by Karina Sharp
“It’s complicated. I’m just not on the short list of favorite people to some.”
“Who? Who wouldn’t like you? I think you’re fabulous, so everyone should feel the same. If they don’t, I will kick them until they do.”
“It’s not that simple, Journey. This community and the families in it have a deep, complicated history.”
“There’s no reason you- we -can’t change that. It’s obviously a misconception. Right? You didn’t like go around kicking people’s puppies, did you?”
Jack’s mouth smirks ever so slightly. “Of course not. I just don’t want you to wind up in an uncomfortable situation. Can’t we just leave it at that?”
“Why are you so closed off to me? You still can’t even answer simple questions about your work, your parents, this house… How am I supposed to feel completely connected to you when you won’t allow me to be?”
“Journey, I feel like I’ve opened up to you quite a bit. I’ve gone way out of my comfort zone and shared feelings that I never thought I could. There are things I’d like to know as well. What happened to you? Why did you quit contacting me?”
“It’s a long story that I’m not really ready to share.”
“You’re keeping something from me? You can share anything with me.”
“Hmph! Look who’s talking. Why don’t you share everything about yourself with me?”
“I don’t know, Journey. Like I said, I’m used to being protective over my personal life and information.”
“This is beyond being protective. This is just ludicrous. You were upset with me years ago because I didn’t tell you that I had a naked photo shoot with a magazine, yet you don’t even tell me whether or not you dated anyone during our time apart. Come on, Jack. I’m not so disillusioned to think that you spent nine years pining away for a woman you thought you’d never see again, and frankly, I don’t really care if you did. I am simply asking for you to respect me enough to disclose that kind of information to me. Why is your parents’ mansion in this state?”
“I-” Jack rubs his temples with his index fingers, closing his eyes tightly.
“Wrong answer.”
I may be harsh, and perhaps reactive, but my emotional responses are hard to control sometimes. To me, it is not fair to be expected to share everything, but get nothing in return. Relationships are partnerships, and partnerships require equality. My chin quivers as I try to decide what my next move should be. I don’t want to give up on Jack, but I also feel very hurt.
“I’m going to give you a night to think about it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Journey-” Jack halts in his steps and breathes in, holding it.
“Good night, Jack.”
My heart crushes as I close the door behind me.
There’s a board game called Mousetrap where the cage that finally traps the mouse is delicately placed on top of a pole. It teeters back and forth until the right type of force, albeit not much force, causes it to rock just enough that it shifts too far off of its axis and crashes quickly to the ground. We all have those moments where our feelings or facades are just rocking back and forth, in a delicate balance, barely staying in place, until things are put into motion in just the right way, and the perfect amount of force is applied, often unwittingly, causing our patience and reserve to fall away. This has been one of those moments.
I didn’t sleep much last night, and after an arduous day at the office, I have cheer practice with the girls. Today is an important day as this weekend is the qualifying competition for Nationals. We’ve been working on their routine and stunts for months now.
“Hey ladies,” I greet them flatly. “Get started on your warm-up laps and jumps.”
“Geez, Journey,” Jenny remarks, “You look terrible.”
“I didn’t sleep well, that’s all.” I attempt to give a genuine smile, but fail.
“Are you sure that’s all? Because it doesn’t seem like it.”
I don’t understand how this young girl is always able to accurately pin my thoughts and feelings on the nose. It’s like a super power or something.
“Have you always been this good at detecting other’s feelings?”
“Not really...only people who wear their hearts on their sleeves like you.” Jenny gives me a quick wink and trots off to join the rest of the girls.
I planned to work on Chelsea’s heel stretch into her bow and arrow because her body is not as tight as I would like it to be, but my thoughts are elsewhere. I half expected Jack to come running after me. Or come knocking on my door. Or have a note delivered. Singing telegram. Something… Maybe there’s a valid reason as to why he refuses to let me into his world. I’m going to have to do a little digging to see if he’s hiding something serious.
I distract myself by drilling the girls as hard as I possibly can. They perform standing back tucks into toe touches one after another. Then, I have them do several pike jumps in a row. After they go through their entire routine full-out for the fifth time in a row, I lose it.
“Not good enough! What is going on here, ladies? Why do you all look so stinking sloppy? This is almost embarrassing! We’ve worked so hard for months, and for what? Take five and think long and hard whether or not this is something that you really want!”
The girls stare back at me, stupefied. I’ve never been this harsh with them before, especially after they’ve worked so hard in a practice.
“Four minutes!” I announce, causing their reddened faces to look away from me and hustle over to their water bottles. “Be ready to go over your tumbling passes after this,” I warn them.
The girls let out groans all around, but I choose to ignore them.
Jenny approaches me with caution. “Journey, can I be honest with you?”
“Yes! That’s all I’ve ever asked!” I cry in exasperation.
