by M.L. Cameron
obviously Luke had put together her outfit, he loved seeing her in pink. I turned to one of the doors and she murmured, “Sorry Scarlett, for the next hour you aren’t allowed to leave this room.”
I looked to all the exits, of course there was a guard at each but they didn’t budge as I looked at them. “What the hell are you doing here? Does Luke know you’re here?”
“Yes, Luke knows I’m here. I told him I was coming and I asked him to come but he wouldn’t. He said that you weren’t his sister and that I had no reason to see you.”
“He’s right. But not only is there no reason, you have no right to be here.”
“Excuse me? I have no right? I have every right in the world to be here. Do you want me to remind you? Do I really need to remind you? For thirty nine days I was locked in a room with nothing. With no one. I had to sit by myself for thirty nine days. Do you have any idea how hard it is to live like that? You’re lucky they didn’t put you in solitary confinement.”
I sat down and shut my eyes. “What do you want Anastasia? To yell at me? To tell me it’s all my fault? To say you hate me?”
“No. I’m telling you I forgive you.”
“What?”
“I forgive you.” And she stood up. Silently, she walked out of the room and past the guard with her head held high. Forgive me? That wasn’t anywhere near what I was expecting. Forgiveness? How could she ever forgive me for what I had done?
During my months of therapy I had been forced to realize that what I had done was wrong. I was forced to admit that I had issues. What exactly my problems were had yet to be deciphered. The therapist told me that forgiveness would be one of the hardest things I was ever going to gain from everyone. It seemed to me as if gaining forgiveness would be the easiest thing for me to do.
I wasn’t allowed to leave the visiting room for an hour, I wasn’t sure why. But fifteen minutes before my hour was up the doors opened and Luke walked in. He sat in the corner, as far away from me as possible and stared at his hands. I thought Anastasia had said he wouldn’t show up… I walked to the bench across from him and sat down. I didn’t know if I was supposed to say something or if he was going to say something. So I waited. “Lu—”
He automatically cut me off. “Do you have any idea what you did Scarlett?” I nodded. “No, I know that you get what you did to Ana. You ruined her, physically and mentally. While she would never admit it to me or to you or to anyone but her doctor she still has nightmares and sometimes gets the phantom pains and she remembers everything that happened. When I asked her what was the worst thing that had happened in the past year she said it was what you did to her. It had nothing to do with the fall or going blind, but what you did to her.
“But you already know all of that. I’m talking about what you did to me. And to her father. And her grandparents. I don’t think you get that. I don’t think you really get what you did to all of us. For weeks you knew where she was and you knew that I was worried. You knew that I was afraid and that all I wanted was to see her home and safe. But you told her that I wasn’t all that worried to get her to follow you.
“She said she was coming to see you today and that I should come with her to talk to you and I told her that I wouldn’t. She told me I had an hour after she left to come and talk to you. So I’ve been sitting outside for that past four hours deciding on whether or not you’re worth talking to.”
He started to stand up when I didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry Luke. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m sorry. I know that you were worried and afraid and that you love her. I know that I hurt you and her family. I know that what I did was wrong. I don’t know why I hated her so much. I just didn’t like the idea of your dreams being ruined. Okay? I don’t know why I hated that she was close to you. I don’t know why I didn’t want you to love her. I don’t know why I wouldn’t listen to you. I don’t know how to make up for what I did.”
When I finished he shook his head and smiled. It wasn’t a genuine smile. It was one of those smiles that people use when they know what they want to say but they won’t say it. “There is no way for you to make up for what you did Scarlett. There is no way for you to give me back those two months I spent waiting for her to come home. You won’t ever be able to make up for it.”
He stood up and shook his head again. And then the smile. One where he knew something I didn’t know. I looked at my hands and then at the hem of his blue shirt. “And just so that you can feel even worse, Ana and I talked it out. Next year we’ll both be going to MIT. We still had a year to figure everything out Scarlett.”
“I know… I just… I’m sorry. What can I do to make it better?”
“Absolutely nothing. I could never forgive you for what you did to me.”
Ana
Luke sat down at the computer in our small apartment. He stared at the blue wall and I walked up behind him. He shut his eyes and I rested my hands on his shoulders, massaging lightly. “Human anatomy is paying off,” I whispered while he sighed and his muscles relaxed.
“Yes it is.”
He reached forward and grabbed the keyboard, setting it on his knees while I rubbed at his neck and shoulder blades. “I thought you promised that this weekend we wouldn’t do any schoolwork…” I muttered as he signed onto his e-mail account.
“I’m not. I promise. Lucy said she was sending me the website where we can confirm our boarding times and locations…” He trailed off as he clicked on the first new e-mail.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, knowing that he hated when I read over his shoulder.
“Dear Mr. Surmise, I am Brandon Smith your parents attorney and they told me that you had testified against your sister at her trial two years ago. We are reviewing her case file and we need you to give a statement and possibly come to court within the next few weeks. If you could call me and schedule an appointment to meet… I thought I didn’t have to testify again.”
