by M.L. Cameron
front of the desk.
“Was she different at all?”
And then he was smiling, obviously going back to a time where he was happiest. “Was she different? She was… everything. She could dance and it was as if the rest of the world fell away. That’s what I remember most about her, was watching her dance. It was bewildering how she could capture the attention of every single person in the audience. And then she taught Anastasia, and she grew to have the same sort of power. When Holiday died I couldn’t bear to watch Anastasia dance anymore.”
“What about her parents?” My mind said one thing and my mouth said another. I wanted to ask about anything she had said and instead I was asking about her parents.
“Her parents were… enthusiastic to say the least. They loved the idea of Holiday getting married and having children. They loved that I accepted her dance and that I had no plans to make her stop. But… when she died I told them not to speak to me or to Anastasia. I didn’t want them to encourage her dancing, but she continued without encouragement. They go to all her recitals, she doesn’t remember who they are, but they sit in the front row, and watch. They respect me enough not to talk to her, but every time they try to talk to me. The last time I saw them they said they had something to explain to me, but I couldn’t seem to listen.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. “I just… Would you mind if I went to talk to them? About Holiday?”
“No, but don’t take Anastasia. She doesn’t need them to be a part of her life right now.”
“Okay,” I said and stood up. “Thank you.”
He nodded and I left the large office. What would Ana’s grandparents have to tell me?
♪♪♪
Ana was laying on my bed, her face was relaxed and her eyes were shut. “I love you,” I murmured and knew she was asleep. My muscles were sore from the hours of practice I had been pushing myself through. I had been spending tons of time on the ice to avoid the action of seeing Ana’s grandparents.
With Scarlett’s recitals coming up I knew that I couldn’t leave for at least a week. Ana’s father told me where they lived and only asked that I didn’t tell Ana where they were. After Scarlett’s second recital I was leaving, I was going to go and see them.
♪♪♪
I took Ana’s hand and she sighed. We were watching Scarlett’s recital. There were five dance groups and Scar was in the third group. The second group finished and everyone clapped quietly. Everyone was respectful, nothing out of the ordinary.
The curtains closed and within minutes they opened again. All ten dancers were in different positions around the stage. I could tell who Scarlett was in less than a second. The tutu’s were all black and lined with blue lace. Their leotards were black too. The whole dance was a little dark and upsetting.
Ana sat up a little as they all got ready for the first lift. I could tell she was watching Scarlett and Holland’s feet. She started to shake her head. “No, she can’t do the lift… He’s even farther off than usual… Luke,” she said desperately and looked up at me. I stood up and walked up to the stage. Maria was standing by the stairs, watching. “Luke?”
“She can’t do this lift. Get them off stage now.”
“What?”
“He’s more than half a step off. Please, Maria. How do I get them off?”
“You can’t, there’s no way for them to just go off stage.” The lift came but Scarlett didn’t jump like she was supposed to. Instead, she spun and let him catch her arm. It looked natural, maybe a tiny bit out of place. “Oh god, okay.” They picked right back up in the dance and got the second lift. How did they do that?
I nodded went back to my seat. “She’s smart,” Ana whispered.
Once the recital ended I walked outside with Ana. The air was cool and the night sky bright with the light of the moon and stars. “So what did you think?” I asked and Ana shrugged.
“Honest?” I nodded. “I think she’s got all the technical aspects down. But I don’t think she has the passion and the drive. It sounds a little harsh to say that, but it’s what I can tell.”
And that I completely understood. I could see it too. She could do everything with technical precision, the passion was missing. When Ana danced… She had all of it. She could capture an audience with one turn. There was nothing she couldn’t do without perfection and creativity. Maybe I would talk to her about being her partner… It would be a suicide in my house but if it would get her to dance again then it would be worth it.
Scarlett came out and I put on a smile. Neither of our parents had been able to make it to opening night but that wasn’t completely horrible. They were both going to the next three, together. Unless they got an emergency call or something like that.
“What did you think?” she asked, slinging her dance bag over her shoulder.