“Whoa there, Chief. Simmer down. It’s so obvious that something happened with you and your man. I mean, not that anyone else really knows about you and this JJ guy, but you know… Anyway, I’m always honest with you, and I’m being honest when I say that you’re really drilling everyone into the ground tonight. I’m also being honest when I say that it’s easy to see that to this guy, you hung the freaking moon. Don’t give up on you two. You’re the only people I’ve ever known whom I immediately knew belong together. I haven’t even met him yet, but I knew just by your autonomic responses that you’re meant to be. Also, I deserve to sit out of the extra tumbling passes for using ‘autonomic.’”
Jenny is right, in more ways than one. She’s spot-on about what’s plaguing me, and she’s right- I am letting my emotions cloud my better judgment and interactions with the girls. They haven’t done anything wrong, and my problems aren’t theirs. I call the girls over to me and have them sit in a circle.
“Ladies, I may have been a bit harsh with you all, and I apologize. You’re one of the hardest working squads I’ve ever known, and I’m so proud of each and every one of you. To help make it up to you, I’m going to do some tumbling passes with you. I’m going to let each of you name the pass, and then we will practice it.”
They all smile at me, and I can see the wheels turning in their heads. This is their way to get revenge. I exercise often, but tumbling several passes in a row hasn’t happened in a long time. I don’t know if I can even do it anymore.
They go easy on me at first with a round off, back handspring, back tuck, but it quickly turns more difficult with tumbling passes including layouts and fulls. I’m dying and in so much pain.
“Alright, Jenny, I’m sure you saved the best for last. What do you have?”
My hands are on my knees, and I am panting. I just want to get this last pass done. I also make a mental note to get back to the gym because I am way out of shape.
Jenny doesn’t answer.
“Jenn-”
I lift my head and see all of the girls’ mouths open, dumbstruck. I follow their stares to the end point, which happens to be Jack.
&nbs
p; Jack has entered the gym, standing still, in his dark dress pants and grey button up with no tie that has the top two buttons undone. His dark hair is styled so that it is combed back and sits perfectly in place, framing his freshly shaven face. His gaze finds mine, and while his mouth remains closed, his eyes light up. All of the girls slowly turn their heads to look at me, shocked faces still intact.
“Hi,” Jack says softly.
“Hi,” I breathe out.
“Jack Croft?” Jenny asks, surprised. “Oh my god, Jack? I haven’t seen you in forever! I’m Jenny-”
“Foster,” Jack interrupts. “It has been a long time. I seem to recall that the last time I saw you, you were in grade school, making mud pies.”
Jenny laughs. “I haven’t made mud pies in a while, but they were the best since I had such a great teacher. I’ll never forget. You were very sweet to pay attention to a little five year old girl when you were a teenager who had video games to play with my cousin and stuff.”
“You asked so nicely. I couldn’t say no,” Jack chuckles.
“I was pretty good at laying on the guilt trips.” Jenny eyes me. “I take it you’ve met our lovely coach and town doctor?”
“I guess you could say that,” Jack smiles. “Don’t let me interrupt you all.”
“It’s a little too late for that,” Jenny goads. “But, here’s my pass for you, Coach. Toe touch, standing back handspring, back tuck.”
“Alright,” I respond, thankful she didn’t pick something far more difficult. “Ladies?”
We gather in the middle of the floor, spaced apart just so. I count, “Five, six, seven, eight,” and we perform our tricks. Jack’s eyes grow wider, highlighting his huge smile. My chest tightens from seeing him look so proud and his witnessing me in my element.
Jenny asks loudly, “Run through the routine one more time and call it a night?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Music plays loudly while Jack and I stand next to one another and watch the girls perform their competition routine. The squad’s enthusiasm and effort increases exponentially, and they perform it almost flawlessly. I’m impressed. I wonder if Jack’s charm can continue to inspire them to perform just as well.
Jack watches in awe. “They’re fantastic. You did all of this?”
I continue watching the girls giving it their all. “If you’re referring to the team, I choreographed the routine and have helped improve their skills, but most of the talent and technique was already there. I lucked out. If you’re asking whether or not I did these stunts and things, yes I did, and then some. At Kentucky, I was on the large co-ed squad, so we did harder stunts and I was tossed higher.”
“That...is amazing. I knew you were talented and athletic, but I had no idea. I’ve been missing out.”
Through my peripheral vision, I see the small wrinkles on the edges of Jack’s eyes become more pronounced from his excitement. I love those wrinkles. He had them years ago, but they weren’t as deep. I love them even more now, because they tell the story of his life’s joys and will continue to increase, except I hope that I will play a vital role in helping to create that map.
“You never really asked, but I can show you sometime.”
“I’d love that.”
The music stops with the girls in their final pose. My hands clap wildly as I jump up and down in excitement. “That was about as close to perfection as I could ask for! We are ready for this weekend!”
The squad squeals in excitement and relief. They know they just gave their best performance to date as well.
“Go home, get some rest. I will text the details for Saturday to all of you. We are carpooling down to Boston tomorrow and staying overnight, so if anyone needs to ride with me, let me know. See you tomorrow!”