I kissed his hair. “I know you don’t want to. Neither of us want to. But we have to.”
“We?”
“I was called to meet with him last week. I can’t get out of a deposition this time. I have to go. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. And her lawyer just wants to talk to you about testifying against me. You don’t have to,” I repeated and he set the keyboard back on the desk. He turned in the chair and pulled me to his lap.
He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He pulled me closer and I leaned against him. “I love you,” he whispered. “And I’ll testify. But I won’t meet with her or her lawyer.”
“You’ll have to meet with my lawyer. Well, my father’s lawyer since he’s the one who’s pressing charges with my consent.”
“It’s only a few weeks, right?”
I nodded, even though I had no idea how long the trial would last. Scarlett could be officially tried as an adult and I had to make a deposition and officially testify against her. I didn’t want to do that. I had forgiven her and that was it. I had gotten over it. I had been dismissed from therapy because my therapist thought I was finally mentally stable.
Luke
All right. Anastasia you went into therapy for several months after the incident. Could you tell us about how that felt? About what you talked about?”
Ana shook her blonde hair from her face and shook her head. “I’m sorry but I can’t tell you what we talked about. That was between me and my therapist.”
“How did you feel after the incident?” the lawyer asked and I looked over at Scarlett. She was staring at her hands while her lawyer whispered to her about what was going to happen.
“Could you clarify?” Ana asked and the lawyer sighed.
“Were you afraid?”
“Yes. But who wouldn’t be afraid after being kidnapped and locked in a bedroom with minimal food and water for a month?”
The lawyer nodded. “Could you tell us what happened? From the very beginning of the first day?” Ana started to shake her head. “Why not?”
“Because it wa
s horrible, all right? You people ask me all of these questions. Did it hurt? Were you in pain? Were you sick? Was it scary? Yes, it hurt. Yes, I was in pain. So much pain you can’t even begin to imagine. I got sick from not eating steadily and had to be in the hospital for a month afterward. I missed some school and part of my summer. And yes, it was scary. Being completely exiled from everything you’ve ever known and dying… Slowly dying… It’s scary. So don’t ask me to describe what happened, you already have my deposition and I’m not talking about it again.”
“No further questions, your honor,” the lawyer said and sat down in front of me. “You’ll be next Luke. She did a good job with the almost tears and stuff,” he said and smiled at me. I just sort of stared at him. “She wasn’t really that upset, was she?” I nodded. “But we’ve talked about all of it before?”
“Just watch the stupid trial.”
Scarlett’s lawyer stood up and her black heels clicked as she walked across the floor. “Your files say that your father is the one who officially pressed charges, is that correct?”
“Of course,” Ana responded.
“I’d like the jury to note that she isn’t the one officially pressing charges…”
“Wait. You aren’t even going to ask me why my father is listed as officially pressing charges? I don’t see how it’s fair to have them note it when they obviously don’t know why.”
The lawyer frowned. “All right then. Why is your father’s name on the forms and not yours?”
“As I said before, I was in the hospital for a month after the ‘incident’- as you like to call it. I was unstable for most of that month and unable to respond to even the most simple of therapeutic exercises, much less file papers against my captor. My father decided to file the charges the moment he got a chance.”
I glanced at Scarlett again, she was watching Ana… “Scarlett said that when you visited two years ago you said that you forgave her. Could you explain that to us?”
“What do you mean… Explain? Do you want me to tell you that I forgave her or why I did it?”
“I just want you to tell us about forgiving her. It couldn’t have been that horrible if you forgive her for doing that to you, right?”
“It was still horrible. If you haven’t noticed no one else has forgiven her. I did because I saw what it was doing to everyone, the hate. Hating her didn’t make what had happened disappear. Hating her didn’t change the fact that I would still wake up with nightmares and start crying randomly because I wasn’t mentally stable. Hating her did make life any easier for me. So I forgave her. Because then, I could move on. I visited her once, to tell her that. I did it because I knew her life was hard, being hated by everyone, so I told her that I had decided to forgive her and I’ve spent years now, trying to forget about what happened. I forgave her because it was easier than hating her.”
I wondered if Ana still dreamt about what had happened to her. I knew she still thought about it sometimes… “No further questions…” the lawyer murmured and sat back down.
“If that is all then I call this trial to an end and we will resume tomorrow at one thirty sharp.”
The gavel sounded throughout the room and Scarlett stood up. She followed her lawyer over to us and stood silently. The lawyers glared at each other for a moment. I took Ana’s hand and we waited for the lawyer to dismiss us. “Luke,” Scarlett said and took a step towards me.
“No.” I turned away from her and Ana followed.
“Luke, I’m sorry…” she whispered but I didn’t turn back. There was no way that I could ever forgive her for what she put me through. What she had done was horrible and I couldn’t imagine just… forgiving her. Ana could do whatever she wanted, and I respected that she wanted to forgive Scarlett, but I