“It was really good,” Ana said when I didn’t offer anything. “You did a good job counting the steps.” Ana looked at me and I still didn’t say anything. Why wasn’t I able to say anything? Oh yeah, probably because I was so focused on telling Ana how I felt about her. I would figure it out. All of it.
♪♪♪
The week dragged by agonizingly slow. Hours seemed to stretch on for days. The school day seemed like it lasted a year long. I saw Ana though, so it wasn’t all bad. When Friday rolled around I didn’t want to tell her where I was going, so I lied. I told her I was going with my father to Kansas while he rounded up some business stuff.
And that was somewhat the truth, my father was going to be there and he was going to be doing business things. I, however, was not taking part in any of that. I felt a little guilty… for the plane ride there… and then I realized that what I was doing would help her. If there was anything to be gained, she had every right to know what was happening.
Her grandparents lived out on a small farm, in the middle of what seemed like nowhere. I knew that I was only… a half hour or so away from downtown. The main house was huge, dark grey and very isolated. I could see the land extend for what seemed like forever and nothing interrupted the view. Not cattle, or buildings, or any vehicles at all.
I hoped they weren’t away at work or anything while I rang the bell. I heard numerous voices behind the door. “He’s here!” someone shouted. “No, shut up… Leave the poor boy alone, he isn’t even in the house yet.”
The door opened and I took a deep breath. “It’s nice to finally meet you Luke,” a woman said and smiled widely. Her hair was dark blonde and her eyes were green like emeralds.
“You know who I am?” I asked and she nodded vigorously.
“Of course, we’ve been expecting you for a few weeks now.”
She ushered me inside the house where the talking started up again. “Everyone, calm down!” she said as we entered a huge living room. The walls were white and so was the floor, all the furniture was black, it gave the room an open sort of feeling.
Six other people were in the room with me, including the woman who had answered the door. “He didn’t bring her,” one of the men complained. Then I realized that the room was evenly divided, three men, three women and then me.
“No he didn’t bring her. I told you he wasn’t going to bring her. See, you never listen to me!” a woman complained, she had deep blue hair and her eyes matched. I shook my head and took a deep breath.
“Let’s not fight now, Gregori,” the woman said, looking pointedly at the man who had complained about me. “The boy has enough to learn in a matter of hours. All right, introductions are in order. Luke, we all know who you are, but I’m sure you have no idea who we are. I’m Kaitlyn, and my husband is Jack,” she gestured to the only person in the room who had yet to say anything. He smiled at her and she took a deep breath.
“Next to him is Gregori, just ignore him, we all do. His wife is Valarie. Valarie is my sister and so is Elizabeth. Elizabeth is married to Jess. And that’s everyone… Well everyone that I let come. There are so many more people who want to meet you.”
“Meet m
e? Why would they want to meet me?” I asked, taking a step away from the entire family. I wasn’t entirely sure who Ana’s grandparents were, the sisters all looked similar… Well, besides Valarie with the blue hair.
Kaitlyn looked surprised. “You mean… Don’t you know what Anastasia is? What all of us are?”
I shook my head. “That actually why I came here. To figure out what she is and how I can help her learn and remember it.” She looked… disappointed.
“Great,” Valarie said, “Can I go now?” Kaitlyn nodded absently at her and she walked out of the room, followed closely by Gregori. How were they going to leave without cars? Maybe there was a garage somewhere behind the house…
“You’re saying that you have no idea what we are?”
“No… I’m sorry.”
Jack stood up and went to her side… Suddenly I realized they were pretty young to be grandparents. Grandparents? They looked like they were in their thirties. Elizabeth stood up. “Kait, I think we’re going to go. You can talk to him. And I’ll go make sure Valarie doesn’t do anything stupid. All right, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to get her back. I promise…”
She left and a few seconds later her husband followed. I took a deep breath. “Can we talk about why I came here?” I asked and Jack nodded, gesturing to one of the empty chairs. The room suddenly felt too open, too big.