Everyone grabs their belongings and heads out of the gym. I spy Jenny looking back at me with some apprehension. I beckon her over with my eyes.
“Journey, can I ride with you?” Her eyes move toward Jack. “I mean, if I’m not imposing.”
To my surprise, Jack answers quickly. “You’re more than welcome to ride with us, Jenny. That is, if you don’t mind being in the car for a few hours with two boring, old people.”
Jenny laughs heartily. “Have you met my parents? You’re New Year’s Eve in Times Square compared to them.”
Jack laughs with her in the same manner. “You’re probably right.”
I’ve never met her parents, but I surmise that I’m not missing out on much.
“Are they not coming this weekend?”
Jenny’s gaze moves toward the floor and her shoulders drop. “No, they have some big, important fundraising gala to go to that they said they simply cannot miss.” She changes her voice to mimic her parents who I assume must speak in a formal way. If her Cousin George’s manner of speaking is any indication of how they behave, I can only imagine how pretentious and ridiculous they sound.
“It’s fine, Jenny. We’d love to have you with us. Right, Journey?”
My extremities tingle and my chest warms from hearing Jack not only acknowledging that we will be attending together, but also so kindly accommodating Jenny.
“Of course we would.”
“Great! Should I just meet you all at your parents’ place, Jack?”
“How about Journey picks you up from your house after school on her way to mine?”
“Perfect.” Jenny’s face lights up in a way I’ve never seen before. “I’ll text you directions. See you both tomorrow.”
Jenny grabs her gym bag and carries it out with her.
The heavy door closes behind her, and Jack quickly, and forcefully, takes my face in his hands and kisses me. My knees almost buckle under me, but I will them to keep me upright. My hands move up Jack’s abdomen, grazing over each taut muscle, until they reach his face. I brush the backs of my hands along his jaw to his hair. My fingers grab onto it, and he presses his mouth more firmly against mine in response. I know it’s only been about twenty-four hours since I last saw Jack, but it may as well have been twenty-four years, because I’ve missed him all the same. After enough time elapses to allow us to communicate what we wanted to one another, we pull away from each other and continue an intense, relieved, and happy stare with Jack’s hands still cradling my head.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” I smile.
“Well, I was deep in thought, wondering what I should do, when I realized I was grossly overthinking it. It was a simple choice with a simple solution. I want you and everything that goes with it. I needed to get over myself and admit that my life without you in it isn’t living at all, and neither is shutting everyone out. I’ve been so worried about being hurt or betrayed that I couldn't see that I was not only hurting you deeply, but betraying myself. Get used to my being around, Wildflower. I’m here to support you in everything you do.”
I lean into him and kiss him warmly.
“You just made my night.”
“I vote that we go back to my place, share a bottle of wine, and grab a bite to eat because we have a lot of catching up to do.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else. I gather my things quickly, turn out the lights, and lock the gym behind me.
“I have so many questions, I’m going to call you while we drive back to your house.”
“Why don’t I drive you there so you can ask in person? I can either drop you off at the clinic in the morning, or you can use the Lexus.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more positive about anything in my life.”
I understand the double entendre of his statement, and butterflies fill my stomach at the thought. I just hope that he is truly prepared to share every, and I mean every, bit of his life’s story with me in one night.
Chapter 18
Jack
Throughout the entire ride to my house and most of the night, Journey asks questions with lightning speed, and she does not work up to the difficult questions either. She is relentless
from the beginning.
“Okay, what’s the deal with your house? Where are your parents, and how did it get into the shape it’s in?”
“It’s a bit of a long story. I will give you the highlights, and you can ask details from there.”
“Fine.”
“The estate has been in my father's family for quite some time. Some of the woodwork and foundation is over a hundred years old.”
“Before you continue,” Journey interjects, “How big is that house, anyway?”
“The main house is about fifteen thousand square feet, and the guest house is about twenty-five hundred square feet.”
“There’s a guest house?”
“Yeah. The property is over ten acres, so it’s further into the trees. I haven’t been able to work on it yet. My efforts have been focused on the main house. The estate used to include a lot more acreage, but it has been divided among family members over the years. Most of it has been sold.”
“That’s a shame.”
“It is, but my father was intent on both keeping and maintaining this property in the family. But, I digress. My parents lived in the house until about ten years ago. I’m sure by now you’ve heard that the Fosters are highly regarded in this area.”
“How could I have not heard? Everyone seems to be enamored with them, and I don’t get it.”
“You and me both, but George’s parents and Jenny’s parents were always good friends of the family. In fact, Jenny lives just a couple of miles down the road and George not to further beyond that. Okay, we thought they were good friends of the family, but I will get to that. You know just as well as I what it’s like to grow up with privilege in elitist social circles and the expectations that come with it.”
“Yes I do. If you want to know the truth about part of why I was hesitant to try to have a relationship with you beyond Cabo, it was partially because of the societal pressures. I thought I was supposed to be, live, and love a certain way. Boy, am I thrilled that I’ve moved past that.”
“You and me both.”
