mason’s sake. One that includes both of us.” She took a deep breath, unsure if she could hold back her tears much longer. “It’s time for us to stop this, Jay. We need to move on and heal. But this, running away, isn’t how to do it.”
It was silent on the phone line long enough that she didn’t think he would answer. Finally, his voice came in a guttural whisper, cracking with each syllable.
“I’m so scared I’m going to lose him.”
Katie breathed out all the air from her lungs, feeling the tension ease in her shoulders. Finally, he’d said and felt something she could relate to. “I am, too. Just bring him back, please.”
“I can’t yet. I have plans with him, Katie. Father and son.”
“But you said—”
“I haven’t heard a convincing promise cross your lips yet, Katie.”
She let out a low, exasperated huff. So much for whatever progress she thought she was making in getting through to him. “Jay, come on! You do realize I could’ve called—” She stopped mid-sentence, fearful of how he may take the connotation.
“Called the police? Is that what you were going to say? It’s funny, Katie. I’m not overly concerned about you doing that, probably for the same reason you haven’t done it yet. Because you’re not exactly innocent in this whole situation, either.” The edge was back in his voice, his defenses back in place.
“I never said I was.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
When Katie began to stammer, begging for him to wait, he added, “I promise.” He hung up without another word.
She pulled the phone from her ear, staring at it. “Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” She hissed the curse words, and smacked her hand hard against the wall in front of her, beginning to wonder if she even believed the things she’d just said to Jay. Was it just wishful thinking to believe they could fix this? When wounds heal, there are scars remaining, she thought. Would they ever truly be whole, after all that had happened?
“So, when are you going to tell me what’s really going on?”
Katie whirled around, pushing away from the wall. Standing in the entryway to the lounge was Chad, his arms stiff as he held himself in place with the aid of the walker. He was gripping it so tightly she could see the outlines of each sinewy muscle in his forearms and biceps.
It took her mind a moment to compute what her eyes were actually seeing. The physiotherapist stood behind him at a distance, but Chad was standing before her, without the assistance of anyone else, and he had presumably walked the length of the hallway to get to her.
Katie wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, so she did both.
Chapter Sixteen
“I can’t believe you just—well, I can, because I knew you could—but I’m still in shock at seeing you there, standing so straight, without help...” Katie wiped her eyes on her sleeve, chuckling softly at her own ridiculous rambling.
“The things I have to do to find out what’s going on around here,” Chad joked. He’d transferred back into the wheelchair, his legs and arms exhausted from the walking he’d done. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but the exertion had drained him. Katie could see the tiredn
ess in his eyes.
Tired or not, a glint of wary alertness shadowed the edges of his stare. “Tell me what I’m missing here, Katie. I may have a few injuries, but eyes and my brain are working just fine. I’m not blind, and I’m certainly not an idiot. What’s going on?”
Katie stood at a cliff edge, feeling steady and unbalanced as though she may careen over the ledge before her. There was no going back once she told him everything, and having Chad know what he was really in the midst of would change things, drastically.
But he was staring at her now, awaiting a truthful confession. She couldn’t lie to him. Not a lie of omission, and not a stretch of the truth.
“It’s Jay,” she said, as though that explained everything.
In a way, it did. “Well, that’s a shocker.” Chad rolled his eyes to the ceiling and motioned toward the couch beside him. “But you’re going to have to elaborate a little, I’m afraid.”
“The newspaper article, and that picture of us,” she offered slowly. “Jay set us up.”
“You’re not serious.” Chad shook his head. “Christ, of course you are. Of course he did.”
“He hired a freelancer to follow me when I left for your place that night. Then the photographer—Matthew Gerard, I think that was his name—submitted the photo to the newspaper with a nicely skewed story.”
Chad’s eyes widened. “Matthew Gerard? Jesus, he works on some Mercury projects!”
Obviously, she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t taken the time to look at the name to which the photo was credited.
“Yeah, I realized that when I Googled him on my phone.”
“Look at you,” he gave a flicker of a grin. “All techy and stuff.”
“The things I have to do to find out what’s really going on around here.”
His smile grew for a second, then disappeared just as quickly. “So Jay got what he wanted from that whole catastrophe, to wreak havoc on you and I. Mission damn well accomplished. I still don’t understand what that has to do with Mason.”
When Worlds Collide (My Kind Of Country Book 3) Page 13