I sat down and they sat across from me. “How could you not know?” Kaitlyn asked.
“I… I know I’m going to sound rude but could I tell you why I’m here and then you can ask me stuff?” She nodded and Jack took her hand. “You probably know Ana went blind.” They nodded. “And I was supposed to be her tutor. I don’t know how or even why but I think I love her. She said it to me but I couldn’t say it back. I know I’m going to sound crazy and insane but there was someone in my head, telling me that she was different. That I would never be able to tell her how I felt until she knew the truth about herself. The voice told me to talk to her father but he doesn’t seem to know anything either so he told me to see you two and that maybe you could help me…
“I know that we’re young. I’m barely eighteen and she’s just past seventeen. But… I want to be able to tell her how I feel…”
Jack smiled. “Luke, love at a young age is never quite impossible. I think it’s our turn to explain.”
“Can we though? Explain it to him?”
“We can tell him anything we want to tell him.”
They both looked at me and I nodded awkwardly.
Ana
I heard something moving in my room and I turned over in bed. “Fish?” I whispered sleepily but the kitten was sleeping by my feet. I shook my head and sighed. But then someone sat on the bed with me.
“Go back to sleep,” I heard Luke whisper. His thumb traced over my cheek and I opened my eyes to look at him. He looked tired…
“What’s wrong?” I asked and he shook his head.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep. You need it.”
“You look like you need it more…” I pushed myself to sit up and he gently put his hand on my shoulder. “Then at least lay down.”
He nodded and laid next to me on the bed. Fish was disturbed and padded over to the other side of my legs, then settled back down. “I missed you,” he whispered and pulled me closer. “More than you can imagine.”
“It was only three days Luke…”
“I know… But it seemed like so much longer…”
Within minutes I was asleep again…
When I woke up Luke was no longer beside me, he was sitting at my desk with Fish purring away in his lap. He didn’t realize I was awake… Or I didn’t think he did. He was staring at his hand, which was idly stroking Fish. “Are you okay?” I asked him and he nodded. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it just felt like a lot longer than one weekend.”
He yawned and I stood up. “You seem really tired… Did you get any sleep at all?”
“I slept… I just feel sort of drained.”
Scarlett
Luke walked into the house with the same blank expression he had been wearing since he had gotten home from Kansas. Sometimes people went through moods, but they weren’t usually two weeks long. “Luke!” I said when he walked by me without saying anything.
“Yeah?”
“What’s wrong? What happened in Kansas?” He shook his head like he had done every other time I asked. “Where’s Anastasia?” At least when she was in the room he had some sort of personality.
He turned to me and took a deep breath. “Ana is at a dinner with her father.”
“Luke? What’s been going on with you lately? I promised that I’m not going to tell Anastasia if it has to do with her. Please? Something has really been wrong with you lately.”
“Nothing.”
“What happened in Kansas? Please tell me.”
He sat down across from me and dropped his backpack to the floor. He looked tired and rundown. I knew he had just been to hockey practice but still… He was never that tired. I hadn’t ever seen my brother so… dejected. “I went to see Ana’s grandparents. Her mother’s parents.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing… I just talked to them. But I learned some things that I don’t know if I even wanted to know.”
I nodded and leaned across the dining room table to take his hand. “You’re going to be okay Luke.”
“I know that I’m going to be okay. I just don’t know how Ana’s going to be. I’m going to bed, good night Scar.”
I watched as he gently took his hand from mine and walked away. “Night Luke…” I whispered but he was already gone.
Nick
Luke was sitting at my dining room table, reading a text book. Ana must have been asleep, or she was changing. “Luke? You went to see Holiday’s parents didn’t you?” He nodded. I took a deep breath. “Did they say anything about Holiday?”
“Tons… More than I cared to know. They told me that you would remember it, all of it, if you still had the thing she gave you before she died. I have no idea what it is because they wouldn’t tell me and they wouldn’t give me any hints. They just said that you would have it and that if you knew it held a secret you would remember.”
I shut my eyes and thought back to the day so many years before…
… “Nick,” Holiday giggled and I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground. She had gotten her national tour and we were both excited beyond belief. “What about Ana?” she murmured and looked down at our sleeping daughter. Anastasia was asleep on the floor, her face buried in the fur of her golden teddy bear.
“She’ll be okay.”
“I’m going to give her my locket,” she whispered and pulled away from me. She wore a pink colored locket and I had never seen her without it. Anastasia sighed as Holiday slid the necklace over her head. “When she’s old enough I’ll show her how it opens my journal.”
I nodded and took her into my arms again. “I love you,” I whispered and she smiled.
“I love you too.” …
The journal? Did I still have it? I couldn’t remember if I had kept it or buried it with her. “Ana has to have the locket. I don’t know if she still has it… She hasn’t worn it for years. The locket opens the journal. If it isn’t the journal then I have no idea. She never said anything about a secret or anything.”
Ana
Dad walked into my bedroom with a book in his hands. “Do you remember this?” he asked and held up a leather-bound journal.
“No…”
“It was your mother’s. She wrote in this… at least six times a week. Sometimes she would write ten times in a single day. I think that in this are some things we both need to learn. But to open it we need the locket…”
“The pink one?” He nodded and I stood up, leaving the softness of my bed. In my closet was a small jewelry box, inside that there was a smaller box and finally there was the old pink locket. It was a simple little heart, no
thing etched on the outside or on the back, I didn’t even think there was a picture inside. “Here,” I said and sat back on my bed. “I’ve never been able to open it though…”
He sat on the edge of my bed and set the book next to him. I looked at the journal while Dad fiddled with the locket, trying to open it. On the front of the journal there were two halves of the locket, it was obviously the lock. “She gave me the locket before the tour, didn’t she?” I whispered and he nodded. “When she got home… It was when she got home that she showed me how to open it… Why can’t I remember it?”
“It won’t open. I can’t ever remember it opening. She always had it on but it would never open.”
“I don’t think it’s supposed to Daddy.”
I shut my eyes and tried to think back… It was so many years. “The locket doesn’t go in the front. There the little thing here…” I took the necklace from him and pressed the bottom of the heart into an indent in the side of the journal. The lock snapped and fell open. “And now?”
He started to say something and then stopped. “I can’t do this…” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I thought I could look at Holiday’s most prized possessions and finally be okay with it but… I can’t. I’m going to go to the office…”
I let him leave and I didn’t open the journal until I heard the front door close. Taking a deep breath I opened the journal and fell into my mother’s world.
‘Oh, baby girl, you would love it here. I wish your daddy would let me take you to Paris. But you’ll see it someday. Maybe we could even go this summer. You can’t even walk and I want you to come see the Eiffel tower. It’s so beautiful in the spring and summer times. There are so many people but you love people. Your daddy loves it here too. He loves coming to see the parks and sit on a picnic blanket. I miss you baby, but I’ll be home tomorrow.’
‘Today I got off the plane and there you were. You and Nick of course. He even put you in a little tutu. It means so much to me that he accepts me for being a Dancer…’ Dancer? Capital D? Misprint? ‘And that he puts up with my insane family. You look like you’ve grown so much. Every day I try to tell you about the world I grew up in. I want you to grow up the same way. Sometimes you look at me so intensely that I know you can hear me.’
‘Mami came by today to see you. She thinks you’ve grown fast too. But that’s not abnormal for an Artist baby. She’s crazy sometimes. You always look at her like she’s crazy, but that’s probably because she is. But she’ll help you, if I ever die and I don’t know it’s going to happen, she’ll always be there to help you and help you get through you’re Artist stages.’
Pages and pages of little daily anecdotes. Something new I learned, something amazing that I had done. Years of daily notes…
‘Baby doll, today I think you met your Passion. His name is Luke and he’s about a year older than you are. He pushed you in the swing at the park. The pink one that you’re in love with. Daddy works with his parents, but we never really see each other. When you two are together though… Oh what am I talking about, you’re barely four year—’
And suddenly it was like a flood invaded my mind. Dancers, Artists, Passion, Luke, Dad, Mom, comfort, love, peace, music, mirrors, colors, everything. Everything that she had ever told me. When the feeling of slight discomfort subsided I sat on my bed in complete awe. What had just happened? Did any of it really mean anything? Could I ultimately be a part of another race? A race of Dancers?
Luke… I loved him with all my heart. A Passion, someone a Dancer couldn’t live without. Of course, that would have been why I was always so comfortable with him. My phone beeped and I looked to see that I had missed a call. How long had I been reading? Luke had called twice, thirty minutes apart. It probably wasn’t important but I wanted to talk to him.
I hit the redial button and he picked up on the first ring. “Hi Ana,” he said, he sounded a little tired. Maybe it wasn’t the right time.
“What are you up to?”
“Just sitting outside, waiting.”
“For what?”
“Look outside.”
I stood up and went to my window. Luke was leaning against his car, obviously waiting to me to notice him. “I have so much to tell you,” I murmured and he looked up, smiling at me.
“I love you…” he said hesitantly and then froze.
“Come inside, it’s cold out.”
I ran down the stairs and by the time I got to the bottom Luke was there, shaking a light dusting of snow from his jacket. I hugged him tightly, melting snow and all. He laughed a little and ran his hand over my hair. We stood like that for what felt like ever. “I love you so much,” I whispered.
“I love you too. More than you can imagine.”
Luke
Luke?” And whispered, the room was dark and her finger was absently tracing patterns on my chest. I sighed. “What do you think is going to happen?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, pulling her tightly against me.
“I mean, when you go to MIT and I stay at home?”
Now, I would have to tell her. “What if I didn’t go to MIT?”
“You have to go to MIT, it’s what you want… isn’t it?”
I shrugged. “I want to be with you more.”
“But… I won’t let you do that,” she mumbled against my shoulder. “I’m not letting you give up everything you’ve worked for.”
And then I smiled. “What if we both went to NYU or Julliard? What if we did that?”
“No, I don’t want to dance anymore and you want to go to MIT more than anything. Do you remember why you even did the tutoring? For the letter of recommendation my father is going to write you. How could you just throw away all of your efforts to go to your dream school?”
“You have to keep dancing, you’ll die without it.”
“I cannot!”
“That’s what Jack told me. He said that without practicing your art you can go into an Artist withdrawal and die. That’s how immortal Artists kill themselves. So you have to dance.”
She shook her head. “I can just teach it, volunteer some at the community center. I don’t need to go to NYU or Julliard…” she said it hesitantly. “Even though they invited me without an audition…”
“Ana, you have to go. Please? It would make me so happy if you would just go to the art school.”
“But then we’ll barely have time to see each other and I don’t know if I’m willing to give that up.”
“I’ve been thinking about something for a few weeks now… What if I was your partner?” Her eyes went wide. “I mean it. What if I showcased with you and then took the same classes you did?”
She seemed to consider it, at least for a second. “No. You have to go to MIT; I won’t let you give it up. I can’t do that. You want to go there, so go. I don’t want to go to college next year, I just want a year off to breathe and get over everything that has happened. Maybe I could go see my grandparents and learn at least a little bit from them.”
Why did she had to be so against going to college? And what did it matter if I went to MIT or not. I still didn’t even know if I got in. I didn’t really have everything I needed to pull through. The letters weren’t coming for two more weeks and until then I didn’t have to worry about it. I just wanted Ana to be happy, I wanted her to be able to do something she loved. She needed to keep dancing, and I would do everything I could to get her back on stage.
Scarlett
I sat at the table eating half a cup of cereal and stared at the MIT letter that sat on the center of the table. Dad wouldn’t let me open it without Luke at home and Luke didn’t get home until three in the morning so he went right to sleep. But then, he was home, I was awake… I reached for the letter and pulled my hand back, Luke would kill me for opening it without his
